here is my heart...care to break it
* a very deep heavy sigh* this is a blog from one of my friends myspace accounts. "Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, "thats her"......"
ya know what sucks the most about this? he is out there. is right under my nose yet so far away. this is one of those "FUCK" moments in life. the kind where you want something so bad but know, no matter what you do, you will never get it.
the thing that sucks the most...he has no clue how i feel about him. he said it makes him happy that i sound excited on the phone as if he had made my day. well, talking to him does make my day. and he just doesnt care.
i am so happy/grateful/blessed to be his friend and he is one of my best friends and i could tell him anything. however, i cant gather the courage to tell him one simple thing. three small words that i throw around but never committ to.
but i am going to be strong. take the friendship one day at a time. be happy when he calls from college with a girlfriend, be there for him when she breaks his heart, hug him when he needs a hug, make him laugh when he needs to smile. be serious when he needs to talk. all the while, loving him so unconditionaly, more then anyone else in this world. it will make me a stronger person. prepare myself for future let downs. so i guess i should thank him for teaching me this lesson. thank him for all he has unknowingly done for me.
i dont know why i should have to be so strong though. is it so bad to let myself be vunerable for once in my life? is it so bad to not want to just "get over it" i may act tough, but on the inside i am dying. i just want to be loved the way i love people. all people. i open up to everyone and no one ever opens up to me. i feel like my life is one sided. and when i do talk to my "girlfriends" about this whole guy situation they say "you could do better" "he is using you" "he is an ass. move on" i love my friends to death. i love them more that i could ever tell (my girls! ya know who you are!) but i dont want to do better, i dont want to move on. i am a strong girl, i will get through this but for the moment in time, i dont want to. i want, for once in my life, to feel like i have a purpose. to wake up in the morning and know there is someone who is thinking about me and smiling. i want to be wanted. i want to be needed.
this is by far the longest blog i have ever done but i have so much on my mind. the funny thing is, as i read over this, if i had a girlfriend going though this with a guy , i would say the same thing to her. "move on" "he sucks, he is a loser. you could do so much better" i guess you have to be in the situation to fully understand it. from any stand point, not just mine.
i guess i will let you all go now...assuming any of you made to the bottom of my life confession! sorry about the length, just one of those days.
*sigh* i do care so much about him though. i hope one day i do get the courage i so deeply want to tell him that even if we are just friends for the rest of lives, that he has and always will be so much more than that. i cant help but realize how right it feels when we are in each others arms. it is just one those things that feels so right. but i guess i'm wrong.
ugh, i'm so lame.
ya know what sucks the most about this? he is out there. is right under my nose yet so far away. this is one of those "FUCK" moments in life. the kind where you want something so bad but know, no matter what you do, you will never get it.
the thing that sucks the most...he has no clue how i feel about him. he said it makes him happy that i sound excited on the phone as if he had made my day. well, talking to him does make my day. and he just doesnt care.
i am so happy/grateful/blessed to be his friend and he is one of my best friends and i could tell him anything. however, i cant gather the courage to tell him one simple thing. three small words that i throw around but never committ to.
but i am going to be strong. take the friendship one day at a time. be happy when he calls from college with a girlfriend, be there for him when she breaks his heart, hug him when he needs a hug, make him laugh when he needs to smile. be serious when he needs to talk. all the while, loving him so unconditionaly, more then anyone else in this world. it will make me a stronger person. prepare myself for future let downs. so i guess i should thank him for teaching me this lesson. thank him for all he has unknowingly done for me.
i dont know why i should have to be so strong though. is it so bad to let myself be vunerable for once in my life? is it so bad to not want to just "get over it" i may act tough, but on the inside i am dying. i just want to be loved the way i love people. all people. i open up to everyone and no one ever opens up to me. i feel like my life is one sided. and when i do talk to my "girlfriends" about this whole guy situation they say "you could do better" "he is using you" "he is an ass. move on" i love my friends to death. i love them more that i could ever tell (my girls! ya know who you are!) but i dont want to do better, i dont want to move on. i am a strong girl, i will get through this but for the moment in time, i dont want to. i want, for once in my life, to feel like i have a purpose. to wake up in the morning and know there is someone who is thinking about me and smiling. i want to be wanted. i want to be needed.
this is by far the longest blog i have ever done but i have so much on my mind. the funny thing is, as i read over this, if i had a girlfriend going though this with a guy , i would say the same thing to her. "move on" "he sucks, he is a loser. you could do so much better" i guess you have to be in the situation to fully understand it. from any stand point, not just mine.
i guess i will let you all go now...assuming any of you made to the bottom of my life confession! sorry about the length, just one of those days.
*sigh* i do care so much about him though. i hope one day i do get the courage i so deeply want to tell him that even if we are just friends for the rest of lives, that he has and always will be so much more than that. i cant help but realize how right it feels when we are in each others arms. it is just one those things that feels so right. but i guess i'm wrong.
ugh, i'm so lame.