Letting Go, One Last Time (one-shot)
Title: Letting Go, One Last Time
Author: crashqueen109
Pairing: Past Flykarth but current Rilex.
Rating: PG-13. Sorry guise.
Summary: After the heartbreak of a lifetime, is Alex willing to let someone else back in?
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Boo.
A/N: It is PG-13 (would be PG but there's language) but I love it a lot. It's a sad drama fic and warning, you will probably be really upset or something. I dunno. There's no sexy times or anything, but I left the ending open to possibly develop into a chaptered fic at some future point. But yeah. I love this fic a lot and you all should read it and enjoy it too. <3
My Tumblr.
It was all his fault. It would always be all his fault. They called it survivor’s guilt, but he knew it was more than that. He knew it was all his fault.
The apartment felt empty after everything. He was curled up in bed now, running through that night’s events over and over again in his mind. He was cold, and shaky, and exhausted, and he felt more than just a little sick to his stomach. Any minute Rian would be here to check on him, to make sure he hadn’t drowned in the bath or starved to death. He didn’t want to get up to answer the door.
He idly wondered if he just ignored Rian’s knocking, whether Rian would freak and think he had died. It was a nice though- that someone might freak out if he died.
“Alex?” he heard Rian’s voice call then, as if right on cue. “Alex, it’s me. Please come answer the door. It’s locked.”
Alex didn’t move.
“Alex, goddammit, come open the door! You haven’t contacted anyone in two days! Open the fucking door!”
Alex still didn’t move.
“I’m about to kick your fucking door in if you don’t open it in ten seconds!”
Rian got to three by the time Alex decided it wasn’t worth it to have a broken door, and he rolled out of bed and stumbled down the hall.
Rian’s foot was poised to kick when Alex opened the door and immediately turned to go back to the bedroom.
“Can you just talk to me, at least?” The drummer chased Alex down the hall and grabbed him by the wrist, only to be shaken off.
“Alex, really. It’s been two months. We’re worried sick about you.”
“I don’t care,” was his reply. “Matt’s gone.”
It was like a kick to the gut even for Rian to hear Alex say that. To bring it right to the foreground like that. Sure, he knew Matt was gone. He was just starting to be able to admit that himself. But to hear it said aloud like that… Well, it hurt. A lot. And he wasn’t even the one who’d been engaged to the guy.
“I know, Lex.” Rian sighed and sat down on the bed next to his friend. “We all know. But we’re still worried about you. We’ve barely seen you at all since it happened.”
With those three words- ‘since it happened’- Alex’s mind was racing. It felt like it was happening again, and that was the last thing he wanted to feel. The last lines of Time Bomb falling from his lips and then Matt crying out, the sound of electricity buzzing. Matt not moving. Gripping the faulty piece of technology in hand with a white-knuckled grasp, not able to let go. Alex had dropped his guitar and run over screaming, cursing anyone who tried to get near. Willing Matt to move, breathe, say something. Say anything. Be okay.
Rian recognized Alex’s having a flashback and took the singer’s hand weakly. It hurt him to see his friend so destroyed. He’d lost the one thing that had made him happy, and he blamed himself for it. After it had happened, he’d often repeated the same old phrases: “If I’d just…” “Maybe if I would have…” “I should have done this…” But of course, there was nothing that could have been done. It was a freak accident, nothing more. A freak accident that had taken Matt’s life.
“I need someone,” Alex announced, his voice rough and broken from lack of use.
“I don’t…” Rian trailed off, not knowing what he meant.
“I just… today’s my birthday.” The weak smile that cracked Alex’s lips looked so out of place, and broke Rian’s heart all at once. “It’s my birthday and I’m lonely, Ri. Is that so much?”
Rian shook his head. “No… I just don’t… I mean, what am I supposed to do? I’m here… I won’t leave until you want me to…”
“I don’t want you to. I just want someone to hold me. I miss him…”
The right thing to do was obviously to hold Alex. It felt a little strange, but Rian looped his arms around his friend’s waist anyway, head nestled in the purple-haired boy’s neck. Alex smelled good, despite probably not having showered in a week or two. Alex always smelled good. It was one of those facts of life.
They were silent like that for an immeasurable amount of time. Somehow they found themselves laying down on their sides, arms around each other and chests pressed together, legs tangled.
Rian’s heart ached with what must be running through Alex’s mind. He obviously hadn’t been with anyone since Matt, in any sense of the phrase, and he wondered why he was letting Rian in like this now. Why he was letting him get so close.
When Alex’s lips pressed weakly against Rian’s, that was all the explanation he needed. Alex was lonely, and Rian was handy, and that was that.
But somehow, Rian didn’t really think he minded.
Author: crashqueen109
Pairing: Past Flykarth but current Rilex.
Rating: PG-13. Sorry guise.
Summary: After the heartbreak of a lifetime, is Alex willing to let someone else back in?
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Boo.
A/N: It is PG-13 (would be PG but there's language) but I love it a lot. It's a sad drama fic and warning, you will probably be really upset or something. I dunno. There's no sexy times or anything, but I left the ending open to possibly develop into a chaptered fic at some future point. But yeah. I love this fic a lot and you all should read it and enjoy it too. <3
My Tumblr.
It was all his fault. It would always be all his fault. They called it survivor’s guilt, but he knew it was more than that. He knew it was all his fault.
The apartment felt empty after everything. He was curled up in bed now, running through that night’s events over and over again in his mind. He was cold, and shaky, and exhausted, and he felt more than just a little sick to his stomach. Any minute Rian would be here to check on him, to make sure he hadn’t drowned in the bath or starved to death. He didn’t want to get up to answer the door.
He idly wondered if he just ignored Rian’s knocking, whether Rian would freak and think he had died. It was a nice though- that someone might freak out if he died.
“Alex?” he heard Rian’s voice call then, as if right on cue. “Alex, it’s me. Please come answer the door. It’s locked.”
Alex didn’t move.
“Alex, goddammit, come open the door! You haven’t contacted anyone in two days! Open the fucking door!”
Alex still didn’t move.
“I’m about to kick your fucking door in if you don’t open it in ten seconds!”
Rian got to three by the time Alex decided it wasn’t worth it to have a broken door, and he rolled out of bed and stumbled down the hall.
Rian’s foot was poised to kick when Alex opened the door and immediately turned to go back to the bedroom.
“Can you just talk to me, at least?” The drummer chased Alex down the hall and grabbed him by the wrist, only to be shaken off.
“Alex, really. It’s been two months. We’re worried sick about you.”
“I don’t care,” was his reply. “Matt’s gone.”
It was like a kick to the gut even for Rian to hear Alex say that. To bring it right to the foreground like that. Sure, he knew Matt was gone. He was just starting to be able to admit that himself. But to hear it said aloud like that… Well, it hurt. A lot. And he wasn’t even the one who’d been engaged to the guy.
“I know, Lex.” Rian sighed and sat down on the bed next to his friend. “We all know. But we’re still worried about you. We’ve barely seen you at all since it happened.”
With those three words- ‘since it happened’- Alex’s mind was racing. It felt like it was happening again, and that was the last thing he wanted to feel. The last lines of Time Bomb falling from his lips and then Matt crying out, the sound of electricity buzzing. Matt not moving. Gripping the faulty piece of technology in hand with a white-knuckled grasp, not able to let go. Alex had dropped his guitar and run over screaming, cursing anyone who tried to get near. Willing Matt to move, breathe, say something. Say anything. Be okay.
Rian recognized Alex’s having a flashback and took the singer’s hand weakly. It hurt him to see his friend so destroyed. He’d lost the one thing that had made him happy, and he blamed himself for it. After it had happened, he’d often repeated the same old phrases: “If I’d just…” “Maybe if I would have…” “I should have done this…” But of course, there was nothing that could have been done. It was a freak accident, nothing more. A freak accident that had taken Matt’s life.
“I need someone,” Alex announced, his voice rough and broken from lack of use.
“I don’t…” Rian trailed off, not knowing what he meant.
“I just… today’s my birthday.” The weak smile that cracked Alex’s lips looked so out of place, and broke Rian’s heart all at once. “It’s my birthday and I’m lonely, Ri. Is that so much?”
Rian shook his head. “No… I just don’t… I mean, what am I supposed to do? I’m here… I won’t leave until you want me to…”
“I don’t want you to. I just want someone to hold me. I miss him…”
The right thing to do was obviously to hold Alex. It felt a little strange, but Rian looped his arms around his friend’s waist anyway, head nestled in the purple-haired boy’s neck. Alex smelled good, despite probably not having showered in a week or two. Alex always smelled good. It was one of those facts of life.
They were silent like that for an immeasurable amount of time. Somehow they found themselves laying down on their sides, arms around each other and chests pressed together, legs tangled.
Rian’s heart ached with what must be running through Alex’s mind. He obviously hadn’t been with anyone since Matt, in any sense of the phrase, and he wondered why he was letting Rian in like this now. Why he was letting him get so close.
When Alex’s lips pressed weakly against Rian’s, that was all the explanation he needed. Alex was lonely, and Rian was handy, and that was that.
But somehow, Rian didn’t really think he minded.