well, well.......
i talked to chris tonight...it does seem like he might be finding out that the grass is not greener on the other side...i could be looking too deeply into things, which is what i usually do...or i could be looking at things as being what they're not...who knows...but he had asked if i was seeing anyone, and well, when i told him there were a few men in my life right now he seemed kind of thrown off...he immediately talked of how he was seeing some chick and she blew him off recently...i don't know exactly what that meant, if it meant anything at all...but he just really didn't seemed pleased that i have other guys in my life...honestly, if he wants me again, he's going to have to show me a good time like the other guys are doing...im having too much fun right now...at first, the grass may have not been greener on the other side for me, but now that i see things differently every things looking up...i've become more open to the idea of living life without him...it did take a while, and sometimes it's still hard to accept...but ya gotta do wucha gotta do...and well, it just didn't seem like he wanted anything to do with me...so if thats not the case, he doesn't have anyone to blame but himself for me giving others a chance...he walked out and left us in the dark...if he had done things differently, i may have been more open to trying things again...but as of now, nope...i won't exclude him from mine or jaydes life, i won't be a bitch, and i won't resent him...but i will be his friend...if theres ever a time he needs me, i will be there...but thats just the way i am...i can't think of a single ex that i don't have a good friendship with...sure, there might be times we don't talk for a while...but theres not a single ex i have that i will avoid if i see them in public...lifes too short to hold resentment...
he did ask to speak to jayde...i don't know what was all said but ya...she had the biggest of smiles on her face the whole time...i know she really does miss him...he said he didn't expect her to say much to him, which she didn't, but he's gotta understand...he's the first guy i've let close to her...he's the first guy that broke her heart...and to top it all off, she saw how hurt mommy was when he left...i suppose with all that she doesn't know how to feel...but he did say to me that she's better off without him...all i can say to that is that when he was here, she was better off with him...he treated her really good...they got along great...he was really good for her...but if all he's gonna do is bop in and out of her life, then yes, just like her sperm donor she's better off without him...
so onto the juicy stuff..these guys im seeing...whew...the first one is a guy that i've known half my life...i used to be friends with his cousin and he's been friends with my oldest brother for who knows how long...i, as well, used to hang out with him here and there...we used to have like a joint "crush" thing going on when i was around 14, but at the time that was too young for him..he's 34, so ya..he was 21 at the time..i totally understood how he felt and we just stayed as good friends at the time...over the years we've kept in touch here n there but nothing really progressed...we get along great...we can pick on each other and the other doesn't get pissy, he's very understanding, very caring, and he has a good sense of humor...this past tuesday we went out and had a good time...he told me to call him, but i haven't gotten a chance yet...the only time i really have had "phone time" is later at night and i know he said he crashes around 9...ya, holidays really throw me off...so we'll see what happens there...
the second one..now wow..theres some history there...about 3 1/2 years go, maybe a little less than that a friend had decided he wanted to play matchmaker...so he had me meet this guy he was friends with...well, this guy had just gotten out of a very deep relationship with a gal he loved completely...so we'll just say that we got extremely close back then, but it went no where cuz his mind was elsewhere (which i understood)...but now, wow...i had gone out last night...i didn't expect anything other than to drink and have a good time with the gals, which i did...but ya..i was grinding against tracy and i felt someone poke me...i looked over and my jaw just dropped...i immediately gave him a hug and wow, i didn't wanna leave his arms...it felt just like it had years ago...we talked for a bit and kissed for a while, and decided we'd hang out for the rest of the night...y'all can just use your imaginations from there...but i will say that i didn't get home until about 9 this morning :D heh...i kinda thought last night that it was gonna be a one night thing, but then this morning he had told me to call him later today..so i did, thinking that was gonna be it...but then when we were on the phone he had told me to call him tomorrow afternoon...so umm ya...we'll see where this goes...he's a really good guy as well...and wow..i really used to care for him A LOT...so ya..
but i am NOT committing myself to anyone as of now...im keeping my options open and living life..i've never really had the opportunity to "date" and i do believe imma take my chance now...i had told both guys that if anything progresses, it needs to go slow...i just can not put my heart on the line, it's still way too soon...
he did ask to speak to jayde...i don't know what was all said but ya...she had the biggest of smiles on her face the whole time...i know she really does miss him...he said he didn't expect her to say much to him, which she didn't, but he's gotta understand...he's the first guy i've let close to her...he's the first guy that broke her heart...and to top it all off, she saw how hurt mommy was when he left...i suppose with all that she doesn't know how to feel...but he did say to me that she's better off without him...all i can say to that is that when he was here, she was better off with him...he treated her really good...they got along great...he was really good for her...but if all he's gonna do is bop in and out of her life, then yes, just like her sperm donor she's better off without him...
so onto the juicy stuff..these guys im seeing...whew...the first one is a guy that i've known half my life...i used to be friends with his cousin and he's been friends with my oldest brother for who knows how long...i, as well, used to hang out with him here and there...we used to have like a joint "crush" thing going on when i was around 14, but at the time that was too young for him..he's 34, so ya..he was 21 at the time..i totally understood how he felt and we just stayed as good friends at the time...over the years we've kept in touch here n there but nothing really progressed...we get along great...we can pick on each other and the other doesn't get pissy, he's very understanding, very caring, and he has a good sense of humor...this past tuesday we went out and had a good time...he told me to call him, but i haven't gotten a chance yet...the only time i really have had "phone time" is later at night and i know he said he crashes around 9...ya, holidays really throw me off...so we'll see what happens there...
the second one..now wow..theres some history there...about 3 1/2 years go, maybe a little less than that a friend had decided he wanted to play matchmaker...so he had me meet this guy he was friends with...well, this guy had just gotten out of a very deep relationship with a gal he loved completely...so we'll just say that we got extremely close back then, but it went no where cuz his mind was elsewhere (which i understood)...but now, wow...i had gone out last night...i didn't expect anything other than to drink and have a good time with the gals, which i did...but ya..i was grinding against tracy and i felt someone poke me...i looked over and my jaw just dropped...i immediately gave him a hug and wow, i didn't wanna leave his arms...it felt just like it had years ago...we talked for a bit and kissed for a while, and decided we'd hang out for the rest of the night...y'all can just use your imaginations from there...but i will say that i didn't get home until about 9 this morning :D heh...i kinda thought last night that it was gonna be a one night thing, but then this morning he had told me to call him later today..so i did, thinking that was gonna be it...but then when we were on the phone he had told me to call him tomorrow afternoon...so umm ya...we'll see where this goes...he's a really good guy as well...and wow..i really used to care for him A LOT...so ya..
but i am NOT committing myself to anyone as of now...im keeping my options open and living life..i've never really had the opportunity to "date" and i do believe imma take my chance now...i had told both guys that if anything progresses, it needs to go slow...i just can not put my heart on the line, it's still way too soon...