ya..im still alive...
and things are beginning to look up...or so i hope anyways...yes, as you can tell im in a good mood...and im sure most of you can figure out the cause of it...me and chris are back together...it's kinda strange tho...i had dreamed many times as to how it would have been if we got back together..and so far, things are most definitely different than what i had dreamed...he's like a different person...and i can really see/feel the appreciation he has for me now...they say time/distance makes the heart grow fonder, and i would have to say that our instance has proved it...i hate to be negative about this whole deal, but i can't help but think in the back of my mind what is gonna happen when this all becomes old for him once again...he said it's not going to this time, but i dunno *shrugs*....
so anyways...we headed out to appleton saturday night to hang with leah...it was really great seeing her again, it's been too damn long...i think we all had an absolute blast (sorry christian, you shoulda been there!!!)...after bar, back at leahs, chris and i had a nice drunken talk about a lot of things...after two months, i finally saw the pain he felt...i really don't know if he felt any of this during those months of being away, but i feel horrible now for rehashing a lot of the stuff...but i suppose, we never really did talk about anything and saturday night it was all laid out on the table...how do i know he ain't fucking with me?...i don't know this for sure...but i tell ya, theres a few things i want out of life that he doesn't want right now...and he had said that if these things had to be done to keep me, then to go ahead with it...that is how i know he does love me...whether he holds this love dearly in his heart, i don't know...but time will tell all of this...we are taking things slower now...he is staying in the apartment that he lives in for the next year...and then, i suppose, when his lease is up we'll go from there...but for right now, imma live it up...i love the guy with all that i have...over these past 2 months nothing has changed about that...and i know that if all that pain didn't even put a dent in my love for him, nothing will...it's something that will be there for the rest of my life...
so anyways...we headed out to appleton saturday night to hang with leah...it was really great seeing her again, it's been too damn long...i think we all had an absolute blast (sorry christian, you shoulda been there!!!)...after bar, back at leahs, chris and i had a nice drunken talk about a lot of things...after two months, i finally saw the pain he felt...i really don't know if he felt any of this during those months of being away, but i feel horrible now for rehashing a lot of the stuff...but i suppose, we never really did talk about anything and saturday night it was all laid out on the table...how do i know he ain't fucking with me?...i don't know this for sure...but i tell ya, theres a few things i want out of life that he doesn't want right now...and he had said that if these things had to be done to keep me, then to go ahead with it...that is how i know he does love me...whether he holds this love dearly in his heart, i don't know...but time will tell all of this...we are taking things slower now...he is staying in the apartment that he lives in for the next year...and then, i suppose, when his lease is up we'll go from there...but for right now, imma live it up...i love the guy with all that i have...over these past 2 months nothing has changed about that...and i know that if all that pain didn't even put a dent in my love for him, nothing will...it's something that will be there for the rest of my life...