and it still breaks your heart
so... lately I haven't been myself. but I've been getting into a routine lately that's been sort of helping. then tonight I get a text message from john and its a picture of his newborn baby boy. I see it and I'm fine. and I show my aunt and she glances at me with this worried look and I look away and my hands start to shake and then I start balling my eyes out. she put her hand on my shoulder and she said crying is good but don't sob. and I just sob. I tried to shake it off and went into my room and got on my knees to get my shoes underneath my bed and just laid there for a good 15 minutes and cried. I'm at work now but have tomorrow off. I plan to just lay in bed and have a good cry all day. close the blinds turn my phone off and not get out of bed.
I wish I could do that for the next few weeks. I'm almost 24. I've got nobody and nothing in my life. I'm so sad and depressed. I'm so thankful I smoke or I'd be one cut up person right now. I've thought about it actually. I've thought about it a fucking lot. cutting would be the way to go. its a quick reliever of the pain. its helped before so long ago when the divorce was happening. and when Tamara and the baby moved away.
my head is all over the place right now.
I wish I could do that for the next few weeks. I'm almost 24. I've got nobody and nothing in my life. I'm so sad and depressed. I'm so thankful I smoke or I'd be one cut up person right now. I've thought about it actually. I've thought about it a fucking lot. cutting would be the way to go. its a quick reliever of the pain. its helped before so long ago when the divorce was happening. and when Tamara and the baby moved away.
my head is all over the place right now.