its just a sea of weeds and empty dreams
okay so for the past two miserable fucking weeks I've been smoking pot. I know... me...23 years of not smoking it or even trying... here I am getting baked for two weeks straight. fuck. but I've been getting migraines and nose bleeds from it and today I was so sick I could hardly smoke a cigarette. so I think I'm quitting that too. it'll be nice for a little refresh. quit all the bad at once and go back to being...me. that's what's been missing in my life lately ...some good old fashioned Katie.
onto other knews... I'm not talking to any guys anymore. its been that way for about a week. every one texted when they thought I'd put out... but since I made myself clear on the no sex until we're in a relationship they stopped calling...and texting
..they all dropped like flies. even Rodney :( I was overly disappointed about that actually. he seemed like suchhhh a good catch and I was comfortable being with him. poo.
back to square one. being single for 5 months now... it's really starting to take its toll on me I guess. I just miss someone texting me and asking me how my day was. coming home and smuggling on the couch with them. falling asleep with someones feet touching mine.. its really hard. and though I've needed the break... I really could use a non break now.
it also.. just occurred to me what the date is.. the 20th which means Taylor will be home this weekend for a week or so before he goes off to school. I just can't help but miss him... because out of everyone he has showed me such respect and treated me like I am actually beautiful and he made me believe it. and he's coming home... and I wonder if he'll even see me. I wonder if he'll even bother. because he for damn hell hasn't cared to talk to me or see me since the BBQ. I just want to know what I did to make me apparently so unattractive to everyone. I just want to know what I can do to fix it. to fix me.
the funny thing is I never considered myself broken until this week.
onto other knews... I'm not talking to any guys anymore. its been that way for about a week. every one texted when they thought I'd put out... but since I made myself clear on the no sex until we're in a relationship they stopped calling...and texting
..they all dropped like flies. even Rodney :( I was overly disappointed about that actually. he seemed like suchhhh a good catch and I was comfortable being with him. poo.
back to square one. being single for 5 months now... it's really starting to take its toll on me I guess. I just miss someone texting me and asking me how my day was. coming home and smuggling on the couch with them. falling asleep with someones feet touching mine.. its really hard. and though I've needed the break... I really could use a non break now.
it also.. just occurred to me what the date is.. the 20th which means Taylor will be home this weekend for a week or so before he goes off to school. I just can't help but miss him... because out of everyone he has showed me such respect and treated me like I am actually beautiful and he made me believe it. and he's coming home... and I wonder if he'll even see me. I wonder if he'll even bother. because he for damn hell hasn't cared to talk to me or see me since the BBQ. I just want to know what I did to make me apparently so unattractive to everyone. I just want to know what I can do to fix it. to fix me.
the funny thing is I never considered myself broken until this week.