Written All Over My Face (12/?)
Written All Over My Face
Author: alienanalysis
Title: Written All Over My Face (12/?)
Pairing: Kradam
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Just as Kris is ready to move on with his life, a chance meeting with a familiar face changes everything
Length: 3,200
Disclaimer: Thisisaworkoffictionidontowneitheroftheguysmaycontainstronglanguageandcontentofasexualnatureblahblahblah.
Notes: Sorry for the delay, hope you guys enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Credit to GossipCandy.com for the song lyrics (... I’m waiting until the albums come out before I listen to anything myself!)
Previous chapters:
Chapter 1: A conversation with a chat-show shrink makes Kris finally realize the feelings he’d been hiding in the deepest, darkest part of his mind for months
Chapter 2: Kris searches for the right words to tell Adam his feelings, but it isn’t an easy task. How exactly can he tell Adam he wants to stick his tongue down his throat when he can’t even get his tongue to function enough to speak..?
Chapter 3: Still unable to find the right words to tell Adam, Kris decides to let their bodies do the talking during a seemingly innocent cuddle in Adam’s bed.
Chapter 4: While a blissful Kris dreams of a Disney-style happily ever after, in contrast Adam can’t help worrying that his perfect life is about to come crumbling down
Chapter 5: Kris is relieved when his family accept his relationship with Adam, but he soon learns that not everybody back home is as open-minded
Chapter 6: To put the press of the scent, 19E send Adam and Kris off on very public dates... with different people. Cue boredom, frustration, anger... and hot phone-sex
Chapter 7: Kris decides he is ready to face the music and go public but Adam has other ideas, leading to more trauma and more tears
Chapter 8: Kris’s reasoning doesn’t seem to be getting through to Adam and he admits defeat... but not before some hot break-up sex
Chapter 9: While a depressed Kris shuts himself away in the aftermath of the break-up, Adam has his own not-so-wise coping mechanism
Chapter 10: Adam wakes up from one hell of a crazy night to find Kris by his side... but Kris is in no mood for kissing and making up
Chapter 11: A trip home for Christmas makes Kris realize how loved he is, but for Adam the holidays are a far lonelier time
For Kris, New Year’s Eve had always been a time for nostalgia, and this year was no different.
On his way to the Grove to do some shopping, Kris found himself reflecting on the crazy year that was coming to a close. 2009 had been such a rollercoaster of epic highs and heart-wrenching lows... and he had a feeling 2010 could be just as dramatic.
As he walked through the parking lot, Kris looked down below at the studios next door, a place he’d spent a lot of time between February and May. Wow, was it almost a year since Idol? He couldn’t believe how long ago it was, and everything that had happened since.
And he couldn’t believe he’d fallen in love with the guy he’d sat next to during Hollywood week, who’d been part of his final 36 group, who’d shared a room with him in the Idol mansion, who’d ended up in the grand finale with him. Fate seemed to have kept intervening to push them together.
But not any more.
New Year was about saying farewell to the old and welcoming the new, right? That was what Kris was trying to do.
Well, trying was the key word. Walking around the Grove wasn’t helping. He and Adam had often gone there together in between rehearsals, picking out clothes for one another and signing autographs for shoppers every two minutes. Every corner he turned seemed to remind him of Adam.
‘I need to get over him and move on, once and for all,’ Kris told himself firmly, walking towards Barnes & Noble. His new year’s resolution was to read more, proper books this time and not Kradam fan fic. Maybe he should read a self-help book about moving on and mending a broken heart. He wondered if anybody had published a title called Getting Over Glittery Aliens.
Kris was tired of moping around missing Adam, not to mention worrying about his partying habits. After several sleepless nights weighing everything up in his mind, he had decided that this was it.
Goodbye 2009, goodbye Adam.
He couldn’t keep on torturing himself with the constant ‘what ifs?’ over their relationship. Even if people back home accepted them, he’d still have to put up with constant media attention and get dragged to pretentious parties.
It made his heart sink just thinking about the prospect of no more Adam, but he knew it was for the best.
He walked towards the entrance of the store, then stopped in his tracks as he saw a huge poster in the window advertising a book signing. The smiling, middle-aged woman in the photo looked so familiar...
‘Oh my God,’ Kris gasped as he read the caption under her photo.
The world-renowned body language expert is signing copies of her new book Reading Into Relationships this afternoon.
‘It’s her!’ Kris exclaimed, rushing inside.
It was a sign. Fate. Destiny.
This was one of those weird ‘full circle moments’ Adam always went on about. The psychologist had made him realize his feelings for Adam in the first place, so surely Kris coming across her again today was also going to be just as symbolic?
He wasn’t sure how or why, but Kris just had a feeling he needed to speak to her.
Out of breath, he stopped at the end of the line and grabbed a copy of the book, eager to see the psychologist. ‘Sorry, no more,’ a member of staff informed him. ‘She’s already over-running.’
‘But... but... I have to talk to her!’ Kris insisted, his heart sinking.
Still determined to talk to the woman, Kris waited by the exit for her to leave. As she walked past, he reached out and tapped her arm, hoping she would remember him.
‘Ah, Kris, isn’t it?’ she asked with a warm smile.
‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘Listen, can we talk? Have you got ten minutes to grab a coffee?’
She looked at her watch then nodded. ‘Sure. I can tell this must be important.’
Kris nodded and led her to Starbucks, not surprised she was so renowned in her field if she could already pick up on his vibe.
‘I must apologize again for asking you those personal questions about Adam that time we met before,’ the psychologist said as they sat down with their cappuccinos. ‘I did feel bad afterwards, it was pretty unprofessional of me!’
Kris laughed and shook his head. ‘Oh, please don’t apologize! You have no idea how much of an effect your words had on me,’ he told her, before launching into a summary of what had happened over the last couple of months.
‘Oh, my...’ the psychologist sighed, looking back at him in amazement. ‘Well, I’m so happy I played a part in getting you guys together, but this break-up sounds so painful.’
Kris nodded, his eyes downcast as he stared into his coffee. ‘You’re an expert in relationships, right? Well, please tell me how to get over Adam. Please tell me what to do to move on,’ he begged.
‘What, you’ve given up on him?’ the psychologist replied, sounding shocked. ‘But you so obviously still love him, it’s clear from the way you talk so fondly about him, how your eyes light up when you mention his name.’
There was no fooling the psychologist, it was almost like she could read Kris’s mind. ‘I do,’ he admitted painfully. ‘But things are never gonna work. We’re too different.’
‘All couples have differences,’ the psychologist insisted. ‘I’ve done a lot of relationship counselling over the years and met countless couples having issues like yours. And do you know what I always say to them, and what they always tell me afterwards was the best advice I gave them?’
‘What?’
‘You have to compromise in relationships,’ she explained. ‘You have to accept one another’s flaws and work with your differences.’
Kris nodded, listening intently and everything slowly slotting into place in his mind.
‘I’m not saying it’s easy, but if you sit down and talk about your differences and really work at it, you can make things work. That’s the secret to a solid, long-lasting relationship. Accepting one another as you are.’
‘You’re right,’ Kris sighed. It was just common sense really, but with all the events going on, all the emotions, all the tension, he just hadn’t been able to see it this clearly until now.
Once again, the psychologist had made Kris see sense.
‘I have to get going,’ the psychologist said as she finished her coffee. ‘Here’s a copy of my book, please stay in touch and let me know how things go with Adam.’
‘I will!’
‘From the videos I’ve seen of you guys together, you make such a wonderful couple. I really hope things work out.’
‘So do I,’ Kris replied, downing his coffee. He looked at his watch, realizing it was getting later.
He needed to go home, have dinner, then get ready for his New Year’s Eve.
He had somebody important to see before the year was out.
*
It was barely nine PM and everybody at the party was already completely intoxicated. Everybody, that was, apart from Adam.
Maybe it was because he’d been out the last three nights straight and needed a break. Maybe it was because he had a show to do the following day and didn’t fancy doing it with a hangover.
Or maybe it was because he wasn’t in the party mood and would rather be kissing and making up with Kris instead.
Adam looked around at the party that was in full swing, wondering why he was actually there. The promise of free drinks and good music when he’d received the invite had sounded tempting at the time, but the ‘Champagne’ he’d been handed on the way in had been flat and tasteless and the music hardly made him want to get up and dance.
Besides, he didn’t really know anybody there. Well, he knew people’s names and faces, but they were hardly friends. But still, people kept coming over to talk to him as if they were his best buddy. It was all so shallow, so false.
Adam had started realizing that was what Kris didn’t like about LA. As much as Adam loved the city he’d called home for almost a decade, he had to agree. He loved his ‘old’ LA; the underground scene where people didn’t care if you hadn’t ‘made it’ yet or if you had no money. Those days had been so much fun.
But since becoming a worldwide star, he’d been swept up in the whole ‘celebrity’ thing. He could now get into all the exclusive clubs he used to dream about going to, and he had a whole host of famous names in his iPhone contact list... but there was only one famous name in there he really cared about.
‘I wonder where he is,’ Adam wondered aloud to himself as he sipped on a mineral water, his head hurting too much from his previous night’s hangover to bear any more alcohol. With midnight only a matter of hours away, Adam desperately wanted to share the moment with Kris, even if it was just a phone call or text.
But he was still reluctant to get in touch, fearful of being turned away yet again. Besides, Kris hadn’t been in contact since the incident, so it was obvious to Adam that he must have moved on.
Adam knew he should be doing the same. And with a brand new year approaching, it seemed the ideal time to make a clean break and stop moping around about a relationship that wasn’t ever going to work.
He eyed the numerous good looking men in the room, knowing that half of them were gay and would no doubt be willing... but Adam had tired of one-night stands. Sure, they were good for the sex, but afterwards he was always left feeling empty.
He’d never felt empty with Kris. Quite the opposite. He’d always felt fulfilled, a better person. Kris brought out all the best in him.
He watched as two gay guys he vaguely knew sat on the couch in the corner of the room kissing passionately, a great sense of sadness washing over him as he realized he wouldn’t have anyone to kiss at midnight. Well, he’d be sure to have plenty of willing participants at the party, male and female, but kissing just wasn’t the same any more after experiencing a Kris Allen kiss.
‘I’ve gotta get out of here,’ Adam told himself. He always hated feeling miserable at parties, and he certainly hated being the only sober one there. Before he could be pulled into another pointless conversation with so-called friends he barely knew, Adam slipped out of the bar and made his way to his car, thankfully not over the limit this time.
He drove towards home, not really knowing what he was going to do once he got in. The prospect of spending New Year’s Eve at home alone made him feel pretty pathetic, but he just wasn’t in the party mood.
He drove in silence, wondering if he should invite some friends over, proper friends this time and not fair-weather acquaintances. But all his closest friends had already made plans and were busy or out of town.
The desire to go and see a certain somebody kept building up inside the more and more he thought about it.
‘I just can’t face him,’ Adam sighed to himself. ‘I’m the last person he’ll want to speak to. The last time I saw him, I was suffering the hangover from hell, looked like I hadn’t showered in a week and had embarrassing photos of me circulating the Internet.’
As he got onto the freeway, the skies opened and rain began pelting down. ‘Great, the universe hates me too,’ Adam groaned. It rarely rained in LA, and when it did it was always bad timing.
Like that awful night when he’d decided to walk out on Kris. That had been one of the lowest points of his life, slipping out of bed leaving Kris sleeping peacefully while he walked to his car in the pouring rain, his face already soaked with tears.
Rainy weather brought back bad memories, and also reminded him of one of his favorite tracks on Kris’s album.
‘Not only is the universe torturing me, but now I’m torturing myself even more,’ Adam said to himself as he plugged his iPod into the car stereo and played Kris’s album.
So many things are trying to keep me
So many voices trying to reach me
To tell me that this is not the way
To tell me that this is my mistake...
Had leaving Kris in the first place been a mistake? Had he misjudge Kris and his ability to deal with things? Adam shook his head sadly. He’d never know now.
Oh let the rain keep falling down
So it won’t stop me from getting where I’m bound...
The rain fell harder and faster as Adam weaved in and out of traffic, heading back to his cold, empty house that always just reminded him of Kris.
Maybe I’m crazy
Maybe it’s too late
But I’m gonna make it
Don’t care what the skies say...
Was it too late? Adam thought so. It had been a couple of weeks now, and Kris had made no attempt to contact him.
Oh let it rain
Let it rain
I know that this is not the way
That you imagined it would be
Oh but nothing you say is gonna stop me
No matter the weather that you bring...
Feeling tears start to well in his eyes already, he quickly skipped the track.
‘Oh fuck, this one is gonna make me feel even worse...’ he yelled, throwing his hands in the air in frustration, wondering why the hell he was making himself listen to it.
Life’s been blinding me
What I thought I’d see
Is there clarity in this insanity
What you want from me, yeah...
The first few tears slipped from Adam’s eyes, that beautiful voice finally setting him off.
Roads in front of me
Taking me astray
Are you leaving me or are leading the way
Can you hear what I’m saying...
Adam turned into his driveway, tears flowing freely as Kris’s voice haunted him with the ironic lyrics.
I need to know
I need to know
I need to know
I need to know...
He parked up and sat head in hands as Kris’s voice poured from the speakers. He needed to know what Kris was thinking.
With trembling hands, he dialled Kris’s number and waited.
Nothing.
He called again. Still no answer.
Adam threw the phone across the car in despair, now sobbing uncontrollably. What an awful end to the year.
And what did he have to look forward to the following year anyway? Sure, there would be shows, awards, success... but none of that really meant anything. All he could picture was coming home every night, exhausted and in need of a hug, with nobody to greet him at the door.
He leant his head against the steering wheel, listening to Kris singing and feeling lonelier and lonelier with every second. Torturing himself even more, he began thinking back to all the special moments he and Kris had shared during their short time together.
That Sunday afternoon when he and Kris had finally gotten together after what had seemed like forever. The week following when they’d hardly left the bed let alone the house, days spent talking about everything and anything, nights spent having the best sex ever. The trip back to Arkansas when Kris had told his family, and how accepting they’d been. Every single night together, from the amazing foreplay to the cuddling up and drifting off to sleep together. He’d never been happier. And he knew how happy Kris had been too.
‘Come back to me, Kris,’ Adam sobbed into the steering wheel.
The rain kept thrashing down and the tears continued to flow.
‘Please, universe, fate, destiny, whatever... help me out! Come back to me, Kris!’
The song came to a close and Adam heard knocking against the window. He let out a weary sigh, hoping it wasn’t a fan or photographer on the property come to hassle him.
He lifted his head slowly and turned towards the rain-covered window, winding it down to see who was there.
Adam’s mouth dropped open as the familiar face on the other side of the window gazed back at him, those big brown eyes wide with concern.
Adam flung open the door and rushed out into the pouring rain, flinging himself around Kris and clinging tightly onto his soaked shoulders, never wanting to let go.
He looked up at the stormy skies above him and silently thanked the universe, hoping and praying Kris was back for good this time.
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