Written All Over My Face (11/?)
Written All Over My Face
Author: alienanalysis
Title: Written All Over My Face (11/?)
Pairing: Kradam
Rating: PG-13 this time
Summary: A trip home for Christmas makes Kris realize how loved he is, but for Adam the holidays are a far lonelier time.
Length: 2,900
Disclaimer: Thisisaworkoffictionidontowneitheroftheguysmaycontainstronglanguageandcontentofasexualnatureblahblahblah.
Notes: Sorry for the delay, here is chapter 11! I’ve eased up on the angst slightly as I know the last few chapters were pretty heavy. Enjoy!
Previous chapters:
Chapter 1: A conversation with a chat-show shrink makes Kris finally realize the feelings he’d been hiding in the deepest, darkest part of his mind for months
Chapter 2: Kris searches for the right words to tell Adam his feelings, but it isn’t an easy task. How exactly can he tell Adam he wants to stick his tongue down his throat when he can’t even get his tongue to function enough to speak..?
Chapter 3: Still unable to find the right words to tell Adam, Kris decides to let their bodies do the talking during a seemingly innocent cuddle in Adam’s bed.
Chapter 4: While a blissful Kris dreams of a Disney-style happily ever after, in contrast Adam can’t help worrying that his perfect life is about to come crumbling down
Chapter 5: Kris is relieved when his family accept his relationship with Adam, but he soon learns that not everybody back home is as open-minded
Chapter 6: To put the press of the scent, 19E send Adam and Kris off on very public dates... with different people. Cue boredom, frustration, anger... and hot phone-sex
Chapter 7: Kris decides he is ready to face the music and go public but Adam has other ideas, leading to more trauma and more tears
Chapter 8: Kris’s reasoning doesn’t seem to be getting through to Adam and he admits defeat... but not before some hot break-up sex
Chapter 9: While a depressed Kris shuts himself away in the aftermath of the break-up, Adam has his own not-so-wise coping mechanism
Chapter 10: Adam wakes up from one hell of a crazy night to find Kris by his side... but Kris is in no mood for kissing and making up
For Kris, Christmas had always been a time to give thanks for everything he was grateful for in life, kick back and chill, and spend time with loved ones. And this year had been no exception.
During prayers while attending church with his family, he’d expressed so much gratitude to God for what he had in his life, still unable to comprehend quite how much he’d achieved in the last year. He’d certainly had a chance to relax, with several days back home in Arkansas to eat his mom’s home-cooked festive favorites and fall asleep in front of old movie re-runs. And it was awesome to see his family and friends after spending so much time away.
Although there was one loved-one Kris wished he had been able to spend the holidays with.
As he stood on stage singing Can’t Stay Away at a local Christmas concert in Conway, all he could think about was Adam. In fact, Adam was all he could think about 24/7 since their emotional goodbye.
He stared out at the audience as he continued singing, remembering how hard it had been walking out after the tables had been turned and Adam had been doing the begging. Had Adam have begged him like that just 24 hours earlier, Kris would have welcomed him with open arms and followed his straight back to bed... but Kris had seen him in a different light, a light that scared him.
It had also made him realize how different the pair of them were. Adam had been right all along, as much as it pained Kris to admit it, the relationship just wouldn’t work out.
He was already getting sick of LA, with the constant hot weather, terrible traffic and crazy people. It was all just way too full-on for laid-back Kris.
Maybe Adam was too full-on for laid-back Kris.
Kris smiled and thanked the crowd as he finished the track and launched into his closing song, Live Like We’re Dying. The crowd were so enthusiastic, cheering just as loudly as they had during his homecoming in May. He’d missed Arkansas so much and had loved every second of being back. Compared with Hollywood, he felt so comfortable there.
But he’d never feel that comfortable there with Adam. He’d never be able to erase the memory of those dirty looks and harsh comments they’d received that day when the infamous photo had leaked. Kris knew that people would never fully accept him properly there again if he and Adam had become public. They’d never be able to walk along the sidewalk together without disapproving looks and jerks yelling abuse out their car windows.
‘Your album is awesome!’ a woman exclaimed as Kris made his way backstage to take part in a meet-and-greet with his local fans.
Kris took the woman’s CD from her hand and scribbled an autograph. ‘Hey, thanks,’ he replied, wondering if she would have still be so enthusiastic if he’d been there hand-in-hand with Adam. He wondered if the crowd would have still cheered so loudly... or if he’d even have a crowd.
‘I voted for you so many times when you were on Idol,’ she gushed as her friend took a picture of her posing with Kris.
Kris nodded, wondering if she’d been one of the people power-texting with the help of the staff at the local AT&T store.
‘Well, not just for you, I did slip a few votes Adam’s way,’ she went on. ‘That guy is super-talented.’
Kris looked back at her almost in surprise and nodded. ‘He is.’
A man Kris vaguely recognised walked over to shake Kris’s hand. ‘You probably won’t remember me, but we went on a missionary trip to Burma together...’
‘Ah yeah, I remember,’ Kris replied, glad to see so many old faces there to support him. ‘How’s things, man?’
‘Same as always... but hey, look at you!’
Kris looked around at all the people crammed into the meet and greet area. ‘You know, every time I come back home I’m always so blown away by how much love there is for me here. Especially since some of the press I got recently wasn’t so.... erm, you know...’
The old friend stopped him mid-sentence and placed a hand on Kris’s shoulder. ‘Hey, I know what you’re talking about, and trust me, not everyone around here would judge you if those particular, erm, rumors, were true...’
‘W-w-what are you trying to say?’
‘When that photo of you and Adam hit the news, we discussed it at church the following Sunday, and do you know what absolutely everybody there agreed?’
Kris looked back at his friend with a worried expression. ‘Do I want to know..?’
‘Hey man, don’t look so anxious!’ he laughed. ‘Everyone loves you here! We all agreed that it doesn’t matter. You are a great guy, Kris. And a great musician. People will still support you, whether you date a woman, a man, a glittery alien from Planet Fierce.’
Kris continued staring back, his anxiety replaced by amazement.
‘Sure, there’s plenty of narrow-minded jerks out there... but they don’t matter. Any good Christian would not judge you. Besides... I’ve heard a whole bunch of people say what a cute couple you and Adam make.’
Kris’s lips curled into a smirk. ‘Oh, really?’
His friend’s encouraging words remained on Kris’s mind throughout the meet and greet. Why had he been so quick to assume everybody would be so dead against his relationship with Adam? Just because a few folk in a rural town on the outskirts gave them abuse just after the photo had leaked didn’t mean that everybody in the whole state would be so judgemental.
He shook his head in anger, so annoyed at himself for letting a handful of homophobic idiots get to him. The people that mattered to him would still support him; his local community in Conway, his church, his close friends, his family...
And Adam.
But it was too late for regrets. The damage had been done. Whether they’d be accepted by the public or not wasn’t really relevant while Adam was going through his rebellious rock-star phase.
‘Hey, can you sign this for me?’
Kris smiled sweetly for the bunch of girls gathered around him with Sharpies and copies of Elle magazine. ‘Sure!’ he replied, trying to wipe thoughts of Adam off his mind. Knowing people back home were more supportive than he’d realized would just make him feel worse about the situation.
‘We all just love the photo of you with the wings and platform boots,’ one girl giggled, flicking her magazine to the said page so he could sign it. ‘Was that Adam’s idea?’
Kris blushed as he looked at the slightly-embarrassing picture. ‘Oh, Adam approved alright!’
He laughed secretly to himself as he remembered one afternoon a few weeks back when he’d been raiding Adam’s closet and found some equally-crazy items inside, which Adam had insisted on dressing Kris up in for a private runway show. He’d never allow himself to be seen in public in sequinned pants and electric blue eyeliner, but Adam had loved it... and loved tearing the clothes off him afterwards.
He felt a pang of sadness as he signed the photo, even more so as he eyed the sexy photo of Adam on the opposite page.
‘Is Adam with you today?’ one girl asked, grinning excitedly. ‘Our friend saw you guys out and about here together last month, we were sooo sad we missed you.’
‘Really, where was that?’ Kris asked.
‘She spotted you guys out for brunch one morning, you were sharing a platter of pancakes.’
‘Oh,’ Kris replied, remembering it so very clearly. It had been the day they’d made The Announcement to his parents, just hours before the infamous photo hit the headlines. They’d been so happy, so in love, discreetly holding hands under the table and dunking maple syrup for one another... but now even just the smell of pancakes brought back painful memories of the afternoon he’d left Adam.
‘Can we ask you a personal question?’ one girl asked sheepishly.
‘Um... sure!’
‘Is Adam a good kisser?’
Kris stared at them for a moment before bursting out laughing. ‘He sure is,’ he replied, starting to blush.
‘You are so freaking lucky,’ one girl sighed. ‘Oh God, those lips, those cute lip freckles, that tongue...’
Kris excused himself and left them to it, too many images of the lips, freckles and tongue in his mind to hear any more. He’d missed those kisses so much...
He wondered if he’d ever feel those lips on his again. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head in frustration. He wanted it so badly... but not until Adam sorted himself out.
*
Adam hadn’t even be bothered to get out of bed all day, other than to take his pizza from the delivery guy and take a couple of bathroom breaks. His head still hurt from all the Martinis he’d downed the night before, his feet still hurt from hours of dancing in platform boots and his heart still hurt from picturing Kris’s disappointed expression every time he closed his eyes.
Adam didn’t even celebrate the festival of Christmas, but he’d still been out over the holidays celebrating the seasonal festivities that came with that time of year. In a way he was thankful to be stuck with a bunch of phone interviews to do all afternoon, as tedious as it was to answer the same questions over and over again, at least he could lounge around in his bed naked, chew at cold pizza and smoke a joint with the journalists at the other end of the line none the wiser.
‘No, I am not joining Queen,’ Adam told the reporter for what seemed like the six-hundredth time. ‘Although hold up...’ he added quickly, just remembering something RCA had told him a few days ago. ‘There’s talk I might be joining them for a one-off show they are doing in London next summer.’
He lay back on the bed, taking in the scent of the incense he was burning and the weed he was smoking, realizing he had a lot to look forward to in 2010. More music, new ventures, touring, parties...
Well, he’d been to enough parties in the last couple of weeks to fill his whole partying quota for 2010. As rough as his head felt that afternoon, more than anything he was glad he hadn’t done anything stupid enough this time to cause a Twitter frenzy.
Adam sighed sadly to himself as he recalled that look on Kris’s face the last time they’d seen one another. He’d looked so disappointed in him. Adam hadn’t dared to call him since, still so embarrassed with how he’d acted.
Besides, he didn’t really want another lecture about his behavior.
‘How did you spend the holidays?’
‘I had a week off,’ Adam replied, not really wanting to elaborate on what he’d done during his time off. He’d slept through most of it, too exhausted from all the late nights to actually do anything productive.
‘So what else do you have planned for next year?’
Adam perked up as he reeled off his list of plans. ‘I’m in talks with MAC to produce a range of guyliner, and OPI are interested in getting me involved in advertising their new metallic glitter range.’
He picked at his nail varnish as he spoke, something he always did when he was anxious. He was in the middle of negotiating so many high profile contracts, but his management had warned him that if he carried on getting a reputation for being a party animal and turned into yet another celebrity train-wreck hot mess, he would risk losing a lot of these big offers.
‘How about your tour?’
Adam sat up excitedly as he thought about his upcoming live shows. ‘I have some really sick costumes up my sleeve,’ he hinted. ‘It’s going to be one hell of a crazy show... and there might even be some special guest appearances.’
He laughed to himself as he thought back to the lunch he’d had with Katy Perry a few days ago, when he’d suggested she join him on stage at his LA show to do a raunchy duet of I Kissed A Girl.
‘Like who... Kris Allen, perhaps?’
Adam froze at the mention of Kris, caught totally off-guard. ‘Um, well.... I don’t know about that,’ he replied with a shaky voice. ‘I mean, Kris is a busy guy and has his own tour...’ he went on, hoping the journalist wouldn’t ask him about the photograph. His PA had briefed all the interviewers beforehand with a list of no-go areas, Kris being top of the list.
‘So when can we expect album number two... and how different will it be to For Your Entertainment?’
‘Oh, very different, I’m all about re-invention,’ Adam confirmed. He was very excited about starting work on a new album after the tour wrapped, in fact he already had several song ideas.
And concept ideas. Adam loved to shock people, but he was toying with the idea of just laying himself totally bare for the next record without hiding behind the theatrical productions and insane outfits. Just him, a piano and his voice. Maybe he’d stop wearing the eyeliner, maybe he’d even go back to the strawberry blonde and freckles. Well, until he got bored and moved on to his next re-invention, anyway.
Kris would love that. Kris had always insisted he loved au natural Adam, even first thing in the morning with puffy eyes and a messy bedhead, Kris had always insisted he looked just as gorgeous as the Rock God Adam that hit the stage every night.
‘Any new year’s resolutions for 2010?’
Adam paused to think about that question. With 2010 just days away, he knew that it was going to be another big year for him. 2009 had been pretty epic, yet there were so many things he still wanted to achieve... especially one thing in particular.
‘To be in love,’ he answered softly, resting his head on the pillow and closing his eyes.
‘In love?’ the journalist repeated, obviously not expecting that answer.
‘Yeah... sounds corny, I know,’ Adam admitted. ‘But that’s the ultimate thing we all want, right? No matter how many amazing things we can accomplish in life, none of it matters if you’re lonely, if you have nobody to share it with.’
The interview ended and Adam hung up, letting out a long sigh. With so much to be excited about in the new year, he desperately wanted somebody special to share that joy with. He may have had plenty of friends, a loving family and thousands of adoring fans, but there was no denying he was lonely.
And there was only one person he wanted to share it with, a person he’d already shared the whole experience with, from Hollywood Week, to Idol, to the tour, to their debut records.
But they’d come to a fork in the road and two very different paths. There was no way he could drag Kris along for the ride.
No, he’d have to continue the rest of his journey alone.
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