playing the death wish game
how much more can i push myself? i get glory from big burst of energy. it's the best thing in my life these says. i can run forever if i want. but i cant figure out where to stay, where to keep my things. it really wouldnt be so bad if i didnt have to shower and smell clean for work. i would just sell everything. but instead i have to have clothes and a place to keep me clean. unfortunatly i am not loaded, not able to afford something comfortable. tonight i will go back to the boys place and get akward stares when i walk inside. ill greet them with a cheery hello while they shoot a painful stare of why am i still living there? if i went to puru then what? five thousand dollars short and wandering back around new albany 20 days later? homesick still, no welcome mat. can someone give me five hundred dollars for free? i promise god will accept you into his heart. someone give me a sign. show me a light. where am i suppost to be?! why cant i find a path? I am almost considering going back to school because i miss being a real live artist, who really puts things on paper. i havnt painted anything helpful to my talent since december. I am really a good artist. I have no structure. no dicipline. i need some space to practice. but there's always the shack. the mold house with the walls caving in upstairs. its cheap. its a waste, but it is somewhere to grow.