I give up
My icon is probably the best representation of how i feel right now out of my icon list even though its meant to be a humorous stab at Julia's expense since i hate that character. I feel like pounded shit, i have for the past couple of weeks because i have been working so damned much, i have almost no free time for anything mostly because what free time i do have i spend awake while everyone else is asleep since my sleep schedule is fucked to no end. Not that that is anyone;s fault but my own. I am working two jobs, one is forcing me to wake up before the sun is can be there at 530 for work and stay until about 3 on the norm, then the other job works me nights, so like 6-9 or so, little short shifts, but just enough to kill my energy and leave me exhausted by the time i get home normally. I am doing this so that i can save up money and we can move the next time we get a chance.
Now to put some icing on the cake. About 3 weeks ago my boy friend said he wanted to slow things down and possibly take a break. Which upset me greatly, i cant explain to you how much time i spent crying after that conversation, it broke me just a little bit, made a small fracture in the glass so to speak. He said that he felt like he was only giving me 50 percent of a relationship when i deserve the whole thing, and i didnt see it that way. I like our relationship, frankly as long as i can cuddle kiss and hug i am very very content. He said thats whats been getting on his nerves. SO i went with it, did as he said, barely touched him, stayed away as much as i could seeings as we are sharing the same bed. Then one evening he comes in all frisky and lays down to cuddle, of course i am happy, i am getting attention from the guy i care more about in this world than i have any other man in my life. I mean lets face it he is the only guy i have trusted enough to open up to on many many different levels. So we fool around have some fun, a few nights later it happens again. A few nights after that it happens one more time, even if i was exhausted.
Then this morning happened. He came in at 730 and said that we needed to talk again. I thought we were past this, that he was over the whole slowing down thing, but i guess i was wrong. He told me that we were to take a break and that he might start sleeping on the couch. I guess i am too much of a pain in his ass to want to deal with any more. Oh well i guess. Chad just walked in the door and i almost broke down and cried on him. I think its time for me to stop.
Now to put some icing on the cake. About 3 weeks ago my boy friend said he wanted to slow things down and possibly take a break. Which upset me greatly, i cant explain to you how much time i spent crying after that conversation, it broke me just a little bit, made a small fracture in the glass so to speak. He said that he felt like he was only giving me 50 percent of a relationship when i deserve the whole thing, and i didnt see it that way. I like our relationship, frankly as long as i can cuddle kiss and hug i am very very content. He said thats whats been getting on his nerves. SO i went with it, did as he said, barely touched him, stayed away as much as i could seeings as we are sharing the same bed. Then one evening he comes in all frisky and lays down to cuddle, of course i am happy, i am getting attention from the guy i care more about in this world than i have any other man in my life. I mean lets face it he is the only guy i have trusted enough to open up to on many many different levels. So we fool around have some fun, a few nights later it happens again. A few nights after that it happens one more time, even if i was exhausted.
Then this morning happened. He came in at 730 and said that we needed to talk again. I thought we were past this, that he was over the whole slowing down thing, but i guess i was wrong. He told me that we were to take a break and that he might start sleeping on the couch. I guess i am too much of a pain in his ass to want to deal with any more. Oh well i guess. Chad just walked in the door and i almost broke down and cried on him. I think its time for me to stop.