Par Amor [Baekhyun/Suho] (3/5)
Par Amor Part 3
-
“You know you can hire someone to do this for you, right?” Baekhyun says in amusement as Joonmyun seriously considers what color of wallpaper he should use for the penthouse. They’ve been going through different color palettes and it seems it’s taking Joonmyun forever to choose one. His lower lip is in between his teeth, his eyebrows all furrowed and she just wants to reach out and smooth them with her fingers.
“Where’s the fun in that?” Joonmyun asks, looking at her with a twinkle in his eyes. He then raises up the two final colors that he’s chosen and holds it up for her to see. “Now, which one do you think is better, beige or grayish blue?”
“It’s your apartment, Joonmyun,” Baekhyun reminds him with a chuckle.
“Well then, we’re never going to finish with this because I really can’t decide,” he frowns, placing the two colors on the table. The sales lady just watches on in amusement, not offering any further advice since she has been doing that since an hour and a half ago. “And then we won’t be able to decide on the furniture because color is everything and-“
“You are such an architect,” she rolls her eyes and boldly picks the grayish blue one and hands it to the sales lady. “He’ll take this one.”
Joonmyun beams at her and continues beaming at her even when they’ve finally started to look at sofas. She ignores him by suggesting different kinds of couches that he can put in his living room and by pushing him onto it and making him sit to feel if it’s comfortable enough for him. She ignores him because she knows what she just did. Deciding what color he’s going to use for his penthouse, what furniture to use, what kind of lighting to put up seems very domestic for two people who aren’t even a couple.
“I think we should get a kitchen set next and a dining table, as well as some cooking utensils,” Joonmyun suggests when he’s paid for the sofa set and signed his address on the delivery receipt. “I have to eat to live.”
“You cook?” Baekhyun looks surprised. For someone of Joonmyun’s stature, it never even crossed her mind that he would know how to make food for himself.
“Why the tone of surprise?” He pouts at her in mock hurt. “I can very well take care of myself, you know. And I make a mean macaroni and cheese.”
“Macaroni and cheese?” Baekhyun laughs. “Really?”
“I studied in the US for a couple of months and for a while it was all I could make,” Joonmyun explains himself with a shrug, “so I got really good at it.”
“I’ll believe that when I see it,” she teases him.
“Oh, you will,” he winks at her. She shoves a nearby throw pillow on his face
-
When the sofa set arrives, along with the flat screen TV, surround sound speakers and DVD player. Joonmyun immediately plugs in his favorite movie and pulls Baekhyun to sit in the middle of the couch with him. The first distinct notes of The Godfather’s theme song start playing and Baekhyun narrows her eyes at Joonmyun.
“What?” Joonmyun asks, he groans, covering his face with his hands in mock disapproval. “Are you one of those girls who hate action movies?”
“On the contrary,” Baekhyun raises an eyebrow at him when he peeks in between his fingers, “this is one of my favorite movies.” She faces him and crosses her arms on her chest. “Are you sure you’re not stalking me? I’m pretty sure I have this on my Facebook page.”
Joonmyun scoffs. “You haven’t updated Facebook in over two months and even then there isn’t much on it,” he says before catching himself and looking at her, who is muffling a giggle. “I mean, I don’t look at your Facebook page. At all.”
“Sure you don’t,” she smiles as she settles back into her original position, ignoring the way Joonmyun is looking at her with such a handsome smile on his face.
“Do you visit my Facebook page?” he then asks and she shushes him because the movie’s getting good and because she doesn’t want to answer those kinds of questions.
The Godfather may be Baekhyun’s favorite movie but it never fails to frighten her every single time she watches it. All the killing and the gun shooting always gets to her and she realizes she’s being obvious about it when Joonmyun nudges her teasingly.
“I thought you said this is your favorite movie,” he says, chuckling lightly. “Why are you so scared?”
“Because it’s scary!” she insists, gesturing towards the screen where Sonny’s ambush is about to happen. She buries her face in her hands as the multiple unending gunshots start.
But that’s not what makes Baekhyun’s heart pound like it’s going to come out of her chest. Joonmyun snakes an arm around her and pulls her close to him; close enough that she can feel the heat radiating off his body, close enough that she can feel his heartbeat beating erratically, close enough that he’s pressing his lips to her head.
“You are so cute,” Joonmyun laughs softly, repeating the intimate gesture.
Baekhyun doesn’t move for a while. She knows she’s doing something wrong by not pushing him away, but then again, it just feels so nice being held like this, being held by someone she thinks likes her enough to want to comfort her over silly distress over an action movie. They have never crossed any boundaries, never exchanged words, never so much as touched hands. But then there’s this and she thinks her heart is going to explode.
Slowly, she straightens up and she knows, by the way he’s looking uncertainly at her, that Joonmyun is waiting for her to pull away, to stop him from being affectionate, because if she doesn’t do any of those, he’s never going to stop. But she likes it and insists that there is still nothing wrong with this. So she just laughs, nervously, and snuggles close to him.
Joonmyun tightens his hold on her, his relief palpable.
-
Joonmyun does get his kitchen and dining table installed first. He doesn’t even bother with a bed yet, saying that the kitchen is more important and that the couch is comfortable enough to sleep on anyway.
He brings Baekhyun there on one of her free Saturdays and announces that he’s going to make his famous macaroni and cheese for her. So she sits on the counter, watching as he fiddles with ingredients, turning the baking oven on, taking out the pasta, and heating water as he talks about the structure that they’re building in the middle of Incheon.
She smiles fondly as he babbles on while chopping carrots with a frilly blue apron on that she bought for him. The scene is very domestic and, though she knows she shouldn’t be the one sitting in this kitchen or he shouldn’t be the one cooking for her, they’re there anyway. It doesn’t stop her from smiling, having thrown most of her uncertainties out of the window. They aren’t doing anything wrong technically. They’re friends who are spending time together. She’s a girl who is helping him out with his house and he’s a guy who is cooking for her to thank her for her help. That was it. They aren’t crossing any lines. Not really.
“Ow!” Joonmyun suddenly yelps.
Baekhyun scrambles out of her seat to rush to him. She takes his hand and inspects the cut on his thumb. Shooting him a mocking look, she pulls him to the sink and shoves his hand under the cold water.
“Do you have bandages?” she asks before he can protest. Joonmyun shakes his head and she sighs because it’s so typical of him to not look after himself properly. Baekhyun inspects the cut after running water through it and nods in satisfaction. “Good thing it’s not that deep.”
“It’s just a cut,” he grumbles when she takes the knife and starts chopping the carrots instead.
“Stop being a baby and leave the cooking to the experts,” she says.
“Oh so you’re an expert now,” he returns interestedly, leaning on the counter.
“I’m probably a better cook than you,” she maintains seriously.
Joonmyun frowns and looks at the counter for something to throw at her. He sees the grated cheese and takes a pinch to throw at her. She screams and takes a step back; patting her hair to find out it has cheese in it.
“What are you, five? You’re going to pay for that,” she declares, taking a handful of the grated cheese and throwing it at his face. He flinches away, laughing and grabs the peas to throw at her in retaliation.
It hits her straight on, feeling some of it goes inside her blouse. Putting the spatula she was using for mixing down, she grabs the bag of peas, dips her hand in, and attacks him with the handful that she’s scooped. Joonmyun covers his face, laughing uncontrollably, and grabs as much of the chopped carrot pieces that he can get. He catches her wrists together and sprinkles the carrots on top of her head.
“Joonmyun!” Baekhyun shrieks eyes closed, scrambling to untangle her wrists from his grasp.
He lets her go, laughing, as she slumps into him. Her laughter is muffled as she buries her face in his chest, his arms automatically wrapping around her waist, steadying the two of them. She’s sticky and a mess with a mixture of cheese, peas and carrots in her hair, all over her and even her clothes.
“Are you okay?” he asks, amusement still evident in his voice, when she pulls away. Tears have formed in her eyes from too much hilarity and he gently brushes them away with his thumbs.
“I’m a mess,” she pouts unintentionally. There are peas and carrots and cheese sticking to her clothes like an artwork and she attempts to brush them away, accidentally spreading the cheese even more.
“I think you’re beautiful,” he says very tenderly, his thumbs still brush the apples of her cheeks. Baekhyun’s heart seizes, her breath catching in her throat, as she looks up abruptly.
Joonmyun is looking at her like he’s seeing all of her and likes what he sees. He looks at her like he doesn’t care what else he will find; looking at her as if saying that he’ll like her no matter what. How could she fight against that?
He gives her a second that feels like an eternity to decide whether this is something that she wants to stop or whether this is something she wants. His eyes tell her that this is wrong, but that this is also something that he’s been searching for his entire life and hasn’t found it until he met her. Biting her lip, gaze falling away from his face, she processes all of this because, in her heart, she feels the exact same things.
And Baekhyun thinks about all of the things that could go wrong, all of the people that they could hurt and wonders if this is all worth it, if this is something she really wants to do. If the careful but thinning, line that they put in between them is something worth crossing.
When she finally looks back at him, he doesn’t give her any more time. Joonmyun leans down and captures her lips. He tastes like cheese and something sweet, sweeter than she’s ever tasted before, and she reaches up a hand to cup his face, instantly kissing him back. One of his hands travel down her back, to the small of her waist, and pushes her flush against him. She gasps and he takes advantage of this, sneaking his tongue in to taste more of her. Giving in willingly, she returns the affection, standing on tiptoe so she could take more and give more in return.
Many things in life, once done, can’t be taken back. Words laced with apologies are not enough even for the smallest of crimes. This one, though, feels like one of the biggest, and that no matter how much she apologizes for it, no matter how forgiven she might be, it’s just never going to be enough. This thought brings her back to reality and she pushes Joonmyun, whose lips have traveled down to her neck, off her.
“Wait,” Baekhyun presses her palms to his chest as she tries to calm her breathing. She looks at him, wrecked, lips swollen and red, hair mussed up, eyes dark with desire. It makes her take a step back because she couldn’t have done this.
“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun hoarsely calls, trying to catch her wrist, which she snatches away from his grasp.
“We can’t do this,” she asserts, shaking her head. “We can’t. I’m married. You’re married. You have a little boy. We can’t-“
“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun manages to grab her wrist this time. “Look at me.” When she meets his gaze, he continues, “Tell me you don’t feel…whatever this is between us.” She starts shaking her head again and he tilts her face to make her look back at him. “Right when we met, it’s been there. I know we’re both married, but is it so wrong to allow ourselves to feel something we’ve been longing for? Is it wrong to allow ourselves to finally fall in love?”
“We are supposed to be in love already,” Baekhyun takes her wrist back and steps farther away. “We are both married.”
“I am not in love with my wife!” Joonmyun’s voice echoes loudly in the apartment, making Baekhyun flinch. “I have never been in love with her and the only reason I’m staying is because of our baby boy. I love my kid, I really do, and I would do anything for him. But just this once, I want to be able to experience that kind of love that they say only happens in fairy tales.”
“There is no such love, Joonmyun,” Baekhyun snaps. “There are no fairy tales and happy endings.” She used to believe in such things, living happily ever after, with Kris, but they are all lies. Things do not always end happily. What’s worse is that sometimes the sad things do not even end.
“This is close enough,” he declares. “It’s not a perfect fairy tale, but I know what I feel and I’ve never felt this way before so I’ll take what I can get.” He takes slow steps towards her so as not to scare her away further. “I know this isn’t an ideal situation. I know that this isn’t something you would do because you’re not that kind of girl, and I’m not this kind of guy either. But I can’t help it, Baekhyun. I can’t stop whatever it is that I’ve started to feel ever since I met you.”
Instead of saying anything, Baekhyun turns around and grabs her things from the living room. She wears her coat despite her messy clothes, buttoning it up so that she doesn’t look too disheveled, and hurries to the door. Kris is waiting for her at home. Kris, who isn’t the perfect husband, but is trying for her, trying to make things work, trying to bring things back to the way they were. She can’t do this to him, can’t break his heart like this. She’s his wife and she’s supposed to be the one protecting his heart, not breaking it.
She stops in her tracks and turns around to tell Joonmyun that she’s not coming back, that this is the last time they’ll see each other because it’s the right thing to do. But when she does, Joonmyun’s lips are on hers again. Baekhyun clutches onto his shirt, taken aback, and returns the kiss.
“No. We can’t.” She pushes him away with much effort.
“Baekhyun, please,” Joonmyun’s voice is the quietest she’s heard it.
She brushes away the tear about to fall on his cheek and kisses him again. And then she’s rushing out of the door.
-
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kyungsoo asks for what feels like is the 20th time. She glances at Lu Han, who’s just looking at Baekhyun, who, in turn, is studiously ignoring them intently.
Two weeks have passed since Baekhyun had walked out on Joonmyun. And it’s been two weeks of unanswered phone calls, two weeks of ignored messages, two weeks of silence on her part. Everyone has been asking her if she was okay because it is so obvious that she isn’t. But she never says anything, merely shaking her head and giving a small smile, which she has so few of in possession these days.
She just doesn’t understand it. Their time together isn’t something they can boast of. They haven’t known each other that all that long. Three months is not enough time for a person to fall, to have feelings for someone. Three months is not good enough of an indicator whether such feelings are real, whether such feelings should be entertained. Three months is nothing compared to the many years that she has shared with Kris.
“Baekhyun?” Lu Han presses.
“Fine,” Baekhyun mutters, shrugging off the hand Lu Han has placed on her shoulder. It’s unfair to shut her friends out. But she knows that if she let her façade crack even just a tiny bit, she will burst and that’s not something she’s ready for her friends to see.
“Are you working overtime again?” Kyungsoo asks worriedly.
“Yeah,” Baekhyun answers systematically. “I have to finish these proposals.”
Sehun walks into their cubicle. “You guys ready to go?”
“Yeah,” Lu Han says, squeezing Baekhyun’s shoulder before following Sehun out. Baekhyun hears her ask Lu Han if she’s okay and doesn’t hear what Lu Han says in return.
“Call if you need anything, okay?” Kyungsoo says. “And don’t stay so late.”
“Have fun,” Baekhyun nods, forcing out a smile.
Once she’s sure that they’re gone, she wilts into her seat and bends over, burying her face in her hands. She’s not exactly sure what’s happening, but every time she’s left alone, she starts crying. Just because she broke things off with Joonmyun, whatever their thing was, it doesn’t mean that it hurt any less. Just because she shared 10 years of her life with Kris, doesn’t mean that she’s ever felt the kind of affection that Joonmyun has showed her in three months from him.
She can’t deny that she wants what Joonmyun is offering, what he has offered her. It’s been so long since she’s felt so wanted, so cared for. Such things are those that she’s been yearning for from her husband and yet, she can’t get it even from him. But it would be wrong to give in. Joonmyun is right. She isn’t that girl.
She continues crying. Because she wants to belong to Joonmyun. She wishes that she belonged to him. Now that he’s shown her what a relationship with him would be like, she can’t shake it out of her head, can’t make her body, mind and heart forget it.
Suddenly, there’s some movement behind her and she hurriedly straightens up and wipes her tears away. She turns around and sees Zitao.
“Zitao,” Baekhyun laughs brokenly, trying to sound cheerful, “what are you still doing here?”
Zitao pulls one of the seats closer to her and sits down. “Why are you crying?” he asks, deciding not to beat around the bush.
“I’m not,” she starts to explain herself.
“Why have you been crying for the past few days?” he rephrases his question. This shuts her up. She didn’t know that there had been someone else in the office whenever she stays behind. “Baekhyun, I know we’re not that close,” he gently speaks, reaching for her hand and squeezing it, “but you can always talk to me if you feel like you need to talk to someone, anyone.”
She thinks about it, wonders what it would feel like for someone to listen and hear her out, someone to tell her and assure her that everything will be okay. Maybe Zitao can give her that. But Zitao’s image of her would be destroyed and she doesn’t really need any more people to think badly of her.
Zitao sighs and pats her hand. “I’ll be in my cubicle if you need me,” he says, standing up.
He’s almost out of her workspace when she blurts out, “When is falling in love wrong?”
He freezes and slowly turns back, going back to his seat. “What?”
“When is falling in love wrong?” she repeats, her tears threatening to burst out again.
“I think… falling in love is never wrong,” he carefully deliberates. “I think it’s the circumstances of a love that will decide if it’s a love that’s worth pursuing.” He purses his lips and watches a tear slide on Baekhyun’s cheek. “Or worth crying over.” He furrows his brows in concern when she continues to cry. “Baekhyun, what is this about? Did something happen with Kris?”
She shakes her head, but takes his hand in hers, needing some form of comfort. “I don’t know what to do, Tao,” she whispers, using his nickname. “My marriage is a mess and I…. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Is it still possible for me to find love? Am I allowed to? But I’m married and-“
“Baekhyun,” Zitao shakes her lightly, bringing her out of her hysterics. He wraps his arms around her as she bursts into fresh tears. “Please stop crying.”
After a while, she does. She pulls away from Zitao, wipes her face clean of tears and smiles at him. She doesn’t really feel any better, doesn’t feel like her problem will be solved anytime soon. But she does feel lighter. Unloading her pain to someone, no matter how burdensome she thinks it is, calms her a bit. That, and now she feels like she isn’t alone. Even if Zitao doesn’t really understand, she knows that he will be there to listen to her when she needs it again.
“Are you going to be okay?” he asks as they both stand up to leave.
“Yeah,” she nods. “Thank you, Zitao.” She hugs him tight and kisses his cheek. “Thank you for listening to me.”
She makes her way out to the lobby and looks at her reflection in one of the mirrors. She decides that she’s going to continue trying with Kris. She’ll try one last time. Not for Joonmyun, but for her. Because those tears aren’t just because of Joonmyun. They’re also tears because she now knows what she deserves. She knows what she wants and needs in her life, knows the kind of love that she is worth to receive. She thinks it’s about time she thinks about herself this time around.
-
Change isn’t easy. They say it’s the most constant thing in the world. But it’s also one of the hardest. Baekhyun thinks that’s what Kris has been trying to do. All their life together, ever since they were younger, she thinks he’s probably been trying to change. Trying, and failing.
Kris had been kind and sweet and was such a gentleman when they were both still in school. There were glimpses of a temper whenever he’d get frustrated over basketball or when someone tried to hurt her. But it was nothing like his transformation after they got married.
The sweet and gentle Kris that she’d met seemed to change overnight. He would yell at her, grab her not so gently, ignore her, and be irritated with her… It was a Kris she had never seen before; a Kris that she didn’t know. It was a Kris that scared her. At first, she chalked it up to stress and the amount of work that he always had on his plate. But when he never appeared to mellow back down, when his anger just kept on getting worse, when he started to become a monster, she couldn’t really get out anymore. She didn’t know how to get out. Even now, she still doesn’t know how to do so.
Which was why when Kris suddenly became sweet and tender during lovemaking, as well as randomly making her dinner, she was incredibly thrown off guard. She didn’t know what to make of it. If anything, it made her feel suspicious, but about what she wasn’t sure. But that’s also why it’s not a surprise when he got tired of all that pretending, when he slowly went back to his natural self.
She brushes off her husband’s advances while she tries to make him a decent dinner. It’s been a while since he’s been home early enough to catch her still awake, much less catch her in the process of making dinner. These days, though, when he comes home all he seems to want from her is sex.
“Kris, I’m cooking,” she reprimands him lightly when his hand travels to her breast, pushing his hand away.
“But I want you,” he nuzzles his nose to the back of her neck, pushing her hair to the side. “Now.”
“I have to make this for you,” she tries to reason, “and I’m really tired.”
Kris’s hand leaves her and Baekhyun quietly breathes a sigh of relief. She had thought that Kris would insist and push for her to drop anything just to please him. Maybe there is hope for him yet. She turns the stove off and takes a bowl from the cupboard, placing it beside the stove so she can transfer the soup. When she turns around to get soup ladle, she is suddenly hoisted up in the air.
It takes her a second to realize that Kris is carrying her to their bedroom. She knows that it’s pointless to try to fight him off and waits as he dumps her onto their bed. Immediately, she sits up and tries to scramble off it, but his hands are on her and he presses her back down.
“Kris, I really don’t want to do this right now,” she pleads.
“Well, I want to,” he says, smirking. “So I guess you’re just going to have to take it.”
Her heart is beating fast in her chest as Kris makes a show of taking their clothes off. She lays there, eyes on the ceiling, in an effort not to cry and make a big deal out of this. This isn’t new. And she’s ingrained it in her mind long ago that as long as she doesn’t struggle, it’s not going to hurt as much.
Baekhyun tries not to stiffen so conspicuously when Kris thrusts two fingers inside her without so much as a warning. She squeezes her eyes shut and bites her bottom lip just so she can bite back the cry of pain trying to bubble out of her. He hasn’t even kissed her to try to get her worked up and the friction is excruciating. She finds his lips and forces kisses out of him as she grips his hand, coaxing him to go slower, gentler. Kris withdraws his fingers and Baekhyun relaxes, relieved that the pain is gone. She lifts herself up to reward him with a sweet kiss when she realizes that he’s naked and is about to enter her.
She tries to push him off to stop him or make him go slow. “Kris, wait-“ Her words die in her throat as she lets out a stilted sob.
“You’re so tight,” Kris groans as he starts pushing in and out without even asking if she’s okay. “Fuck,” he grunts, not noticing how hard she’s clutching onto his arms, not listening to her cries of pain, not seeing the tears seeping from her eyes.
Baekhyun tries to think of something that would make her even just slightly numb from the pain. She sings a happy, children’s song in her head, hoping it will be over soon so that the pain will go away. When that doesn’t work, she does a checklist in her head of the things she still has to do for the next event. They still need to confirm the venue, make sure that the caterer has the correct menu, they need fresh flowers, the red carpet should be in place and oh they need to check whether they should have provisions in case it starts raining.
It doesn’t work and Baekhyun’s so disappointed and so scared because it usually does. She scrambles to think of something else to think about but Kris is moving faster now, so close to his release, and she feels like she’s being split into two. She buries her fingernails in his arms, pretty sure that it’ll be decorated with half moons afterwards, biting her lower lip so hard that it draws blood. She should be pretty used to Kris being rough with her, but it just hurts even worse every single time.
Kris slumps on her when he finishes. Baekhyun evens out her breathing and tries to smile when he finally lifts himself up to look at her. She brushes his sweaty hair away from his forehead and he returns her smile. It’s a soft and fond one, something that is so rarely given. It’s times like these that she remembers how much she loves him.
He pulls out of her and turns to his side, his back facing her, falling asleep. And just like that, she forgets.
Quietly, she slips off the bed. She slowly puts her clothes back on and gingerly exits the room. With shaking hands, she dials Lu Han’s number. She needs to get way. She can’t stay here.
“Baek!” Lu Han answers after two rings.
“Hey,” Baekhyun says, hoping her voice is steady enough not to arouse suspicion. “What you up to tonight?”
“What am I up to tonight?” Lu Han repeats and there’s a laugh in the background, one that Baekhyun immediately recognizes as belonging to Minseok. “I’m at home-stop,” she hisses to Minseok, “I’m talking to Baekhyun.”
“You’re busy,” Baekhyun says, swallowing heavily because her tears are about to spill any moment now. “I’ll just call you later.” She moves to hang up.
“Hey, Baek,” Lu Han shushes Minseok. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” Baekhyun forces out a laugh. “Everything’s fine. Sorry I bothered you.”
“Are you sure?” Lu Han seriously asks. “Do you want to come over?”
“Don’t be silly,” Baekhyun says. “I’m fine. I’ll talk to you soon.”
Shakily, she ends the call. She contemplates on calling Kyungsoo, but immediately decides against it. She doesn’t want to burden Kyungsoo with her problems. She wouldn’t really think twice about talking to Lu Han but that’s because she’s been a friend with her for far longer. Scrolling through her contacts list, she sees her sister’s name. She could crash with her sister for a while.
-
“Baekhyun?” Taeyeon asks sleepily when she opens the door. “It’s late. What are you doing here?”
“I need a place to stay for the night,” Baekhyun doesn’t beat around the bush. “I’ll explain inside.” She moves to push the door to go in, but Taeyeon stops her.
“What happened with Kris?” Taeyeon asks.
“Something,” Baekhyun vaguely and unsteadily answers. “Please, Taeyeon. Just for tonight. I’ll be out of your hair by morning.”
Taeyeon tightens her robe around her and places her hands on Baekhyun’s shoulders. “Listen, Baekhyun, whatever you’re fighting about with Kris, it’s temporary,” she assures her. “You’re his wife. If he said or did something-“
“You know what’s been happening, Taeyeon,” Baekhyun cuts her off intently. “I can’t do this anymore.” She pauses as she takes a deep breath to keep her tears at bay. “I’m scared of him. I’ve always been scared of him.”
“You married him,” Taeyeon insists. “There has got to be a way to work things out.”
Baekhyun stares at her sister in disbelief. “So you’re really not going to let me in? You’re going to make me go back there when he practically just forced himself on me?”
“Baekhyun, don’t make a scene,” Taeyeon murmurs when she glances behind her to see her husband, Kyuhyun, call for her. “Go back home and I will call you in the morning. We can talk then.”
Baekhyun starts crying when Taeyeon closes the door on her. Her own sister can’t even accept the fact that her marriage is a mess, that she’d chosen a husband who is a monster. She turns around and walks to her car. When she starts the engine, she already knows where she’ll go.
-
Baekhyun stands there for 20 minutes without doing anything other than staring at the elevator buttons, mostly at the P right at the top. The concierge had buzzed her in, knowing her from all those many times that she’s been there, and yet she’s stuck between actually going up or going back out.
What was she thinking when she decided to come here, that she decided to come here? This is just asking for trouble. This is creating a whole new problem for herself; one that she had promised herself that she would never get into. So just what exactly is she doing, contemplating going up and hoping to see Joonmyun?
She stares at her phone and wonders if she should call him to let him know. He’s probably out; it is a Friday night, probably dinner with some colleagues or out drinking with friends in some bar. He wouldn’t be home on a Friday night, especially in an apartment that’s barely furnished. He doesn’t even have a bed yet. But then she remembers how Joonmyun expressed clearly that he wanted her and wanted to take care of her.
She presses the P button and the elevator goes up the various floors. She really needs someone to take care of her at the moment.
Soon, she reaches the penthouse and the doors slide open. Stepping out fretfully, she looks around and wonders if anyone’s home. The lights are all turned on, but that doesn’t really say much since Joonmyun has the habit of leaving the lights on and forgetting to turn them off even when he leaves.
The apartment is already fully furnished as far as she can tell. Everything that they had bought, aside from a couple of small details, is in the apartment. Baekhyun slowly moves from room to room, trying to see if Joonmyun is home, and partly to see how he’d decorated everything. When she reaches the master’s bedroom, she stops. The door is open and there is light flooding from inside.
There are many, many reasons why Baekhyun shouldn’t be there. She can’t even begin to count them in her head. But, with this, she turns around and starts walking away. She shouldn’t have come. She shouldn’t have even thought of coming. Things are over between them. She’s made that clear and-
“Baekhyun?”
She freezes and doesn’t do anything until Joonmyun is standing right in front of her. She watches as the joy on his face is replaced by deep concern when he sees the condition that she’s in.
“Are you okay?” he asks, cupping her cheeks, brushing her hair over her shoulder. “What happened?”
“I’m fine,” she lies. “I shouldn’t have come.” She steps back to move around him so she can leave.
“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun grabs her wrist and stops her. “I’m not letting you leave when you obviously chose to come here for a reason.” He puts his warm hands on her arms, squeezing gently. “What is it?”
The things that happened come rushing back to her, Kris, not wanting to bother Lu Han, her own sister shutting her out, and somehow all her tears don’t want to be shut out anymore either. She bows her hand and covers her face. Of all the things she can do, crying in front of Joonmyun is the last thing on her list.
“Hey, hey,” Joonmyun wraps his arms around her. “What’s wrong?” When Baekhyun continues crying, he hugs her tighter, rubbing his hands up and down her back soothingly. She leans into the touch and clings onto him. “Please, stop crying.”
Baekhyun pulls away slightly, her hands still fisting the front of Joonmyun’s shirt. “I’m sorry,” she softly says. “I know I came unannounced but…” She bites her lip. If she asks him if she can stay, she knows that there would be no turning back, no matter what happens that night. “But can I… can I stay here tonight? I won’t even be a bother. I just really need some place to stay and-“
“Baekhyun, you can stay as long as you like,” he declares and Baekhyun hates to hear the hope in his voice. It just makes her want more things that she knows she can’t completely have. “And I know what you’re thinking. I respect your decision. I won’t cross your boundaries.”
Baekhyun smiles a little. Although she’s not sure if that makes her feel better or worse.
PART 4