Par Amor [Baekhyun/Suho] (4/5)
Par Amor Part 4
-
Baekhyun flinches back when some of the oil shoots out of the pan when she starts frying the pajeon. She watches as the edges start to curl in before transferring the Kimbap that she made earlier to a proper plate, as well as put the proper vegetables for the Bibimbap. She still has to make mandoo, but there is still enough time. It’s only eleven in the morning and Joonmyun had said he’d be back at around noon.
She had woken up that morning with Joonmyun’s arms wrapped securely around her. He had put Baekhyun in one of the two guest rooms and closed the door behind him, telling her to wake him up if there was anything she needed. The thought of wanting Joonmyun with her while she slept was tempting to voice out, but she didn’t want to confuse him so suddenly. But, apparently, Baekhyun had been crying in her sleep when he checked on her in the middle of the night, so he decided to stay to calm her down.
It’s hard to believe that Joonmyun, whom Baekhyun had rejected twice, is still up to the task of taking care of her, of even being nice to her. There are many things he could have done when she’d come to his apartment, putting her into a hotel for the night for one. But instead, Joonmyun took Baekhyun in and told her to make herself comfortable for as long as she wanted to stay. And it is because of this that she figured she should do something for him. Which is why she’s making him lunch.
“What are you doing?” Baekhyun jumps at Joonmyun’s voice and swiftly turns around in time to see him loosening the knot of his necktie.
“You’re back already.” Baekhyun glances at the clock, surprised. It is only 11:30.
“My meeting ended early,” Joonmyun says, laying his briefcase down on the kitchen counter. He eyes Baekhyun up and down, eyes wide. “Are you wearing my shirt?” Joonmyun’s light blue button up on Baekhyun makes it look like she’s wearing a dress. A short one.
Baekhyun jumps again and gives him a sheepish smile, red tinting her cheeks. “I hope you don’t mind,” she says, biting her lip uncertainly. “My clothes are in the washer and I needed to wear something so I can cook for you, and you don’t have underpants that fit me so…” She clears her throat and blushes at the implications.
“Well, uh,” Joonmyun stammers, face red. He looks everywhere else except at Baekhyun and her legs because the polo shirt is really short on her. “I can…” He vaguely gestures at the stove. “And you can…” He points in the general direction of the laundry room.
“Right,” Baekhyun coughs, cheeks as red as ever. She’s almost out of the kitchen when a sudden thought comes to her. It’s daring and foolhardy and probably very stupid, but she takes a deep breath and decides to do it anyway.
Joonmyun has just transferred the cooked pajeon on a platter when Baekhyun wraps her arms around his waist. He almost drops the pan.
“Baekhyun, what-?”
“Thank you,” Baekhyun says, placing a kiss onto his back. It’s a very light kiss but she knows Joonmyun feels it with the way he leans back. “Thank you,” she repeats because she thinks she’s never going to be grateful enough.
She bows her head as she lets go because she is embarrassed that she hugged him and planted a kiss on his back. It’s practically a glittering neon sign that says she’s eating everything she’s told him in the past few months. Shyly tugging Joonmyun’s shirt that she’s wearing down, Baekhyun walks out of the kitchen. She can’t face him like this, not when she’s served her feelings out to him on a platter.
Except Joonmyun is pulling her back. He turns her around, places his hands on her waist and just gazes at her. Baekhyun wants to look away, but she can’t. She can’t because Joonmyun’s eyes always say a lot of things, things they both don’t really say out loud but are there. Sometimes she wonders about the circumstances of their meeting, about what it could mean, about why they had to even meet at all when they couldn’t be together. What if they’d met before Kris, before his wife? What if?
Baekhyun looks back at Joonmyun and decides that it doesn’t matter. The important is the here and now and that, no matter how wrong it might be, they’re just going to have to make the most of their time together. And just when she stands on tiptoe to kiss him, he leans down, meeting her halfway.
There is something so liberating about a kiss willingly given. This isn’t like their first kiss, where there was desperation and such longing waiting to be dispelled. It’s not even like their second kiss, which was done in an attempt to make her stay. This kiss is like gasping for air after holding one’s breath for so long. It’s like finally being able to see after having lost sight of things. They don’t care about anything else anymore. For now, it’s just the two of them.
“You don’t know how much I’ve wanted to do that since I saw you here last night,” Joonmyun breathlessly tells her as he closes his eyes and leans his forehead against hers when they pull away. “I missed you.”
“This wasn’t really part of the plan,” Baekhyun admits to him with a giggle, playing with his necktie.
“You can’t take it back now,” he playfully says, but Baekhyun can sense the seriousness of the statement.
“I won’t,” she laughs as she presses another kiss to his lips.
Joonmyun wraps his arms tight around her small waist and kisses her deeper. Baekhyun eagerly returns the affection. It feels like it’s been so long since she’s wanted to kiss someone like this, so long since she’s wanted to be so close to someone in every way possible. Joonmyun’s kisses are so sweet and exhilarating. Every touch sends tingles down her spine, makes her shiver, and makes her want more.
“Spend the rest of the day with me,” Joonmyun says as he continues to press kisses on her lips and all over her face. “We can do whatever you want, go around town and walk around or we can-“
“Okay,” Baekhyun cuts him off with another kiss and retreats down the hall to the laundry room. “I’ll just get dressed.”
Baekhyun has just taken her clothes out of the dryer and is in the middle of unbuttoning Joonmyun’s polo shirt to change back into her own clothing when, all of a sudden, there are arms circling around her waist. Joonmyun is infinitely warm and comfortable so she snuggles closer to him, laughing. He nuzzles her neck and litters small, tingling kisses down her neck.
“What are you doing?” Baekhyun laughs, turning around to face him and kiss him properly. She circles her arms around his neck as his hands start kneading distracting circles on the cloth on her waist. “We’re never going to get to leave if you keep distracting me.”
“What if I changed my mind?” he breathes through her lips, his hands trailing lower, fingers skating her thighs.
“You don’t want to spend the afternoon with me anymore?” she asks, gasping when Joonmyun’s hand snakes up her shirt and finds purchase on her bare waist.
“I do,” Joonmyun whispers in her ear as he bends down and scoops her in his arms, her own flying up to cling to him. “Just indoors.”
-
Joonmyun touches her like she’s made of glass, as if holding her too tight or too roughly will break her. He sends fleeting kisses and touches down Baekhyun’s skin that makes her ache and want more, and caresses her body like she’s the most beautiful thing he’s touched. Every place that his lips touch flares and spark something blazing in her. Baekhyun moans and screams because she doesn’t think she’s felt like this before. It feels like this is the first time she’s actually making love with someone. It’s like all those years of sex in her life didn’t exist because no one, not even Kris, has ever made her feel like this before.
Joonmyun’s hand skitters from her breast to her stomach and down to her hipbone, his lips following in its wake. Baekhyun’s back arches off the bed because the combination of Joonmyun’s hands and mouth, not to mention his tongue, is mind-blowing. Every touch makes her feel like there’s an explosion waiting to happen inside of her.
“Beautiful,” Joonmyun whispers into every inch of her body, and somehow Baekhyun starts believing him. “You are so beautiful.”
Baekhyun tries to return the favor, tries to pleasure him as much as he’s doing for her. But Joonmyun gently turns her touches away, insisting that this night is for her, that seeing her satisfied gratifies him in turn. And Baekhyun has never felt so cherished during love making before. She used to think that it was just about the sex, the immediate enjoyment, and nothing about the fast heartbeats of two people, the heavy rise and fall of chests, nothing of the whispered sweetness and fondness.
Baekhyun is just aching all over, almost in pain for him to just take her, when Joonmyun stops and kisses her eyelids so she would open her eyes. She blinks up at him, flushed and sweaty, lips red and swollen, eyes dark with want, and leans up to kiss him. Threading her fingers through his damp dark locks, she wonders how she could have missed something like this all her life.
“Are you sure?” Joonmyun hoarsely asks when they pull away. His arms are trembling on both sides of her head as he holds himself up. Baekhyun thinks he’s doing more than that. He seems to be controlling his whole self from just taking her. A surge of emotion wells up in her, because Joonmyun seems to care enough to actually force himself to stop to make sure that she wants this. “Do you want to do this?”
“I’m sure,” Baekhyun softly but clearly declares because she is. She thinks she doesn’t get any more certain than this. There is nothing left to lose. Her hands trace his chest down to his stomach and rest on the ache in between his legs. He bites back a growl when she tugs it, making him almost collapse on top of her. “I want you,” she adds, her mouth right by his ear.
He fills her unhurriedly, both of them gasping at the slow burning bliss. Baekhyun grips Joonmyun’s arms when he starts moving, partly because of the intense enjoyment this is giving her, but partly because of fear. She’s afraid that it’s going to hurt, because it always has hurt in the past. But Joonmyun does it leisurely and tenderly, kissing her fervently to take her mind off her worries, over the possible pain. Overwhelming ardor for this man overcomes her as they move in unison, both of them working together for each other. Every huff and breath that comes out of Joonmyun’s mouth, Baekhyun wants to commit to memory as a reminder that she is responsible for this, that this is happening to him because of her. She has no doubt that Joonmyun is doing the same thing. His eyes trace every crevice of her face, kisses every gasp out of her mouth, and his hand cups her face gently.
They come at the same time, their breathlessness in sync as Joonmyun’s arms almost give way at the intensity of his orgasm that he almost crushes her. Baekhyun lets out a laugh and presses her lips to Joonmyun’s when they’ve ridden out their high.
“That was amazing,” she sighs contentedly as Joonmyun finally lies down beside her, still breathing heavily.
“You are amazing,” he tells Baekhyun, gathering her into his arms to kiss her again.
As they fall asleep, Baekhyun can’t help but think that this is the happiest she’s ever felt in a really long time.
-
“Where were you?” Lu Han demands as soon as Baekhyun steps into the office. She has a hand on her hip, eyebrows furrowed, and lips pressed to a straight line.
“I stayed at a hotel,” Baekhyun smoothly answers, putting her bag down on her desk as Kyungsoo swivels around in her chair.
“What happened?” Kyungsoo immediately asks. “I heard you and Kris had a fight.”
Baekhyun’s eyes widen and she instantly turns to Lu Han for answers. Her best friend deflates to her seat and sighs.
“Kris called about two hours after you did that night,” Lu Han explains. “He mentioned that you guys fought and that you haven’t come home.” She puts a hand on Baekhyun’s thigh. “Why didn’t you tell me? You’d already called. Do you know how worried I was and how stupid I felt when I found out?”
“Sorry,” Baekhyun mutters. “It wasn’t a big deal. We fought and I left. I stayed at a hotel and that was it.”
“For a whole day?” Lu Han prompts. “Even your sister called and she-“
“Doesn’t have a right to ask about me,” Baekhyun snaps. She turns to face her desk as a sign that the conversation is over.
All calls that she had received that day had gone to voice mail. She didn’t even check her messages and had only texted Lu Han with a vague ‘I’m okay” before tucking her phone back in her bag, never looking at it again.
It was quiet in the apartment when she’d arrived home, the lights dim. She hadn’t really cared whether Kris would be home or not, but she was surprised when she found him sitting in the living room, head hung low. He had hugged her, tightly, when he saw that she’d come back, telling her that he had been worried about her, asking if she’s okay, telling her that he was sorry. But they were empty words, Baekhyun knew. Because, as soon as he’d let her go, he picked up his bag and told her that he was needed at the hospital and she was left all alone again.
Baekhyun leans back on her seat and sighs. Kris hadn’t come home since then. She’s not really sure where he is at the moment, but she’s sure it’s not just work he’s doing. She has been seeing the lipstick stains and smelled the flowery perfume scents enough to start thinking about the possibility that he’s seeing someone else.
Her mobile phone vibrates in her bag. Taking it out, she smiles when she sees Joonmyun’s name on the screen, directly replying to his message.
They had parted rather cheesily that evening. He had wanted to drive her back, but it was pointless since she had driven there. Joonmyun hadn’t wanted to let her go. Baekhyun kept on kissing him goodbye and walking to the door before she was tugged back again into his arms. By the time she was able to actually leave, it was an hour later than her slated time.
Baekhyun knows that what they’re doing is wrong. But, frankly, she doesn’t care anymore. Joonmyun said he wanted to try his luck at finding true love. And Baekhyun, who has stopped believing in happy ever afters, thinks she does, too.
There is no turning back now.
-
Being in a secret relationship isn’t all that hard, much to Baekhyun’s surprise. Incheon feels like a whole new world away from Seoul, despite it being only forty-five minutes away. There, no one really knows them. No one cares when they hold hands down the street or feed each other during lunch or kiss on the sidewalk. Their weekends together are always so much fun and exciting and loving that Baekhyun is always sad when they have to go back and leave it behind. It’s like they’ve built this world that’s their own and everything else disappears when they’re together.
“Where are you?” Zitao asks through the slight static. “You left the office so quickly earlier.”
“I’m at a friend’s house,” Baekhyun says, cradling the phone between her shoulder and ear as she puts a pan on the stove. It isn’t entirely a lie. Joonmyun is technically her friend. “I’m making dinner for them.” She pours oil on the pan after putting in some garlic and onions and takes a step back as it sizzles.
“Where?” Zitao repeats.
“Why are you so curious?” Baekhyun laughs.
Baekhyun notices the elevator opening out of the corner of her eye and before she can stop Joonmyun, his voice is booming across the place. “I’m home!”
“Zitao, I have to go,” she rushes.
“Who is that-?”
“I have to go bye!” Baekhyun ends the call and puts the cordless phone on the counter. She smiles as Joonmyun moves around the counter to hug her from behind. “Hi!” she says, turning her head to greet him with a kiss. “You didn’t have to be so loud.”
“Who was that?” Joonmyun chuckles through her hair.
“Zitao,” Baekhyun sighs, turning the stove off to face him.
Joonmyun merely smiles at her before leaning down to kiss her, and Baekhyun gives in because what else can she do? There really is no use in talking about or worrying about what Zitao has heard.
“How was your day?” Baekhyun asks, running her fingers through Joonmyun’s hair.
“Long,” Joonmyun answers, pulling away to grab his briefcase from where he placed it on the counter. “I have all these meetings tomorrow.”
Baekhyun slightly freezes, frowning. “On a Saturday?” Weekends are the only days when Joonmyun is able to sleep in and sleep properly. He’s always up so early and home so late during the weekdays.
“Yeah, I know,” Joonmyun sighs, walking back to her and cupping her cheek. “It’s a big project and they’re really pushing the construction to get started late this month.”
“As long as you still get enough sleep,” Baekhyun says.
“Yes, I will.” Joonmyun kisses her forehead.
“Are you going to be working?” she then asks, gesturing to his briefcase. He nods. “Okay,” she says. “I’ll call you when dinner is ready. Good luck.”
He kisses her, murmuring something through her lips, and then he’s off to his office. She returns to making dinner for Joonmyun, turning the stove back on. There are nights, mostly Fridays, sometimes, even Saturdays, when Joonmyun works overtime at their home in Incheon. His job requires doing a lot of paperwork and sketching and mathematical analysis, which Baekhyun thinks is quite taxing so she does her best to make things easier for him, doing things like preparing his bath, hanging out the clothes that he will wear for his meetings, cooking him dinner, and making love to him. And she does the job quite well because Joonmyun is someone who is so easy to serve and easy to please.
When she enters his office later on, Baekhyun finds him asleep, head and arms sprawled all over his documents. She sighs somewhat fondly at the sight because Joonmyun works so hard at what he loves to do. It’s such an admirable trait that she can’t bring herself to even so much as chide him for working too hard sometimes.
Joonmyun stirs in his sleep when Baekhyun gently shakes him awake. “What?” he groggily mutters.
“Let’s take you to bed,” she quietly tells him, putting one of his arms around her so she can hoist him up to some extent.
Joonmyun obediently follows and doesn’t protest when Baekhyun starts undressing him when they get to their bedroom. “What about dinner?” he asks, blinking sleepily at her. “You made all that food.”
“It’s okay,” she chuckles. Even at such a time, when he’s halfway through dreamland, he’s still concerned about her. “If you get hungry, we can always heat it up for you.”
He buries himself under the blankets and holds out a hand towards her. “Will you come to bed soon?”
“I’ll just put the food in the fridge and then I will,” she promises him.
“Okay,” he murmurs, already falling asleep with his cheek resting on the pillow. “Don’t take too long.”
Baekhyun can’t help but smile as she lightly closes the bedroom door behind her. As much as possible, Joonmyun wants them to sleep at the same time, even when he has a lot of work to do, which she appreciates because she gets the best sleep when he’s right beside her.
When she finally joins him in bed, Joonmyun immediately finds her and wraps his arms around her.
“What took you so long?” he half grumbles, nuzzling the side of her head.
“I had to let the food cool down before I could store it in the fridge,” she explains with a smile. She turns to face him. “Why are you awake? Were you waiting for me?”
“I can’t sleep without you,” Joonmyun murmurs through her hair.
“That’s the cheesiest line,” Baekhyun scoffs and pinches his cheek. He groans. “You sleep well enough during the weekdays when you…” She clears her throat and chuckles awkwardly. They never talk about their families.
“I don’t,” Joonmyun seriously says, very much awake now. He tilts Baekhyun’s head to make her meet his eyes. “I don’t sleep much during the weekdays. And I only ever sleep well when I’m with you.”
Baekhyun rolls her eyes. It doesn’t really matter to her. She knows what she got herself into. She knows that she only gets half of Joonmyun, that the other half of him will always be back in Seoul with his family.
“Okay,” she says, pushing him lightly to stop being cheesy. “Get some rest.”
“But I’m not sleepy anymore,” he whines, pouting.
“Oh my god, you’re in your thirties and you’re still doing aegyo?” Baekhyun sounds appalled. She pushes him off her. “Go to sleep. You have an early meeting tomorrow.” Joonmyun sighs and sits up. “What are you doing?”
“I think I’ll just go and do some more work,” he shares, getting off the bed. “The faster I finish it, the better.”
“But it’s so late, Joonmyun,” she pleads for him to get back to bed, sitting up.
“Nah.” Joonmyun shakes his head. “There are some structures that I think aren’t erect enough and I have to do something to fix that.”
“At 11 o’clock in the evening,” Baekhyun voices out incredulously. “What could you possibly think of doing to help with that at this hour?”
“This!”
Joonmyun jumps back on the bed, making Baekhyun yelps as he hovers over her. Slowly, he slides down the strap of her top until her left breast is revealed. He then dips his head without warning and sucks it into his mouth. Baekhyun chokes on her own breath as she leans her head back. After a while, he pulls away and stares at her boob, smirking at the pert nipple.
“Now that’s erect,” he says in a very satisfied tone.
“You are insufferable,” Baekhyun comments, suddenly hot and bothered.
“I’m a very good architect, don’t you think?” Joonmyun smirks at her.
“You want to know what’s not erect enough?” Baekhyun joins in on the game. Her hands find their way down Joonmyun’s boxers and on his half-hard length. “This,” she announces, giving it a slight squeeze, causing Joonmyun to moan. “Two can play this game,” she snickers, licking up his ear.
Joonmyun growls and tackles her, making her shriek. “Okay, let’s play.”
-
“This is not a good idea,” Baekhyun mutters, glancing around nervously as Joonmyun led her to his office.
It was one of those Fridays where Baekhyun was actually in Incheon for work. She’d come to Joonmyun’s penthouse, which is where she normally stays when she’s in town, after looking through some possible events places in the morning and decided to start taking inventory of the ingredients that Joonmyun had in his kitchen. She was just leaving to go do the groceries when Joonmyun called and asked her if she could bring some files that he’d left behind. So now she’s in Joonmyun’s office, scared out of her mind that people are going to see them together and talk. Because, for her, even if she wanted this, even if they wanted this, she didn’t want to ruin his reputation.
“This is a perfectly good idea,” Joonmyun counters with a happy smile as he ushers Baekhyun into his office and closes the door. “You bringing me stuff I left at home and us going out to lunch with some of my colleagues.”
Baekhyun’s eyes fly up to him. “We’re having lunch with your officemates?”
Joonmyun takes the files from Baekhyun’s hands and places them on his desk before standing in front of her and cupping her face with both hands. “Hey, I am not going to keep you a secret forever,” he promises. “We are not going to hide forever.”
“But you can’t just introduce me to your friends. I’m not your wife, Joonmyun,” Baekhyun reminds him. It sends a stabbing sensation straight to her heart but she ignores it. Because it’s true. She isn’t Joonmyun’s wife. “I’m your mi-.”
“You are not my mistress,” Joonmyun cuts her off sternly. He lets go of her and picks up the phone, punching in a couple of numbers. “And we are not having this discussion here. We are having lunch and that’s that.”
Baekhyun stands still as Joonmyun talks to someone on the phone. It’s no use arguing with Joonmyun when his mind is already made up. They never really fought much in the half year they’ve been together. But even if they have, the time that they have together is so limited and so controlled that Baekhyun can’t be bothered to argue with him. Besides, she trusts Joonmyun. Even if she knows getting her hopes up like this is just setting herself up for immense heartbreak, she does trust that he means what he says.
Joonmyun brings her into his arms when he’s done and kisses the crown of her head, and Baekhyun can’t help but be appeased. “It will be okay,” he assures her, pulling away to look at her. “We’re having lunch with Yixing. He’s one of my first friends in the industry and he can be trusted and-.”
Baekhyun kisses him. “You don’t have to explain anything to me,” she tells him with a small smile. “I’d love to meet your friends.”
There’s a knock on the door before it’s opening and someone slightly taller than Joonmyun with longer dark brown hair pokes his head in. It takes Baekhyun a couple of seconds before she recognizes him as one of the attendees in the architectural seminar a couple of months ago.
“Am I interrupting anything?” Yixing asks with an innocent smile on his face.
“Baekhyun, this is Yixing, my friend and colleague,” Joonmyun introduces them with a laugh. “Yixing, this is Baekhyun.”
“Hi,” Baekhyun untangles himself from Joonmyun to shake Yixing’s hand. “I’m Baekhyun, Joonmyun’s, uh…” She glances back at Joonmyun, who merely has his eyebrows raised up in amusement.
“You’re Baekhyun,” Yixing repeats, smiling warmly. “Trust me, you don’t need an introduction. Joonmyun has told me all about you.”
“Oh?” Baekhyun is surprised, because you don’t normally tell anyone that you have a mistress or that you’re cheating on your spouse.
“Well, I’m going to give these to my secretary, while you two talk about me,” Joonmyun says, walking out of the room with a couple of files, but not before he plants a kiss on Baekhyun’s cheek. Baekhyun flushes a deep red. “I’ll be right back.”
Baekhyun stands there uncomfortably because Joonmyun just advertised very clearly about what their relationship was like in front of Yixing. And while it makes her feel elated, she also can’t help but feel prickly about it. It’s one thing to be together, it’s another thing to be together around people that they know. Especially since they’re not supposed to be with each other.
“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun blurts out. “He’s overly friendly. We’re not-.”
Yixing chuckles. “Baekhyun, I know,” he tells her. “I’ve known since the two of you met.” Baekhyun swallows in surprise. “And you know the general consensus about these things,” he gently continues, “but, well, I have to say, I haven’t seen Joonmyun this happy before.”
Baekhyun opens her mouth, but closes it again. What can she say, that she’s the same, that she’s relieved he approves? None of those things seem appropriate. So she merely smiles, a blush creeping to her cheeks. There is relief in knowing that there is at least one person who doesn’t and, hopefully, won’t ever condemn them. She thinks back to her friends and wonders whom she can tell who would understand or who would, at least, not judge her so harshly.
“Do you…” Baekhyun bites her lip as a sudden thought comes to her. She’s always been curious but she’s never had the courage to ask Joonmyun. “Do you know his wife, too?”
Yixing shakes his head. “Not really,” he answers, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I’ve met her once at a gala, but after that I haven’t seen her around. Joonmyun doesn’t even really talk about her. If you ask me, I think she doesn’t want to be married to him either.”
“Then why did they allow themselves to get married?” Baekhyun asks, baffled.
“They didn’t really have a choice.” Yixing shrugs. “Life is hard when you have too much money. They have reputations to uphold and, of course, they have to have an heir.” Baekhyun’s heart constricts at the thought of Joonmyun’s little boy, a child growing up to a broken home. “I think he’s the only reason why Joonmyun’s still staying.”
Baekhyun doesn’t know what to think of that. Blood is thicker than water. When the time comes, Joonmyun would have to choose between his son and Baekhyun and she thinks she knows what the outcome will be.
“Everything okay in here?” Joonmyun announces as he returns.
“Yeah,” Yixing says with a nod, but glances at Baekhyun.
“Of course,” Baekhyun pipes in.
Joonmyun lifts an eyebrow but says nothing. “Let’s go to lunch then.”
-
Sometimes Baekhyun looks at Joonmyun and she can’t help but think that maybe she’s more than a little bit in love with him already. This feeling comes and goes mostly because she forces herself not to think about it. She doesn’t think it’s healthy for her to think of even just the possibility of being in love with Joonmyun. They are two halves of two different wholes. Their situation is impossible to understand or even comprehend, one she’s not sure will have a happy ending, although she does hope for the best.
But when Joonmyun calls her at the end of the day to tell her about his day or when he looks at her then kisses her like she means the world to him or when he even just calls her name, Baekhyun can’t help but give another piece of her heart to him. Baekhyun thinks she’s been starting to give her heart away to Joonmyun ever since he smiled at her at the balcony that day. Now she’s not sure how to take everything back because that’s all she has, that’s all of her. And if Joonmyun takes the pieces with him, how is she ever going to stand by herself?
Still, Baekhyun can’t help herself. She watches fondly as Joonmyun jumps up and down when the last seconds of the exciting soccer game, signaling the win of the Korean National team. He’s wearing his own Park Jisung jersey, complete with backwards cap and a team banner. When Baekhyun looks at him, her heart beats wildly in her chest and she thinks oh.
Joonmyun pulls her up from her comfortable position on the sofa and hugs her, twirling her around. “We won!!” he cheers.
“Only because one of the head goals of the other team missed,” Baekhyun shoots back. When Joonmyun told her he was a soccer fan, she did her best to know more about it so that she could discuss it with him sensibly.
Joonmyun stops moving for a second, blinking down at her in surprise, and then he’s laughing and kissing her. “I love you, you know that?” he declares before kissing her once more.
“Joonmyun,” Baekhyun laughs, pulling away. Her eyes are bright at his words.
“I really do,” Joonmyun repeats himself before Baekhyun could talk herself out of the conversation. “I do love you. I’m in love with you, Byun Baekhyun.”
“Joonmyun,” and it feels like the breath is knocked out of her, “You can’t just say things like that.”
Joonmyun frowns. “Why not?” he asks. “I mean it.” He leans his forehead against hers and she closes her eyes. “I think I’ve been a little bit in love with you since you walked up to me and gave me my name tag.”
“You’re such a cheeseball,” she tells him, trying to be funny. “Stop talking.” But she opens her eyes and she sees just how serious he is. “Joonmyun,” she starts, trying to tell him what she’s feeling, how confessions like this frighten her, how they get her hopes up, how they’re both just setting themselves up for a long fall.
“I know,” Joonmyun sighs through her lips. “I know it’s scary, but I can’t help it anymore. You are everything I’ve dreamed of, Baekhyun.” He brushes her hair away from her face and tucks it behind her ears. “You are perfect, for me. Mine.”
Baekhyun stands on tiptoe and practically lunges onto him, kissing him feverishly. She may be afraid to say the words, afraid say the name of what they have out loud, but that doesn’t mean she’s not going to show it to him. She does love Joonmyun. She is in love with him. And she wants to show him just how much.
Joonmyun’s hands are wandering underneath her top when she pulls away. He stares at her in confusion. “What?”
“You are not going to make love to me in your national team soccer gear,” Baekhyun tells him rather sternly, a glint in her eyes.
If she is honest, she wants to scream to the world just how happy she is. Because Joonmyun loves her. Because this handsome, perfect man takes care of her, kisses her and tells her how beautiful she is everyday. Because this man… willingly takes his clothes off for her.
“What are you doing!” Baekhyun shrieks when she looks at Joonmyun and sees that he’s only in his boxers, the pieces of his clothing scattered around the living room.
“You said we can’t have sex if I have my soccer clothes on so I took them off!” Joonmyun rationalizes. “I want you, Baek!” He gestures to the tent in his boxers.
Baekhyun shakes her head as she steps closer to him. “Just moments ago you were cheering ecstatically for the Korean national team and now you’re hard,” she snickers. She turns the red cap that’s still on his head so that the shade is in front and pulls him down with it.
“For you,” Joonmyun clarifies impatiently, gripping her waist. “I’m hard for you.”
Baekhyun steadies him with a look. “Good to know you’re not hard for Park Jisung,” she responds before she’s kissing him.
Later on, when Joonmyun’s asleep, she whispers her I love yous through the small kisses she leaves on his lips.
-
There is always the danger of someone catching them together. Joonmyun and Baekhyun go out too much in Incheon, holding hands and kissing each other without shame, that it’s impossible no one could catch them. But no one really does. Baekhyun isn’t sure if it’s because they’re in another city that no one expects to see them there or if they’re just really lucky. But it gives her some sort of relief that Incheon is their little bubble, their haven to be together.
Baekhyun stops pushing the cart in the middle of the chips aisle and just watches Joonmyun load it with all the junk food that he can hold in his hands. He puts in corn chips, potato chips, and adds with it packs of chocolates and candies.
“Are you planning on stuffing Hyunjin with… these when you meet up with him?” Baekhyun shakes her head. “You’re supposed to be the role model.”
“Hyunjin likes sweets and chips,” Joonmyun smiles fondly at the mention of his son. “Besides, he always complains that his mom feeds him vegetables all the time. I want him to live a little.” He throws another pack of shrimp chips in the cart. “And we’re meeting him.”
Baekhyun almost rams the cart to Joonmyun’s back. “What?” she weakly asks. “What do you mean we?”
“I mean we,” Joonmyun repeats, starting to get confused. “I want him to meet you.”
“Joonmyun, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Baekhyun starts, her heart pounding in her chest.
Slowly but noticeably, Joonmyun has been merging his other life with his life with her. He’s been introducing her to some friends, certain colleagues, that she really doesn’t know how to deal with sometimes. It’s not that she doesn’t want it. Of course she does because it means that Joonmyun is truly serious about her. But this, letting her meet his son. It feels too much, too dangerous.
“Why?” Joonmyun is frowning at her and behind it, Baekhyun sees that he’s hurt.
“Because letting your son meet your mistress is never a good idea,” she reminds him rather emphatically, glancing around them to check if anyone is within earshot.
“You are not my mistress,” Joonmyun states. “How many times do I have to tell you that?”
“Joonmyun,” Baekhyun sighs exasperatedly, but she merely lets out a breath and shakes her head. “Let’s talk about this later.”
Joonmyun luckily drops it and they continue with their grocery shopping. Baekhyun is by the checking counter, while Joonmyun runs back to get some steak sauce. Joonmyun bought so much junk food that Baekhyun rolls her eyes. When it comes to his son, Joonmyun really goes all out all the time. It’s a cute trait, but it’s also an expensive one.
She’s in the middle of unloading their groceries onto the checking counter when she looks up and suddenly sees Jongin. Jongin, Joonmyun’s best friend. Baekhyun’s heart seizes in her chest and she immediately looks around to look for Joonmyun so she can warn him off not to come close to her. If Jongin is here, there’s a big possibility that Chanyeol is, too. And Chanyeol is Kris’s best friend. Feeling like she’s going to have a heart attack, she watches as Jongin goes through the different cups of noodles, obviously deciding which one to buy.
“What are you doing?” Joonmyun asks, placing the bottle of steak sauce on the counter then sliding his arms around her waist and pressing her back to his chest. He brushes her hair aside and starts kissing her nape.
Baekhyun tries to push him away as discreetly as she could. “Stop,” she hisses. When she looks again, Jongin is gone.
“What’s wrong?” Joonmyun asks, immediately knowing that something’s wrong.
“I saw Jongin,” Baekhyun tells him, panicked. She requests the cashier to check the items out faster because they’re in a hurry. “He’s here somewhere. We have to go.”
“Go and wait in the car,” Joonmyun says, giving her the car keys.
As Baekhyun sits in the car, she squeezes her eyes shut and buries her face in her hands. How could they think that they could ever get away with this? How could they believe so blindly that they could carry on a relationship and no one would ever find out? Sooner or later, and it seems to be sooner now, someone they’re keeping it from, someone from his friends or hers, is going to know. And then things will get ugly.
She has truly considered confiding in Lu Han or Kyungsoo But just the thought of the looks on their faces when they find out, when they realize that Baekhyun is doing something that is so out of character for her, she couldn’t even bring herself to start speaking. She hasn’t even spoken to them that much ever since this whole thing started. All they talk about is work, because she doesn’t want to let slip anything that might incriminate her.
Baekhyun loves Joonmyun. She would do anything for him, would climb mountains and cross oceans for him if he asked her to. But, suddenly, their future seems unclear. How is she ever going to let him go?
PART 5