Catching Feelings [Kyungsoo/Chanyeol]
Catching Feelings
EXO | Kyungsoo/Chanyeol | PG-13 | 4,402w
Fluff
Kyungsoo doesn't like making a fuss over things.
Author's Note: This is for Kitten, whom I love dearly. Her prompt was when Kyungsoo babies Chanyeol. This isn't exactly that because I don't know what happened. I'm sorry. You deserve so much better than this, I hope you like it anyway? /skips off
Catching Feelings
“There is absolutely no reason,” Jongin wheezes, “that I should be lugging around heavy equipment anywhere.” He plops to the floor as soon as they enter the dorm and practically drops the amplifier that they carried from the van. “I have back pains, hyung, really painful back pains and you ask me, of all people to-“
“I know,” Kyungsoo interrupts. “I’m sorry.” He takes Jongin’s hand and carries him to the sofa. He then proceeds to the kitchen to make Jongin some juice. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
“How?” Jongin demands. “I seriously doubt there’s anything you can do to decrease the pain I’m going to feel when I’m in bed sleeping.” He pouts exaggeratedly as Kyungsoo hands him his juice and sits beside him. “Will you do my laundry for me? Will you take my turn to take out the trash and wash the dishes? Are you going to strangle Baekhyun hyung for me when he gets too noisy?”
“Baekhyun is not that bad,” Kyungsoo interjects, rolling his eyes.
“Yes, well, he’s not that bad now,” Jongin clarifies. “But it’s because Chanyeol hyung’s sick. Ooh maybe I should get you to strangle him at will instead, but of course you won’t do that. Or maybe you can smash their heads together and-“
“I have something better,” Kyungsoo interrupts, almost sharply. Jongin raises an eyebrow expectantly. “I can get Joonmyun hyung to massage your back tonight,” he promises, smiling a little when Jongin coughs mid-gulp and spews juice everywhere, “and any other night you might need it.”
“This is a trick isn’t it,” Jongin suspiciously declares, glancing around. “Is this a hidden camera show? You’re pulling my leg, aren’t you?”
“Would I ever lie to you?” Kyungsoo flutters his lashes innocently at him and he knows he’s won when Jongin deflates right before his eyes. “You know how close Joonmyun hyung and I are.”
“I sense that this isn’t just about the carrying of heavy equipment,” Jongin tepidly says. “What else do you want me to do, hyung? Spit it out.”
Kyungsoo plays with the hem of his shirt and swallows nervously. He doesn’t want his request to come across as…something else, even though he knows it’s going to look that way. But this is Jongin, his roommate and close friend, and Kyungsoo just hopes that he’ll understand and not take things the wrong way. Or, if he does, he doesn’t ask any questions.
“Chanyeol is sick,” Kyungsoo starts to speak. “I just want to make him as comfortable as he can be. That includes helping him get things that he wants, like his music equipment in the dorm, and making him his favorite food and just…” He chuckles uneasily. “I don’t want the others to know.”
“You don’t want the others to know that you’re going to treat Chanyeol hyung special, is that it?” Jongin looks at his roommate in amusement and wonders just how clueless he really is. “Why?”
“Because that’s unfair to everyone,” Kyungsoo explains, quite proud of how rational he sounds. “I don’t want Chanyeol to know either.”
“What-how is that going to work?” Jongin blinks at him. Kyungsoo shrugs and Jongin narrows his eyes at him. “You’re going to make me do all the work.” He makes a face at his hyung and groans. “Hyung,” he whines.
“You don’t have to do everything yourself,” Kyungsoo hurriedly explains, afraid that Jongin is going to say no. “You can make Baekhyun do it, since they’re roommates or kindly ask Sehun to help or even Joonmyun hyung. It’s easy.”
“And you’re just going to what-pretend to not do anything,” Jongin drily concludes. Kyungsoo nods eagerly. “This is dumb, hyung.”
“Jongin, please,” Kyungsoo mutters. “I just want things to seem normal. I mean, I’d do the same for any of you.”
“You mean, you’ll take care of us but pretend not to take care of us when we get sick, too?” Jongin raises both his eyebrows, wondering if he should laugh or hit Kyungsoo for being so…what’s a word worse than dumb? “Fine,” he sighs when Kyungsoo starts pulling out the big guns by giving him his ‘hurt but cuddly puppy’ look. “You owe me big time, like I expect Joonmyun hyung to be at my beck and call.”
Kyungsoo flings himself at Jongin. “Thank you,” he breathes.
Jongin gets up, lightly massaging his lower back, as he makes his way to their bedroom, muttering things like hyungs taking advantage of the maknaes. And Kyungsoo leans back on the couch happily, greatly relieved.
-
Kyungsoo doesn’t like making a fuss over things. He doesn’t like whining or getting overly excited, preferring to be calm and collected about everything. This is probably why the members, especially Jongin, turn to him for advice about certain problems or issues, because they know he isn’t going to react violently and will dispense advise calmly.
He was never one to get too close to people. Somehow, all his life, he’s always managed to get people just close enough, always at an arms’ length. He’s not sure exactly what it is that’s made him this way, but he thinks it’s something that works for him and for everyone who knows him. This is why the other members, especially Sehun, despite being the brattiest of the bunch, knows exactly just how far to push and when to back away. He’s never gotten angry, but he’s pretty sure that they’re all afraid to find out just how angry he can be.
This is why this…thing that he has for taking care of Chanyeol came such a surprise to him.
They’d met just three years ago. Chanyeol was one of the popular trainees and he was, well, Kyungsoo. For some reason, Kyungsoo had gotten included in the practices that housed the star trainees like Jongin, Joonmyun and Chanyeol. They were some of the oldest and more experienced trainees, the ones who were rumored to be debuting soon at that time. There was a day back then when Baekhyun was assigned to have just vocal training. He and Chanyeol had started talking then.
It wasn’t really weird how they came to be close. People think that they’re so different, but Chanyeol’s not the persona that he projects to the public. They are alike in many ways, quiet, pensive, quite serious, actually. Except Chanyeol does get overly excited about things and he grows to be noisy and boisterous. It’s that side of him that he shares with Baekhyun. But Kyungsoo is glad that there are a lot of things he shares with Chanyeol, their love for music and performing and, since he’s getting the hang of it, rapping and beatboxing. Chanyeol is one of those really beautiful silver linings that he’s gotten in joining SM and the idol life. He doesn’t think that he’d be able to go through all those days of strict training if Chanyeol wasn’t his friend, wasn’t there to encourage him. He’s just one of those things he treasures the most.
And yet, he’s never showed Chanyeol just how much he appreciates him, how much he likes taking care of him, how he makes sure he gets more servings of food because he’s so much bigger than all of them, how he checks if there are too many vegetables in his food because Chanyeol isn’t a fan of them, how he takes extra care in washing his sheets because he knows Chanyeol easily gets a sneezing attack when a place is too dusty. There are many other things and Kyungsoo just doesn’t want to make a big deal of it. He’s just not sure why it is especially imperative for Kyungsoo caring about Chanyeol not be a big deal.
Kyungsoo has devised a schedule. Chanyeol had chosen an inconvenient time to get sick with their comeback performances starting next week. They normally get up at around 5:15 in the morning, Joonmyun making his rounds in the dorm, knocking on doors and waking everyone up. He then makes his way to the shower. Kyungsoo comes out of his shared room with Jongin, goes straight to the kitchen to make some breakfast for everyone, while Sehun waits for his turn in the bathroom. Baekhyun always gets a glass of water after he wakes up, drinks it quickly before dunking the glass in the sink and making his way back to his shared room with Chanyeol to fix his clothes. When Kyungsoo is finished with breakfast, he follows after Baekhyun for the shower and dresses himself. Chanyeol and Jongin are normally the last ones to get ready since Jongin is a sleepy and lazy boy, while Chanyeol gets ready very fast.
Starting that morning, though, Kyungsoo wakes up at 5:00. Everyone in the dorm is still sleeping as he makes his way to the kitchen to start preparing. He knows Chanyeol can barely swallow anything so he decides to make him some chicken soup and tea, just like how he himself likes it when he gets sick. It takes him just over 40 minutes to prepare this and by such time that he finishes, Sehun is already in the shower. He goes back into his room and finds Jongin still asleep.
“Hey,” Kyungsoo quietly calls to him. “I’ve prepared breakfast. Please take Chanyeol’s to his room.”
Jongin’s eyes open when Kyungsoo doesn’t let up. “You couldn’t just leave it at his door?” he grumbles, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “It’s not a crime to want him to eat something.”
“I know, but,” Kyungsoo hesitates. “Just do it, okay? For Joonmyun hyung massaging your back?”
Jongin sighs and gets up. Kyungsoo watches from the crack of their room as Jongin picks up the tray and knocks to enter Baekhyun’s and Chanyeol’s room. Baekhyun lets him in and the door clicks shut. Kyungsoo retreats back to his room to get ready for practice.
-
So far, so good. Chanyeol is slowly getting better and will be able to join them for their comeback. Kyungsoo smiles to himself because he knows Chanyeol and he’s pretty sure that Chanyeol’s been practicing by himself at the dorms. That, and at least no one have caught on to the fact that he’s taking extra care of Chanyeol.
Jongdae slides down next to him, leaning his sweaty back on the wall. “What are you doing here by yourself?”
“I’m not by myself,” Kyungsoo corrects him. “I’ve just decided to sit here.”
“Baekhyun and Yixing ge are gossiping about you,” Jongdae starts conversationally.
“Oh?” Kyungsoo looks up from where he was staring at the floor. Yixing and Baekhyun are both looking at him. They look away simultaneously when they see that they’ve been caught.
“Because you’ve been hanging out by yourself these days,” Jongdae explains. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine,” Kyungsoo assures him. “It’s just comeback. I’m feeling a bit nervous about it.”
“You’re going to be fine,” Jongdae tells him with a soft smile. Kyungsoo smiles back. Jongdae is one of the worst jokesters in the group, but, once in a while, he lets this soft and sweet side of him out. It always surprises everyone. “We’re all going to be fine.”
They’re quiet for a bit and Kyungsoo’s thoughts drift towards Chanyeol. He wonders if he’s okay at the dorm by himself. He knows Chanyeol can fend for himself, he is a grown man, after all, but Kyungsoo just worries because he’s Chanyeol and there are so many things that can go wrong when he’s alone. There was one time when Chanyeol almost burned the apartment down because he tried to make pancakes. Kyungsoo bristles in uneasiness.
“Chanyeol is fine,” Jongdae speaks up, not looking at Kyungsoo and just staring at the lyrics sheet he was holding. “I called just a few minutes ago. He hasn’t burned anything, most especially not the dorm, down. He ate the soup you made and drank the medicine you prepared. He thanks you for laying out his clothes for him at the foot of his bed and making sure he has enough warm water for a bath.”
Kyungsoo opens his mouth, but closes it again when nothing comes out. It takes him a couple of seconds to form sentences in his brain, ignoring the fact that Jongdae is smiling at him. “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he denies. “Joonmyun hyung made the soup, Sehun prepared his medicine and Baekhyun laid out his clothes for him. Jongin made sure not to finish the hot water. I didn’t do any of those.”
“Doesn’t mean you didn’t have anything to do with it,” Jongdae gives him a knowing look.
Kyungsoo bites his lower lip and frowns. Where did he go wrong? He thinks back to all the fail safe steps he’s taken to make sure that nothing is traced back to him. He didn’t even touch Chanyeol’s medicines or his clothes.
“Honestly, Kyungsoo,” Jongdae rolls his eyes. “You have to give us more credit.” He nods to the rest of the members, who are savoring the last five minutes of break that they have before practice starts again. “Your thing for Chanyeol isn’t a secret.”
“Thing? What thing?” Kyungsoo squeaks. “There is no thing.”
“And maybe that’s your problem,” Jongdae pats his shoulder and gets up to stop Tao from practicing his spiel of divulging his ‘nicknames’ to the members and hurting himself, leaving Kyungsoo with his thoughts.
-
Kyungsoo stops Jongin on his way back in the dorm with Sehun. The maknaes have been gone the whole day, both having separate practices with the other dancers of the group. He doesn’t say a word as they arrive, just nodding towards Jongin to stay behind. Sehun glances at them curiously before making his way in and closing the door.
“What’s up, hyung?” Jongin asks.
“What part of I don’t want the others to know didn’t you understand?” Kyungsoo’s tone is careful and measured as if he’s trying not to let his anger show.
“What are you talking about?” Jongin says, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “I don’t-“
“I trusted you, Jongin,” Kyungsoo snaps. “When I talked to you about taking care of Chanyeol, I meant it when I said I wanted to keep it between us, that I didn’t want anyone, especially Chanyeol to know. But now even M knows and Chanyeol…” He takes a deep breath to calm himself down. “He knows. And there’s only one person I told. You.”
“Are you accusing me of telling on you?” Jongin’s eyes narrow and there’s hurt behind the irritation, but Kyungsoo ignores it.
“What do you think?” Kyungsoo demands. “What do you think this is about?”
“I would never-“ Jongin starts.
“But they know!” Kyungsoo’s voice pitches higher than he intends it to be and Jongin’s eyes widen. He takes a step back, breathing deeply once more.
The dorm opens and Joonmyun steps out. He has that leader-like concern on his face and Kyungsoo just ends up more irritated because the last thing he wants is to worry Joonmyun.
“Is everything okay?” Joonmyun calmly asks.
Kyungsoo doesn’t trust himself to speak. Jongin clears his throat and nods. “Everything’s fine,” Jongin says. “Kyungsoo hyung is just…stressed about comeback and such. We’re okay, hyung, I promise.”
Joonmyun purses his lips and studies Jongin and then Kyungsoo for a moment. He then nods. “Jongin, why don’t you go back inside,” he suggests. “I’ll just chat with Kyungsoo for a bit.”
Jongin swallows somewhat nervously before he obeys, leaving Kyungsoo with Joonmyun. Kyungsoo leans his back against the wall as Joonmyun steps in front of him. He knows that Joonmyun knows something’s up. Joonmyun always knows because he thinks it’s his job to know as the leader of the group, as their guardian. Kyungsoo doesn’t know anyone else who takes his job more seriously than Joonmyun does.
“Kyungsoo,” Joonmyun begins. He’s using that soothing voice that makes anyone just want to spill their hearts out to him.
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo bites out. “I didn’t mean to yell at Jongin. I’m sorry.”
Joonmyun stands beside him, leaning his back against the wall as well. He takes Kyungsoo’s hand and pulls him to sit with him on the floor. Joonmyun keeps on holding his hand, squeezing it lightly and Kyungsoo knows he has to fess up.
“I just didn’t want to make it into a big deal,” Kyungsoo blurts out. He doesn’t know why this is so important, not telling anyone, not saying things aloud. All he knows is he wants to care in secret, by himself.
“What did you not want to make a big deal?” Joonmyun tenderly inquires.
“Me taking care of Chanyeol while he’s sick,” Kyungsoo admits, immediately biting his lip afterwards. “I just don’t want it to be a big deal.”
Joonmyun smiles. “Kyungsoo, why are you so afraid to show that you care about him?”
“I’m not,” Kyungsoo denies. “It’s not that. I just… it’s no one else’s business.”
“Of course,” Joonmyun acquiesces. “But when things end up like this, Chanyeol being sad because you don’t visit him or you and Jongin fight with each other, it becomes everyone’s business. We care about you-“
“What?” Kyungsoo looks at him, eyes wide. “What did you say? Chanyeol is sad because of me?”
“Kyungsoo, have you ever thought of checking on him yourself?” Joonmyun chuckles because Kyungsoo looks adorably worried. Kyungsoo blinks. Because no, he hadn’t thought of that. He was so busy making sure that no one noticed him and his efforts. “He’s not mad,” he assures him, putting an arm around his shoulder. “He just misses you.”
Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. Did he miss something? There’s a certain feeling in his chest that is a mix of something like anxiety and elation. It’s like he thinks Chanyeol being sad over him is something that should never have happened and yet he missed him, which is a really good feeling.
He and Chanyeol have been friends for quite some time now and he’s never questioned it, never thought about their relationship. It’s just something that’s been there, a constant. Now that he’s forced to think about it, he thinks it’s a constant that he never wants to go away. Chanyeol is funny; he makes him laugh even when there’s nothing to laugh about. He is able to make Kyungsoo talk about his feelings and he listens like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. He comforts him and takes care of him and even protects him. There was a bully back in their trainee days, who picked on Kyungsoo because he was tiny and talented. Chanyeol stood up to him and he was never bothered again. Chanyeol is kind of like the Kimchi spaghetti that he likes to cook. It’s an acquired taste but one that he keeps coming back to because he knows he likes it that much. He likes Chanyeol that much. He likes Chanyeol.
Kyungsoo heaves a breath and whips his head to look at Joonmyun. “Hyung,” his voice comes out like a choked sob.
“I think,” Joonmyun carefully speaks, “because you were afraid, you tried so hard not to make a fuss that you ended up making an even bigger fuss.” He gently squeezes Kyungsoo’s arm. “There is nothing wrong with caring for another person the way you do with Chanyeol. There is nothing to be afraid of.”
Kyungsoo thinks there is a lot to be afraid of. Because feelings. They’re not something that’s easy to figure out, easy to express or easy to receive. If there even is any reciprocation of feelings that’s going to happen. What if Chanyeol doesn’t feel the same way?
“You’ll have to find that out for yourself,” Joonmyun chuckles and Kyungsoo realizes he’s spoken out loud. “But why do you think Chanyeol’s been asking for you so much?”
Kyungsoo wonders.
-
The door is already open. Just a crack. But it’s open. Kyungsoo is in some form of indecision and he hates himself because this is exactly what he hates. This is making too big a deal out of things. This is making a fuss. This is getting overly excited or whining about something. He doesn’t like how it feels, doesn’t like how it makes his heart throb so hard and loud in his chest, like it’s going to drum itself out and run towards the person in the room. He just hates this.
“He’s not infectious, you know.”
And that’s all Kyungsoo hears Baekhyun saying before he’s shoved in the room and locked in.
He rattles the doorknob, trying to escape, even though he meant to go inside in the first place. He’s not ready for this. Feelings! He doesn’t understand them, he doesn’t want to face them.
“Soo?”
Kyungsoo whips around and sees that Chanyeol is sitting up on his bed, in the middle of eating the ramyun that Kyungsoo had prepared, which he saw Sehun bring to Chanyeol. He looks less sickly, dark hair splayed all over his forehead, cheeks and lips pink from the heat of the soup.
“Hi,” Kyungsoo croaks unattractively.
There is a beat or two of silence and Kyungsoo doesn’t really know what to do or say which is weird because this is Chanyeol. He’s never been worried about how he should or shouldn’t act around him.
“Where have you been?” Chanyeol then demands. His brows are furrowed and he’s set aside his food. Kyungsoo’s heart throbs harder because Chanyeol sounds disappointed and miffed.
“I…was here?” Kyungsoo answers lamely. “Busy. With comeback. Practice. You know.” He shuffles his feet. “Sorry,” he adds, bowing his head.
Chanyeol raises his eyebrows in amusement. “You are so dumb. Come here,” he says, patting the space beside him on the bed.
Kyungsoo follows without thinking about it. He sits down and yelps when Chanyeol practically manhandles him to lie down beside him. Chanyeol shifts on the bed so that he’s facing Kyungsoo, his muscled arms wrapped around his waist. Unable to help it, Kyungsoo closes his eyes and sighs with contentment. Being with Chanyeol like this feels a lot like home.
“I’ve been bedridden for a week and you never once came to see how I was doing. I mean, you made all that food for me and prepared my things and my medicine but you never came to see me,” Chanyeol’s voice is muffled because his lips are pressed to the crown of Kyungsoo’s head. “Were you afraid you were going to catch what I had?”
“No,” Kyungsoo whispers, burying his face further in his chest. “I think…” He breathes and decides to let go. “I think I was afraid that you were going to catch what I had.”
“What?” Chanyeol pulls away, searching Kyungsoo’s face confusedly.
“I have all these…feelings,” Kyungsoo continues softly, nervously. “I’ve never…I know we’re friends, we’ve been friends for a while and I’m not sure-“ He cuts himself off and laughs to himself in an effort to shoo away the fretfulness. He lifts his eyes and meets Chanyeol. There’s a soft look in his eyes that he sometimes thinks he’s seen him give Baekhyun, even Joonmyun, a look that Kyungsoo realizes he’s been waiting for Chanyeol to give to him. “I don’t know how to explain this,” he admits.
“I think I do,” Chanyeol whispers and kisses him.
Oh. Oh. Kyungsoo thinks this explains things very well on his side, and Chanyeol’s, too. He reaches up and cups Chanyeol’s face, pressing himself closer. He likes the way Chanyeol’s chapped lips feel against his, likes the way he tastes like the ramyun that he had cooked, so distinct, so Chanyeol.
“I have all these feelings, too,” Chanyeol tells him when they finally pull away. “I’ve had them for a while and I just didn’t know how to…” He’s the one who’s nervous this time. “I really like you, Soo-“
Kyungsoo leans up and kisses him again, swallowing his confession and tucking it deep in his heart.
I really like you, too.
-
“This is ridiculous. You’re ridiculous,” Jongin complains in disbelief. “I am not going to fetch Chanyeol hyung’s guitar from the practice room. No. There is a line to this. You are sick and is, therefore, unable to order me around.”
“Jongin, please,” Kyungsoo coughs pitifully. “I promised Chanyeol yesterday that I’d bring it home for him and I forgot because I was sent home early.” He closes his eyes because he’s seeing three Jongins and it’s making him dizzy. “Also, there’s leftover food in the fridge,” he continues in a raspy voice. “I’ve marked the one that’s for Chanyeol. He doesn’t like a lot of Kimchi in his food.”
“Ridiculous!” Jongin repeats, shaking his head.
The door opens and Chanyeol walks in. He smiles when he sees Jongin, which turns into a frown when he sees Kyungsoo pale and sickly on his bed.
“Hyung, will you please talk to your boyfriend,” Jongin rolls his eyes when Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, even though he’s sick, flush simultaneously at the term, “and tell him that I am not his servant. I will not get your guitar from the practice room.” He juts his chin out defiantly.
Chanyeol laughs and pats Jongin’s back. “Don’t worry about it,” he assures him. “I’ll get it tomorrow.”
Jongin, relieved, takes one look at Kyungsoo before slipping out of the room. Kyungsoo slowly breathes in and out, trying to ease the throbbing pain in his head. He feels the bed dip and then there’s a welcome warmth enveloping him.
“Don’t,” Kyungsoo weakly pleads, trying to turn away when Chanyeol makes himself comfortable beside him and presses his lips on his cheek. “You’re going to get sick again. You might catch what I have.”
“I’ve already had it,” Chanyeol tells Kyungsoo quietly, his deep voice in his ear sending his stomach flipping and flopping everywhere. “Now stop complaining and get some rest. I’m going to be here, like you’ve always been for me. Let me take care of you.”
Kyungsoo hums as Chanyeol gently moves him so he can wrap both his arms around Kyungsoo’s tiny frame. Chanyeol is so soft and warm so he snuggles even closer, pressing his face to his neck. He likes this. He’s so glad that things worked out the way they did. If this is what came out of making a fuss out of things, maybe he should do it more often.
EXO | Kyungsoo/Chanyeol | PG-13 | 4,402w
Fluff
Kyungsoo doesn't like making a fuss over things.
Author's Note: This is for Kitten, whom I love dearly. Her prompt was when Kyungsoo babies Chanyeol. This isn't exactly that because I don't know what happened. I'm sorry. You deserve so much better than this, I hope you like it anyway? /skips off
Catching Feelings
“There is absolutely no reason,” Jongin wheezes, “that I should be lugging around heavy equipment anywhere.” He plops to the floor as soon as they enter the dorm and practically drops the amplifier that they carried from the van. “I have back pains, hyung, really painful back pains and you ask me, of all people to-“
“I know,” Kyungsoo interrupts. “I’m sorry.” He takes Jongin’s hand and carries him to the sofa. He then proceeds to the kitchen to make Jongin some juice. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
“How?” Jongin demands. “I seriously doubt there’s anything you can do to decrease the pain I’m going to feel when I’m in bed sleeping.” He pouts exaggeratedly as Kyungsoo hands him his juice and sits beside him. “Will you do my laundry for me? Will you take my turn to take out the trash and wash the dishes? Are you going to strangle Baekhyun hyung for me when he gets too noisy?”
“Baekhyun is not that bad,” Kyungsoo interjects, rolling his eyes.
“Yes, well, he’s not that bad now,” Jongin clarifies. “But it’s because Chanyeol hyung’s sick. Ooh maybe I should get you to strangle him at will instead, but of course you won’t do that. Or maybe you can smash their heads together and-“
“I have something better,” Kyungsoo interrupts, almost sharply. Jongin raises an eyebrow expectantly. “I can get Joonmyun hyung to massage your back tonight,” he promises, smiling a little when Jongin coughs mid-gulp and spews juice everywhere, “and any other night you might need it.”
“This is a trick isn’t it,” Jongin suspiciously declares, glancing around. “Is this a hidden camera show? You’re pulling my leg, aren’t you?”
“Would I ever lie to you?” Kyungsoo flutters his lashes innocently at him and he knows he’s won when Jongin deflates right before his eyes. “You know how close Joonmyun hyung and I are.”
“I sense that this isn’t just about the carrying of heavy equipment,” Jongin tepidly says. “What else do you want me to do, hyung? Spit it out.”
Kyungsoo plays with the hem of his shirt and swallows nervously. He doesn’t want his request to come across as…something else, even though he knows it’s going to look that way. But this is Jongin, his roommate and close friend, and Kyungsoo just hopes that he’ll understand and not take things the wrong way. Or, if he does, he doesn’t ask any questions.
“Chanyeol is sick,” Kyungsoo starts to speak. “I just want to make him as comfortable as he can be. That includes helping him get things that he wants, like his music equipment in the dorm, and making him his favorite food and just…” He chuckles uneasily. “I don’t want the others to know.”
“You don’t want the others to know that you’re going to treat Chanyeol hyung special, is that it?” Jongin looks at his roommate in amusement and wonders just how clueless he really is. “Why?”
“Because that’s unfair to everyone,” Kyungsoo explains, quite proud of how rational he sounds. “I don’t want Chanyeol to know either.”
“What-how is that going to work?” Jongin blinks at him. Kyungsoo shrugs and Jongin narrows his eyes at him. “You’re going to make me do all the work.” He makes a face at his hyung and groans. “Hyung,” he whines.
“You don’t have to do everything yourself,” Kyungsoo hurriedly explains, afraid that Jongin is going to say no. “You can make Baekhyun do it, since they’re roommates or kindly ask Sehun to help or even Joonmyun hyung. It’s easy.”
“And you’re just going to what-pretend to not do anything,” Jongin drily concludes. Kyungsoo nods eagerly. “This is dumb, hyung.”
“Jongin, please,” Kyungsoo mutters. “I just want things to seem normal. I mean, I’d do the same for any of you.”
“You mean, you’ll take care of us but pretend not to take care of us when we get sick, too?” Jongin raises both his eyebrows, wondering if he should laugh or hit Kyungsoo for being so…what’s a word worse than dumb? “Fine,” he sighs when Kyungsoo starts pulling out the big guns by giving him his ‘hurt but cuddly puppy’ look. “You owe me big time, like I expect Joonmyun hyung to be at my beck and call.”
Kyungsoo flings himself at Jongin. “Thank you,” he breathes.
Jongin gets up, lightly massaging his lower back, as he makes his way to their bedroom, muttering things like hyungs taking advantage of the maknaes. And Kyungsoo leans back on the couch happily, greatly relieved.
-
Kyungsoo doesn’t like making a fuss over things. He doesn’t like whining or getting overly excited, preferring to be calm and collected about everything. This is probably why the members, especially Jongin, turn to him for advice about certain problems or issues, because they know he isn’t going to react violently and will dispense advise calmly.
He was never one to get too close to people. Somehow, all his life, he’s always managed to get people just close enough, always at an arms’ length. He’s not sure exactly what it is that’s made him this way, but he thinks it’s something that works for him and for everyone who knows him. This is why the other members, especially Sehun, despite being the brattiest of the bunch, knows exactly just how far to push and when to back away. He’s never gotten angry, but he’s pretty sure that they’re all afraid to find out just how angry he can be.
This is why this…thing that he has for taking care of Chanyeol came such a surprise to him.
They’d met just three years ago. Chanyeol was one of the popular trainees and he was, well, Kyungsoo. For some reason, Kyungsoo had gotten included in the practices that housed the star trainees like Jongin, Joonmyun and Chanyeol. They were some of the oldest and more experienced trainees, the ones who were rumored to be debuting soon at that time. There was a day back then when Baekhyun was assigned to have just vocal training. He and Chanyeol had started talking then.
It wasn’t really weird how they came to be close. People think that they’re so different, but Chanyeol’s not the persona that he projects to the public. They are alike in many ways, quiet, pensive, quite serious, actually. Except Chanyeol does get overly excited about things and he grows to be noisy and boisterous. It’s that side of him that he shares with Baekhyun. But Kyungsoo is glad that there are a lot of things he shares with Chanyeol, their love for music and performing and, since he’s getting the hang of it, rapping and beatboxing. Chanyeol is one of those really beautiful silver linings that he’s gotten in joining SM and the idol life. He doesn’t think that he’d be able to go through all those days of strict training if Chanyeol wasn’t his friend, wasn’t there to encourage him. He’s just one of those things he treasures the most.
And yet, he’s never showed Chanyeol just how much he appreciates him, how much he likes taking care of him, how he makes sure he gets more servings of food because he’s so much bigger than all of them, how he checks if there are too many vegetables in his food because Chanyeol isn’t a fan of them, how he takes extra care in washing his sheets because he knows Chanyeol easily gets a sneezing attack when a place is too dusty. There are many other things and Kyungsoo just doesn’t want to make a big deal of it. He’s just not sure why it is especially imperative for Kyungsoo caring about Chanyeol not be a big deal.
Kyungsoo has devised a schedule. Chanyeol had chosen an inconvenient time to get sick with their comeback performances starting next week. They normally get up at around 5:15 in the morning, Joonmyun making his rounds in the dorm, knocking on doors and waking everyone up. He then makes his way to the shower. Kyungsoo comes out of his shared room with Jongin, goes straight to the kitchen to make some breakfast for everyone, while Sehun waits for his turn in the bathroom. Baekhyun always gets a glass of water after he wakes up, drinks it quickly before dunking the glass in the sink and making his way back to his shared room with Chanyeol to fix his clothes. When Kyungsoo is finished with breakfast, he follows after Baekhyun for the shower and dresses himself. Chanyeol and Jongin are normally the last ones to get ready since Jongin is a sleepy and lazy boy, while Chanyeol gets ready very fast.
Starting that morning, though, Kyungsoo wakes up at 5:00. Everyone in the dorm is still sleeping as he makes his way to the kitchen to start preparing. He knows Chanyeol can barely swallow anything so he decides to make him some chicken soup and tea, just like how he himself likes it when he gets sick. It takes him just over 40 minutes to prepare this and by such time that he finishes, Sehun is already in the shower. He goes back into his room and finds Jongin still asleep.
“Hey,” Kyungsoo quietly calls to him. “I’ve prepared breakfast. Please take Chanyeol’s to his room.”
Jongin’s eyes open when Kyungsoo doesn’t let up. “You couldn’t just leave it at his door?” he grumbles, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “It’s not a crime to want him to eat something.”
“I know, but,” Kyungsoo hesitates. “Just do it, okay? For Joonmyun hyung massaging your back?”
Jongin sighs and gets up. Kyungsoo watches from the crack of their room as Jongin picks up the tray and knocks to enter Baekhyun’s and Chanyeol’s room. Baekhyun lets him in and the door clicks shut. Kyungsoo retreats back to his room to get ready for practice.
-
So far, so good. Chanyeol is slowly getting better and will be able to join them for their comeback. Kyungsoo smiles to himself because he knows Chanyeol and he’s pretty sure that Chanyeol’s been practicing by himself at the dorms. That, and at least no one have caught on to the fact that he’s taking extra care of Chanyeol.
Jongdae slides down next to him, leaning his sweaty back on the wall. “What are you doing here by yourself?”
“I’m not by myself,” Kyungsoo corrects him. “I’ve just decided to sit here.”
“Baekhyun and Yixing ge are gossiping about you,” Jongdae starts conversationally.
“Oh?” Kyungsoo looks up from where he was staring at the floor. Yixing and Baekhyun are both looking at him. They look away simultaneously when they see that they’ve been caught.
“Because you’ve been hanging out by yourself these days,” Jongdae explains. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m fine,” Kyungsoo assures him. “It’s just comeback. I’m feeling a bit nervous about it.”
“You’re going to be fine,” Jongdae tells him with a soft smile. Kyungsoo smiles back. Jongdae is one of the worst jokesters in the group, but, once in a while, he lets this soft and sweet side of him out. It always surprises everyone. “We’re all going to be fine.”
They’re quiet for a bit and Kyungsoo’s thoughts drift towards Chanyeol. He wonders if he’s okay at the dorm by himself. He knows Chanyeol can fend for himself, he is a grown man, after all, but Kyungsoo just worries because he’s Chanyeol and there are so many things that can go wrong when he’s alone. There was one time when Chanyeol almost burned the apartment down because he tried to make pancakes. Kyungsoo bristles in uneasiness.
“Chanyeol is fine,” Jongdae speaks up, not looking at Kyungsoo and just staring at the lyrics sheet he was holding. “I called just a few minutes ago. He hasn’t burned anything, most especially not the dorm, down. He ate the soup you made and drank the medicine you prepared. He thanks you for laying out his clothes for him at the foot of his bed and making sure he has enough warm water for a bath.”
Kyungsoo opens his mouth, but closes it again when nothing comes out. It takes him a couple of seconds to form sentences in his brain, ignoring the fact that Jongdae is smiling at him. “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he denies. “Joonmyun hyung made the soup, Sehun prepared his medicine and Baekhyun laid out his clothes for him. Jongin made sure not to finish the hot water. I didn’t do any of those.”
“Doesn’t mean you didn’t have anything to do with it,” Jongdae gives him a knowing look.
Kyungsoo bites his lower lip and frowns. Where did he go wrong? He thinks back to all the fail safe steps he’s taken to make sure that nothing is traced back to him. He didn’t even touch Chanyeol’s medicines or his clothes.
“Honestly, Kyungsoo,” Jongdae rolls his eyes. “You have to give us more credit.” He nods to the rest of the members, who are savoring the last five minutes of break that they have before practice starts again. “Your thing for Chanyeol isn’t a secret.”
“Thing? What thing?” Kyungsoo squeaks. “There is no thing.”
“And maybe that’s your problem,” Jongdae pats his shoulder and gets up to stop Tao from practicing his spiel of divulging his ‘nicknames’ to the members and hurting himself, leaving Kyungsoo with his thoughts.
-
Kyungsoo stops Jongin on his way back in the dorm with Sehun. The maknaes have been gone the whole day, both having separate practices with the other dancers of the group. He doesn’t say a word as they arrive, just nodding towards Jongin to stay behind. Sehun glances at them curiously before making his way in and closing the door.
“What’s up, hyung?” Jongin asks.
“What part of I don’t want the others to know didn’t you understand?” Kyungsoo’s tone is careful and measured as if he’s trying not to let his anger show.
“What are you talking about?” Jongin says, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “I don’t-“
“I trusted you, Jongin,” Kyungsoo snaps. “When I talked to you about taking care of Chanyeol, I meant it when I said I wanted to keep it between us, that I didn’t want anyone, especially Chanyeol to know. But now even M knows and Chanyeol…” He takes a deep breath to calm himself down. “He knows. And there’s only one person I told. You.”
“Are you accusing me of telling on you?” Jongin’s eyes narrow and there’s hurt behind the irritation, but Kyungsoo ignores it.
“What do you think?” Kyungsoo demands. “What do you think this is about?”
“I would never-“ Jongin starts.
“But they know!” Kyungsoo’s voice pitches higher than he intends it to be and Jongin’s eyes widen. He takes a step back, breathing deeply once more.
The dorm opens and Joonmyun steps out. He has that leader-like concern on his face and Kyungsoo just ends up more irritated because the last thing he wants is to worry Joonmyun.
“Is everything okay?” Joonmyun calmly asks.
Kyungsoo doesn’t trust himself to speak. Jongin clears his throat and nods. “Everything’s fine,” Jongin says. “Kyungsoo hyung is just…stressed about comeback and such. We’re okay, hyung, I promise.”
Joonmyun purses his lips and studies Jongin and then Kyungsoo for a moment. He then nods. “Jongin, why don’t you go back inside,” he suggests. “I’ll just chat with Kyungsoo for a bit.”
Jongin swallows somewhat nervously before he obeys, leaving Kyungsoo with Joonmyun. Kyungsoo leans his back against the wall as Joonmyun steps in front of him. He knows that Joonmyun knows something’s up. Joonmyun always knows because he thinks it’s his job to know as the leader of the group, as their guardian. Kyungsoo doesn’t know anyone else who takes his job more seriously than Joonmyun does.
“Kyungsoo,” Joonmyun begins. He’s using that soothing voice that makes anyone just want to spill their hearts out to him.
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo bites out. “I didn’t mean to yell at Jongin. I’m sorry.”
Joonmyun stands beside him, leaning his back against the wall as well. He takes Kyungsoo’s hand and pulls him to sit with him on the floor. Joonmyun keeps on holding his hand, squeezing it lightly and Kyungsoo knows he has to fess up.
“I just didn’t want to make it into a big deal,” Kyungsoo blurts out. He doesn’t know why this is so important, not telling anyone, not saying things aloud. All he knows is he wants to care in secret, by himself.
“What did you not want to make a big deal?” Joonmyun tenderly inquires.
“Me taking care of Chanyeol while he’s sick,” Kyungsoo admits, immediately biting his lip afterwards. “I just don’t want it to be a big deal.”
Joonmyun smiles. “Kyungsoo, why are you so afraid to show that you care about him?”
“I’m not,” Kyungsoo denies. “It’s not that. I just… it’s no one else’s business.”
“Of course,” Joonmyun acquiesces. “But when things end up like this, Chanyeol being sad because you don’t visit him or you and Jongin fight with each other, it becomes everyone’s business. We care about you-“
“What?” Kyungsoo looks at him, eyes wide. “What did you say? Chanyeol is sad because of me?”
“Kyungsoo, have you ever thought of checking on him yourself?” Joonmyun chuckles because Kyungsoo looks adorably worried. Kyungsoo blinks. Because no, he hadn’t thought of that. He was so busy making sure that no one noticed him and his efforts. “He’s not mad,” he assures him, putting an arm around his shoulder. “He just misses you.”
Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. Did he miss something? There’s a certain feeling in his chest that is a mix of something like anxiety and elation. It’s like he thinks Chanyeol being sad over him is something that should never have happened and yet he missed him, which is a really good feeling.
He and Chanyeol have been friends for quite some time now and he’s never questioned it, never thought about their relationship. It’s just something that’s been there, a constant. Now that he’s forced to think about it, he thinks it’s a constant that he never wants to go away. Chanyeol is funny; he makes him laugh even when there’s nothing to laugh about. He is able to make Kyungsoo talk about his feelings and he listens like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. He comforts him and takes care of him and even protects him. There was a bully back in their trainee days, who picked on Kyungsoo because he was tiny and talented. Chanyeol stood up to him and he was never bothered again. Chanyeol is kind of like the Kimchi spaghetti that he likes to cook. It’s an acquired taste but one that he keeps coming back to because he knows he likes it that much. He likes Chanyeol that much. He likes Chanyeol.
Kyungsoo heaves a breath and whips his head to look at Joonmyun. “Hyung,” his voice comes out like a choked sob.
“I think,” Joonmyun carefully speaks, “because you were afraid, you tried so hard not to make a fuss that you ended up making an even bigger fuss.” He gently squeezes Kyungsoo’s arm. “There is nothing wrong with caring for another person the way you do with Chanyeol. There is nothing to be afraid of.”
Kyungsoo thinks there is a lot to be afraid of. Because feelings. They’re not something that’s easy to figure out, easy to express or easy to receive. If there even is any reciprocation of feelings that’s going to happen. What if Chanyeol doesn’t feel the same way?
“You’ll have to find that out for yourself,” Joonmyun chuckles and Kyungsoo realizes he’s spoken out loud. “But why do you think Chanyeol’s been asking for you so much?”
Kyungsoo wonders.
-
The door is already open. Just a crack. But it’s open. Kyungsoo is in some form of indecision and he hates himself because this is exactly what he hates. This is making too big a deal out of things. This is making a fuss. This is getting overly excited or whining about something. He doesn’t like how it feels, doesn’t like how it makes his heart throb so hard and loud in his chest, like it’s going to drum itself out and run towards the person in the room. He just hates this.
“He’s not infectious, you know.”
And that’s all Kyungsoo hears Baekhyun saying before he’s shoved in the room and locked in.
He rattles the doorknob, trying to escape, even though he meant to go inside in the first place. He’s not ready for this. Feelings! He doesn’t understand them, he doesn’t want to face them.
“Soo?”
Kyungsoo whips around and sees that Chanyeol is sitting up on his bed, in the middle of eating the ramyun that Kyungsoo had prepared, which he saw Sehun bring to Chanyeol. He looks less sickly, dark hair splayed all over his forehead, cheeks and lips pink from the heat of the soup.
“Hi,” Kyungsoo croaks unattractively.
There is a beat or two of silence and Kyungsoo doesn’t really know what to do or say which is weird because this is Chanyeol. He’s never been worried about how he should or shouldn’t act around him.
“Where have you been?” Chanyeol then demands. His brows are furrowed and he’s set aside his food. Kyungsoo’s heart throbs harder because Chanyeol sounds disappointed and miffed.
“I…was here?” Kyungsoo answers lamely. “Busy. With comeback. Practice. You know.” He shuffles his feet. “Sorry,” he adds, bowing his head.
Chanyeol raises his eyebrows in amusement. “You are so dumb. Come here,” he says, patting the space beside him on the bed.
Kyungsoo follows without thinking about it. He sits down and yelps when Chanyeol practically manhandles him to lie down beside him. Chanyeol shifts on the bed so that he’s facing Kyungsoo, his muscled arms wrapped around his waist. Unable to help it, Kyungsoo closes his eyes and sighs with contentment. Being with Chanyeol like this feels a lot like home.
“I’ve been bedridden for a week and you never once came to see how I was doing. I mean, you made all that food for me and prepared my things and my medicine but you never came to see me,” Chanyeol’s voice is muffled because his lips are pressed to the crown of Kyungsoo’s head. “Were you afraid you were going to catch what I had?”
“No,” Kyungsoo whispers, burying his face further in his chest. “I think…” He breathes and decides to let go. “I think I was afraid that you were going to catch what I had.”
“What?” Chanyeol pulls away, searching Kyungsoo’s face confusedly.
“I have all these…feelings,” Kyungsoo continues softly, nervously. “I’ve never…I know we’re friends, we’ve been friends for a while and I’m not sure-“ He cuts himself off and laughs to himself in an effort to shoo away the fretfulness. He lifts his eyes and meets Chanyeol. There’s a soft look in his eyes that he sometimes thinks he’s seen him give Baekhyun, even Joonmyun, a look that Kyungsoo realizes he’s been waiting for Chanyeol to give to him. “I don’t know how to explain this,” he admits.
“I think I do,” Chanyeol whispers and kisses him.
Oh. Oh. Kyungsoo thinks this explains things very well on his side, and Chanyeol’s, too. He reaches up and cups Chanyeol’s face, pressing himself closer. He likes the way Chanyeol’s chapped lips feel against his, likes the way he tastes like the ramyun that he had cooked, so distinct, so Chanyeol.
“I have all these feelings, too,” Chanyeol tells him when they finally pull away. “I’ve had them for a while and I just didn’t know how to…” He’s the one who’s nervous this time. “I really like you, Soo-“
Kyungsoo leans up and kisses him again, swallowing his confession and tucking it deep in his heart.
I really like you, too.
-
“This is ridiculous. You’re ridiculous,” Jongin complains in disbelief. “I am not going to fetch Chanyeol hyung’s guitar from the practice room. No. There is a line to this. You are sick and is, therefore, unable to order me around.”
“Jongin, please,” Kyungsoo coughs pitifully. “I promised Chanyeol yesterday that I’d bring it home for him and I forgot because I was sent home early.” He closes his eyes because he’s seeing three Jongins and it’s making him dizzy. “Also, there’s leftover food in the fridge,” he continues in a raspy voice. “I’ve marked the one that’s for Chanyeol. He doesn’t like a lot of Kimchi in his food.”
“Ridiculous!” Jongin repeats, shaking his head.
The door opens and Chanyeol walks in. He smiles when he sees Jongin, which turns into a frown when he sees Kyungsoo pale and sickly on his bed.
“Hyung, will you please talk to your boyfriend,” Jongin rolls his eyes when Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, even though he’s sick, flush simultaneously at the term, “and tell him that I am not his servant. I will not get your guitar from the practice room.” He juts his chin out defiantly.
Chanyeol laughs and pats Jongin’s back. “Don’t worry about it,” he assures him. “I’ll get it tomorrow.”
Jongin, relieved, takes one look at Kyungsoo before slipping out of the room. Kyungsoo slowly breathes in and out, trying to ease the throbbing pain in his head. He feels the bed dip and then there’s a welcome warmth enveloping him.
“Don’t,” Kyungsoo weakly pleads, trying to turn away when Chanyeol makes himself comfortable beside him and presses his lips on his cheek. “You’re going to get sick again. You might catch what I have.”
“I’ve already had it,” Chanyeol tells Kyungsoo quietly, his deep voice in his ear sending his stomach flipping and flopping everywhere. “Now stop complaining and get some rest. I’m going to be here, like you’ve always been for me. Let me take care of you.”
Kyungsoo hums as Chanyeol gently moves him so he can wrap both his arms around Kyungsoo’s tiny frame. Chanyeol is so soft and warm so he snuggles even closer, pressing his face to his neck. He likes this. He’s so glad that things worked out the way they did. If this is what came out of making a fuss out of things, maybe he should do it more often.