I had this whole plan where I was going to be suntanned and glamourous, as opposed to chronically pale and puffy-eyed. I put a bikini on, even. I slapped on suntan cream. I was prepared, goddamnit! But, uh, then I was too hot and so retreated to my room, where my fan gently whirrs.
I am clearly destined for perpetual paleness.
(I am ok. I am all
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