[YamaChii] The Pollaroid-Effect (part 3)
The Polaroid-Effect
© ainomesseji
Pairing: YamaChii; YamaJima Genre: Drama, Slice of Life, Romance, Angst
Summary: In his eyes, everything rolls like that of an instant camera. In every click, there are developed films that are called memories. The smiles, the sadness, the tears, and the lingering affection that comes with the pain, especially of being detained due to choice, but not due to what the heart says. That is all, all a part of those memories engraved into one’s being until death. But since happiness is always his priority, he gave in to chance. He gave up on everything so that he can be a part of a memory and of a destiny of a forever that cannot even be his. But he did that all. That one great sacrifice, just for the sake of a single smile. A single smile that can touch his soul, brighten up his world and be lay down upon him with love-just like before, just like when it used to be his.
…
“With this one last shot, please show me your most beautiful smile.”
Click…
…goodbye
…
( Part 1 ) ( Part 2 ) ( Part 3 )
Tick tock, tick…
Still and waiting…
Once again, they are all back in a moment of time. In a standstill, just like how they were on base one, when all of these began. Though as the evening roll in hindsight. The three of them, in a sudden rupture of silence and bliss, couldn’t help but close their eyes. Momentarily, leaving all the worries and all the pain away-even just for a miniscule moment, even just for a little while; so that they can appreciate what they can’t see due to the wrecking pain residing inside the heart.
“The stars are out in the open tonight.”
One of them spoke out loud, but no one took heed to reply. All that were given back were smiles that carry no hurt and no lies. Just like magic, right? Just like magic how the beauty of the night carried the pain as though it can heal, and compromise, even just momentarily, the broken pieces of a once big and filled with nothing but love heart. Especially now, during moments like this, when one is broken, when one is hurt, and when one is already at his brink and already has had enough.
“Let’s all go home now.”
…
Click…
…
Finally, the day has already come to an end-end of the scorching pain and end of relapses from sudden realizations and heartaches. Finally, (a sigh of relief) it’s time to part ways, to say fare-thee-wells and an adieu with a hint of see you later, see you soon. Sometimes, see you never-see you not…
Maybe, yes and maybe not…
Who knows…
“So…” a poignant silence, before words followed suite, “…see you two later, okay?” Yuto awkwardly smiled as the three of them stopped at a crossroad, where a stoplight and two pedestrian lanes await. “Yeah…” It was Ryosuke’s silent reply, before he brushed his fingertips against Yuto’s shoulder.
Bye, love…
“See you…”
Yuri didn’t see anything. He didn’t see that longing touch. He didn’t see those longing eyes. He didn’t see anything, even though he did, and just chose to ignore it and fill his little system again with his usual lies. It’s sick. He’s sick. He knows, because he lies to himself. He gives in to the pain, even if, he knows to himself that he has had enough-already had enough of these, of them… of everything else, but the love he seeks for himself.
Stop, enough…
And it should have been just that. Everything should have stopped there, and reverted back to Ryosuke and Yuri and to where it should be-the “us” and happy ever after that they built through the years, although, while the three of them (Ryosuke ahead, while Yuto and Yuri are left following behind) are walking through the pedestrian lane towards the slowly illuminating city lights of Tokyo. There was something that neither Ryosuke nor Yuto saw. There was something that the two forgot to take heed on, especially Yuto…most especially Yuto.
However, Yuri is a God-given gift, because he did. Yuri did saw. Because out of the corner of his eyes, Yuri saw the stop light shift from red to glowing green and he saw the swerving truck ahead of his best friend.
It’s time.
…
Click…
…
…This is not happening. This should not be! It isn’t right.
Yuto wanted to scream. He wanted to shout these words out loud, but something is stopping him. It’s gluing him into place and making him speechless. It’s insane. Because, the only thing he could do at the moment is listen and engrave into his body, heart and soul the piercing words that were leaving Yuri’s mouth.
“Listen to me.”
And, rather than a request, it was an authoritative demand, “Promise me… Promise me, Yuto!” Yuri screamed loud enough so that Yuto could hear him clearly. “…P-Promise me that you’ll take care of him, okay?” his farewell words, his one last smile, “…Please, don’t let his love go to waste. I love him this much. I love him too much. That’s why. I’m saving you-saving you by killing the “me” and the ‘us’ in the story that will never come back…a fairytale that will never happen again-never again. Especially now, now that you exist and especially now that you came into our world and ruined our once everything…” Firmly, he said those words, but deep inside he really wanted to cry. He desperately wanted to, because saying those aching words hurt. The truth always hurts. But through all the pain, through all the loneliness and the emptiness inside, he just couldn’t take everything back. Not only because he didn’t want to, but also because he knows deep down, inside his shattered heart. That all of this, all of his sacrifices, will be given to a cause that has a greater effect and that… that’s his Ryosuke’s happiness. Because when Yuri tied himself to his Ryosuke, the only thing that’s been in the little one’s mind and heart was the promise that whatever happens, he’ll repay his Ryosuke for the love and the warmth. Since his Ryosuke’s smile…and his Ryosuke’s ample heart are the only things that can keep him going, the only things that continues on to make him feel that he is alive.
So…
“…so, just stop the guilt now, because saving your life it’s not a choice for me. It’s an obligation, because I care for him. I care for his love and I care for his happiness. That’s why, you living. It’s not because I care about your life. You are-and will always be my rival. But since time ticks and death needs another one to take into the other world. I’ll give way and let go, because what I’ll be doing now. It’s all for his happiness, only for him. So, take care of him okay, Yuto-kun? Best pal, promise me that-please, only that. So, bai-bai Yuto-kun…” He whispered as he slowly closed his eyes.
“Jyaa-sayonara…”
And just like a stop and shot motion, Yuto’s body was pulled away from danger. His feet were suddenly pushed away and were replaced with something far lighter than his own body weight. And Yuto thought it was all a dream, Yuto thought whatever is happening now is all a sick joke-a nightmare. But feeling every pound of his heart to his chest, and every constriction of his breath as he inhales deeply the slowly coming scent of death, he wanted to back out, because he never wanted this. He never wished to be a wheel…more so an interference, especially to a love that is honest and very much pure and real. “…Chii-chan-“Yuto called out with a trembling voice, because he is very much desperate and afraid of what will happen next. Even though it was obvious, after all it reflects in his charcoal-colored eyes.
Thump dump, Thump…
And as seconds pass by, the thump of Yuto’s heart didn’t stop. It just worsened to a point that when he saw the sudden bright light-the impact, the end. He just closed his palms tight and prayed… just prayed as he scrunched his eyes shut. Since, Yuto-sweet and caring Yuto, really just wished, with all his heart, that all of these things are only figments of his imagination-a dream. Because now, he really just wants to stop everything and pull the younger back-back to safety, back to the confines of Yamada’s arms…back to where he truly belongs.
“…Chii…please-no…”
But when Yuto opened his eyes and lifted his head, he saw Yuri’s face-as angelic as ever-nodding his head as a sign to stop whatever the latter is thinking, and just let everything go. Since he chose this, he wanted this and never will ask for more. This is his happiness. This is his one last request. This is the every ounce of love he has for Yamada Ryosuke, because this one last sacrifice of his. It’s out of pure love. It’s out of pure thankfulness to the one he loves. “…Don’t cry. I did this not because of you. I did this because I want to, Yuto-kun. I really do, because I just…I just really want nothing more but Ryosuke’s happiness. So love him for me, okay? Love him more than I can. Love him always and keep him safe. Promise me, okay?” Yuri whispered lovingly as tears slowly dropped his charcoal-colored irises, before his eyes finally closed in a content sleep, then-CRASH.
…And for the first time, the world ended with a beautiful sacrifice.
…
Click…
…
The sound of metals crashing, people bustling and Yuto…
Yuto screaming that alerted Yamada, and made him turn around.
…
Click…
…
“…Yuri…”
And there was blood everywhere.
Everywhere he goes.
Everywhere he looks, and whatever he sees.
There’s blood… his Yuri’s blood…
And Ryosuke wanted to call out, shout and scream out loud, but-
But there came no sound.
Only tears…
…tears that came from his eyes, and tears that saints his Yuri’s still-frame and cold skin, like a princess-like Snow White.
“Yuri…”
Enough…
…
Click, Click…
Click-
And the camera wouldn’t click anymore after that…
…
“Yuri,” Ryosuke called out as he tried to hold back a sob when he holds stiffly in his arms his little love, who’s not giving him anymore response, just jagged breathings before…
“Yuri…”
He helplessly called out as the breathing finally stopped.
No…
This can’t be.
Ii ya…
“Yuri…”
…
Click…?
Yet, there’s no more of that.
Just air and a snapping of a now broken camera-lens…
…
“Ryo-chan, suki da!”
Yuri’s voice echoes through his ears.
“Ryoooo-chaaaan~”
Yuri’s smile weaves its way through his very heart.
“Ryosuke, I love you… I love you most in the whole wide world,”
Yuri’s hands…
…Yuri’s touch, Yuri’s childishness, his warmth and his sweet lips against his.
His Yuri…
His Yuri’s… his Yuri’s gone.
…
Click… Click… Click…
What...?
What’s happening…?
…
“Hey, Yuri,” Yamada leaned in as he snuck a kiss before he took the paper that his little boyfriend was holding. “What’s this?” The older one asked as he waved the paper at arm’s length that made the little one pout. “Give it back, Ryosuke!” Chinen demanded as he tried to take his little “secret” from his lover’s grasp. “Nu-uh! Kiss me first, sweet and slow…with your tongue--mmmh…” The older mumbled as he felt small hands wrap themselves around his neck as plump, luscious, and pink lips graciously laid saint into his lips, shutting him out.
“G-Give it ba-back…” Yuri muttered out in between kisses. Though, after an amount of time, both of them forgot the paper and just delved into each other’s mouth and allowed hands to wonder everywhere, leaving nothing untouched. Good thing, the bell rang and school is finally out.
…
Click…
…
“I love you, Ryo-chan… I love you.”
…
Click…
…
“Hey, what’s the commotion, Keito?” Ryosuke asked out of curiosity. Although, before Keito could even respond to his friend. The older of the two heard a familiar voice that made his heart swell. Not only from the sweet voice that resonated from the whole room, but also from the words that are being said by that familiar and loved voice.
“Yuri…”
And Yamada Ryosuke knows that it was his heart that soared and fell more in love.
…when a person loves… when a person feels grateful… when a person feels complete and utterly happy… even in death…even in the sweet reverie that is called a farewell. There will be no pain. There will be no sorrow. There will even be no regret or angst and drama to carry until that last breath.
Since, the only thing that will remain in that person’s heart is pure bliss and contentment, because even if tomorrow will never come again to that person. At least… at least… a person such as thee, who lived life fully, met love and protected that love with everything one has, will feel blessed and satisfied. Just because, the fulfillment is there- the fulfillment to give… to give an equal amount of happiness to the person one loves most in the world, before everything ends….before everything turns into a goodbye.
And surely with just that, one can depart with the world, because the memory of being able to return that heartfelt feeling that was given will stay in that person’s heart, always. - Chinen Yuri
…
Click…
…
The world is spinning.
Round and round, round and round…
Yuri…
His Yuri…
And when he thought everything was just a sick joke and he was just hallucinating, he saw blood. There was blood everywhere. But, it was okay. It should have been okay. Yet, when he heard crying and screaming, his heart fell.
“Yuri…”
His Yuri, his sweet and dearest Chinen Yuri is in his arms, still and-
Click… Click… Click…
-dead.
Yamada Ryosuke screamed, as he suddenly woke up with sweat breaming his face, as tears slowly flowed down his eyes.
“…Yuri...”
He sobbed, as he hugged his knees tight, feeling so afraid… so very much afraid of that seemingly realistic dream that he had. He felt torn. He felt hopeless. Yamada Ryosuke felt so frightened and traumatized of the pain, the anxiety and the deep sorrow that his Yuri felt and his Yuri had underwent in that dream. He felt it all, and it hurts. It hurt just seeing him in such state of surrender. Sacrificing everything, giving everything that he has because of him-one fucked up and selfish, Yamada Ryosuke.
“No…” He nodded his head as he cried more, while gripping his hair in frustrated anger towards his stupid, two-timing, bastard of a self in that dream.
Although…
“Was it really a dream?” He asked himself as terror slowly crawled on his skin, making him tremble and feel so cold… so very, very cold. Shit. And his stomach started to churn badly, his hands began to tremble uncontrollably as he ever slowly tried to turn his head to where his little lover sleeps.
Tick tock, tick…
And he backed out. He didn’t look, because he is just so afraid of the what if’s that he is facing, even though it’s only two, whether Yuri is there or not. So why can’t he do it? Why can’t he believe his own heart that’s been telling him that all was just a dream, and his Yuri is fine-alright?
Why?
It’s because he’s afraid. Yamada Ryosuke is very much afraid of the thought that his Chinen Yuri is gone. No… Erase, he’ll erase thoughts like that. It’s inappropriate, just not right. So, why? Why can’t he still look at the other side of the bed and see if this now is reality or not. Why…? And that he didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to figure out. He just…
“…R-Ryo-chan…”
Little Chinen Yuri muffled out in a succulently intoxicating sleep-filled voice that made Ryosuke’s heart throb and jump. “…did you have a bad dream?” Were the next lines, before those midnight-colored orbs slowly opened and moment, it stilled Yamada Ryosuke’s time. Especially as he saw those twin-orbs of his Chinen Yuri filled with nothing but concern and love in those eyes.
“I…” Ryosuke felt his throat go dry, though he shrugged it all off as he gently leaned in at his little one, who gave him a questioning look before asking, “R-Ryo… what’s wrong… are you really-And Yuri’s words were cut off as he felt his Ryosuke’s lips against his, tongue delving in, tasting every corner, lapping every places that can be reached by his tongue. “Ah, R-Ryosuke, wha…” But there came no more protest or reply after that, just lips against lips and hands wrapping themselves into their right places: Yuri’s small hands around Ryosuke’s neck, while his small fingertips slowly tangle themselves against those brown locks, taking its claim and laying itself on its proper place. While Ryosuke’s big and warm calloused hands made its way against his Yuri’s small back and pulling him closer to his own body than even possible. Because he just wants to reassure. He just wants to make say to himself that his Yuri is there, alive and here in his arms, breathing and still his.
“I…” And with every syllables that comes out of his mouth, tears. Small droplet of diamond tears began to flow down on those brown, luminous eyes of one Yamada Ryosuke, “…I love you, Yuri.” And he knows that that isn’t enough-not enough to say sorry to something that only he saw, and he felt. Yet still, right? Yet still…a smile, “What has gotten into you, Ryo-chan?” Yuri smiled and that made Ryosuke’s heart swell, because as he stares at that lovely face and that glowing-shining, shimmering eyes. He saw no pain, just pure confusion and playful happiness, which are far more from alright. It was perfect. “I love you.” A kiss, yet again, before another came, and another and another followed after that, “I love you so much.” And he knows that that isn’t enough, not enough to show how much he loves and will always love this person in his arms.
“I love you.”
And, those words mean so much to Yuri, that Ryosuke knows. Knows now, more than Yuri could ever be conscious of, yet, “I love you too, Ryo-chan…” these words, it means so much more to Ryosuke now than ever before. “I know…” The older one mused as he nuzzled his nose against his little one, “…that’s why…” His tears rolled down, yet it was painted away by beautiful, small hands. “I won’t ever make the wrong choice. Not to you, and not in this relationship of ours,” Ryosuke promised as he laid his Yuri down against their shared bed and gently captured those lips again with his, before he interlaced their fingers and began to undo the remaining fragments that have been keeping them apart… .
Click…
And that’s enough, for now…
…
Author’s Note: And, halt. I won’t end reading that here. We still have one last part to go. :) We still have the Epilogue. There is still a big part of that that must be done to be able to conclude the whole concept of this story. I’ll include the explanation on the last part of course, and we haven’t really the why yet. Though, did I get everyone here? I hope I did, because there is a meaning behind this. So, wait for that… okay? Sorry about the grammar, I haven’t had time to re-read it. Though, I still hope that you’ll enjoy. That’s all I am asking for. Thank you for reading. :3