[YamaChii] The Pollaroid-Effect (part 2)
The Polaroid-Effect
© ainomesseji
Pairing: YamaChii; YamaJima Genre: Drama, Slice of Life, Romance, Angst
Summary: In his eyes, everything rolls like that of an instant camera. In every click, there are developed films that are called memories. The smiles, the sadness, the tears, and the lingering affection that comes with the pain, especially of being detained due to choice, but not due to what the heart says. That is all, all a part of those memories engraved into one’s being until death. But since happiness is always his priority, he gave in to chance. He gave up on everything so that he can be a part of a memory and of a destiny of a forever that cannot even be his. But he did that all. That one great sacrifice, just for the sake of a single smile. A single smile that can touch his soul, brighten up his world and be lay down upon him with love-just like before, just like when it used to be his.
…
“With this one last shot, please show me your most beautiful smile.”
Click…
…goodbye
…
( Part 1 ) ( Part 2 )
“…Yuri…”
And, Yamada felt something important break inside his chest, especially as he sees the small of his little lover’s back move away from him-saying something, indicating, emphasizing something that he still cannot figure out. Goodbye...
Snap
“…Yuri-“ Yamada called out, before he flashed a look of guilt to Yuto, who in return of that gaze, just averted his eyes away from the older boy, and nodded as a sign of confirmation to whatever it is that Ryosuke needs to-have to do.
After all, he knows that he has no right. Ever since this forbidden relationship of theirs started, he knew from the beginning-from the very start-that he has no right to say anything or even do anything, because he owns nothing. He doesn’t own anything, except Yamada’s full attention and Yamada’s heart, which he knows that he should have not taken. Especially not from the person whom he knows needs that heart more than he ever could fight for and wish to have.
“-my Yuri, he needs me…I’m sorry.”
Apologizing with his eyes, Yamada gave Yuto one last lingering look before he ran towards his little one and laced his slightly big and calloused hand with his little one’s small one-a perfect fit, and lovingly pulled that small frame close to his, before leaning down and giving that plump, full lips a kiss.
“…I’m sorry...”
...
Click
...
The Amusement Park, of all the places, Chinen Yuri didn’t know why he has chosen the Amusement Park. Maybe, it’s because he was tired and badly needed to rest and sit down? Or maybe, being the little masochist that he is, he needed to see more-just one more-evidence before he let go and say his-“Yuri.” And his thoughts were suddenly taken aback when he heard his name being called by a familiar sound. So looking up from his standstill, the little one saw the sullen and worried face that his older lover was giving him and it made his heart churn for a bit.
He still cares.
My Ryosuke still cares…
And the little one couldn’t contain his heart from overwhelming, as he suddenly ran up to his older lover and hugged him tight. “You still care…” Yuri wanted to shout these words. He wanted to scream it out loud, but chose not to, and just beamed against his older lover’s chest, which somehow made the older one laugh. “…Woah, slow down tiger… what has gotten into you suddenly…” Yamada chuckled as he patted his little love’s hair, before asking timidly with a smile, “So, what are we going to try first?”
We…?
Yuri wanted to ask, before he remembered everything, and saw something that ruined his moment of bliss. Because the smile he thought that was directed at him, the love and the caring gesture that he thought was directed at him, fell back down, especially when he saw his Ryosuke’s eyes was looking not at him but beyond him.
“Yeah, Chii, where do you want to go first?”
And God badly knows how Chinen Yuri’s world, during that one miniscule moment, fell back further down.
...
Click
...
He guesses that he has been too rash and selfish once again. Well, when have he not been that way? He’s always been like that-forgetting about others, always only thinking about himself and his own enjoyment and happiness. Not really, though at times like this when he feels really sad and broken. He does things that he doesn’t think of thoroughly. He acts selfishly by then; because that’s the only way he can feel, even if temporary, the thing everyone calls happiness.
“…I’m sorry, Ryosuke…I…”
Fear and guilt were pressed achingly strong in those gleaming with tears midnight-colored eyes as he stood there trembling and shaking as he watches his older lover look deathly pale as he vomits all the food he ate that morning. Yuri felt scared. His knees were shaking, his heart was breaking farther more as well; he wanted to curse himself. He wanted to wallow into the ground and just perish, because he forgot. Because of selfishness, he forgot that his Ryosuke was not very good with heights and with roller coaster rides-“I-I…” huff, huff-the sound of his labored breathing as he watches with tearful eyes as Yuto rub his lover’s back, coaxing and easing, comforting and making everything feel alright. Unlike what he does now, he becomes a sissy and just cry and apologize like a child.
“…I-I’m so-sorry…I…R-Ryosuke…I…” Yuri whimpered as cold sweat ran through his whole body, as he watches his older lover turn into a vomiting wreck.
“…Ii ya, Yuri…I’m fine,” a small smile, “…It’s not your fault baby-never your fault, okay? I did this to myself. I should be the one who is sorry. I ruined everyone’s fun, especially yours Yuttie. We dragged you in this little date of ours, ne? Sorry… my stomach is just acting badly. I really don’t know why,” Ryosuke tried to joke. He tried to laugh it all out, but made no good impression of it because he started vomiting again, which scared the little one more. Especially since he knows all of this was his fault-all his stupid fault.
“…Yu-Yuttie…I-I’ll get Ryo-chan some water…I’ll be right back…” Yuri stuttered out, before he turned his back and started to run. He didn’t even acknowledged the sentences his Ryosuke said or the words Yuto coaxed to his Ryosuke. He just ran and let his knees carry him, while his tears fall down. Because Yuri wasn’t dumb; he wasn’t blind either. Since, he knows and he could see that Ryosuke was just trying to be nice. He was just trying to make him feel better like he always does, especially whenever he makes a mistake and when he becomes so selfish and insensitive-a brat. So, this is the least thing he can do.
After all, Yuto is everything that Ryosuke needs.
He is enough.
...
Click
...
Breathe in, breathe out-he tried to suppress back another sob as the sound of his heart beating has stopped in a certain time and space, while the tears in his eyes has been flourished to a garden askew to where he is standing, staring and-watching how the two interacts while he was gone.
“Does it hurt still, Ryo?” Yuto asked as he gently rubs the small of Ryosuke’s back. “No, I’m fine. Thanks for being there for me. I’d be lost if you weren’t there,” Ryosuke smiled as he gave Yuto a loving smile and a small peck on those thin yet succulently looking lips. “I’m sorry for hiding this…I’m sorry for hiding you-us.” The older one of the two mumbled as he nuzzled his cheeks against Yuto’s right hand that’s been palming his cheeks. “Don’t worry, Ryo. I understand, Yuri needs you, and I know that. So… don’t feel guilty about this-about us, because there shouldn’t have been an “us” in the first place.” Yuto mused with guilt as he looked at the direction where Yuri had run to. “He loves you so much, you know…”
“I know…and I do love him too…I always do. Yet, it’s not the same anymore…” a sad smile, before a lone tear cascaded down his left cheek, as he followed Yuto’s gaze with a pained look in his eyes. “…It’s not the same as how much I love you now.” Yamada whispered as he looked up into the sky, before he let the tears flow down his eyes as he cried and clung for dear life.
“I’m killing him inside with this lie, Yuto! I’m hurting Yuri. I’m causing him so much pain inside…I-I know, Yuto. I know that I am hurting him badly, and my Yuri doesn’t deserve that. My Yuri doesn’t…he doesn’t deserve this. I-” Yamada choked back a sob as he continued on to distress himself and cry into Yuto’s arms.
And from a distance as Chinen sees what’s truly been happening before his very eyes-his Ryosuke’s broken state; his most beloved person suffering from what his selfishness has done. He knows. Yuri knows that it will never be better. Only worse than what he thought, and painfully dreamed about. That’s why, as he watches those beautiful tears fall from his lover’s eyes, did the little one felt morose and regretful. Thinking badly that, he should have just let it all be. He should have just stayed innocent and naïve. He should have just lived through the lies and shouldn't have thought of this stupid plan. He shouldn't have.
Because....
He badly wonders now. He badly wonders how, why and what made Yamada Ryosuke love him like that when everything he wishes for in a lover and a lifetime is in Nakajima Yuto's hands?
Why...?
…
Click…
…
Knowing what he has to do, Yuri wiped his eyes. He wiped his tears away, before he pulled himself together and walked towards where his now stable lover and best friend stood, waiting for him.
“…Yuri…” Ryosuke called out as he walked towards his little love and wiped those tear-stained cheeks. “Let’s go home, okay?” a small smile, before he kissed the little one’s temple, “…today is not a good day. I’m sorry for making you worry and burdened. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
“It’s alright, Ryosuke. You don’t have to do that. Enough, okay? I understand. I finally understand…” And, Yuri’s eyes were breathtakingly heartwarming and shattering that it made Yamada and even Yuto’s brows crease into a jumbled mess. Once again, the two of them are confused. They didn’t know what those words meant. No hint, no nothing. Not even a clue.
Well, not until that happened; which made the world turn suddenly upside down…
…
Click…
…
To be continued
Author’s Note: I know I promised two-parts only, but the thrill of not ending it here was big. I just want everyone to feel Yuri’s pain more. I just want to engrave something into everyone’s heart while reading this. I’m sorry. I know this took me a week to post. I’ve been busy. Add to that I am not that feeling well, I think I broke my left shoulder. It’s painful you see. :) Then, Livejournal won’t let me post. I was supposed to post this yesterday. Anyways, this is not thoroughly proofed-read. I just made a run through of it because I wanted everyone to see the end of this story. So, please do forgive me again for my cliff hanger but one last part and everyone will see what truly is happening here. I’ll be positive with everyone. This is a happy ending. Thank you so much and enjoy! Please leave me a hello if you guys have time. :3