10 Things That Would Improve the Democratic Primaries...
Not that any of you should be paying attention to the zoo that is this year's democratic primaries, but just in case you have, I think we can all agree it could use a little excitement. Here is my list of things that would improve the primaries.
#1) All candidates are to be put back in the race and made to live together in one house. There are only three beds so the candidates will be given bed buddies. Gephardt & Edwards, Kerry & Dean, Lieberman & Sharpton. Besides sharing beds they must also share one communal toothbrush and will be forced to fight over one bowl of cheerios every morning. All of this will be put on Cable.
#2) While the candidates are asleep, rabid ill mannered genetically mutated ferrets will be released throughout the house, specially trained to latch onto the faces of the candidates.
#3) The candidates will be forced to participate in the best show ever created, Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. The three events will be the Football Dash, Ladder of Death, and Rock Mountain.
#4) Ale Sharpton will be forced to drive around in the 1968 Dodge Charger from the Dukes of Hazzard, totally painted with the Confederate flag. He will also be entered into a NASCAR race with a "Black Power" sponsored car made entirely of plastic spoons.
#5) Joe Lieberman will be forced to shave his head and wear wardrobes purchased entirely from BANG BANG. He will also have to recite Gangsta's Paradise twice daily.
#6) Jim Schlentz will lead the candidates in morning stretching exercises.
#7) The candidates will play a game of gym volleyball against the HowellSurfCo Crusaders. I will continually flip out and yell at my team mates until one of them cries/ is knocked unconscious.
#8) The candidates will be forced to confess/divulge information convicting Leah Wyatt of committing terroristic actions against the United States.
#9) Instead of having a final debate, the candidates will need to create a list of reasons why Jon Kolnoski is not cool and no longer deserves to live.
#10) All of these things will not matter because no democratic candidate will be able to dislodge George W. Bush. HA!
Well there you have it, maybe I should send these suggestions into Fox News, I could be on to something...
#1) All candidates are to be put back in the race and made to live together in one house. There are only three beds so the candidates will be given bed buddies. Gephardt & Edwards, Kerry & Dean, Lieberman & Sharpton. Besides sharing beds they must also share one communal toothbrush and will be forced to fight over one bowl of cheerios every morning. All of this will be put on Cable.
#2) While the candidates are asleep, rabid ill mannered genetically mutated ferrets will be released throughout the house, specially trained to latch onto the faces of the candidates.
#3) The candidates will be forced to participate in the best show ever created, Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. The three events will be the Football Dash, Ladder of Death, and Rock Mountain.
#4) Ale Sharpton will be forced to drive around in the 1968 Dodge Charger from the Dukes of Hazzard, totally painted with the Confederate flag. He will also be entered into a NASCAR race with a "Black Power" sponsored car made entirely of plastic spoons.
#5) Joe Lieberman will be forced to shave his head and wear wardrobes purchased entirely from BANG BANG. He will also have to recite Gangsta's Paradise twice daily.
#6) Jim Schlentz will lead the candidates in morning stretching exercises.
#7) The candidates will play a game of gym volleyball against the HowellSurfCo Crusaders. I will continually flip out and yell at my team mates until one of them cries/ is knocked unconscious.
#8) The candidates will be forced to confess/divulge information convicting Leah Wyatt of committing terroristic actions against the United States.
#9) Instead of having a final debate, the candidates will need to create a list of reasons why Jon Kolnoski is not cool and no longer deserves to live.
#10) All of these things will not matter because no democratic candidate will be able to dislodge George W. Bush. HA!
Well there you have it, maybe I should send these suggestions into Fox News, I could be on to something...