The Valentine's Day Matchmaking quiz you Will Not Find Anywhere Else...
I recently took a Valentine's Day matchmaker quiz as part of a sophomore class fundraiser. Afterwards I felt that it was a real waste of 2 dollars. None of the questions suited me, and none of the answers were near radical enough. So in honor of this Hallmark holiday, I decided to make my own...
Please fill in accordingly...
Gender-
Age-
Susceptibility to Any Sexual Diseases-
-and if so, which ones?
Now for the meat of the survey...
#1) When you look for a "partner" what age do you prefer?
A. Under 5
B. 5-12
C. 13-17
D. 18+
E. Senior Citizens Only
#2) When you look for a "partner" what height do you prefer?
A. 5' -
B. 5'-5'4"
C. 5'4"-5'8"
D. 5'8"-6'
E. 6' +
#3) What qualities do you look for in a "partner"?
A. Someone who is sensitive and caring
B. A mix between good looks and good brains
C. It doesn't really matter I just don't want to be alone
D. Someone who doesn't want me to die
E. A really hot person with money, so I can get fake bodyparts
#4) How do you let that special someone know you like them?
A. Send them a note
B. Tell them
C. Buy them Something
D. Ignore them
E. Hit them the head with a blunt object and drag them back to your ca...I mean house
#5) What is your idea of a perfect date?
A. Dinner and a Movie
B. The person cooks me a steak while I play video games
C. A romantic walk along the beach...during a hurricane
D. We go for a drive and visit places listed in Weird New Jersey
E. A friend videotapes us while we have sex
#6) What is the perfect way to end a date?
A. A Hug
B. Make-out Session
C. Knock them Out with a Punch to the Face
D. Like I care
E. It all depends on how good the sex was
#7) What is your favorite color?
A. Yellow
B. Alex Frank
C. 44
D. I'm color-blind, thanks you insensitive asshole
E. Macaroni and Cheese
#8) If I were a tree, I would be...
A. Oak
B. Birch
C. Yellow
D. Carrot
E. Fruit at the bottom waiting to be stirred
#9) My Idea of a good time is...
A. Playing Super Mario Funhouse
B. Baking Stuff
C. A Game of Gym Volleyball
D. It puts the lotion on the skin...
E. Sleeping
#10) To break up with someone I would...
A. Tell them to their face
B. Ask a friend to tell them
C. Report them to FBI for Terrorist Activities
D. Ignore them
E. Kill them and hide their body in my basement
Well their you have it, the best damned Matchmaking Quiz out there. Dr. Phil guarantees that this quiz will match you up with your future spouse, with only a 86% chance of divorce. How's that for reassuring? Best of Wishes this made up holiday!
BTW In case anyone was curious my answers were-
A, E, D, B, B, C, A, A, C, C
Please fill in accordingly...
Gender-
Age-
Susceptibility to Any Sexual Diseases-
-and if so, which ones?
Now for the meat of the survey...
#1) When you look for a "partner" what age do you prefer?
A. Under 5
B. 5-12
C. 13-17
D. 18+
E. Senior Citizens Only
#2) When you look for a "partner" what height do you prefer?
A. 5' -
B. 5'-5'4"
C. 5'4"-5'8"
D. 5'8"-6'
E. 6' +
#3) What qualities do you look for in a "partner"?
A. Someone who is sensitive and caring
B. A mix between good looks and good brains
C. It doesn't really matter I just don't want to be alone
D. Someone who doesn't want me to die
E. A really hot person with money, so I can get fake bodyparts
#4) How do you let that special someone know you like them?
A. Send them a note
B. Tell them
C. Buy them Something
D. Ignore them
E. Hit them the head with a blunt object and drag them back to your ca...I mean house
#5) What is your idea of a perfect date?
A. Dinner and a Movie
B. The person cooks me a steak while I play video games
C. A romantic walk along the beach...during a hurricane
D. We go for a drive and visit places listed in Weird New Jersey
E. A friend videotapes us while we have sex
#6) What is the perfect way to end a date?
A. A Hug
B. Make-out Session
C. Knock them Out with a Punch to the Face
D. Like I care
E. It all depends on how good the sex was
#7) What is your favorite color?
A. Yellow
B. Alex Frank
C. 44
D. I'm color-blind, thanks you insensitive asshole
E. Macaroni and Cheese
#8) If I were a tree, I would be...
A. Oak
B. Birch
C. Yellow
D. Carrot
E. Fruit at the bottom waiting to be stirred
#9) My Idea of a good time is...
A. Playing Super Mario Funhouse
B. Baking Stuff
C. A Game of Gym Volleyball
D. It puts the lotion on the skin...
E. Sleeping
#10) To break up with someone I would...
A. Tell them to their face
B. Ask a friend to tell them
C. Report them to FBI for Terrorist Activities
D. Ignore them
E. Kill them and hide their body in my basement
Well their you have it, the best damned Matchmaking Quiz out there. Dr. Phil guarantees that this quiz will match you up with your future spouse, with only a 86% chance of divorce. How's that for reassuring? Best of Wishes this made up holiday!
BTW In case anyone was curious my answers were-
A, E, D, B, B, C, A, A, C, C