Student vs. Faculty 2004
Did someone eat a peanut butter cup off the bottom of my shoe for 5 dollars? Did someone run naked through the administrative hallway, or was it Student vs. Faculty Volleyball Night. Well, it's your lucky day, because ALL THREE things happened. It all started in 7th period lunch, which as of late, has been more of a warzone than a place to eat. You spend as much time dodging food as eating it. Unless you're Patelis, who catches the food and eats it, you're up shit's creek without a paddle. So I take it upon myself to arm my fellow comrades and I with a variety of ammunition, sorting from Swedish Fish and Nerds, to SweetTarts and Spree. You never really know what will happen each day. What's today look like? Hmm, it seems we're due for some M&Ms and Tuna Salad. Great, I absolutely hate tuna, next person responsible for touching me with a piece of it, will fall victim to ritual animal sacrifice. So anyway, somewhere admist the mayhem of today's lunch, I thoroughly smashed a peanut butter cup in my boot. I know you're all saying what a terrible waste of a peanut butter cup, but its journey was not over. Mike Busaca showed that peanut butter cup all the love only he could, and after some light prodding and peer pressure, ate it for 5 dollars. Afterwards, I told him I had been around the bathroom twice, and that green is not a standard peanut butter cup color. Needless to say, he wasn't a happy camper. So moving on to the events of the evening, the most gut-wrenching sporting event of the 21st century, Colts Neck Student vs. Faculty 2004. Four eternal enemies were pitted against each other with the Senior Class, Junior Class, Faculty, and the PBA. The junior class crapped itself to pieces and in two games was knocked out of the tournament, personally, I'm still in a state of denial. So your master and commander took control of the gynasium scoreboard and began rigging games all over the place. It went down something like this...
Me - Don't spill your popcorn folks, 29-28 in the final game between the Faculty and the Senior Class.
Coach P - You haven't been giving us points! You lie!
Me - I only lied when I told your mother I was having a good time last night. Hey look, another point for the senior class!
Leah Wyatt - That's not a microphone you're talking into...
Me - ... ... ... ... ... Aren't you supposed to be line judge right now? I thought so, nice try you terrorist.
Jon Kolnoski - I think that joke is a little overplayed, don't you?
Me - I think you oughta get back to knitting those Communist flags Putin ordered.
Jon Kolnoski - You're right, he might shave off my fro if they're late.
Me - God forbid. Hey look, the Senior class won! Well, the teachers put up valiant effort, but no one will care or remember cause they lost, and like any good American, I hate losers.
Jon Kolnoski - Hey, you were on the Junior team, and they lost, you should hate yourself!
Me - I've disowned the entire Junior class, but I can tell you the answer YOU'RE looking for is staring directly back at you in the mirror. That my friend, is something only a mother can love.
Jon Kolnoski - You just called me your friend, I'm so touched.
Me - Yea, by Michael Jackson maybe. Gamma rules.
After leaving that group of winners to their own devices, I was prepared to leave the school when somewhere out of left field someone says to me. "It's always been my dream to run down this hallway naked." O really, well go for it. I didn't think my advice would be so influential. I never believed him, and I definitely didn't see it coming, but then again, nothing happened so I guess it was sort of a letdown. From peanut butter cups to hardcore volleyball, you get it all and MORE at Colts Neck High!
Me - Don't spill your popcorn folks, 29-28 in the final game between the Faculty and the Senior Class.
Coach P - You haven't been giving us points! You lie!
Me - I only lied when I told your mother I was having a good time last night. Hey look, another point for the senior class!
Leah Wyatt - That's not a microphone you're talking into...
Me - ... ... ... ... ... Aren't you supposed to be line judge right now? I thought so, nice try you terrorist.
Jon Kolnoski - I think that joke is a little overplayed, don't you?
Me - I think you oughta get back to knitting those Communist flags Putin ordered.
Jon Kolnoski - You're right, he might shave off my fro if they're late.
Me - God forbid. Hey look, the Senior class won! Well, the teachers put up valiant effort, but no one will care or remember cause they lost, and like any good American, I hate losers.
Jon Kolnoski - Hey, you were on the Junior team, and they lost, you should hate yourself!
Me - I've disowned the entire Junior class, but I can tell you the answer YOU'RE looking for is staring directly back at you in the mirror. That my friend, is something only a mother can love.
Jon Kolnoski - You just called me your friend, I'm so touched.
Me - Yea, by Michael Jackson maybe. Gamma rules.
After leaving that group of winners to their own devices, I was prepared to leave the school when somewhere out of left field someone says to me. "It's always been my dream to run down this hallway naked." O really, well go for it. I didn't think my advice would be so influential. I never believed him, and I definitely didn't see it coming, but then again, nothing happened so I guess it was sort of a letdown. From peanut butter cups to hardcore volleyball, you get it all and MORE at Colts Neck High!