Zero Sum
After a long time, she lifts her head, looking at the no longer appetizing food. Nita's gone. She's alone in the room.
Sitting in Ishamael's library, the books oppressive, the titles unrecognizable, the stained glass window painting her skin, she's never felt so alone.
The humming starts without her realizing it, something to keep her thoughts away, because she can't afford to break down, she can't go numb. She has to go back, even though they'll hate her, even though she'll never be the same, because she has to warn Angie, has to watch her, has to make sure that no one can ever hurt her and even if God is beyond her now...she won't let Angie be torn apart.
All the conversations she had, every moment, and she had no idea that Shelley loved Ishamael, that she wanted to be here. Letting so many people down just by coming here and not even needed, not even wanted, and so much sacrificed and for nothing.
Nothing.
"Here comes the rain again, falling from the stars..." she sings softly, hearing her own voice at a distance.
Nita hurt, Shelley in love with the man that hurt her, Trillian close to death, and herself, herself...
"Drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are..." she looks down at her hands, feeling a sob well up, trying to hold it back but finally letting it out, no one to hear her.
And she needs to go home, although she wants to stay here now, because with her friends gone no one will look at her accusingly and remind her that she was weak, she couldn't protect anyone, especially not herself. Behrooz was able to stop his family, he escaped from the dark and would be so disappointed that she willingly walked into it. Chase, her dad, Angie, Tony...they'll view her as a traitor and if not then they should. Nita didn't agree to work for Ishamael, she was able to at least save her soul, if not her body and the daughter she was raised to be, the one that pulled the gun on Gary and helped stop a virus attack and...she would not have succumbed.
"As my memory rests, but never forgets what I lost," she whispers, remembering listening to the song over and over when, after the funeral, when she...
When they find out, when someone tells them, or even if not, they'll never see her the same way, she'll never be the same and even if she hadn't come here, she would have been one of Mesaana's tools. This is what the dream was trying to say, not that she would die, but that the part of her that she cherished, that others loved, would.
"Wake me up when September ends."
Sitting in Ishamael's library, the books oppressive, the titles unrecognizable, the stained glass window painting her skin, she's never felt so alone.
The humming starts without her realizing it, something to keep her thoughts away, because she can't afford to break down, she can't go numb. She has to go back, even though they'll hate her, even though she'll never be the same, because she has to warn Angie, has to watch her, has to make sure that no one can ever hurt her and even if God is beyond her now...she won't let Angie be torn apart.
All the conversations she had, every moment, and she had no idea that Shelley loved Ishamael, that she wanted to be here. Letting so many people down just by coming here and not even needed, not even wanted, and so much sacrificed and for nothing.
Nothing.
"Here comes the rain again, falling from the stars..." she sings softly, hearing her own voice at a distance.
Nita hurt, Shelley in love with the man that hurt her, Trillian close to death, and herself, herself...
"Drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are..." she looks down at her hands, feeling a sob well up, trying to hold it back but finally letting it out, no one to hear her.
And she needs to go home, although she wants to stay here now, because with her friends gone no one will look at her accusingly and remind her that she was weak, she couldn't protect anyone, especially not herself. Behrooz was able to stop his family, he escaped from the dark and would be so disappointed that she willingly walked into it. Chase, her dad, Angie, Tony...they'll view her as a traitor and if not then they should. Nita didn't agree to work for Ishamael, she was able to at least save her soul, if not her body and the daughter she was raised to be, the one that pulled the gun on Gary and helped stop a virus attack and...she would not have succumbed.
"As my memory rests, but never forgets what I lost," she whispers, remembering listening to the song over and over when, after the funeral, when she...
When they find out, when someone tells them, or even if not, they'll never see her the same way, she'll never be the same and even if she hadn't come here, she would have been one of Mesaana's tools. This is what the dream was trying to say, not that she would die, but that the part of her that she cherished, that others loved, would.
"Wake me up when September ends."