Burning
[ooc: From here]
Once she gets outside, she starts running, not caring or noticing if she's dressed properly for the weather. She's gone beyond the point of tired, that block where the body no longer realizes it is exhausted, even though being awake becomes actually dangerous.
Can't sleep. If she does, she'll be unable to watch over Angie, but she'll also have to face the demons that are waiting, just waiting for her to close her eyes. She doesn't want those nightmares, knows that she deserves them, that she'll see Nita's shocked expression, smell burning flesh, watch that man disappear and know that she helped. Worse, the things that happened to Nita, to Shelley, to Trillian and it was all for nothing. Nothing. And she was manipulated by an evil woman and couldn't see it, didn't even know, but it's too late now.
The wound on her back aches as she moves and the only thing keeping her from never coming back is that Angie would blame herself and that after what Nita gave up...killing herself would be a step beyond selfish. But all she has is hate and fear, most of all fear of herself. She would have done anything to get Nita and Shelley out of there, anything. And she did. But now she is tied to the Shadow and she still remembers what it felt like to be linked to Asmodean and the anger and pain she felt from him. And she doesn't want that, doesn't care about power, just enough power to destroy them, just anything to make them pay.
And the only blessing is that Chase isn't here. And she wishes that her Dad wasn't, because she can't go home again and if he really knew what she did, he'd be more than disappointed. Like Moiraine, he walks in the Light. She helped kill an innocent man, regardless of what Asmodean said, and she got people hurt and killed, and trusted the wrong people and allowed her daughter to be open to someone like Ishamael and...
She's still running, reaching an open space with a tree stump a few feet away. She stops and without thinking embraces the Source, making the weave of fire and air and then one bolt, two bolts, three bolts of lightning hit the tree in quick succession. The stump smokes and bursts into flames. Luckily, it's far enough away from the forest that it doesn't spread and she watches the destruction, falling to her knees and then covering her face with her hands.
It doesn't get rid of the anger and the hatred, it just makes her feel more hollow, and she realizes suddenly that if someone offered her something to kill the pain right now, take away all thought, she'd accept it.
And she's never felt this lost.
Once she gets outside, she starts running, not caring or noticing if she's dressed properly for the weather. She's gone beyond the point of tired, that block where the body no longer realizes it is exhausted, even though being awake becomes actually dangerous.
Can't sleep. If she does, she'll be unable to watch over Angie, but she'll also have to face the demons that are waiting, just waiting for her to close her eyes. She doesn't want those nightmares, knows that she deserves them, that she'll see Nita's shocked expression, smell burning flesh, watch that man disappear and know that she helped. Worse, the things that happened to Nita, to Shelley, to Trillian and it was all for nothing. Nothing. And she was manipulated by an evil woman and couldn't see it, didn't even know, but it's too late now.
The wound on her back aches as she moves and the only thing keeping her from never coming back is that Angie would blame herself and that after what Nita gave up...killing herself would be a step beyond selfish. But all she has is hate and fear, most of all fear of herself. She would have done anything to get Nita and Shelley out of there, anything. And she did. But now she is tied to the Shadow and she still remembers what it felt like to be linked to Asmodean and the anger and pain she felt from him. And she doesn't want that, doesn't care about power, just enough power to destroy them, just anything to make them pay.
And the only blessing is that Chase isn't here. And she wishes that her Dad wasn't, because she can't go home again and if he really knew what she did, he'd be more than disappointed. Like Moiraine, he walks in the Light. She helped kill an innocent man, regardless of what Asmodean said, and she got people hurt and killed, and trusted the wrong people and allowed her daughter to be open to someone like Ishamael and...
She's still running, reaching an open space with a tree stump a few feet away. She stops and without thinking embraces the Source, making the weave of fire and air and then one bolt, two bolts, three bolts of lightning hit the tree in quick succession. The stump smokes and bursts into flames. Luckily, it's far enough away from the forest that it doesn't spread and she watches the destruction, falling to her knees and then covering her face with her hands.
It doesn't get rid of the anger and the hatred, it just makes her feel more hollow, and she realizes suddenly that if someone offered her something to kill the pain right now, take away all thought, she'd accept it.
And she's never felt this lost.