... now for the downer entry.
The reason why I'm so... hesitant about my computers right now is that I know I'm not in a proper state of mind.
I value logic and reason, as a lot of you know. I like to be able to view things from an objective viewpoint and analyze them, and when I can't find said objective viewpoint, I hesitate.
In this case, I'm hesitating because I can't think straight.
The more stress or pain that I have, the less I'm capable of rational thought. I just start operating on instinct and emotion, and believe me when I say that it is a horrible idea. My instincts are horrible, and my emotions are a wreak from my situation to begin with.
Knowing this, I try not to decide on important things like spending money until at least a couple of other people can point things out for me; differing viewpoints allow me to establish an objective viewpoint even when I cannot normally be objective. Thus, when I receive input, it lets me be able to decide things right now, instead of perpetually be frozen in fear that I'm doing something insanely stupid. I'm prone to do things like that, you know. I mean, come on, I wanted to quit my job and not have anything to replace it with after - I can't get too much more stupid than that, considering it could completely ruin my life for a few years.
However, it seems like ALL of my friends have other problems. Offline, we've got the play thus causing everyone to be super busy. Online, it appears half of you are in similar boats to me, some of you are worse off, and the rest of you are very distant.
I'm not personally strong right now. I'm much stronger when I'm around other people, but by myself I'm as weak as a kitten.
The only reason why I even have a LJ to begin with was for the benefit of others - to be able to read their entries to begin with, then to let people know about my life and ask them questions about it after awhile. If I wanted to talk to myself, I'd just go on one of my walks and turn off my mp3 player.
Talking to myself is what gets me into these messes. I cannot be rational about myself; I'm an inherently irrational person.
I value logic and reason, as a lot of you know. I like to be able to view things from an objective viewpoint and analyze them, and when I can't find said objective viewpoint, I hesitate.
In this case, I'm hesitating because I can't think straight.
The more stress or pain that I have, the less I'm capable of rational thought. I just start operating on instinct and emotion, and believe me when I say that it is a horrible idea. My instincts are horrible, and my emotions are a wreak from my situation to begin with.
Knowing this, I try not to decide on important things like spending money until at least a couple of other people can point things out for me; differing viewpoints allow me to establish an objective viewpoint even when I cannot normally be objective. Thus, when I receive input, it lets me be able to decide things right now, instead of perpetually be frozen in fear that I'm doing something insanely stupid. I'm prone to do things like that, you know. I mean, come on, I wanted to quit my job and not have anything to replace it with after - I can't get too much more stupid than that, considering it could completely ruin my life for a few years.
However, it seems like ALL of my friends have other problems. Offline, we've got the play thus causing everyone to be super busy. Online, it appears half of you are in similar boats to me, some of you are worse off, and the rest of you are very distant.
I'm not personally strong right now. I'm much stronger when I'm around other people, but by myself I'm as weak as a kitten.
The only reason why I even have a LJ to begin with was for the benefit of others - to be able to read their entries to begin with, then to let people know about my life and ask them questions about it after awhile. If I wanted to talk to myself, I'd just go on one of my walks and turn off my mp3 player.
Talking to myself is what gets me into these messes. I cannot be rational about myself; I'm an inherently irrational person.