Eating Disorder Question
Hi guys,
I'm new and I wanted some advice. I'm not sure whether I have an eating disorder or not, but I feel like something is wrong with me and my relationship to food and my body image. As background, I'm 19 and a sophomore in college.
In the last four months I have lost 20 pounds but I am still at a healthy weight (130 lbs, 5'6"). I have eaten about 1200-1400 calories a day for the past four months, sometimes less. I feel out of control almost every time I eat, and I almost always feel like I ate too much afterwards, and I feel guilty. I constantly obsess about food and what and when I will eat. In the past few weeks I have slipped up and binged. I tried a few times, unsuccessfully, to purge. After I binge I feel absolutely terrible, and I usually fast for a day after, or at least severely restrict. I binged tonight, am feeling terrible now, and plan to eat only a small dinner tomorrow and the next day (I have to eat dinner so my parents don't suspect). If I hadn't binged, though, I would try to eat 1200-1400 calories. I also excercise, but not obsessively. I really want to be skinny. I feel like I would be happier that way. My "goal weight" is 110 or 115. But I also like having a goal to work towards, so the process of weight loss is sort of like a competition for me. It gives me control.
I have dieted off and on since I was about 11, and have felt fat since even before then, though I have never actually been overweight. When I was in middle school and some of high school I went through one or two week "diets" when I would restrict myself to 200-500 calories a day. I would feel so weak and dizzy that I would inevitably binge and stop for a while. Then I'd start again.
Basically, I know I am not "normal" with my relationship to food, but I don't seem to have anorexia or a binge eating disorder, and definitely not bulimia as I can't purge. Can anyone relate?? I don't know what's going on with me. Thank you all so much for reading :)
I'm new and I wanted some advice. I'm not sure whether I have an eating disorder or not, but I feel like something is wrong with me and my relationship to food and my body image. As background, I'm 19 and a sophomore in college.
In the last four months I have lost 20 pounds but I am still at a healthy weight (130 lbs, 5'6"). I have eaten about 1200-1400 calories a day for the past four months, sometimes less. I feel out of control almost every time I eat, and I almost always feel like I ate too much afterwards, and I feel guilty. I constantly obsess about food and what and when I will eat. In the past few weeks I have slipped up and binged. I tried a few times, unsuccessfully, to purge. After I binge I feel absolutely terrible, and I usually fast for a day after, or at least severely restrict. I binged tonight, am feeling terrible now, and plan to eat only a small dinner tomorrow and the next day (I have to eat dinner so my parents don't suspect). If I hadn't binged, though, I would try to eat 1200-1400 calories. I also excercise, but not obsessively. I really want to be skinny. I feel like I would be happier that way. My "goal weight" is 110 or 115. But I also like having a goal to work towards, so the process of weight loss is sort of like a competition for me. It gives me control.
I have dieted off and on since I was about 11, and have felt fat since even before then, though I have never actually been overweight. When I was in middle school and some of high school I went through one or two week "diets" when I would restrict myself to 200-500 calories a day. I would feel so weak and dizzy that I would inevitably binge and stop for a while. Then I'd start again.
Basically, I know I am not "normal" with my relationship to food, but I don't seem to have anorexia or a binge eating disorder, and definitely not bulimia as I can't purge. Can anyone relate?? I don't know what's going on with me. Thank you all so much for reading :)