continued
ok. so i need therapy. i think i seriously do. i just dont know what to do with myself anymore. i cant deal with it. im just so mad. its been almost a year and im still SO MAD. i get so upset over this. i cant believe i would allow it to mess with me this long, and so much that it interferes with my daily life.
im currently having another break down. bonnie just told me a story and i laughed so hard i started to seriously cry...until i couldnt tell if i was laughing or crying. and the story was indeed funny, but not funny enough for me to cry...which leads me to think im going insane. im just so emotional right now that i dont think i can take myself. idk how to just get over this and move on.
everything about this situation pisses me off. Heres this guy that i dated for a year. just one year. ive dated guys longer than that and not been nearly as attached but this guy apparently was different to me for whatever reason. you'd think he was my fucking god or something. and things were great while they lasted but now that its over ive been looking back and i seriously havent come to any good conclusions about him. seriously, im not still in love with him i dont believe. when i think of him i get physically sick. i get so mad and stressed out that i cant even think straight. which is why these journals are so all over the place. im scatterbrained to begin with and this isnt helping!
i cant figure out how to deal with this. ive done so many different things: ive tried just being his friend, told him to never talk to me again, blocked him from my AIM, deleted him from aim, added him back wondering if maybe i should restart contact and maybe get closure, but no matter what i do i dont get closure from him. i read his profile from time to time and this time it had a fucking "secret inside joke" for his new girlfriend. and in her profile was the same thing back to him, and it made me sick! how dare he be seeing someone new?! he told me he didnt want a girlfriend, yet a month or so after we broke up hes seeing this girl and has been for the past almost year. this is rediculous! WHY IS THAT SO HARD FOR ME TO DEAL WITH?! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME OUT HERE? pick out a therapist or SOMETHING? jesus.
here i have the single life i never had before, and i enjoy being single. i do. because im getting to know what i want, what i like, what i want for myself...and yet, i cant even bring myself to think about committment. i want nothing to do with it, and its gonna hurt my chances with some really great people, i can see that already. its really killing me. maybe it doesnt show outwardly, but its truly eating at me. everyday the thread im holding on to becomes more frayed and im not sure what to do...i know how dramatic of me but seriously i can feel myself slipping and if i dont deal with this the RIGHT way soon, im not sure what will happen.
all i know is right now my chest hurts, i cant breathe properly and i feel like im gonna throw up.
im still really mad. if anyone has any advice PLEASE give it to me. im just about willing to try anything....please help
im currently having another break down. bonnie just told me a story and i laughed so hard i started to seriously cry...until i couldnt tell if i was laughing or crying. and the story was indeed funny, but not funny enough for me to cry...which leads me to think im going insane. im just so emotional right now that i dont think i can take myself. idk how to just get over this and move on.
everything about this situation pisses me off. Heres this guy that i dated for a year. just one year. ive dated guys longer than that and not been nearly as attached but this guy apparently was different to me for whatever reason. you'd think he was my fucking god or something. and things were great while they lasted but now that its over ive been looking back and i seriously havent come to any good conclusions about him. seriously, im not still in love with him i dont believe. when i think of him i get physically sick. i get so mad and stressed out that i cant even think straight. which is why these journals are so all over the place. im scatterbrained to begin with and this isnt helping!
i cant figure out how to deal with this. ive done so many different things: ive tried just being his friend, told him to never talk to me again, blocked him from my AIM, deleted him from aim, added him back wondering if maybe i should restart contact and maybe get closure, but no matter what i do i dont get closure from him. i read his profile from time to time and this time it had a fucking "secret inside joke" for his new girlfriend. and in her profile was the same thing back to him, and it made me sick! how dare he be seeing someone new?! he told me he didnt want a girlfriend, yet a month or so after we broke up hes seeing this girl and has been for the past almost year. this is rediculous! WHY IS THAT SO HARD FOR ME TO DEAL WITH?! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME OUT HERE? pick out a therapist or SOMETHING? jesus.
here i have the single life i never had before, and i enjoy being single. i do. because im getting to know what i want, what i like, what i want for myself...and yet, i cant even bring myself to think about committment. i want nothing to do with it, and its gonna hurt my chances with some really great people, i can see that already. its really killing me. maybe it doesnt show outwardly, but its truly eating at me. everyday the thread im holding on to becomes more frayed and im not sure what to do...i know how dramatic of me but seriously i can feel myself slipping and if i dont deal with this the RIGHT way soon, im not sure what will happen.
all i know is right now my chest hurts, i cant breathe properly and i feel like im gonna throw up.
im still really mad. if anyone has any advice PLEASE give it to me. im just about willing to try anything....please help