[FIC] Carry Your Shame 22/25
Rating: NC-17
Beta: Laura aka- gottriplets <3
Warnings: First time sex, blow jobs, exhibitionism, sexting, gay sex all around- the usual :)
Additional Chapter Warnings: Infidelity and hints at an emotionally abusive relationship.
Summary: Kurt's spent his entire life being pushed around and ignored. He's never had a single friend until he met Blaine Anderson, a swimmer for the National Team and McKinley's Golden Boy. When the boys fall for each other, Kurt has to learn the hard way that there are some things even love can't fix-like the fact that his step-brother and boyfriend are mortal enemies. Will Blaine be willing to give up everything to be with Kurt or will they crumble under the pressure to become what everyone else is trying to turn them into?
This was written for this GKM prompt, so go check it out and possibly leave me some love <3
Word Count: 7,217 Total: 158,048
Part 1/ Part 2/ Part 3/ Blaine Interlude 3.5/ Part 4/ Part 5/ Part 6/ Part 7/ Part 8/ Part 9/ Blaine Interlude 9.5/ Part 10/ Part 11/ Part 12 // Part 13// Blaine Interlude 13.5// Part 14// Part 15// Part 16// Part 17// Blaine Interlude 17.5// Part 18// Part 19//Part 20// Part 21// Blaine Interlude 21.5
*You can also read the chapters on Tumblr at this link*
Carry Your Shame Playlist (organized by chapter)
****
Kurt had wanted nothing more than to stay with Blaine until all of his tears were dried and his problems were solved, but the fact remained that he was still grounded and Friday night dinners at his house were mandatory. His dad might have lifted his punishment temporarily, understanding Kurt’s need to see Blaine, but he wasn’t getting out of dinner. He’d been forced to leave Blaine’s that afternoon with a sad smile and a promise to come back the next day when Blaine finished swim practice. He’d wanted to do more to help - he should have done more - but cuts like the ones Blaine had didn’t heal overnight and Kurt wasn’t sure he could keep the wounds from scarring.
For now, a friendly wave and reassuring words were all he could offer him. Kurt was glad that they were on the right track after all of this time. It might not happen tomorrow, but Kurt knew that they’d find their way through everything together and they’d fall back into one another again. He just needed to have patience.
Unfortunately patience had never been one of Kurt’s strong suits.
“How’s Blaine?” his dad asked once he’d gotten back home and had started making dinner for everyone.
“Honestly? I’m not sure,” Kurt said with a shrug as he pulled some vegetables out of the refrigerator to start chopping up. “He’s fine I guess, considering…”
“You’ll both be fine,” his dad said reassuringly, giving his shoulder a strong squeeze. “Eventually people will find something else to talk about and move on.”
“I just feel really bad,” he confessed, thinking back to how broken Blaine had looked lying in his bed. Kurt’s heart had shattered the second he’d walked into his room and seen how deeply the sex tape had hurt Blaine. “He didn’t do anything to deserve this.”
“There were two people in that video,” his dad reminded him with sad smile. “I’m not going to say you two deserved this because you didn’t and I’m going to make sure that little shit pays for what happened to you two-”
“But?” he pressed, knowing that there was another side to his dad’s compassion that they were about to hit - anger. It was the reason he was still grounded despite the truth coming out about what Evan had done.
“But the truth still remains that the two of you knowingly engaged in highly inappropriate behavior on school property, of all places. You couldn’t at least have waited until you were in the safety of your own house? I have no idea what you two were thinking, though I guess it’s clear you were both thinking with a different head.”
“Dad!” Kurt exclaimed, feeling his face heat up with a deep blush. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how many times I can say it. Can you just stop lecturing me? I know it was stupid. We both regret it.”
Well, he regretted having sex at school. He didn’t regret being with Blaine. Though he wasn’t about to tell his dad that. Oh yeah, Dad, the sex was amazing. Best idea I’ve ever had. Only mistake was getting caught. Somehow he didn’t think that would go over well.
“I’ll stop lecturing you when I’m sure you’ve heard me,” he said sternly.
“I always hear you, Dad. I promise,” Kurt said honestly. He understood why his father might think that he hadn’t listened to him, but that was far from the case. There wasn’t anybody else in his life whose words he trusted more. If his dad told him something, he took it to heart.
“Well, I guess that’s all a father can hope for,” he said running a tired hand over his face. “I guess I just wonder sometimes if I’m doing right by you. You’re growing up so fast and I’m not sure I’m keeping up.”
“You are,” Kurt promised, hating that he had his father questioning his parenting skills.
“Your mom would have been able to handle all this stuff better,” he said, his voice suspiciously wet. Kurt couldn’t be sure if he was crying though because he had his head buried in the refrigerator under the pretense of getting the meat ready to grill.
“You do just fine,” Kurt said, feeling helpless in the way he always did when his dad got upset over his mom. It had been awhile since his dad had brought up how inadequate he felt as a single parent - they’ve got Carole and Finn now and he could tell his dad was more comfortable with another parent to lean on when things got rough - but Kurt had lost count of the times it’d happened before. After all these years, he’d never quite mastered how to convince his dad that he was doing a good job.
“I just wonder if she wouldn’t have suspected you and Blaine were at that stage in your relationship,” he said. “She would have made sure you two were being smart. She would have made sure that you felt comfortable enough to stay in your own home where you could be safe. I feel like you guys did this at school because you didn’t think you could here and you shouldn’t here because you shouldn’t have sex anywhere - you’re just children - but… I don’t know. I guess I feel like I created this situation for you somehow.”
“You didn’t,” Kurt said, putting down the carrot he was chopping to walk over and wrap his arms around his dad. They stood like that for a minute or two with Kurt’s cheek pressed into the back of his dad’s shoulder blades where he still refused to turn around to face Kurt, but Kurt could feel his dad’s shaky breaths. He was clearly crying.
“You’re the best dad I could have ever asked for. What Blaine and I did was stupid, we’re teenagers, it’s bound to happen. It had nothing to do with your parenting skills. We didn’t have sex at school because I was too scared to have it at home. I’m comfortable here, I promise.”
“Right,” Burt said, pulling away to wipe at his eyes. “Well, this meat’s not going to grill itself and Carole will be home soon expecting dinner.”
“Of course,” Kurt said and turned back to the vegetables to give his dad some time to compose himself.
As he watched his father walk out to the patio to light the grill, he got to thinking that maybe Mr. Anderson wasn’t so different from his dad after all. Hadn’t Kurt had a hard time communicating with his father for the longest time? They’d tried and failed to find similar interests and when Finn had come along Kurt had been so terrified of being shut out that he’d pretended to be straight. Eventually, his dad had seen how negatively his actions were affecting Kurt and they’d started working together to build a stronger bond. Kurt started to teach his dad to cook while Burt invited Kurt to watch basketball with Finn and him, knowing he’d only spend the time reading Vogue instead, but it didn’t matter because Kurt was happy to be invited.
He could only hope that Mr. Anderson had finally had his own realization like Burt had the day he’d come home to Kurt singing ‘Rose’s Turn’ in front of a cold dinner that was supposed to be for the two of them before his dad had left him to go watch one of Finn’s games. That had been a few weeks before Carole and Finn had first tried moving in with them and Kurt had felt like his life was falling apart. His dad had finally seen his pain though, and their relationship had only gotten stronger after that. That was what Kurt hoped for Blaine.
****
Kurt had to promise to be home by nine and work at the garage tomorrow for free, but he’d gotten his dad to agree to lift his house arrest and let him go back over to Blaine’s. Kurt’s pretty sure that the only reason his dad had agreed was because it was Blaine that Kurt was going to see. One of these days he was going to confront his dad about his soft spot for Blaine - it didn’t make sense seeing as Blaine had been the one Kurt had lost his virginity to and had a sex tape with - but that day would not be today. The last thing he wanted was to question why his father was letting him out of his grounding to see the boy he'd been 'inappropriately intimate' with.
Kurt was lying in Blaine’s bed as they watched The Wizard of Oz together. They were both lying on top of the comforter with enough space between them that it wasn’t anything more than a movie between friends, but it still felt nice to be together. For Blaine’s part, he looked slightly more rested than he had the day before which was progress, though Kurt could still see the wariness in his eyes whenever he caught Blaine staring at him for too long.
It was almost like Blaine expected him to get up and leave at any moment. He wished that he could say he was confused by this, but that would be a lie. Blaine had every right to be hesitant with him. While Kurt didn’t assume full responsibility for what had happened between them, he thought they could split the blame fifty/fifty at this point and Blaine had already atoned for his mistakes. It was Kurt’s turn to wait on the sidelines until the pain he’d caused dulled enough to be forgiven.
"How was swim practice?" Kurt asked, trying to make small talk since Blaine was being unusually quiet.
"I have the Michigan Grand Prix next weekend and I'm pretty sure a sloth could beat me right now," Blaine said, sounding so dejected.
"I don't think sloths can swim," Kurt said, trying to lighten the mood.
"Exactly," he said. "I'm already the laughing stock in the swimming community and now I'm not even going to be able to post the times everyone is expecting to prove I still belong there."
"Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself," Kurt said, trying his best to sound encouraging. "You don't have to prove anything to them."
"I have to prove everything to them," Blaine said with a bitter laugh. "Do you know how many kids I've had come up to me throughout the years to tell me that they want to be me when they grow up? People look up to me and I let them down."
"But you don't have to be anybody's role model," he said. "You can just be you and if they don't like it then screw them."
"Maybe I wanted them to look up to me," Blaine said sadly. "It's stupid. It's not like I wanted to be famous or anything... I just thought it might make a difference."
"What might make a difference?" he asked.
"Showing people that sexual orientation doesn't have anything to do with the ability to play sports," Blaine explained. "That it was okay for little kids to look up to a gay guy because I was a good guy. Now I'm just the gay kid who was too sex-crazed to keep it in his pants."
"If you are the gay kid who was too sex-crazed to keep it in your pants, so am I," Kurt explained carefully. "But that doesn't mean you aren't also still a good guy. Don't worry so much about what everyone is thinking. You aren't swimming for them, you're swimming for you."
"Easier said than done," Blaine said.
The doorbell rang downstairs but neither of them thought anything of it. Blaine lived in the fancy part of town which meant people were constantly knocking on his door trying to sell something or ask for donations. Blaine’s mom and aunt had gone into the city that day, but Mr. Anderson was still home so they let him get the door and continued on watching the movie as if it hadn’t been interrupted in the first place.
It wasn’t until they heard raised voices coming from downstairs that they thought something wasn’t quite normal.
“I’m just going to go grab us some sodas,” Blaine said getting up to head to the kitchen, where Kurt knew he’d have a perfect view of the front door and whoever his dad was arguing with. Kurt prayed it wasn’t a mother stopping by to tell the Anderson’s how they were outraged because they’d found their child watching porn that Blaine had starred in. There had apparently been a few phone calls the night before from ‘concerned’ parents, Kurt knew. His dad had gotten them as well.
Kurt waited a few minutes, but when Blaine’s voice joined in on the argument, his curiosity was piqued. He moved to stand by the door, wanting to hear more but uncomfortable spying without knowing exactly what was happening. When he caught the sound of Evan’s voice, he knew he couldn’t just stay up here and wait. He was out of the room and running down the stairs as fast as his legs could carry him, hoping to prevent a disaster from happening but knowing he was already too late.
If Evan was here, there was no way this wasn’t going to be a disaster.
“How’d the National Team like the video?” Evan asked in a vicious voice that Kurt never would have thought him capable of before yesterday when he’d found out his true nature and how black his heart really was.
“So you’re admitting it was you that released the tape then?” Blaine clarified, though Kurt had already told him it was.
Evan didn’t say anything, but the smirk on his face told Blaine everything he needed to know.
“Good, this is good,” Blaine said with a cocky grin. “I’ve been waiting a long time to be able to do this without you crying wolf to Kurt.”
The next thing Kurt knew, Blaine was pulling his arm back and punching Evan in the face.
“Blaine!” Kurt yelled, shocked as Evan fell back against the wall of the house, crumbling like a house of cards under the force of Blaine’s blow. He looked over to where Mr. Anderson was standing in the doorway, surprised to see him casually drinking his coffee like he was reading the morning paper, not watching his son hit another kid.
“Are you going to let this happen?” he asked Mr. Anderson as the two boys began pushing each other and throwing punches back and forth. Blaine clearly had the advantage since he was in the gym every day and Kurt didn’t even know if Evan had ever done more than watch sports. Most of Evan’s cardio came from dancing slowly around the common room as he sang songs with the Warblers.
“I’m an old man and Blaine’s an Olympic level athlete. If anyone asks, it won’t be hard to convince them that Blaine overpowered me,” Mr. Anderson said with a shrug, clearly enjoying the show.
“You know that he’s not going to want anything to do with you now that your swimming career is shot,” Evan spat blood on the ground, deciding to fight with words since he clearly wasn’t going to beat Blaine with force.
“I don’t care if he’s a swimmer or not,” Kurt argued, pushing past Mr. Anderson to make his way onto the crowded porch.
Evan let out a bitter laugh at the sight of him. “I see you wasted no time running back to his arms. That’s the reason you broke up with me wasn’t it? To fuck him?”
“He came here to rub my nose in it,” Blaine explained through gritted teeth. “He wanted to make sure I was put in my place. He wanted to make sure I knew you were still his.”
Kurt rolled his eyes in disgust and turned back to Evan to answer his question.
“Believe it or not, breaking up with you had nothing to do with Blaine,” Kurt said. “I broke up with you because I have self respect and you obviously don’t.”
“That’s bullshit; if you had self-respect you wouldn't have spread your legs for him. You’re just happy to let him fuck you because you think he’ll help you be famous one day,” Evan argued.
“You need to stop talking right now before I punch you in the face again,” Blaine said, stepping in front of Kurt as if he was going to protect him. As if Evan could say or do something worse to Kurt than what he’d already done. Kurt was starting to realize that there wasn’t anything more Evan could do to him. He’d done his worst and Kurt was still standing.
“You know what, if we’re being completely honest here - I never should have started going out with you,” Kurt said, deciding to fight with his own words because he really didn’t want Blaine to go back to punching him and end up in jail for assault - no matter how justified it might be.
“When I agreed to date you, I was still in love with him and for that I apologize," Kurt said. "I was never attracted to you like I was him. You’re a sloppy kisser. You’re demanding and pushy and incredibly needy. You treat me like I belong to you and have no identity of your own outside of your relationships with me and your friends. You’re fake and it makes me nauseous every time I try and figure out just how deep all your lies and manipulations go.”
“You think he’s any better?” Evan asked. “You’re just another gold medal for him to flaunt around and shove in everyone’s faces. So don’t act like you weren’t into me, Sweetie. You might not want me anymore because he’s suddenly willing to give you the time of day again-”
“Get out,” Blaine said dangerously.
“Make me,” Evan challenged him, causing Blaine to pull back and punch him again.
“You know I’m right,” he said to Blaine with a deathly smirk. “That’s why you’re getting so upset. You know that you’re no good for him and since you can’t prove me wrong, you’re just going to punch me instead.”
Blaine moved to hit him again, but Kurt grabbed him by the back of the collar and pulled him away.
“Stop,” Kurt commanded, keeping his hand on Blaine’s chest to keep him from attacking him again. If he let go there was a real possibility Blaine could face a murder charge.
“You need to leave before I call the police,” Mr. Anderson finally spoke up from where he’d been watching by the door.
“Because a teenage boy fighting with his ex and his whore is their first priority,” Evan said with a self-satisfied smirk, like he had all the answers.
“Blaine’s not a whore-” Kurt started to argue but was cut off by Mr. Anderson.
“No, but when I tell them you’ve been distributing child pornography I think it will be,” Mr. Anderson challenged the punk. “Or did you forget that both Blaine and Kurt were minors when you sent that video to everyone you knew?”
“I’m not scared of you,” he answered, puffing out his chest in a false bravado that Kurt could see cracking under the intensity of Mr. Anderson’s glare.
“What are you hoping to accomplish here?” Blaine asked sounding exhausted.
Kurt felt horrible. He had it out with Evan yesterday and he no longer felt like he would blow over at the smallest slight. Blaine hadn't had that chance. While Kurt was listening to the things that Evan was saying with a half-ear, knowing nothing he could do or say would matter, Blaine hadn’t reached that point yet, because Blaine had lost way more than Kurt had and he’d been dealing with Evan’s hate for longer than Kurt.
“You won. You ruined my life like you promised. Congrats. You still lost Kurt though. I personally don’t know what you thought would happen. Did you think he would stay with you? That he wouldn’t find out and you could live happily ever after taking your secret to the grave? Cause he’s smarter than that and he did find out so why are you still here?” Blaine asked.
“Because I want him to see what a disaster you are for him,” Evan said. “All it takes is one little comment to make you fly off the handle. How long is it going to take before Kurt says something to piss you off and you turn your anger on him?”
“You think I’d hit him?” Blaine asked looking at Evan like he’d lost his mind.
“Okay, this? It’s crazy,” Kurt said, throwing his hands up in frustration.
He honestly couldn’t handle any of this. His life had suddenly become a very bad CW show with some of the worst lines he’d ever heard before. What was Evan even talking about? He was clearly desperate and lashing out with anything he could think of and the list of excuses to get him out of trouble had run out. He had nothing. There would be nothing he could say to justify his actions and he knew it. Now he was left spouting complete nonsense.
“Here.” Kurt pulled the paper Lauren had given him out of his pocket and handed it to Blaine. The paper that proved Evan was the one who posted the video online. He’d been intending to give it to his dad because his dad kept talking about wanting to prove Evan was at fault so they could press charges, but he hadn’t gotten the chance to give it to him yet.
“What’s that?” Evan asked suspiciously.
“I’m giving Blaine the proof he needs to press charges against you," he explained. "if he wants to. Quite frankly I don't care what happens to you anymore."
He turned on his heel and headed back inside to let Blaine and his father handle Evan.
It was for the best, Kurt realized. He didn’t need to punish Evan or get even with him anymore; that ship had sailed. He didn’t feel anger towards him anymore, he just felt pity. He felt sad for the boy who was clueless as to how real relationships worked. He didn’t think Evan would ever find somebody to love if he couldn’t even have a boyfriend without manipulating him.
Kurt had come to terms with what happened and turning Evan into the police wouldn’t give him the closure he was seeking. Blaine was the only one who could do that for Kurt and, right now, Blaine needed to be able to hurt Evan as much as he’d been hurt. Blaine didn’t need Kurt to be the knight in shining armor who saved the day. He didn’t need Kurt turning Evan in and solving all of his problems for him. Not when Kurt had helped create the problem in the first place. No, Blaine needed to fix this himself.
Kurt gave him the papers and left him be. As much as it killed him not to stay and help - this was something Blaine had to do without him.
****
“Are you ready to talk about it?” Kurt asked Blaine as they sat on the couch in Kurt’s living room.
After Evan had left the Anderson’s yesterday, Blaine and his dad had gone down to the police station to file a report. Kurt had reluctantly gone home even though it was killing him not to accompany Blaine to the station. Kurt was a fixer. He needed to solve people’s problems and he knew giving Blaine some control over what had happened was helping to fix the problem. It was still hard to leave the Anderson’s yesterday with only a promise that Blaine would come over the next day.
“The police will probably be contacting you for a statement about Evan,” Blaine answered, clearly avoiding Kurt’s real question. He wasn’t concerned about what was happening to Evan, not anymore. He was worried about Blaine.
“Okay,” Kurt said patiently, knowing that he needed to give him time. He was never that comfortable talking about his feelings and when he did, it was usually after a long discussion about something else.
“My dad talked to a lawyer,” he explained, staring ahead at the TV screen that was playing some trashy reality TV show on mute. “The law states that anyone convicted of distributing child pornography, even a sext, can be charged with a felony. He said Evan is facing up to eight years in jail and he’ll have to register as sex offender.”
“Eight years!” Kurt exclaimed, shocked. He knew that what Evan had done was bad, but he hadn’t realized the punishment could be so severe. It seemed a bit much. While Evan had gotten him expelled and destroyed Blaine's reputation and possibly his career, he was only in high school. It wasn't like he killed somebody.
It was surprising that the boys who beat up Blaine faced no jail time, yet a sex tape getting out had such severe consequences. Kurt honestly hadn’t expected the police to do anything once they’d realized the two victims were gay. He expected to be told they had it coming or something of the like - at least they were finally being treated fairly.
“The lawyer doesn’t think that he’ll actually serve time, especially if his family hires a decent lawyer,” Blaine continued to explain, though the way he was shifting in his seat showed Kurt that he was just as uncomfortable with what could happen as Kurt was. “But he’s eighteen and if they find him guilty he’ll still have to register as a sex offender and he’ll have a felony on his permanent record.
“Wow,” he said, feeling like his eyes were going to bug out of his head like some silly cartoon.
“I know,” Blaine said with a tired sigh. “I want him to pay for what he did and I know it was wrong, but I didn’t realize it was such a serious offense. My dad kept telling me that it was a big deal I just… I don’t know. I thought he was exaggerating.”
“We can’t get in trouble for it though, right?” Kurt asked. “I mean, we are in the video.”
“The lawyer said we’re fine since we didn’t knowingly give consent to the filming. Though I’m worried about Lauren,” he confessed.
“She’s fine,” Kurt said. “She covered her tracks; the tape won’t get traced back to her... Just, wow.”
“I know,” Blaine said with a helpless shrug. “I feel like I should take it back, but then I think of how much he harassed me and I have to wonder - if I don’t report this, is he just going to keep treating other people like this?”
“No, no,” he said, putting his hand on Blaine’s shoulder to reassure him. Though Kurt could admit, he felt a bit bad for Evan having to potentially face eight years of jail, he wasn’t innocent. He’d made some bad decisions and he sadly would have to live with the consequences just like the two of them were learning to do.
“You’re not mad?” Blaine asked nervously.
“I gave you the proof. I told you to report it," Kurt said carefully.
"Yeah," he agreed and they both fell into an awkward silence while they tried to come up with something to say.
"I hope she gets eliminated. I don't care how delicious her cooking is, she is wearing leopard print pants," Kurt said after several minutes just to fill the silence. Blaine snorted and agreed, and thankfully, they fell back into easy conversation again.
"Do you think Anthony Bourdain is cute? In like an ‘older man’ kind of way?" Blaine asked.
"He's no George Clooney," Kurt said with an amused smile. "Why? Do you?"
"No," he said. "I just figured he's a French chef; maybe that did something for you."
"Trying to see what turns me on, Anderson?" Kurt teased, hoping he wasn’t crossing a line.
"Just wondering," he said with a shrug and Kurt let out a sigh of relief that Blaine hadn’t gotten upset. He knew they wouldn’t be having sex for a long time. He knew that they could only handle being friends at the moment, but he had yet to figure out where the line was between acceptable behavior and moving too fast.
"I think anytime we kissed I'd just picture all the weird, disgusting things he eats on No Reservations," Kurt said with a happy smile. "Nothing romantic about that."
"I guess not," Blaine said and they went back to watching the show, but Kurt noticed this time Blaine's hand had inched closer to his own like he wanted to reach out and grab Kurt's. Kurt took pity on him and placed his hand over Blaine's. Blaine sent him a shy smile and they both turned back to the TV, satisfied with that small physical connection between the two of them.
For two people who had shared every part of their bodies with each other, it was interesting to see them so hesitant around each other. It was like they really were starting over and all of their problems could be erased if they just kept treating this relationship with the care it deserved. If they went about this the way they should have the first time around - slow and gentle.
“Hey,” Burt called out as he walked through the front door a few hours later. He’d been at the garage all day trying to get some paperwork done.
“What’s up?” he asked when he entered the living room and found Kurt and Blaine sitting on the couch.
“Blaine and his dad pressed charges against Evan,” Kurt said, knowing his dad would be happy with the news.
“I know,” he said with a secret smirk.
"You know?" Kurt asked, giving him a curious look.
"Mr. Anderson called me at the shop this morning. He wanted to make sure you two were being supervised so nothing happened," he responded with a raised eyebrow.
"What did you tell him?" Kurt asked.
They’d been home alone for a few hours. If Mr. Anderson had called that morning concerned about them getting up to something scandalous without supervision, why hadn’t his dad come home earlier? Why hadn’t Blaine’s dad called to tell him he had to come home?
“I said that I thought that ship had sailed long ago,” Burt said with a snort.
“What did he say?” Blaine asked, sitting up higher in his seat.
“We talked about it,” Burt explained. “We agreed that though most parents would probably ground you from each other, not seeing each other wouldn’t erase what had happened and you both seem to do better together than you do apart.”
“So what does that mean?” Kurt asked. “I’m grounded, but I can still see Blaine?”
“More or less,” Burt answered. “There will be some ground rules.”
“We won’t be having sex,” Kurt said quickly, almost laughing when he saw Blaine blush and try to bury his face in his hands.
“I don’t know if I believe that,” Burt said. “And the last thing I want is to enforce open door policies that will drive you to start doing sexual things outside of your home. We’ve had enough problems; I would hate to think of what would happen if somebody caught you fooling around in public. So we’re going to sit here and have a mature discussion as adults.”
“I should probably give you some privacy,” Blaine mumbled, clearly embarrassed as he started to stand up.
“Sit down, Kid. This involves you, too,” Burt said with a stern look that said he meant business but he wasn’t angry.
Blaine sank back into the couch awkwardly and Kurt reached out to grab his hand, reassuringly.
“First off, I want to make it very clear that the reason you two are in trouble has nothing to do with the sex tape. I’ve said this to Kurt before, but I’ll say it again so you both understand,” Burt said with a pointed look to Blaine. “That tape coming out was not your fault and it’s not the reason anybody is upset with you. It’s disappointing and Evan had no business doing what he did, but it wasn’t your fault.”
“Okay,” they both said, neither one sounding convinced.
“No,” Burt said sternly. “I know you two have a distorted view on how the world works because you’ve been pushed around one too many times, but what Evan did to you goes far beyond normal high school stuff. What he did was a horribly degrading thing. He took a moment that I’m sure was very private and personal for you both and he put it out there for the entire world to see hoping to humiliate you. Nobody deserves that. Furthermore, the video he posted wasn’t just embarrassing, it was illegal. You’re both minors and as such, that tape was child pornography. Even if you were both of age, posting that video was a horrible decision and when he gets punished for it, he’ll deserve it.”
“I know it was wrong, but to be on the sexual predator list forever? That seems a bit extreme. He might lose his acceptance at Dartmouth,” Kurt said, the feeling of guilt lingering in the pit of his stomach.
“And how is that any worse than Blaine losing his spot on the National Team?” Burt asked. “Evan personally sent that video to the people at USA Swimming. He intended to end Blaine’s future. Don’t you dare feel guilty for even a second over that boy. He made his bed and now he’ll lie in it. Hopefully he’ll learn from this and if not, at least we’ve made it that much harder for him to do this to somebody else.”
“Your dad’s right,” Blaine said quietly. “He deserves what’s coming to him. Not just for the tape, but for everything.”
Kurt wanted to ask exactly what everything entailed, because he’d never found out exactly what Evan had been doing to Blaine. He’d intended to look at the texts Blaine and Evan had shared, but Blaine’s phone had been taken away and he didn’t know how comfortable Blaine would be talking about it. They had a lot going on in the last two days and finding out the extent of Evan’s bullying wasn’t at the top of his priority list. It was enough to know that something had happened and Blaine was hurt. Now though, Kurt wanted details. Unfortunately, he couldn’t really ask with his dad sitting right there. There was no way Blaine would tell him the whole story with his dad listening in.
“Blaine’s dad and I were talking about what to do with you both,” Burt said, steering the conversation back to the originally subject. “Our biggest concern is making sure that you two are alright, first and foremost. There was a long debate over whether or not it’d be easier for you to do that together or apart.”
“Why wouldn’t it be easier together?” Kurt asked.
“Well for starters, the last time I saw you this upset it was because Blaine had slept with you and then broken up with you,” Burt said bluntly, causing Kurt to fidget awkwardly in his chair.
“It’s not how it looks, sir-” Blaine immediately began to explain himself but his dad just held up his hand to silence him.
“Blaine’s been having a rough time at school lately as well, even before the tape came out, and his dad thinks it has to do with you. So the question is if you two are really the healthiest thing for one another,” his dad said.
Kurt didn’t know what to say. His dad was always a big fan of Blaine. It was strange to hear him bring up all the negative things about them when he was constantly comparing Evan to Blaine like Blaine was the prime example for perfect boyfriend.
“We talked about it for awhile. Should we prohibit you from seeing one another? Should we monitor your interactions to make sure they stayed friendly and didn’t turn ugly? It was rough, I’m not going to tell you it wasn’t,” Burt said.
“I’m really, honestly, so sorry for how I treated Kurt before. I love your son, Mr. Hummel,” Blaine said, causing Kurt’s breath to catch at the ease in which Blaine was confessing his feelings to his dad of all people.
“I know you do, Kid,” Burt said with a tense smile. “I’ve seen it in your eyes from the first day you came over to my house and Kurt tried to tell me that you were straight.”
“But you said you were going to let us keep seeing each other,” Kurt said, trying to stay focused on the conversation and not get caught up in how beautiful Blaine’s lips had formed around the word love. “You must have agreed we were good for one another.”
“We did,” Burt agreed. “I like you, Blaine.”
“Thank you, sir,” Blaine said.
“I’ve never seen my kid as happy or as sad as when he’s with you and I’ve learned long ago what I think you boys are having to learn now. Love can’t always be sunshine, rainbows and double features at the revival theatre,” Burt said. “It’s work. It’s hard work. But when it’s good, it can change your life around and make everything so much better. I think if you two can learn to take care of one another instead of pushing each other away whenever things get hard, you’ve got the potential for something really special. You know, if you both want it.”
Kurt wanted it. He wanted it so badly that it hurt. He was so blinded by his love that he wasn’t even upset on his own behalf anymore about the tape; he was only upset on Blaine’s. He wanted to go back to coffee dates after school. He wanted to go window shopping at the mall while they both shared headphones and listened to whatever indie group Blaine had discovered that week. He wanted to be able to say ‘I love you’ and not worry that it wouldn’t be said back.
He wanted his boyfriend back. He wanted Blaine and he didn’t want to have to wait for him anymore - but God, he would wait forever if it meant Blaine would be on the other side ready and willing.
Kurt met Blaine’s eye and they both smiled tentatively at each other. They certainly weren’t going to be making any heartfelt confessions to each other with his dad watching on, but Kurt could see it in Blaine’s eyes. The desire was still there for more.
“So we’re lifting your groundings,” Burt said. “We both agree that the tape coming out was punishment enough and I think you’ve learned a serious lesson here. I do expect, however, that since I’m trusting you both to be mature and am not going to tell you not to have sex again, that you’ll be respectful about things. Not just of the other people that live here, but of each other.”
“We will, we promise,” Kurt said.
“Yes, of course,” Blaine said quickly. “I mean I’m not even planning on having sex. Like ever again. Not after this and so you don’t have to worry about that.”
Kurt thought it was cute that Blaine was rambling so much in front of his dad because he was overwhelmed and didn’t quite know what else to say. He caught his dad’s eye and they both shared a fond smile and Kurt thought he understood why his dad had always been so generous when it came to Blaine.
Unlike Evan, who was clearly always so well composed, almost robotic, with his family, Blaine was genuine. He got nervous when Burt stared for too long. He offered to clean up so Carole didn’t have to. He wasn’t afraid to argue with Finn like a brother would. He was comfortable here, even when he wasn’t 100% comfortable. He belonged here.
He made Kurt happy and he made Kurt mad. He could make Kurt laugh so hard that he’d snort. When he made Kurt cry, it was never out of a feeling of being bullied and discounted, it was because he felt so strongly for this boy that the thought of things not working out made him miserable.
He was in love with every part of his heart and he wondered how long his dad had been able to see it. He wondered how Blaine had made such an impression on his family that his mistakes were so easily forgivable. How had his father had been able to see past Blaine’s missteps (because taking Kurt’s virginity only to dump him was a pretty big misstep and unforgivable in most parents books) and known that Blaine was a kid worthy of Kurt’s love?
How had he known that Blaine’s love would be the one Kurt should fight for even though Evan’s love had appeared more traditionally romantic and genuine at the time?
Really though, Kurt wasn’t sure he cared. The fact remained that Kurt loved Blaine. Blaine loved Kurt. His dad wasn’t going to do anything to keep them apart.
“One last thing,” Burt added, and Kurt had known that it couldn’t have been that easy. “In lieu of grounding you, we’ve signed you both up for a safe-sex education class at the free clinic.”
“We had a sex education class at school,” Kurt said. “I know all about STDs and all that stuff.”
“Says the boy who ended up having sex with his partner before talking about his feelings and ended up with a sex tape barely a few weeks after meeting said partner,” Burt said. “You’re taking this class. It’s a non-negotiable part of your parole.”
Kurt started to build up an argument against having to show up at some lame class that would probably be filled with pregnant chicks, but Blaine spoke up before he got a chance to get going.
“It’s fine, Mr. Hummel,” Blaine said. “We’ll take the class.”
“Great. Now, Kurt if you’ll excuse us, I’d like to talk to Blaine alone,” Burt said.
“You’re not going to threaten him with a shotgun or something are you?” Kurt asked, half joking.
“No,” Burt said. “I’m just going to give him the same sex talk I once gave you.”
You matter, the words echoed in Kurt’s mind. It’s the one thing his dad had said that he thought would always stay with him. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter, because you matter.
When Kurt thought back on the way Blaine had gotten drunk and thrown himself at willing boys in the past, he thought there might not be somebody who needed that talk more because Blaine? Blaine mattered.
Beta: Laura aka- gottriplets <3
Warnings: First time sex, blow jobs, exhibitionism, sexting, gay sex all around- the usual :)
Additional Chapter Warnings: Infidelity and hints at an emotionally abusive relationship.
Summary: Kurt's spent his entire life being pushed around and ignored. He's never had a single friend until he met Blaine Anderson, a swimmer for the National Team and McKinley's Golden Boy. When the boys fall for each other, Kurt has to learn the hard way that there are some things even love can't fix-like the fact that his step-brother and boyfriend are mortal enemies. Will Blaine be willing to give up everything to be with Kurt or will they crumble under the pressure to become what everyone else is trying to turn them into?
This was written for this GKM prompt, so go check it out and possibly leave me some love <3
Word Count: 7,217 Total: 158,048
Part 1/ Part 2/ Part 3/ Blaine Interlude 3.5/ Part 4/ Part 5/ Part 6/ Part 7/ Part 8/ Part 9/ Blaine Interlude 9.5/ Part 10/ Part 11/ Part 12 // Part 13// Blaine Interlude 13.5// Part 14// Part 15// Part 16// Part 17// Blaine Interlude 17.5// Part 18// Part 19//Part 20// Part 21// Blaine Interlude 21.5
*You can also read the chapters on Tumblr at this link*
Carry Your Shame Playlist (organized by chapter)
****
Kurt had wanted nothing more than to stay with Blaine until all of his tears were dried and his problems were solved, but the fact remained that he was still grounded and Friday night dinners at his house were mandatory. His dad might have lifted his punishment temporarily, understanding Kurt’s need to see Blaine, but he wasn’t getting out of dinner. He’d been forced to leave Blaine’s that afternoon with a sad smile and a promise to come back the next day when Blaine finished swim practice. He’d wanted to do more to help - he should have done more - but cuts like the ones Blaine had didn’t heal overnight and Kurt wasn’t sure he could keep the wounds from scarring.
For now, a friendly wave and reassuring words were all he could offer him. Kurt was glad that they were on the right track after all of this time. It might not happen tomorrow, but Kurt knew that they’d find their way through everything together and they’d fall back into one another again. He just needed to have patience.
Unfortunately patience had never been one of Kurt’s strong suits.
“How’s Blaine?” his dad asked once he’d gotten back home and had started making dinner for everyone.
“Honestly? I’m not sure,” Kurt said with a shrug as he pulled some vegetables out of the refrigerator to start chopping up. “He’s fine I guess, considering…”
“You’ll both be fine,” his dad said reassuringly, giving his shoulder a strong squeeze. “Eventually people will find something else to talk about and move on.”
“I just feel really bad,” he confessed, thinking back to how broken Blaine had looked lying in his bed. Kurt’s heart had shattered the second he’d walked into his room and seen how deeply the sex tape had hurt Blaine. “He didn’t do anything to deserve this.”
“There were two people in that video,” his dad reminded him with sad smile. “I’m not going to say you two deserved this because you didn’t and I’m going to make sure that little shit pays for what happened to you two-”
“But?” he pressed, knowing that there was another side to his dad’s compassion that they were about to hit - anger. It was the reason he was still grounded despite the truth coming out about what Evan had done.
“But the truth still remains that the two of you knowingly engaged in highly inappropriate behavior on school property, of all places. You couldn’t at least have waited until you were in the safety of your own house? I have no idea what you two were thinking, though I guess it’s clear you were both thinking with a different head.”
“Dad!” Kurt exclaimed, feeling his face heat up with a deep blush. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how many times I can say it. Can you just stop lecturing me? I know it was stupid. We both regret it.”
Well, he regretted having sex at school. He didn’t regret being with Blaine. Though he wasn’t about to tell his dad that. Oh yeah, Dad, the sex was amazing. Best idea I’ve ever had. Only mistake was getting caught. Somehow he didn’t think that would go over well.
“I’ll stop lecturing you when I’m sure you’ve heard me,” he said sternly.
“I always hear you, Dad. I promise,” Kurt said honestly. He understood why his father might think that he hadn’t listened to him, but that was far from the case. There wasn’t anybody else in his life whose words he trusted more. If his dad told him something, he took it to heart.
“Well, I guess that’s all a father can hope for,” he said running a tired hand over his face. “I guess I just wonder sometimes if I’m doing right by you. You’re growing up so fast and I’m not sure I’m keeping up.”
“You are,” Kurt promised, hating that he had his father questioning his parenting skills.
“Your mom would have been able to handle all this stuff better,” he said, his voice suspiciously wet. Kurt couldn’t be sure if he was crying though because he had his head buried in the refrigerator under the pretense of getting the meat ready to grill.
“You do just fine,” Kurt said, feeling helpless in the way he always did when his dad got upset over his mom. It had been awhile since his dad had brought up how inadequate he felt as a single parent - they’ve got Carole and Finn now and he could tell his dad was more comfortable with another parent to lean on when things got rough - but Kurt had lost count of the times it’d happened before. After all these years, he’d never quite mastered how to convince his dad that he was doing a good job.
“I just wonder if she wouldn’t have suspected you and Blaine were at that stage in your relationship,” he said. “She would have made sure you two were being smart. She would have made sure that you felt comfortable enough to stay in your own home where you could be safe. I feel like you guys did this at school because you didn’t think you could here and you shouldn’t here because you shouldn’t have sex anywhere - you’re just children - but… I don’t know. I guess I feel like I created this situation for you somehow.”
“You didn’t,” Kurt said, putting down the carrot he was chopping to walk over and wrap his arms around his dad. They stood like that for a minute or two with Kurt’s cheek pressed into the back of his dad’s shoulder blades where he still refused to turn around to face Kurt, but Kurt could feel his dad’s shaky breaths. He was clearly crying.
“You’re the best dad I could have ever asked for. What Blaine and I did was stupid, we’re teenagers, it’s bound to happen. It had nothing to do with your parenting skills. We didn’t have sex at school because I was too scared to have it at home. I’m comfortable here, I promise.”
“Right,” Burt said, pulling away to wipe at his eyes. “Well, this meat’s not going to grill itself and Carole will be home soon expecting dinner.”
“Of course,” Kurt said and turned back to the vegetables to give his dad some time to compose himself.
As he watched his father walk out to the patio to light the grill, he got to thinking that maybe Mr. Anderson wasn’t so different from his dad after all. Hadn’t Kurt had a hard time communicating with his father for the longest time? They’d tried and failed to find similar interests and when Finn had come along Kurt had been so terrified of being shut out that he’d pretended to be straight. Eventually, his dad had seen how negatively his actions were affecting Kurt and they’d started working together to build a stronger bond. Kurt started to teach his dad to cook while Burt invited Kurt to watch basketball with Finn and him, knowing he’d only spend the time reading Vogue instead, but it didn’t matter because Kurt was happy to be invited.
He could only hope that Mr. Anderson had finally had his own realization like Burt had the day he’d come home to Kurt singing ‘Rose’s Turn’ in front of a cold dinner that was supposed to be for the two of them before his dad had left him to go watch one of Finn’s games. That had been a few weeks before Carole and Finn had first tried moving in with them and Kurt had felt like his life was falling apart. His dad had finally seen his pain though, and their relationship had only gotten stronger after that. That was what Kurt hoped for Blaine.
****
Kurt had to promise to be home by nine and work at the garage tomorrow for free, but he’d gotten his dad to agree to lift his house arrest and let him go back over to Blaine’s. Kurt’s pretty sure that the only reason his dad had agreed was because it was Blaine that Kurt was going to see. One of these days he was going to confront his dad about his soft spot for Blaine - it didn’t make sense seeing as Blaine had been the one Kurt had lost his virginity to and had a sex tape with - but that day would not be today. The last thing he wanted was to question why his father was letting him out of his grounding to see the boy he'd been 'inappropriately intimate' with.
Kurt was lying in Blaine’s bed as they watched The Wizard of Oz together. They were both lying on top of the comforter with enough space between them that it wasn’t anything more than a movie between friends, but it still felt nice to be together. For Blaine’s part, he looked slightly more rested than he had the day before which was progress, though Kurt could still see the wariness in his eyes whenever he caught Blaine staring at him for too long.
It was almost like Blaine expected him to get up and leave at any moment. He wished that he could say he was confused by this, but that would be a lie. Blaine had every right to be hesitant with him. While Kurt didn’t assume full responsibility for what had happened between them, he thought they could split the blame fifty/fifty at this point and Blaine had already atoned for his mistakes. It was Kurt’s turn to wait on the sidelines until the pain he’d caused dulled enough to be forgiven.
"How was swim practice?" Kurt asked, trying to make small talk since Blaine was being unusually quiet.
"I have the Michigan Grand Prix next weekend and I'm pretty sure a sloth could beat me right now," Blaine said, sounding so dejected.
"I don't think sloths can swim," Kurt said, trying to lighten the mood.
"Exactly," he said. "I'm already the laughing stock in the swimming community and now I'm not even going to be able to post the times everyone is expecting to prove I still belong there."
"Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself," Kurt said, trying his best to sound encouraging. "You don't have to prove anything to them."
"I have to prove everything to them," Blaine said with a bitter laugh. "Do you know how many kids I've had come up to me throughout the years to tell me that they want to be me when they grow up? People look up to me and I let them down."
"But you don't have to be anybody's role model," he said. "You can just be you and if they don't like it then screw them."
"Maybe I wanted them to look up to me," Blaine said sadly. "It's stupid. It's not like I wanted to be famous or anything... I just thought it might make a difference."
"What might make a difference?" he asked.
"Showing people that sexual orientation doesn't have anything to do with the ability to play sports," Blaine explained. "That it was okay for little kids to look up to a gay guy because I was a good guy. Now I'm just the gay kid who was too sex-crazed to keep it in his pants."
"If you are the gay kid who was too sex-crazed to keep it in your pants, so am I," Kurt explained carefully. "But that doesn't mean you aren't also still a good guy. Don't worry so much about what everyone is thinking. You aren't swimming for them, you're swimming for you."
"Easier said than done," Blaine said.
The doorbell rang downstairs but neither of them thought anything of it. Blaine lived in the fancy part of town which meant people were constantly knocking on his door trying to sell something or ask for donations. Blaine’s mom and aunt had gone into the city that day, but Mr. Anderson was still home so they let him get the door and continued on watching the movie as if it hadn’t been interrupted in the first place.
It wasn’t until they heard raised voices coming from downstairs that they thought something wasn’t quite normal.
“I’m just going to go grab us some sodas,” Blaine said getting up to head to the kitchen, where Kurt knew he’d have a perfect view of the front door and whoever his dad was arguing with. Kurt prayed it wasn’t a mother stopping by to tell the Anderson’s how they were outraged because they’d found their child watching porn that Blaine had starred in. There had apparently been a few phone calls the night before from ‘concerned’ parents, Kurt knew. His dad had gotten them as well.
Kurt waited a few minutes, but when Blaine’s voice joined in on the argument, his curiosity was piqued. He moved to stand by the door, wanting to hear more but uncomfortable spying without knowing exactly what was happening. When he caught the sound of Evan’s voice, he knew he couldn’t just stay up here and wait. He was out of the room and running down the stairs as fast as his legs could carry him, hoping to prevent a disaster from happening but knowing he was already too late.
If Evan was here, there was no way this wasn’t going to be a disaster.
“How’d the National Team like the video?” Evan asked in a vicious voice that Kurt never would have thought him capable of before yesterday when he’d found out his true nature and how black his heart really was.
“So you’re admitting it was you that released the tape then?” Blaine clarified, though Kurt had already told him it was.
Evan didn’t say anything, but the smirk on his face told Blaine everything he needed to know.
“Good, this is good,” Blaine said with a cocky grin. “I’ve been waiting a long time to be able to do this without you crying wolf to Kurt.”
The next thing Kurt knew, Blaine was pulling his arm back and punching Evan in the face.
“Blaine!” Kurt yelled, shocked as Evan fell back against the wall of the house, crumbling like a house of cards under the force of Blaine’s blow. He looked over to where Mr. Anderson was standing in the doorway, surprised to see him casually drinking his coffee like he was reading the morning paper, not watching his son hit another kid.
“Are you going to let this happen?” he asked Mr. Anderson as the two boys began pushing each other and throwing punches back and forth. Blaine clearly had the advantage since he was in the gym every day and Kurt didn’t even know if Evan had ever done more than watch sports. Most of Evan’s cardio came from dancing slowly around the common room as he sang songs with the Warblers.
“I’m an old man and Blaine’s an Olympic level athlete. If anyone asks, it won’t be hard to convince them that Blaine overpowered me,” Mr. Anderson said with a shrug, clearly enjoying the show.
“You know that he’s not going to want anything to do with you now that your swimming career is shot,” Evan spat blood on the ground, deciding to fight with words since he clearly wasn’t going to beat Blaine with force.
“I don’t care if he’s a swimmer or not,” Kurt argued, pushing past Mr. Anderson to make his way onto the crowded porch.
Evan let out a bitter laugh at the sight of him. “I see you wasted no time running back to his arms. That’s the reason you broke up with me wasn’t it? To fuck him?”
“He came here to rub my nose in it,” Blaine explained through gritted teeth. “He wanted to make sure I was put in my place. He wanted to make sure I knew you were still his.”
Kurt rolled his eyes in disgust and turned back to Evan to answer his question.
“Believe it or not, breaking up with you had nothing to do with Blaine,” Kurt said. “I broke up with you because I have self respect and you obviously don’t.”
“That’s bullshit; if you had self-respect you wouldn't have spread your legs for him. You’re just happy to let him fuck you because you think he’ll help you be famous one day,” Evan argued.
“You need to stop talking right now before I punch you in the face again,” Blaine said, stepping in front of Kurt as if he was going to protect him. As if Evan could say or do something worse to Kurt than what he’d already done. Kurt was starting to realize that there wasn’t anything more Evan could do to him. He’d done his worst and Kurt was still standing.
“You know what, if we’re being completely honest here - I never should have started going out with you,” Kurt said, deciding to fight with his own words because he really didn’t want Blaine to go back to punching him and end up in jail for assault - no matter how justified it might be.
“When I agreed to date you, I was still in love with him and for that I apologize," Kurt said. "I was never attracted to you like I was him. You’re a sloppy kisser. You’re demanding and pushy and incredibly needy. You treat me like I belong to you and have no identity of your own outside of your relationships with me and your friends. You’re fake and it makes me nauseous every time I try and figure out just how deep all your lies and manipulations go.”
“You think he’s any better?” Evan asked. “You’re just another gold medal for him to flaunt around and shove in everyone’s faces. So don’t act like you weren’t into me, Sweetie. You might not want me anymore because he’s suddenly willing to give you the time of day again-”
“Get out,” Blaine said dangerously.
“Make me,” Evan challenged him, causing Blaine to pull back and punch him again.
“You know I’m right,” he said to Blaine with a deathly smirk. “That’s why you’re getting so upset. You know that you’re no good for him and since you can’t prove me wrong, you’re just going to punch me instead.”
Blaine moved to hit him again, but Kurt grabbed him by the back of the collar and pulled him away.
“Stop,” Kurt commanded, keeping his hand on Blaine’s chest to keep him from attacking him again. If he let go there was a real possibility Blaine could face a murder charge.
“You need to leave before I call the police,” Mr. Anderson finally spoke up from where he’d been watching by the door.
“Because a teenage boy fighting with his ex and his whore is their first priority,” Evan said with a self-satisfied smirk, like he had all the answers.
“Blaine’s not a whore-” Kurt started to argue but was cut off by Mr. Anderson.
“No, but when I tell them you’ve been distributing child pornography I think it will be,” Mr. Anderson challenged the punk. “Or did you forget that both Blaine and Kurt were minors when you sent that video to everyone you knew?”
“I’m not scared of you,” he answered, puffing out his chest in a false bravado that Kurt could see cracking under the intensity of Mr. Anderson’s glare.
“What are you hoping to accomplish here?” Blaine asked sounding exhausted.
Kurt felt horrible. He had it out with Evan yesterday and he no longer felt like he would blow over at the smallest slight. Blaine hadn't had that chance. While Kurt was listening to the things that Evan was saying with a half-ear, knowing nothing he could do or say would matter, Blaine hadn’t reached that point yet, because Blaine had lost way more than Kurt had and he’d been dealing with Evan’s hate for longer than Kurt.
“You won. You ruined my life like you promised. Congrats. You still lost Kurt though. I personally don’t know what you thought would happen. Did you think he would stay with you? That he wouldn’t find out and you could live happily ever after taking your secret to the grave? Cause he’s smarter than that and he did find out so why are you still here?” Blaine asked.
“Because I want him to see what a disaster you are for him,” Evan said. “All it takes is one little comment to make you fly off the handle. How long is it going to take before Kurt says something to piss you off and you turn your anger on him?”
“You think I’d hit him?” Blaine asked looking at Evan like he’d lost his mind.
“Okay, this? It’s crazy,” Kurt said, throwing his hands up in frustration.
He honestly couldn’t handle any of this. His life had suddenly become a very bad CW show with some of the worst lines he’d ever heard before. What was Evan even talking about? He was clearly desperate and lashing out with anything he could think of and the list of excuses to get him out of trouble had run out. He had nothing. There would be nothing he could say to justify his actions and he knew it. Now he was left spouting complete nonsense.
“Here.” Kurt pulled the paper Lauren had given him out of his pocket and handed it to Blaine. The paper that proved Evan was the one who posted the video online. He’d been intending to give it to his dad because his dad kept talking about wanting to prove Evan was at fault so they could press charges, but he hadn’t gotten the chance to give it to him yet.
“What’s that?” Evan asked suspiciously.
“I’m giving Blaine the proof he needs to press charges against you," he explained. "if he wants to. Quite frankly I don't care what happens to you anymore."
He turned on his heel and headed back inside to let Blaine and his father handle Evan.
It was for the best, Kurt realized. He didn’t need to punish Evan or get even with him anymore; that ship had sailed. He didn’t feel anger towards him anymore, he just felt pity. He felt sad for the boy who was clueless as to how real relationships worked. He didn’t think Evan would ever find somebody to love if he couldn’t even have a boyfriend without manipulating him.
Kurt had come to terms with what happened and turning Evan into the police wouldn’t give him the closure he was seeking. Blaine was the only one who could do that for Kurt and, right now, Blaine needed to be able to hurt Evan as much as he’d been hurt. Blaine didn’t need Kurt to be the knight in shining armor who saved the day. He didn’t need Kurt turning Evan in and solving all of his problems for him. Not when Kurt had helped create the problem in the first place. No, Blaine needed to fix this himself.
Kurt gave him the papers and left him be. As much as it killed him not to stay and help - this was something Blaine had to do without him.
****
“Are you ready to talk about it?” Kurt asked Blaine as they sat on the couch in Kurt’s living room.
After Evan had left the Anderson’s yesterday, Blaine and his dad had gone down to the police station to file a report. Kurt had reluctantly gone home even though it was killing him not to accompany Blaine to the station. Kurt was a fixer. He needed to solve people’s problems and he knew giving Blaine some control over what had happened was helping to fix the problem. It was still hard to leave the Anderson’s yesterday with only a promise that Blaine would come over the next day.
“The police will probably be contacting you for a statement about Evan,” Blaine answered, clearly avoiding Kurt’s real question. He wasn’t concerned about what was happening to Evan, not anymore. He was worried about Blaine.
“Okay,” Kurt said patiently, knowing that he needed to give him time. He was never that comfortable talking about his feelings and when he did, it was usually after a long discussion about something else.
“My dad talked to a lawyer,” he explained, staring ahead at the TV screen that was playing some trashy reality TV show on mute. “The law states that anyone convicted of distributing child pornography, even a sext, can be charged with a felony. He said Evan is facing up to eight years in jail and he’ll have to register as sex offender.”
“Eight years!” Kurt exclaimed, shocked. He knew that what Evan had done was bad, but he hadn’t realized the punishment could be so severe. It seemed a bit much. While Evan had gotten him expelled and destroyed Blaine's reputation and possibly his career, he was only in high school. It wasn't like he killed somebody.
It was surprising that the boys who beat up Blaine faced no jail time, yet a sex tape getting out had such severe consequences. Kurt honestly hadn’t expected the police to do anything once they’d realized the two victims were gay. He expected to be told they had it coming or something of the like - at least they were finally being treated fairly.
“The lawyer doesn’t think that he’ll actually serve time, especially if his family hires a decent lawyer,” Blaine continued to explain, though the way he was shifting in his seat showed Kurt that he was just as uncomfortable with what could happen as Kurt was. “But he’s eighteen and if they find him guilty he’ll still have to register as a sex offender and he’ll have a felony on his permanent record.
“Wow,” he said, feeling like his eyes were going to bug out of his head like some silly cartoon.
“I know,” Blaine said with a tired sigh. “I want him to pay for what he did and I know it was wrong, but I didn’t realize it was such a serious offense. My dad kept telling me that it was a big deal I just… I don’t know. I thought he was exaggerating.”
“We can’t get in trouble for it though, right?” Kurt asked. “I mean, we are in the video.”
“The lawyer said we’re fine since we didn’t knowingly give consent to the filming. Though I’m worried about Lauren,” he confessed.
“She’s fine,” Kurt said. “She covered her tracks; the tape won’t get traced back to her... Just, wow.”
“I know,” Blaine said with a helpless shrug. “I feel like I should take it back, but then I think of how much he harassed me and I have to wonder - if I don’t report this, is he just going to keep treating other people like this?”
“No, no,” he said, putting his hand on Blaine’s shoulder to reassure him. Though Kurt could admit, he felt a bit bad for Evan having to potentially face eight years of jail, he wasn’t innocent. He’d made some bad decisions and he sadly would have to live with the consequences just like the two of them were learning to do.
“You’re not mad?” Blaine asked nervously.
“I gave you the proof. I told you to report it," Kurt said carefully.
"Yeah," he agreed and they both fell into an awkward silence while they tried to come up with something to say.
"I hope she gets eliminated. I don't care how delicious her cooking is, she is wearing leopard print pants," Kurt said after several minutes just to fill the silence. Blaine snorted and agreed, and thankfully, they fell back into easy conversation again.
"Do you think Anthony Bourdain is cute? In like an ‘older man’ kind of way?" Blaine asked.
"He's no George Clooney," Kurt said with an amused smile. "Why? Do you?"
"No," he said. "I just figured he's a French chef; maybe that did something for you."
"Trying to see what turns me on, Anderson?" Kurt teased, hoping he wasn’t crossing a line.
"Just wondering," he said with a shrug and Kurt let out a sigh of relief that Blaine hadn’t gotten upset. He knew they wouldn’t be having sex for a long time. He knew that they could only handle being friends at the moment, but he had yet to figure out where the line was between acceptable behavior and moving too fast.
"I think anytime we kissed I'd just picture all the weird, disgusting things he eats on No Reservations," Kurt said with a happy smile. "Nothing romantic about that."
"I guess not," Blaine said and they went back to watching the show, but Kurt noticed this time Blaine's hand had inched closer to his own like he wanted to reach out and grab Kurt's. Kurt took pity on him and placed his hand over Blaine's. Blaine sent him a shy smile and they both turned back to the TV, satisfied with that small physical connection between the two of them.
For two people who had shared every part of their bodies with each other, it was interesting to see them so hesitant around each other. It was like they really were starting over and all of their problems could be erased if they just kept treating this relationship with the care it deserved. If they went about this the way they should have the first time around - slow and gentle.
“Hey,” Burt called out as he walked through the front door a few hours later. He’d been at the garage all day trying to get some paperwork done.
“What’s up?” he asked when he entered the living room and found Kurt and Blaine sitting on the couch.
“Blaine and his dad pressed charges against Evan,” Kurt said, knowing his dad would be happy with the news.
“I know,” he said with a secret smirk.
"You know?" Kurt asked, giving him a curious look.
"Mr. Anderson called me at the shop this morning. He wanted to make sure you two were being supervised so nothing happened," he responded with a raised eyebrow.
"What did you tell him?" Kurt asked.
They’d been home alone for a few hours. If Mr. Anderson had called that morning concerned about them getting up to something scandalous without supervision, why hadn’t his dad come home earlier? Why hadn’t Blaine’s dad called to tell him he had to come home?
“I said that I thought that ship had sailed long ago,” Burt said with a snort.
“What did he say?” Blaine asked, sitting up higher in his seat.
“We talked about it,” Burt explained. “We agreed that though most parents would probably ground you from each other, not seeing each other wouldn’t erase what had happened and you both seem to do better together than you do apart.”
“So what does that mean?” Kurt asked. “I’m grounded, but I can still see Blaine?”
“More or less,” Burt answered. “There will be some ground rules.”
“We won’t be having sex,” Kurt said quickly, almost laughing when he saw Blaine blush and try to bury his face in his hands.
“I don’t know if I believe that,” Burt said. “And the last thing I want is to enforce open door policies that will drive you to start doing sexual things outside of your home. We’ve had enough problems; I would hate to think of what would happen if somebody caught you fooling around in public. So we’re going to sit here and have a mature discussion as adults.”
“I should probably give you some privacy,” Blaine mumbled, clearly embarrassed as he started to stand up.
“Sit down, Kid. This involves you, too,” Burt said with a stern look that said he meant business but he wasn’t angry.
Blaine sank back into the couch awkwardly and Kurt reached out to grab his hand, reassuringly.
“First off, I want to make it very clear that the reason you two are in trouble has nothing to do with the sex tape. I’ve said this to Kurt before, but I’ll say it again so you both understand,” Burt said with a pointed look to Blaine. “That tape coming out was not your fault and it’s not the reason anybody is upset with you. It’s disappointing and Evan had no business doing what he did, but it wasn’t your fault.”
“Okay,” they both said, neither one sounding convinced.
“No,” Burt said sternly. “I know you two have a distorted view on how the world works because you’ve been pushed around one too many times, but what Evan did to you goes far beyond normal high school stuff. What he did was a horribly degrading thing. He took a moment that I’m sure was very private and personal for you both and he put it out there for the entire world to see hoping to humiliate you. Nobody deserves that. Furthermore, the video he posted wasn’t just embarrassing, it was illegal. You’re both minors and as such, that tape was child pornography. Even if you were both of age, posting that video was a horrible decision and when he gets punished for it, he’ll deserve it.”
“I know it was wrong, but to be on the sexual predator list forever? That seems a bit extreme. He might lose his acceptance at Dartmouth,” Kurt said, the feeling of guilt lingering in the pit of his stomach.
“And how is that any worse than Blaine losing his spot on the National Team?” Burt asked. “Evan personally sent that video to the people at USA Swimming. He intended to end Blaine’s future. Don’t you dare feel guilty for even a second over that boy. He made his bed and now he’ll lie in it. Hopefully he’ll learn from this and if not, at least we’ve made it that much harder for him to do this to somebody else.”
“Your dad’s right,” Blaine said quietly. “He deserves what’s coming to him. Not just for the tape, but for everything.”
Kurt wanted to ask exactly what everything entailed, because he’d never found out exactly what Evan had been doing to Blaine. He’d intended to look at the texts Blaine and Evan had shared, but Blaine’s phone had been taken away and he didn’t know how comfortable Blaine would be talking about it. They had a lot going on in the last two days and finding out the extent of Evan’s bullying wasn’t at the top of his priority list. It was enough to know that something had happened and Blaine was hurt. Now though, Kurt wanted details. Unfortunately, he couldn’t really ask with his dad sitting right there. There was no way Blaine would tell him the whole story with his dad listening in.
“Blaine’s dad and I were talking about what to do with you both,” Burt said, steering the conversation back to the originally subject. “Our biggest concern is making sure that you two are alright, first and foremost. There was a long debate over whether or not it’d be easier for you to do that together or apart.”
“Why wouldn’t it be easier together?” Kurt asked.
“Well for starters, the last time I saw you this upset it was because Blaine had slept with you and then broken up with you,” Burt said bluntly, causing Kurt to fidget awkwardly in his chair.
“It’s not how it looks, sir-” Blaine immediately began to explain himself but his dad just held up his hand to silence him.
“Blaine’s been having a rough time at school lately as well, even before the tape came out, and his dad thinks it has to do with you. So the question is if you two are really the healthiest thing for one another,” his dad said.
Kurt didn’t know what to say. His dad was always a big fan of Blaine. It was strange to hear him bring up all the negative things about them when he was constantly comparing Evan to Blaine like Blaine was the prime example for perfect boyfriend.
“We talked about it for awhile. Should we prohibit you from seeing one another? Should we monitor your interactions to make sure they stayed friendly and didn’t turn ugly? It was rough, I’m not going to tell you it wasn’t,” Burt said.
“I’m really, honestly, so sorry for how I treated Kurt before. I love your son, Mr. Hummel,” Blaine said, causing Kurt’s breath to catch at the ease in which Blaine was confessing his feelings to his dad of all people.
“I know you do, Kid,” Burt said with a tense smile. “I’ve seen it in your eyes from the first day you came over to my house and Kurt tried to tell me that you were straight.”
“But you said you were going to let us keep seeing each other,” Kurt said, trying to stay focused on the conversation and not get caught up in how beautiful Blaine’s lips had formed around the word love. “You must have agreed we were good for one another.”
“We did,” Burt agreed. “I like you, Blaine.”
“Thank you, sir,” Blaine said.
“I’ve never seen my kid as happy or as sad as when he’s with you and I’ve learned long ago what I think you boys are having to learn now. Love can’t always be sunshine, rainbows and double features at the revival theatre,” Burt said. “It’s work. It’s hard work. But when it’s good, it can change your life around and make everything so much better. I think if you two can learn to take care of one another instead of pushing each other away whenever things get hard, you’ve got the potential for something really special. You know, if you both want it.”
Kurt wanted it. He wanted it so badly that it hurt. He was so blinded by his love that he wasn’t even upset on his own behalf anymore about the tape; he was only upset on Blaine’s. He wanted to go back to coffee dates after school. He wanted to go window shopping at the mall while they both shared headphones and listened to whatever indie group Blaine had discovered that week. He wanted to be able to say ‘I love you’ and not worry that it wouldn’t be said back.
He wanted his boyfriend back. He wanted Blaine and he didn’t want to have to wait for him anymore - but God, he would wait forever if it meant Blaine would be on the other side ready and willing.
Kurt met Blaine’s eye and they both smiled tentatively at each other. They certainly weren’t going to be making any heartfelt confessions to each other with his dad watching on, but Kurt could see it in Blaine’s eyes. The desire was still there for more.
“So we’re lifting your groundings,” Burt said. “We both agree that the tape coming out was punishment enough and I think you’ve learned a serious lesson here. I do expect, however, that since I’m trusting you both to be mature and am not going to tell you not to have sex again, that you’ll be respectful about things. Not just of the other people that live here, but of each other.”
“We will, we promise,” Kurt said.
“Yes, of course,” Blaine said quickly. “I mean I’m not even planning on having sex. Like ever again. Not after this and so you don’t have to worry about that.”
Kurt thought it was cute that Blaine was rambling so much in front of his dad because he was overwhelmed and didn’t quite know what else to say. He caught his dad’s eye and they both shared a fond smile and Kurt thought he understood why his dad had always been so generous when it came to Blaine.
Unlike Evan, who was clearly always so well composed, almost robotic, with his family, Blaine was genuine. He got nervous when Burt stared for too long. He offered to clean up so Carole didn’t have to. He wasn’t afraid to argue with Finn like a brother would. He was comfortable here, even when he wasn’t 100% comfortable. He belonged here.
He made Kurt happy and he made Kurt mad. He could make Kurt laugh so hard that he’d snort. When he made Kurt cry, it was never out of a feeling of being bullied and discounted, it was because he felt so strongly for this boy that the thought of things not working out made him miserable.
He was in love with every part of his heart and he wondered how long his dad had been able to see it. He wondered how Blaine had made such an impression on his family that his mistakes were so easily forgivable. How had his father had been able to see past Blaine’s missteps (because taking Kurt’s virginity only to dump him was a pretty big misstep and unforgivable in most parents books) and known that Blaine was a kid worthy of Kurt’s love?
How had he known that Blaine’s love would be the one Kurt should fight for even though Evan’s love had appeared more traditionally romantic and genuine at the time?
Really though, Kurt wasn’t sure he cared. The fact remained that Kurt loved Blaine. Blaine loved Kurt. His dad wasn’t going to do anything to keep them apart.
“One last thing,” Burt added, and Kurt had known that it couldn’t have been that easy. “In lieu of grounding you, we’ve signed you both up for a safe-sex education class at the free clinic.”
“We had a sex education class at school,” Kurt said. “I know all about STDs and all that stuff.”
“Says the boy who ended up having sex with his partner before talking about his feelings and ended up with a sex tape barely a few weeks after meeting said partner,” Burt said. “You’re taking this class. It’s a non-negotiable part of your parole.”
Kurt started to build up an argument against having to show up at some lame class that would probably be filled with pregnant chicks, but Blaine spoke up before he got a chance to get going.
“It’s fine, Mr. Hummel,” Blaine said. “We’ll take the class.”
“Great. Now, Kurt if you’ll excuse us, I’d like to talk to Blaine alone,” Burt said.
“You’re not going to threaten him with a shotgun or something are you?” Kurt asked, half joking.
“No,” Burt said. “I’m just going to give him the same sex talk I once gave you.”
You matter, the words echoed in Kurt’s mind. It’s the one thing his dad had said that he thought would always stay with him. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter, because you matter.
When Kurt thought back on the way Blaine had gotten drunk and thrown himself at willing boys in the past, he thought there might not be somebody who needed that talk more because Blaine? Blaine mattered.