[FIC] Carry Your Shame 21/25
Rating: NC-17
Beta: Laura aka- gottriplets <3
Warnings: First time sex, blow jobs, exhibitionism, sexting, gay sex all around- the usual :)
Additional Chapter Warnings: Infidelity and hints at an emotionally abusive relationship.
Summary: Kurt's spent his entire life being pushed around and ignored. He's never had a single friend until he met Blaine Anderson, a swimmer for the National Team and McKinley's Golden Boy. When the boys fall for each other, Kurt has to learn the hard way that there are some things even love can't fix-like the fact that his step-brother and boyfriend are mortal enemies. Will Blaine be willing to give up everything to be with Kurt or will they crumble under the pressure to become what everyone else is trying to turn them into?
This was written for this GKM prompt, so go check it out and possibly leave me some love <3
Word Count: 5,936 Total: 145,963
Part 1/ Part 2/ Part 3/ Blaine Interlude 3.5/ Part 4/ Part 5/ Part 6/ Part 7/ Part 8/ Part 9/ Blaine Interlude 9.5/ Part 10/ Part 11/ Part 12 // Part 13// Blaine Interlude 13.5// Part 14// Part 15// Part 16// Part 17// Blaine Interlude 17.5// Part 18// Part 19//Part 20
*You can also read the chapters on Tumblr at this link*
Carry Your Shame Playlist (organized by chapter)
****
Since Kurt’s car had been taken away and he did want to make Finn find another ride home from school that afternoon, he decided to walk home. McKinley was a forty-five minute walk from his house but it would give him some much needed time to clear his mind. Everything had happened so fast that he wasn’t entirely sure which end was up or down. It had only been twenty-four hours since the video had gone viral, but already Kurt felt he’d aged at least twenty years because of it.
He wanted the truth. He needed to know exactly what happened so he could start to figure out how to fix it. He wasn’t a person who could handle not being in control, and this was definitely out of his control. Even if he could figure out who’d posted the video, he’d never be able to get rid of it completely. It would always be there in people’s minds-something they’d always have over him. He was forever changed by this and he just wished more than anything he could take it back.
He shouldn’t have even been having sex before he knew what he was getting into. It wasn’t that he regretted Blaine per se, because he didn’t. He loved Blaine. It was possible that his father had been right though, they had no business sleeping together (especially in such public places) when they were so young and inexperienced.
Still, what was done was done. There was nothing he could do to take back any of his actions. The only thing he could do was to find a way to deal with everything. He had to find a way to be okay with everything and that started with finding out who had put the tape out there. If he could understand what had happened and why, he could start to move on.
The walk home was good. It gave him a chance to calm down and clear his mind. By the time he got to his house, he had a solid plan in place. He was going to hide himself in his house for the next few months until everyone forgot about the tape. If that didn’t work - because he was pretty sure his dad would never let him wallow in his problems for that long- he would find a way to trace the video, starting with the flash drive. The flash drive should still be in his room. If he could find the flash drive, he’d know that the video had somehow come from Blaine. If not? Well, that meant this whole thing was Kurt’s fault and he wasn’t quite ready to admit that yet.
Kurt started with his desk, which was the most logical place he would put it. He emptied drawers and cleared off his shelf. He even pulled the desk away from the wall to make sure it hadn’t slipped behind it somehow. The only flash drive that turned up was one with Casablanca on it that Evan must have left there.
He moved on to checking the pockets of all of his jackets followed by every single pair of pants he owned, clean or dirty, and came back with nothing. He dumped his nightstand drawer onto his bed only to find a collection of old notes, pens and broken headphones. He looked under his bed. He looked behind all of his furniture. He even looked in his underwear drawer. In the end, the only thing he succeeded at doing was creating a mess that would give him an excuse not to leave his room for days because it would likely take that long to put everything back into its rightful place.
He didn’t have the flash drive and there were only a handful of people who could have gotten their hands on it. That list started his family and ended with Lauren, Blaine and Evan. Those were the only people with access to his room and he had a sinking suspicion - helped along by the Casablanca flash drive on his desk - that he knew what that meant. He knew who had taken the flash drive.
“Let me guess,” he heard Lauren say from his bedroom door. “You can’t find the video.”
“How did you get in?” he asked, surprised to see her.
“You’ve got an extra key under the front porch steps like every other boring Midwest family that thinks they are too safe to worry about proper security,” she explained. “You’re not going to find the flash drive.”
“Why?” he asked, though he already knew the answer himself.
“Because I hacked into the website and I know exactly who did it,” she said with a self-satisfied smirk.
“Oh my God,” he whispered, nervous about what she was going to say. As much as he wanted answers, he was terrified to have the truth spelled out to him in black and white. No matter what, somebody he cared about had betrayed him so completely that he would never be able to forgive them and he wasn’t sure he really wanted to hear her say his name aloud, because he wasn’t stupid. It could only really be him.
“I know, invasion of privacy or whatever,” she said. “But I felt really guilty about the tape getting out since I’m the reason there even is a tape and Blaine was moping around school which meant I had to spend the day listening to Puckerman worry about little Samwise and I just figured I could at least do this. So I’m sorry, but I know who has the flash drive.”
“Who?” he asked, finding himself praying that it actually was Evan who took the video and posted it. It would hurt, but not as much as it would hurt if she said Blaine’s name. He’d eventually get over Evan’s betrayal. He didn’t know if he could get past it if it wasn’t Evan...
“Username HaventMetYouYet,” Lauren said with a grimace.
“That’s Evan,” Kurt said, feeling the anger that was already present start to grow. He didn’t feel heartbroken at her confirmation like he thought he’d be. Instead the only thing he felt was rage -pure rage.
“Just to make sure that there weren’t two HaventMetYouYet’s on the internet, I got the IP address and traced it, too,” she said, holding a map out for him to see. He looked at it closely just to be sure, but he already knew where it was.
“That’s Dalton,” he said through his teeth.
“He’s had that website made for a long time,” Lauren said. “Over a month. Why would he release it now when he’s clearly been planning this for awhile? Did you break up with him or something?”
“No,” he said, confused. He’d assumed Evan had come across the video recently and had posted it after he realized Kurt had cheated on him last night. It didn’t make any sense that he would have been planning this for longer.
“I was going to but then he told me that his parents were getting separated and I put it off,” he finished lamely.
His nails dug into his palms as he tried to hold back his rage. He had to confront Evan about all of this, that much was clear. What wasn’t clear was how Kurt could make him suffer. What could Kurt do to make Evan feel even half as bad as he did now? He hadn’t just fucked up Kurt’s life here but Blaine’s as well.
Oh God - Blaine. This tape had destroyed Blaine just as badly as it had Kurt. He had to make sure Evan paid for this, for both of their sakes.
“Well, something happened for him to decide to post it now,” she said with a raised eyebrow, staring him down knowingly as he squirmed in his seat.
Kurt thought back to Wednesday night and how he’d gotten off with Blaine in the back seat of his car. Evan couldn’t possibly have known about that without somebody telling him, but it was awfully convenient timing for Evan to decide to post the video the same night that Kurt cheated on him, wasn’t it?
“You’re not telling me something, Cullen. I can see it all over your too-pale face,” she said. “Spill.”
“Blaine and I hooked up on Wednesday after the Lady Gaga concert,” he said, fixing his gaze at what was sure to be a judgmental look. He knew that cheating was wrong. He had known it had been wrong as soon as he’d done it. This was a rather extreme consequence to have to pay for it, though.
When Finn cheated on Quinn with Rachel all he’d gotten was a slap on the face and an epic, three hour screaming match over the phone. Kurt would have taken that. He would gladly have taken that. Instead, he got a boyfriend that acted like Kurt was the best thing to ever happen to him while secretly ruining his life behind his back.
“What kind of hooking up are we talking here?” she asked with an amused glint in her eyes.
“Does it matter?” he asked, flushing scarlet. She’d already seen his sex tape, he wasn’t about to divulge more details about his sex life to her. Best friend or not, there was a line and he wasn’t going to feed her strange obsession with gay men having sex.
“Only for my already colorful mental image,” she mused. “Okay, so how did Evan find out?”
“He said that Blaine texted him,” he explained, but in light of Evan’s lies about the video, it felt like another one. Blaine had told him that he didn’t post the video and that had been the truth. He had to be telling the truth about the text messages as well.
“You don’t believe him, though,” she said with a nod, reading his face like she’d always been able to do. “Well, there’s two ways to solve this mystery. You could look through Evan’s phone to see if he was lying.”
“He showed me the messages,” Kurt said. “Blaine also sent him the video of us together.”
“You mean the one that he’s had for over a month?” Lauren said giving him a look until he connected the dots on his own. If Evan had had the video for so long - which he’d obviously gotten one of the times he was in Kurt’s room - why had he acted like it was the first time he’d seen it?
“Blaine didn’t send that text,” he said.
“Ding, ding, ding,” she said sarcastically. “Wow, I honestly thought you were quicker than that. Well I could hack into Evan’s phone to see his history and figure out what else he’s lied about but it’ll take a few days.”
“Or?” Kurt asked, knowing she had another option that she was clearly pushing him towards.
“You could confront him yourself and demand to see his phone again,” Lauren said. “Even if he’s deleted any texting history between himself and Blaine, which is likely, you can see if he’s downloaded any fake texting aps. Even if he’s deleted them as well, they’ll show up in his account history.”
“Wait, slow down, what?” Kurt asked, unable to keep up with her mile a minute chatter.
“Evan’s clearly not the most tech savvy, otherwise he would have covered his tracks up with more firewalls and a web of fake usernames and IP blockers like I would have done. Clearly he’s no Steve Jobs,” she said. “Now if somebody that was tech savvy wanted to send fake texts, that would be no problem. I could make it look like I’d gotten a text message from Barack Obama’s personal line with enough time.”
“But Evan’s not you,” he said, trying to figure out where she was going with this and how Evan had faked text messages from Blaine and convinced Kurt they were real.
“Exactly,” she said with a proud smile. “So if I was technologically incompetent and I wanted to figure out a way to send a fake text message, the first thing I would do is Google that and what do you think the first website would be?”
Kurt stood up and went over to his desk to Google the results, wanting to see it for himself. The first five links that showed up in his results were all links to applications available in the App store. He looked up to see her wearing a sad smile.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I never should have bugged that school and when I saw you and Blaine together, I should have deleted it immediately.”
“Probably,” Kurt said. “But what’s done is done and I know you didn’t mean any harm. You’re not the one that posted it online and then faked a string of text messages to make me blame the boy I’m in love with.”
“Do you want me to go beat the shit out of him?” she asked. “I’ll make sure it hurts.”
“No,” Kurt said. “If anyone’s going to deal with him, it’s me.”
“Ah, that’s the boy I knew was in there all along,” she said with a smile. “Give him hell and don’t back down.”
Kurt thought about heading over to Dalton to call Evan out for his behavior, but he realized that not only did he not have a car; he wasn’t allowed on school property now that he’d been suspended. He wouldn’t be able to get to Evan, not as long as he was living in the dorms. He’d have to get Evan to come over here.
“What are you doing?” she asked as Kurt picked up his phone to text Evan.
“Showing Evan there’s a reason I’m called the Queen Bitch,” he said feeling more empowered that he had in a long time.
He was a strong, confident man. He was a Hummel for God’s sake and he didn’t get pushed around. He refused to get pushed around. Evan started this whole thing, but Kurt was damn sure going to finish it. He had learned at an early age how to fight back with words and while he might not be willing to handle this mess with violence like Lauren was suggesting, he knew that he could cut Evan deeper than any knife. He could hit him harder than Lauren’s fists.
“Damn Hummel,” she whistled, impressed. “Remind me never to get on your bad side.”
Kurt studied his friend long and hard, wondering just how far he could threaten Evan without getting Lauren into trouble. She had, after all, been the one to film the video in the first place. While she was wrong to do it, he didn’t think she deserved to get in trouble for it. She’d more than made up for it by giving Kurt the evidence he needed to prove Evan was to blame for the video getting posted online.
“I have one question for you,” he said, waiting for her to nod before he continued. “Can any of this be traced back to you?”
“Please,” she said with a smirk. “You think I don’t cover my tracks? It would take the entire forensic department to link that tape anywhere near my name and there’s no way that our nearly bankrupt police department is spending that money on a teenage sex scandal. Do with that information whatever you want.”
She handed him the print offs with all of Evan’s information and headed out the door.
“I’ll see you around, Cullen,” she said with a wave and was gone as quickly as she’d come in.
Kurt turned back to his phone where he had a half written text out to Evan and finished typing in his message.
To Evan:
I can’t believe Blaine got me kicked out of Dalton.
To Kurt:
I’m sorry babe. He’s an ass.
To Evan:
It’s so lonely and boring here.
To Kurt:
Is your dad going to put you in another school?
To Evan:
Not tonight… my house is empty. My dad won’t be doing much of anything ;)
Come over?
To Kurt:
I’ll be there in two hours Sweetheart<3
Kurt gagged at the pet name. While it had annoyed him and made him feel suffocated before, it made him physically sick now. Evan was such a two-faced bastard. Kurt never would have guessed that somebody so sweet and caring on the outside could have such a cold heart. It had taken all of his self control not to type up every imaginable insult for the boy, but Kurt knew Evan would never come over if he knew Kurt suspected. He would get to say his piece once Evan got here. He could wait two hours.
Two hours seemed like a lifetime when there was nothing to do but stare at the clock and contemplate murder.
****
“Hey, Sweetheart,” Evan said, immediately leaning in for a kiss as soon as Kurt opened the door.
“Hey,” Kurt said, cleverly dodging out of the way. The thought of having those lips on his ever again made his stomach churn in disgust. “Let’s go to my room,” he said, tugging Evan inside quickly leading him through the entryway and over to the stairs.
“Eager today are we?” Evan said with a clueless chuckle.
God. He had no idea that Kurt knew. He honestly believed he was coming over to Kurt’s house with the possibility of getting lucky. It was disgusting. What was more disgusting was knowing that if Kurt had never found out the truth, Evan would have let Kurt keep believing he was this perfectly innocent boy. It was disgusting. He didn’t know how Evan lived with all the lies.
“I’ve been home all alone all day,” Kurt said, gritting his teeth and forcing a smile. He had a plan to make Evan admit what he’d done and he was going to follow through with it.
“Ah, my baby’s been lonely without me?” he asked, running a hand down Kurt’s back that made him want to immediately get into the shower and scrub his skin until it was raw. What a difference a day could make; he might have admitted that he was never quite as passionate with Evan as he was Blaine but he never thought he’d actually recoil from his touch, either.
“I just wish I could still be at Dalton,” Kurt complained once they got to his room. Evan immediately moved to sit on the bed and Kurt could tell Evan had a plan of his own. Well, there was no way in hell Kurt was going to allow that to happen.
“I missed you today,” Evan said with a playful pout. “I had to watch Jeff and Nick making out in the hallway with nobody to make fun of them with.”
“I’m sure you had plenty of other people to talk to today,” he said.
“Nobody that was you,” Evan said, reaching out his hand to grab onto Kurt’s wrist and pull him forward. “I’m sorry you got expelled. How are you doing?”
“It’s just really upsetting because I thought I actually found somewhere I could be comfortable,” he explained, forcing himself not to yank his hand away from Evan. He didn’t want Evan to suspect that he knew something was wrong. He wanted to hear him admit it himself.
“I’m sorry,” Evan said, moving to put his lips on the inside of Kurt’s wrist.
Kurt instantly pulled his hand away but quickly covered it by waving his arms around as he started to rant.
“I found a place where I didn’t have to worry anymore because nobody was going to bully me,” he said, hoping Evan felt guilty for everything he’d taken away from him. “Then that stupid tape got out and half of the school turned on me. Even if my dad convinced the school to change their mind about expelling me, I don’t think I could go back.”
“I’m sorry, babe,” Evan repeated with a grimace but not looking remotely guilty. He was either the world’s best actor or more heartless than Kurt originally thought. “Did you confront Blaine about it? It was a really shitty thing he did.”
Kurt had half the mind to slap Evan then and there. They both knew that Blaine had nothing to do with this, yet Evan was determined to let Kurt continue thinking he had.
“Yeah, the thing is, he claimed he didn’t do it,” he said, studying him carefully for any signs of guilt or nervousness. There was none.
“Typical,” Evan said with a snort, trying to pull Kurt onto the bed with him but Kurt subtly moved out of his reach.
“I know,” he said with a snort. He could barely believe that Evan wasn’t even reacting in the slightest. This wasn’t the first time Kurt had played the guilt trip card. He did it all the time with his dad and Finn. He’d even used it once or twice on Blaine. He’d thought he was an expert at it, but Evan wasn’t even fidgeting nervously. If Kurt didn’t have the proof printed onto a piece of paper currently in his pocket, he would have assumed Evan was innocent.
“What kind of a person can do something so horrible to somebody else then act completely innocent afterward? It makes me sick,” Kurt said, crossing his arms and staring at Evan, daring him to confess.
“You should just cut him out of your life, that’d be better for you,” Evan said in what was probably supposed to be a soothing tone but it just came off as slimy. “I hate seeing you so worked up like this.”
“So you think that I should just never talk to him again?” Kurt asked, wanting to smirk but he held it back. This wasn’t the confession he was hoping for, but he couldn’t deny the conversation was still working out in his benefit.
“What he did to you - to us - it was unforgivable,” Evan explained. “You deserve more.”
“I do,” he agreed, his voice tight with barely concealed anger.
“So that’s settled,” Evan said with a blissful smile that Kurt wanted to rip off of his face and feed to a lion.
“Except it’s not,” Kurt said, his voice suddenly ice cold as he moved in for the kill. “See, I’ve been talking to my dad about this. I want to see Blaine burn for what he did to me. I asked Lauren to track down the IP address of the person who posted the video. My dad wants to press charges.”
“Press charges?” Evan said, squirming only slightly, but Kurt had been looking for it. Kurt knew he had him. Evan was finally reacting to something, only it wasn’t guilt like he’d expected - it was fear.
“Yes,” he said, his voice sugary sweet and overly fake. “But let’s not worry about that, Sweetheart. I don’t want Blaine coming between us anymore.”
“Are you sure you want to investigate this further?” Evan asked, his voice filled with anxiety that made Kurt smile. He stood up and began walking towards Kurt, wrapping his trembling hands around Kurt’s waist, only to move them to his shoulders, then back to his waist nervously. “Wouldn’t it be better to just drop it? The more you think about this, the more upset you’ll get. You should just put it all behind you.”
“Is something wrong?” Kurt asked smugly, knowing exactly why Evan was acting so skittish all of a sudden.
“Nothing, why would anything be wrong?” he asked, his eyes darting back and forth.
He’s probably looking for an escape route, Kurt thought as he casually moved to block the door. There was no way he was letting Evan out of this that easily.
“Good,” Kurt said. “Because Lauren already dropped off the results this afternoon.”
“She did?” he asked, sounding frantic as his eyes kept wandering towards the door behind Kurt.
“It looks like Blaine is sneakier than we thought,” Kurt said, running a finger up Evan’s arm lightly just to watch him shiver. He probably wasn’t supposed to enjoy torturing Evan as much as he did.
“How so?” Evan asked, his voice barely a whisper.
“It looks like he hacked into your account and posted the video under your username,” Kurt said, playing dumb just to drag out the torture a little bit longer.
“What an asshole,” Evan said with a sigh of relief, and that was when Kurt went in for the kill.
“Evan?” He leaned over to whisper into his ear as seductively as he could manage without gagging.
“Yeah?”
“Will you go sit on the bed for me?” Kurt asked, biting his lower lip in a way that he knew drove him mad.
Evan’s eyes widened and he moved so quickly Kurt had to wonder if he’d teleported. He was eager - that would serve Kurt well. He closed his eyes for a minute to compose himself. If he really wanted to get his revenge, he was going to have to play the part of dutiful boyfriend for just a few minutes longer. He could do this.
Kurt opened his eyes and moved over towards the bed to stand over Evan. He picked up his hand and began tracing the lines on his palm lightly, knowing from experience how sensual something like that could be. Evan gasped below him and there was a very faint plea for something more.
“I bet you’d do anything for me, wouldn’t you?” Kurt said softly into his ear, smirking when Evan’s ‘Yes’ came out a little too eagerly. “I bet if I asked you to, you’d strip down naked and beg for it. You’d do anything for it. You’ve been so hungry for something more to happen between us for weeks haven’t you?”
“Oh God, yes,” Evan said.
He started to lean back and undo his shirt so Kurt had to pull him back up by his tie. The last thing he actually wanted was Evan naked in his bed. Kurt used the hand on his tie to pull him closer, forcefully. Then, when Evan’s face was close enough to his own, he watched as Evan’s eyes closed and lips puckered for a kiss. He leaned in and put his lips close to his ear.
“I could film it, I know you’d let me,” Kurt said. “I could tape you begging for me, looking so helpless and vulnerable and I could post it online just like you did to me and watch your entire world fall apart.”
“What?” he said, pushing Kurt away to look at him like he’d gone crazy. “I didn’t post that video.”
“Like hell you didn’t,” Kurt said, his voice full of venom. “I have the proof and there’s nothing you’ll be able to say to deny it.”
“Well, you’re the one that cheated on me, what the fuck did you expect me to do?” Evan fired back, suddenly done playing innocent now that he’d been caught red handed. Kurt was glad. He was sick of the act. Now they could just scream at each other and get this whole thing over with. He wanted Evan out of his house so he never would have to see him again.
“Fight with me about it like a normal person!” he yelled.
“That boy is poison,” Evan spit back. “He uses you for sex and acts like he’s some big deal because he doesn’t drown in a fucking pool. Big fucking deal - most of America knows how to fucking swim. You’re just so hungry for his dick you can’t see how bad he is for you when I’ve been here, the world’s most respectful and perfect boyfriend all along. But no, who do you go running to when you’re horny? Him! Why can’t you see how horrible he is?”
“You don’t even know him!” Kurt yelled back.
“I know you turn into a slutty cock-whore the second he’s around,” he said.
“You don’t know anything about Blaine and me. You can’t even begin to understand our relationship because you clearly don’t understand what love is or how a normal relationship works.”
“Do you even have a relationship beyond bending over for him anytime he asks?” Evan yelled condescendingly.
“If I’m really that big of a slut, didn’t you wonder why I never bent over for you?” he spat back, throwing the door of his room open. “Get out of my house you selfish, arrogant, asshole and thank…thank the moon, stars, gods, whatever fucking demon you worship, you fucked up Satanist, that I am classier than you’ll ever be and I didn’t tape or post any of the hundred of embarrassing scenarios for you that I had running through my head.”
“You know what, I’m done,” Evan said, throwing his hands up in frustration and walking out the door and towards the stairs.
“If it wasn’t already painfully clear, we’ve been done for a long fucking time!” Kurt screamed after him, stopping at the top of the stairs where he saw his dad standing by the door looking slightly stunned, yet almost proud.
Evan tried to move around his dad, but his dad just stood in front of the door with his arms crossed and a dangerous scowl on his face.
“So it was this little shit who posted that video then,” Burt said, looking down at Evan in a way that had the boy backing up in fear.
“Don’t Dad, it’s not worth it,” Kurt said, trying his best to sound like this didn’t bother him when it clearly did.
How could Kurt have ever thought Evan was a good guy when he’d turned so easily on him? It wasn’t that Kurt thought he was completely innocent in all of this. It was his fault that Evan had found the flash drive. It was his fault that he wasn’t honest with Evan about his feelings for Blaine all along. Finally, it was his fault that he’d cheated on his boyfriend. He should have broken it off with Evan before ever hooking up with Blaine in the backseat of the car. He shouldn’t have gone to that concert when he was still dating somebody else because he’d known it was a date. Blaine had known it was a date. Obviously Evan had known it was a date as well.
“You are worth it,” Burt said, fixing Kurt with a look that said he wasn’t going to let this one go. Kurt didn’t blame him. In fact, he was glad his dad would see that Evan got punished because Kurt didn’t know if he could have made that decision on his own. He wanted to be able to take the high road and let this go to prove that he was mature and better than Evan, but he also wanted to see him suffer. This way, if somebody else did the punishing, he could have both.
“Did your son tell you that he’s a whore that films himself sleeping with boys?” Evan asked, clearly trying to act braver than he felt in the presence of an adult. Kurt would bet money that Evan never saw his little move with the video turning into something so serious. “Did he tell you that he’s so hungry for dick that he’ll sleep with a boy that won’t date him yet won’t so much as take his shirt off for a boy that he’d been dating for months?”
“I know Kurt claims he didn’t know what a slimy bastard you were like the rest of us did,” Burt said with an oddly patient voice, like he was talking to a child. “But clearly he knew something if he didn’t trust you enough to share that part of himself. The simple fact that you decided to share his private moment with somebody with the whole world goes to show you that he was right to keep himself away from you.”
Evan looked like he was about to retort, but Burt held his hand up to silence him as he handed Evan his shoes to put back on. Kurt didn’t know what to think about the entire thing.
“In case you didn’t hear my son, he just broke up with you, which means I’m finally allowed to say what I’ve wanted to say to you since the day I first met you,” Burt said. “Get out of my house. You have no respect for my son and you treat him like he’s your property to own. You threw a tantrum that would put a toddler to shame the second you realized he wasn’t a toy for you to play with. It’s disgusting and sad. You’re going to give me your parent’s phone number so I can make sure they get you some professional help because the thought of you in a relationship with anyone else makes me seriously worried.”
“Fuck both of you,” Evan said, slamming his foot into his other shoe. He pushed Burt out of the way and slammed the door closed behind him.
“Remind me again why you liked him?” Burt asked, looking up the stairs to where Kurt was slumped against the wall.
“I honestly have no idea,” he said.
He wanted to drown his sorrows in a gallon of Chubby Hubby ice cream. He wanted to crawl back into bed and never leave again. He wanted to sit with his dad on the couch and cry for the next week about how betrayed he felt, but he couldn’t. Not yet. There was something he had to do first.
He owed Blaine an apology. It didn’t matter that he was falling apart inside. He was to blame for this - at least partially. The only reason that Evan had gotten a hold of the video was because Kurt hadn’t been careful with it, just like Kurt hadn’t been careful with Blaine. Neither of them was perfect, sure. Blaine had apologized for breaking Kurt’s heart and had been nothing but kind and understanding ever since. Kurt had turned around and thrown it all back in his face by blaming him for the things Evan had so clearly done.
Blaine had changed. Kurt had seen that he’d changed, yet at the first sign of trouble he’d assumed Blaine was still that confused and scared boy he’d first met.
No, between the two of them, he was totally at fault this time around.
That didn’t mean he thought the entire thing was entirely his doing. The video getting posted online was still Evan’s fault wholly and completely.
What it did mean, however, was that none of this was Blaine’s fault. Blaine’s life had crumbled the minute the sex tape was released and his entire swimming career may have been ruined just as he was on the brink of unimaginable success. Kurt had to apologize and hope that would be enough for Blaine to forgive him.
It had to be enough. It was all Kurt had.
Beta: Laura aka- gottriplets <3
Warnings: First time sex, blow jobs, exhibitionism, sexting, gay sex all around- the usual :)
Additional Chapter Warnings: Infidelity and hints at an emotionally abusive relationship.
Summary: Kurt's spent his entire life being pushed around and ignored. He's never had a single friend until he met Blaine Anderson, a swimmer for the National Team and McKinley's Golden Boy. When the boys fall for each other, Kurt has to learn the hard way that there are some things even love can't fix-like the fact that his step-brother and boyfriend are mortal enemies. Will Blaine be willing to give up everything to be with Kurt or will they crumble under the pressure to become what everyone else is trying to turn them into?
This was written for this GKM prompt, so go check it out and possibly leave me some love <3
Word Count: 5,936 Total: 145,963
Part 1/ Part 2/ Part 3/ Blaine Interlude 3.5/ Part 4/ Part 5/ Part 6/ Part 7/ Part 8/ Part 9/ Blaine Interlude 9.5/ Part 10/ Part 11/ Part 12 // Part 13// Blaine Interlude 13.5// Part 14// Part 15// Part 16// Part 17// Blaine Interlude 17.5// Part 18// Part 19//Part 20
*You can also read the chapters on Tumblr at this link*
Carry Your Shame Playlist (organized by chapter)
****
Since Kurt’s car had been taken away and he did want to make Finn find another ride home from school that afternoon, he decided to walk home. McKinley was a forty-five minute walk from his house but it would give him some much needed time to clear his mind. Everything had happened so fast that he wasn’t entirely sure which end was up or down. It had only been twenty-four hours since the video had gone viral, but already Kurt felt he’d aged at least twenty years because of it.
He wanted the truth. He needed to know exactly what happened so he could start to figure out how to fix it. He wasn’t a person who could handle not being in control, and this was definitely out of his control. Even if he could figure out who’d posted the video, he’d never be able to get rid of it completely. It would always be there in people’s minds-something they’d always have over him. He was forever changed by this and he just wished more than anything he could take it back.
He shouldn’t have even been having sex before he knew what he was getting into. It wasn’t that he regretted Blaine per se, because he didn’t. He loved Blaine. It was possible that his father had been right though, they had no business sleeping together (especially in such public places) when they were so young and inexperienced.
Still, what was done was done. There was nothing he could do to take back any of his actions. The only thing he could do was to find a way to deal with everything. He had to find a way to be okay with everything and that started with finding out who had put the tape out there. If he could understand what had happened and why, he could start to move on.
The walk home was good. It gave him a chance to calm down and clear his mind. By the time he got to his house, he had a solid plan in place. He was going to hide himself in his house for the next few months until everyone forgot about the tape. If that didn’t work - because he was pretty sure his dad would never let him wallow in his problems for that long- he would find a way to trace the video, starting with the flash drive. The flash drive should still be in his room. If he could find the flash drive, he’d know that the video had somehow come from Blaine. If not? Well, that meant this whole thing was Kurt’s fault and he wasn’t quite ready to admit that yet.
Kurt started with his desk, which was the most logical place he would put it. He emptied drawers and cleared off his shelf. He even pulled the desk away from the wall to make sure it hadn’t slipped behind it somehow. The only flash drive that turned up was one with Casablanca on it that Evan must have left there.
He moved on to checking the pockets of all of his jackets followed by every single pair of pants he owned, clean or dirty, and came back with nothing. He dumped his nightstand drawer onto his bed only to find a collection of old notes, pens and broken headphones. He looked under his bed. He looked behind all of his furniture. He even looked in his underwear drawer. In the end, the only thing he succeeded at doing was creating a mess that would give him an excuse not to leave his room for days because it would likely take that long to put everything back into its rightful place.
He didn’t have the flash drive and there were only a handful of people who could have gotten their hands on it. That list started his family and ended with Lauren, Blaine and Evan. Those were the only people with access to his room and he had a sinking suspicion - helped along by the Casablanca flash drive on his desk - that he knew what that meant. He knew who had taken the flash drive.
“Let me guess,” he heard Lauren say from his bedroom door. “You can’t find the video.”
“How did you get in?” he asked, surprised to see her.
“You’ve got an extra key under the front porch steps like every other boring Midwest family that thinks they are too safe to worry about proper security,” she explained. “You’re not going to find the flash drive.”
“Why?” he asked, though he already knew the answer himself.
“Because I hacked into the website and I know exactly who did it,” she said with a self-satisfied smirk.
“Oh my God,” he whispered, nervous about what she was going to say. As much as he wanted answers, he was terrified to have the truth spelled out to him in black and white. No matter what, somebody he cared about had betrayed him so completely that he would never be able to forgive them and he wasn’t sure he really wanted to hear her say his name aloud, because he wasn’t stupid. It could only really be him.
“I know, invasion of privacy or whatever,” she said. “But I felt really guilty about the tape getting out since I’m the reason there even is a tape and Blaine was moping around school which meant I had to spend the day listening to Puckerman worry about little Samwise and I just figured I could at least do this. So I’m sorry, but I know who has the flash drive.”
“Who?” he asked, finding himself praying that it actually was Evan who took the video and posted it. It would hurt, but not as much as it would hurt if she said Blaine’s name. He’d eventually get over Evan’s betrayal. He didn’t know if he could get past it if it wasn’t Evan...
“Username HaventMetYouYet,” Lauren said with a grimace.
“That’s Evan,” Kurt said, feeling the anger that was already present start to grow. He didn’t feel heartbroken at her confirmation like he thought he’d be. Instead the only thing he felt was rage -pure rage.
“Just to make sure that there weren’t two HaventMetYouYet’s on the internet, I got the IP address and traced it, too,” she said, holding a map out for him to see. He looked at it closely just to be sure, but he already knew where it was.
“That’s Dalton,” he said through his teeth.
“He’s had that website made for a long time,” Lauren said. “Over a month. Why would he release it now when he’s clearly been planning this for awhile? Did you break up with him or something?”
“No,” he said, confused. He’d assumed Evan had come across the video recently and had posted it after he realized Kurt had cheated on him last night. It didn’t make any sense that he would have been planning this for longer.
“I was going to but then he told me that his parents were getting separated and I put it off,” he finished lamely.
His nails dug into his palms as he tried to hold back his rage. He had to confront Evan about all of this, that much was clear. What wasn’t clear was how Kurt could make him suffer. What could Kurt do to make Evan feel even half as bad as he did now? He hadn’t just fucked up Kurt’s life here but Blaine’s as well.
Oh God - Blaine. This tape had destroyed Blaine just as badly as it had Kurt. He had to make sure Evan paid for this, for both of their sakes.
“Well, something happened for him to decide to post it now,” she said with a raised eyebrow, staring him down knowingly as he squirmed in his seat.
Kurt thought back to Wednesday night and how he’d gotten off with Blaine in the back seat of his car. Evan couldn’t possibly have known about that without somebody telling him, but it was awfully convenient timing for Evan to decide to post the video the same night that Kurt cheated on him, wasn’t it?
“You’re not telling me something, Cullen. I can see it all over your too-pale face,” she said. “Spill.”
“Blaine and I hooked up on Wednesday after the Lady Gaga concert,” he said, fixing his gaze at what was sure to be a judgmental look. He knew that cheating was wrong. He had known it had been wrong as soon as he’d done it. This was a rather extreme consequence to have to pay for it, though.
When Finn cheated on Quinn with Rachel all he’d gotten was a slap on the face and an epic, three hour screaming match over the phone. Kurt would have taken that. He would gladly have taken that. Instead, he got a boyfriend that acted like Kurt was the best thing to ever happen to him while secretly ruining his life behind his back.
“What kind of hooking up are we talking here?” she asked with an amused glint in her eyes.
“Does it matter?” he asked, flushing scarlet. She’d already seen his sex tape, he wasn’t about to divulge more details about his sex life to her. Best friend or not, there was a line and he wasn’t going to feed her strange obsession with gay men having sex.
“Only for my already colorful mental image,” she mused. “Okay, so how did Evan find out?”
“He said that Blaine texted him,” he explained, but in light of Evan’s lies about the video, it felt like another one. Blaine had told him that he didn’t post the video and that had been the truth. He had to be telling the truth about the text messages as well.
“You don’t believe him, though,” she said with a nod, reading his face like she’d always been able to do. “Well, there’s two ways to solve this mystery. You could look through Evan’s phone to see if he was lying.”
“He showed me the messages,” Kurt said. “Blaine also sent him the video of us together.”
“You mean the one that he’s had for over a month?” Lauren said giving him a look until he connected the dots on his own. If Evan had had the video for so long - which he’d obviously gotten one of the times he was in Kurt’s room - why had he acted like it was the first time he’d seen it?
“Blaine didn’t send that text,” he said.
“Ding, ding, ding,” she said sarcastically. “Wow, I honestly thought you were quicker than that. Well I could hack into Evan’s phone to see his history and figure out what else he’s lied about but it’ll take a few days.”
“Or?” Kurt asked, knowing she had another option that she was clearly pushing him towards.
“You could confront him yourself and demand to see his phone again,” Lauren said. “Even if he’s deleted any texting history between himself and Blaine, which is likely, you can see if he’s downloaded any fake texting aps. Even if he’s deleted them as well, they’ll show up in his account history.”
“Wait, slow down, what?” Kurt asked, unable to keep up with her mile a minute chatter.
“Evan’s clearly not the most tech savvy, otherwise he would have covered his tracks up with more firewalls and a web of fake usernames and IP blockers like I would have done. Clearly he’s no Steve Jobs,” she said. “Now if somebody that was tech savvy wanted to send fake texts, that would be no problem. I could make it look like I’d gotten a text message from Barack Obama’s personal line with enough time.”
“But Evan’s not you,” he said, trying to figure out where she was going with this and how Evan had faked text messages from Blaine and convinced Kurt they were real.
“Exactly,” she said with a proud smile. “So if I was technologically incompetent and I wanted to figure out a way to send a fake text message, the first thing I would do is Google that and what do you think the first website would be?”
Kurt stood up and went over to his desk to Google the results, wanting to see it for himself. The first five links that showed up in his results were all links to applications available in the App store. He looked up to see her wearing a sad smile.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I never should have bugged that school and when I saw you and Blaine together, I should have deleted it immediately.”
“Probably,” Kurt said. “But what’s done is done and I know you didn’t mean any harm. You’re not the one that posted it online and then faked a string of text messages to make me blame the boy I’m in love with.”
“Do you want me to go beat the shit out of him?” she asked. “I’ll make sure it hurts.”
“No,” Kurt said. “If anyone’s going to deal with him, it’s me.”
“Ah, that’s the boy I knew was in there all along,” she said with a smile. “Give him hell and don’t back down.”
Kurt thought about heading over to Dalton to call Evan out for his behavior, but he realized that not only did he not have a car; he wasn’t allowed on school property now that he’d been suspended. He wouldn’t be able to get to Evan, not as long as he was living in the dorms. He’d have to get Evan to come over here.
“What are you doing?” she asked as Kurt picked up his phone to text Evan.
“Showing Evan there’s a reason I’m called the Queen Bitch,” he said feeling more empowered that he had in a long time.
He was a strong, confident man. He was a Hummel for God’s sake and he didn’t get pushed around. He refused to get pushed around. Evan started this whole thing, but Kurt was damn sure going to finish it. He had learned at an early age how to fight back with words and while he might not be willing to handle this mess with violence like Lauren was suggesting, he knew that he could cut Evan deeper than any knife. He could hit him harder than Lauren’s fists.
“Damn Hummel,” she whistled, impressed. “Remind me never to get on your bad side.”
Kurt studied his friend long and hard, wondering just how far he could threaten Evan without getting Lauren into trouble. She had, after all, been the one to film the video in the first place. While she was wrong to do it, he didn’t think she deserved to get in trouble for it. She’d more than made up for it by giving Kurt the evidence he needed to prove Evan was to blame for the video getting posted online.
“I have one question for you,” he said, waiting for her to nod before he continued. “Can any of this be traced back to you?”
“Please,” she said with a smirk. “You think I don’t cover my tracks? It would take the entire forensic department to link that tape anywhere near my name and there’s no way that our nearly bankrupt police department is spending that money on a teenage sex scandal. Do with that information whatever you want.”
She handed him the print offs with all of Evan’s information and headed out the door.
“I’ll see you around, Cullen,” she said with a wave and was gone as quickly as she’d come in.
Kurt turned back to his phone where he had a half written text out to Evan and finished typing in his message.
To Evan:
I can’t believe Blaine got me kicked out of Dalton.
To Kurt:
I’m sorry babe. He’s an ass.
To Evan:
It’s so lonely and boring here.
To Kurt:
Is your dad going to put you in another school?
To Evan:
Not tonight… my house is empty. My dad won’t be doing much of anything ;)
Come over?
To Kurt:
I’ll be there in two hours Sweetheart<3
Kurt gagged at the pet name. While it had annoyed him and made him feel suffocated before, it made him physically sick now. Evan was such a two-faced bastard. Kurt never would have guessed that somebody so sweet and caring on the outside could have such a cold heart. It had taken all of his self control not to type up every imaginable insult for the boy, but Kurt knew Evan would never come over if he knew Kurt suspected. He would get to say his piece once Evan got here. He could wait two hours.
Two hours seemed like a lifetime when there was nothing to do but stare at the clock and contemplate murder.
****
“Hey, Sweetheart,” Evan said, immediately leaning in for a kiss as soon as Kurt opened the door.
“Hey,” Kurt said, cleverly dodging out of the way. The thought of having those lips on his ever again made his stomach churn in disgust. “Let’s go to my room,” he said, tugging Evan inside quickly leading him through the entryway and over to the stairs.
“Eager today are we?” Evan said with a clueless chuckle.
God. He had no idea that Kurt knew. He honestly believed he was coming over to Kurt’s house with the possibility of getting lucky. It was disgusting. What was more disgusting was knowing that if Kurt had never found out the truth, Evan would have let Kurt keep believing he was this perfectly innocent boy. It was disgusting. He didn’t know how Evan lived with all the lies.
“I’ve been home all alone all day,” Kurt said, gritting his teeth and forcing a smile. He had a plan to make Evan admit what he’d done and he was going to follow through with it.
“Ah, my baby’s been lonely without me?” he asked, running a hand down Kurt’s back that made him want to immediately get into the shower and scrub his skin until it was raw. What a difference a day could make; he might have admitted that he was never quite as passionate with Evan as he was Blaine but he never thought he’d actually recoil from his touch, either.
“I just wish I could still be at Dalton,” Kurt complained once they got to his room. Evan immediately moved to sit on the bed and Kurt could tell Evan had a plan of his own. Well, there was no way in hell Kurt was going to allow that to happen.
“I missed you today,” Evan said with a playful pout. “I had to watch Jeff and Nick making out in the hallway with nobody to make fun of them with.”
“I’m sure you had plenty of other people to talk to today,” he said.
“Nobody that was you,” Evan said, reaching out his hand to grab onto Kurt’s wrist and pull him forward. “I’m sorry you got expelled. How are you doing?”
“It’s just really upsetting because I thought I actually found somewhere I could be comfortable,” he explained, forcing himself not to yank his hand away from Evan. He didn’t want Evan to suspect that he knew something was wrong. He wanted to hear him admit it himself.
“I’m sorry,” Evan said, moving to put his lips on the inside of Kurt’s wrist.
Kurt instantly pulled his hand away but quickly covered it by waving his arms around as he started to rant.
“I found a place where I didn’t have to worry anymore because nobody was going to bully me,” he said, hoping Evan felt guilty for everything he’d taken away from him. “Then that stupid tape got out and half of the school turned on me. Even if my dad convinced the school to change their mind about expelling me, I don’t think I could go back.”
“I’m sorry, babe,” Evan repeated with a grimace but not looking remotely guilty. He was either the world’s best actor or more heartless than Kurt originally thought. “Did you confront Blaine about it? It was a really shitty thing he did.”
Kurt had half the mind to slap Evan then and there. They both knew that Blaine had nothing to do with this, yet Evan was determined to let Kurt continue thinking he had.
“Yeah, the thing is, he claimed he didn’t do it,” he said, studying him carefully for any signs of guilt or nervousness. There was none.
“Typical,” Evan said with a snort, trying to pull Kurt onto the bed with him but Kurt subtly moved out of his reach.
“I know,” he said with a snort. He could barely believe that Evan wasn’t even reacting in the slightest. This wasn’t the first time Kurt had played the guilt trip card. He did it all the time with his dad and Finn. He’d even used it once or twice on Blaine. He’d thought he was an expert at it, but Evan wasn’t even fidgeting nervously. If Kurt didn’t have the proof printed onto a piece of paper currently in his pocket, he would have assumed Evan was innocent.
“What kind of a person can do something so horrible to somebody else then act completely innocent afterward? It makes me sick,” Kurt said, crossing his arms and staring at Evan, daring him to confess.
“You should just cut him out of your life, that’d be better for you,” Evan said in what was probably supposed to be a soothing tone but it just came off as slimy. “I hate seeing you so worked up like this.”
“So you think that I should just never talk to him again?” Kurt asked, wanting to smirk but he held it back. This wasn’t the confession he was hoping for, but he couldn’t deny the conversation was still working out in his benefit.
“What he did to you - to us - it was unforgivable,” Evan explained. “You deserve more.”
“I do,” he agreed, his voice tight with barely concealed anger.
“So that’s settled,” Evan said with a blissful smile that Kurt wanted to rip off of his face and feed to a lion.
“Except it’s not,” Kurt said, his voice suddenly ice cold as he moved in for the kill. “See, I’ve been talking to my dad about this. I want to see Blaine burn for what he did to me. I asked Lauren to track down the IP address of the person who posted the video. My dad wants to press charges.”
“Press charges?” Evan said, squirming only slightly, but Kurt had been looking for it. Kurt knew he had him. Evan was finally reacting to something, only it wasn’t guilt like he’d expected - it was fear.
“Yes,” he said, his voice sugary sweet and overly fake. “But let’s not worry about that, Sweetheart. I don’t want Blaine coming between us anymore.”
“Are you sure you want to investigate this further?” Evan asked, his voice filled with anxiety that made Kurt smile. He stood up and began walking towards Kurt, wrapping his trembling hands around Kurt’s waist, only to move them to his shoulders, then back to his waist nervously. “Wouldn’t it be better to just drop it? The more you think about this, the more upset you’ll get. You should just put it all behind you.”
“Is something wrong?” Kurt asked smugly, knowing exactly why Evan was acting so skittish all of a sudden.
“Nothing, why would anything be wrong?” he asked, his eyes darting back and forth.
He’s probably looking for an escape route, Kurt thought as he casually moved to block the door. There was no way he was letting Evan out of this that easily.
“Good,” Kurt said. “Because Lauren already dropped off the results this afternoon.”
“She did?” he asked, sounding frantic as his eyes kept wandering towards the door behind Kurt.
“It looks like Blaine is sneakier than we thought,” Kurt said, running a finger up Evan’s arm lightly just to watch him shiver. He probably wasn’t supposed to enjoy torturing Evan as much as he did.
“How so?” Evan asked, his voice barely a whisper.
“It looks like he hacked into your account and posted the video under your username,” Kurt said, playing dumb just to drag out the torture a little bit longer.
“What an asshole,” Evan said with a sigh of relief, and that was when Kurt went in for the kill.
“Evan?” He leaned over to whisper into his ear as seductively as he could manage without gagging.
“Yeah?”
“Will you go sit on the bed for me?” Kurt asked, biting his lower lip in a way that he knew drove him mad.
Evan’s eyes widened and he moved so quickly Kurt had to wonder if he’d teleported. He was eager - that would serve Kurt well. He closed his eyes for a minute to compose himself. If he really wanted to get his revenge, he was going to have to play the part of dutiful boyfriend for just a few minutes longer. He could do this.
Kurt opened his eyes and moved over towards the bed to stand over Evan. He picked up his hand and began tracing the lines on his palm lightly, knowing from experience how sensual something like that could be. Evan gasped below him and there was a very faint plea for something more.
“I bet you’d do anything for me, wouldn’t you?” Kurt said softly into his ear, smirking when Evan’s ‘Yes’ came out a little too eagerly. “I bet if I asked you to, you’d strip down naked and beg for it. You’d do anything for it. You’ve been so hungry for something more to happen between us for weeks haven’t you?”
“Oh God, yes,” Evan said.
He started to lean back and undo his shirt so Kurt had to pull him back up by his tie. The last thing he actually wanted was Evan naked in his bed. Kurt used the hand on his tie to pull him closer, forcefully. Then, when Evan’s face was close enough to his own, he watched as Evan’s eyes closed and lips puckered for a kiss. He leaned in and put his lips close to his ear.
“I could film it, I know you’d let me,” Kurt said. “I could tape you begging for me, looking so helpless and vulnerable and I could post it online just like you did to me and watch your entire world fall apart.”
“What?” he said, pushing Kurt away to look at him like he’d gone crazy. “I didn’t post that video.”
“Like hell you didn’t,” Kurt said, his voice full of venom. “I have the proof and there’s nothing you’ll be able to say to deny it.”
“Well, you’re the one that cheated on me, what the fuck did you expect me to do?” Evan fired back, suddenly done playing innocent now that he’d been caught red handed. Kurt was glad. He was sick of the act. Now they could just scream at each other and get this whole thing over with. He wanted Evan out of his house so he never would have to see him again.
“Fight with me about it like a normal person!” he yelled.
“That boy is poison,” Evan spit back. “He uses you for sex and acts like he’s some big deal because he doesn’t drown in a fucking pool. Big fucking deal - most of America knows how to fucking swim. You’re just so hungry for his dick you can’t see how bad he is for you when I’ve been here, the world’s most respectful and perfect boyfriend all along. But no, who do you go running to when you’re horny? Him! Why can’t you see how horrible he is?”
“You don’t even know him!” Kurt yelled back.
“I know you turn into a slutty cock-whore the second he’s around,” he said.
“You don’t know anything about Blaine and me. You can’t even begin to understand our relationship because you clearly don’t understand what love is or how a normal relationship works.”
“Do you even have a relationship beyond bending over for him anytime he asks?” Evan yelled condescendingly.
“If I’m really that big of a slut, didn’t you wonder why I never bent over for you?” he spat back, throwing the door of his room open. “Get out of my house you selfish, arrogant, asshole and thank…thank the moon, stars, gods, whatever fucking demon you worship, you fucked up Satanist, that I am classier than you’ll ever be and I didn’t tape or post any of the hundred of embarrassing scenarios for you that I had running through my head.”
“You know what, I’m done,” Evan said, throwing his hands up in frustration and walking out the door and towards the stairs.
“If it wasn’t already painfully clear, we’ve been done for a long fucking time!” Kurt screamed after him, stopping at the top of the stairs where he saw his dad standing by the door looking slightly stunned, yet almost proud.
Evan tried to move around his dad, but his dad just stood in front of the door with his arms crossed and a dangerous scowl on his face.
“So it was this little shit who posted that video then,” Burt said, looking down at Evan in a way that had the boy backing up in fear.
“Don’t Dad, it’s not worth it,” Kurt said, trying his best to sound like this didn’t bother him when it clearly did.
How could Kurt have ever thought Evan was a good guy when he’d turned so easily on him? It wasn’t that Kurt thought he was completely innocent in all of this. It was his fault that Evan had found the flash drive. It was his fault that he wasn’t honest with Evan about his feelings for Blaine all along. Finally, it was his fault that he’d cheated on his boyfriend. He should have broken it off with Evan before ever hooking up with Blaine in the backseat of the car. He shouldn’t have gone to that concert when he was still dating somebody else because he’d known it was a date. Blaine had known it was a date. Obviously Evan had known it was a date as well.
“You are worth it,” Burt said, fixing Kurt with a look that said he wasn’t going to let this one go. Kurt didn’t blame him. In fact, he was glad his dad would see that Evan got punished because Kurt didn’t know if he could have made that decision on his own. He wanted to be able to take the high road and let this go to prove that he was mature and better than Evan, but he also wanted to see him suffer. This way, if somebody else did the punishing, he could have both.
“Did your son tell you that he’s a whore that films himself sleeping with boys?” Evan asked, clearly trying to act braver than he felt in the presence of an adult. Kurt would bet money that Evan never saw his little move with the video turning into something so serious. “Did he tell you that he’s so hungry for dick that he’ll sleep with a boy that won’t date him yet won’t so much as take his shirt off for a boy that he’d been dating for months?”
“I know Kurt claims he didn’t know what a slimy bastard you were like the rest of us did,” Burt said with an oddly patient voice, like he was talking to a child. “But clearly he knew something if he didn’t trust you enough to share that part of himself. The simple fact that you decided to share his private moment with somebody with the whole world goes to show you that he was right to keep himself away from you.”
Evan looked like he was about to retort, but Burt held his hand up to silence him as he handed Evan his shoes to put back on. Kurt didn’t know what to think about the entire thing.
“In case you didn’t hear my son, he just broke up with you, which means I’m finally allowed to say what I’ve wanted to say to you since the day I first met you,” Burt said. “Get out of my house. You have no respect for my son and you treat him like he’s your property to own. You threw a tantrum that would put a toddler to shame the second you realized he wasn’t a toy for you to play with. It’s disgusting and sad. You’re going to give me your parent’s phone number so I can make sure they get you some professional help because the thought of you in a relationship with anyone else makes me seriously worried.”
“Fuck both of you,” Evan said, slamming his foot into his other shoe. He pushed Burt out of the way and slammed the door closed behind him.
“Remind me again why you liked him?” Burt asked, looking up the stairs to where Kurt was slumped against the wall.
“I honestly have no idea,” he said.
He wanted to drown his sorrows in a gallon of Chubby Hubby ice cream. He wanted to crawl back into bed and never leave again. He wanted to sit with his dad on the couch and cry for the next week about how betrayed he felt, but he couldn’t. Not yet. There was something he had to do first.
He owed Blaine an apology. It didn’t matter that he was falling apart inside. He was to blame for this - at least partially. The only reason that Evan had gotten a hold of the video was because Kurt hadn’t been careful with it, just like Kurt hadn’t been careful with Blaine. Neither of them was perfect, sure. Blaine had apologized for breaking Kurt’s heart and had been nothing but kind and understanding ever since. Kurt had turned around and thrown it all back in his face by blaming him for the things Evan had so clearly done.
Blaine had changed. Kurt had seen that he’d changed, yet at the first sign of trouble he’d assumed Blaine was still that confused and scared boy he’d first met.
No, between the two of them, he was totally at fault this time around.
That didn’t mean he thought the entire thing was entirely his doing. The video getting posted online was still Evan’s fault wholly and completely.
What it did mean, however, was that none of this was Blaine’s fault. Blaine’s life had crumbled the minute the sex tape was released and his entire swimming career may have been ruined just as he was on the brink of unimaginable success. Kurt had to apologize and hope that would be enough for Blaine to forgive him.
It had to be enough. It was all Kurt had.