Some things happen for a reason
I was asked today why I had not been writing lately. The truth is I only write when drunk, and I have not been drinking as much (every day) recently because I have not felt compelled to do so, and I have not had much to talk about since life has been going smooth lately. Tonight changed a lot of things though.
Before I left for work Wednesday, my girlfriend looked at me and said something to me that seemed very...off. She and I are not to close and she never really seems to care, or knows that I know how to handle my own but never says anything. This day however was different, before I left she looked at me and said "be careful". At the time I did not think much of it and the only reason I even recall it is because it is not normal, it is...off.
After I got off work tonight I decided to pay the SunDance (referred to as "my bar" in other posts") a visit and see how everyone was doing. Usually I am there most nights, and I rarely miss a Wednesday night, but I decided to go home and play chess Wednesday night with a friend so did not make it to the bar. As I walked into the bar Teri (the bartender) looked at me with hurt in her eyes and yelled at me "where were you last night?". I explained why I was not there and then she informed me that the bar, was robbed at gun point Wednesday night. For those who know me VERY well, which is few, you know two things about me. One, I am VERY protective of friends and family. Two, I am not afraid of death, I actually welcome it for I see my life close to pointless. The only reason I do not do myself in, is due to the fact, that is the only thing I am afraid of. I am not scared to die, except by my own hands purposely.
After a few drinks, and a lot of talk, Teri came around the bar and gave me a huge hug and with a tear in her eye said "I am glad you were not here last night, if you would have been you would be dead right now." I was very very shocked.
For some reason I almost feel I was not suppose to be there, and that is why I wasn't. I know a lot of people WANT me around, but I did not realize till this moment in my life, maybe not all just want me around, maybe some people truly do need me. I am just sorry it took her getting robbed at gun point for me to realize this. I have been told in the past people need me, but I have always told them, "You seemed to do fine before I was around, so I feel need is a rather strong word, probably the word you are looking for is want".
I am very confused to say the least right now. Does my life have purpose that I have failed to see as I sit around stirring in my own misery, getting lost in role playing computer games to live a life I see as valuable? Am I passing up my true meaning for being alive? Maybe I will never know.
To my friends,
"Infinity just got smaller"
Adair316
Before I left for work Wednesday, my girlfriend looked at me and said something to me that seemed very...off. She and I are not to close and she never really seems to care, or knows that I know how to handle my own but never says anything. This day however was different, before I left she looked at me and said "be careful". At the time I did not think much of it and the only reason I even recall it is because it is not normal, it is...off.
After I got off work tonight I decided to pay the SunDance (referred to as "my bar" in other posts") a visit and see how everyone was doing. Usually I am there most nights, and I rarely miss a Wednesday night, but I decided to go home and play chess Wednesday night with a friend so did not make it to the bar. As I walked into the bar Teri (the bartender) looked at me with hurt in her eyes and yelled at me "where were you last night?". I explained why I was not there and then she informed me that the bar, was robbed at gun point Wednesday night. For those who know me VERY well, which is few, you know two things about me. One, I am VERY protective of friends and family. Two, I am not afraid of death, I actually welcome it for I see my life close to pointless. The only reason I do not do myself in, is due to the fact, that is the only thing I am afraid of. I am not scared to die, except by my own hands purposely.
After a few drinks, and a lot of talk, Teri came around the bar and gave me a huge hug and with a tear in her eye said "I am glad you were not here last night, if you would have been you would be dead right now." I was very very shocked.
For some reason I almost feel I was not suppose to be there, and that is why I wasn't. I know a lot of people WANT me around, but I did not realize till this moment in my life, maybe not all just want me around, maybe some people truly do need me. I am just sorry it took her getting robbed at gun point for me to realize this. I have been told in the past people need me, but I have always told them, "You seemed to do fine before I was around, so I feel need is a rather strong word, probably the word you are looking for is want".
I am very confused to say the least right now. Does my life have purpose that I have failed to see as I sit around stirring in my own misery, getting lost in role playing computer games to live a life I see as valuable? Am I passing up my true meaning for being alive? Maybe I will never know.
To my friends,
"Infinity just got smaller"
Adair316