¿ ANYWHERE ¿
For those of you who did not know, I took 4 days out of my boring, yet busy life, and ran to California. While there I met up with many friends I have known for years and never met, but always wanted to, I believe a good time was had by all of those who showed up. Thank you all for your hospitality while I was there, I had the best time of my life, even if there was some lack of communication.
Nattycat and I arose on Sunday and proceeded to drive to San Francisco to meet up with Malisemodrama and Zack. As we were on the freeway having some delightful conversation I stated the pure and simple fact, I need to use the rest room. Nat informed me that we were only about 30 minuets away, so that I could try to hold it, so try to hold it I did. We had some very light conversation trying to take my mind off of the problem stirring in my bladder. Then we came to the most annoying bridge I have ever had the discomfort of riding across in my life. The floor of the bridge was not made out of asphalt, oh no, it was made of steel grate. As the vibration of the bridge hit me, I realized, and reminded once again “I realllllllly have to go”. The response was not one I was looking forward to, “I am trying to hurry, just try to take your mind off of it, we are almost there.” We are now stooping as low as making fun of the names of the streets trying to ease my mind. Grand street, what an interesting word grand is, it has got to be the grandest of all words, and it just fits so many occasions. “Grand, yes grand, she is going to have to reupholster her car seat by time this drive is over.” I thought to myself. The moment was so bad I can still recall the street names, Cherry, Oak, Hickory, Chestnut, Lincoln, Union, by this time I stop trying to take my mind of it knowing it is no use what so ever. The next words out of my mouth were “pull over, just pull over ANYWHERE”. She then informs me to hold on, we are within one block, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…….” As I chant this to myself over and over she had to say even more words that I was truly not wanting to hear “I think we past it”. “Wow, that’s just….grand” I thought to myself while yelling, “just pull over, ANYWHERE!!”. At this point Nat proceeded to pull in, and stop in an apartment complex. I jumped from the car looking all around, no bushes, no trees, just a lot of parking space, oh well, when you have to go, you have to go, “but why did she decide here” I questioned in my mind…..”Ah, yes this is San Francisco, this kind of stuff is normal from what I hear”. Being the modest person I try to pretend to be I noticed a man on a balcony to one of the apartments, “can’t have him seeing this” I thought as I turned around. I unzipped my pants and hastily pulled myself out and started urinating in the middle of this parking lot. It was only a few seconds before I looked up and noticed….”shit, I am now facing the main road that has a lot of traffic on it”. Just as I realized this Nat casually said “What are you doing? Get back in the car”, “I can’t, I am still going” I replied knowing we were going to be here at the very least one minuet. “OH MY GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ARE DOING THAT!!” she said. I then see a green car pulling out of the apartment complex, the passenger, a lady looking right at me. I then notice her turn her head to the driver, and then they both turned their heads to watch as the car stopped. Hmmm, what do we do when people stare…..ahhh yes, we wave. So now, here I am pissing in the middle of San Fran in the middle of a apartment complex while being watched by two ladies, so I tossed them not only a wave, but figured I better toss a wink and a nod in for good measures, after this, they slowly drove on, the passenger still staring. I then notice two men coming down the sidewalk towards me. I then remember “We are in San Fran, do not make eye contact, just act like you know what you are doing and you might just blend in”. Nat is still in the car yelling at me to hurry up and get in, who was she kidding, I had to go, I am a bar fly use to holding it for hours when need be, when I have to go that bad, I am in for the long haul. After about a minuet and a half of constant stream and a puddle big enough to be claimed as a lake, I do myself up making sure not to look up knowing these two men are right in front of me now. I turn to get back into the car, the man who was at one point just standing on the balcony is now staring at me while talking on the phone, hmmm this can’t be good, hope he isn’t calling the cops. Now Nat is yelling about how she could not believe I did that as she guns from the parking lot not even bothering to check for traffic as I point out the man staring at us while on his phone. “But I thought you stopped so I could go?” “NO, I stopped so I could turn around and find Mikes apartment”. Oops, what we have here..is a failure..to communicate. “Let’s not tell anyone about this please” Nat requested of me. “Not a problem at all” I replied as we did found and pulled up to Mikes apartment that was right beside the one ones we had just visited. We went inside where Mike was currently talking about sports and made a comment similar to, “I do not understand why men would want to play with their balls in public”. Malisemodrama then popped off with a comment to the point of “Well, making that kind of money, I can see how it would be tempting. Not thinking I then open my mouth, “For that kind of cash I would play with my balls in public.” Nattycat roars with laughter at this comment and then says something about doing it for free. All ears in the room perk right up so now I am forced to tell this story. Since I have already shared with some, I thought maybe everyone might enjoy hearing it, and the moral to it.
And the moral of the story is this. Just because Nat stops, it does not mean go.
Nattycat and I arose on Sunday and proceeded to drive to San Francisco to meet up with Malisemodrama and Zack. As we were on the freeway having some delightful conversation I stated the pure and simple fact, I need to use the rest room. Nat informed me that we were only about 30 minuets away, so that I could try to hold it, so try to hold it I did. We had some very light conversation trying to take my mind off of the problem stirring in my bladder. Then we came to the most annoying bridge I have ever had the discomfort of riding across in my life. The floor of the bridge was not made out of asphalt, oh no, it was made of steel grate. As the vibration of the bridge hit me, I realized, and reminded once again “I realllllllly have to go”. The response was not one I was looking forward to, “I am trying to hurry, just try to take your mind off of it, we are almost there.” We are now stooping as low as making fun of the names of the streets trying to ease my mind. Grand street, what an interesting word grand is, it has got to be the grandest of all words, and it just fits so many occasions. “Grand, yes grand, she is going to have to reupholster her car seat by time this drive is over.” I thought to myself. The moment was so bad I can still recall the street names, Cherry, Oak, Hickory, Chestnut, Lincoln, Union, by this time I stop trying to take my mind of it knowing it is no use what so ever. The next words out of my mouth were “pull over, just pull over ANYWHERE”. She then informs me to hold on, we are within one block, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…….” As I chant this to myself over and over she had to say even more words that I was truly not wanting to hear “I think we past it”. “Wow, that’s just….grand” I thought to myself while yelling, “just pull over, ANYWHERE!!”. At this point Nat proceeded to pull in, and stop in an apartment complex. I jumped from the car looking all around, no bushes, no trees, just a lot of parking space, oh well, when you have to go, you have to go, “but why did she decide here” I questioned in my mind…..”Ah, yes this is San Francisco, this kind of stuff is normal from what I hear”. Being the modest person I try to pretend to be I noticed a man on a balcony to one of the apartments, “can’t have him seeing this” I thought as I turned around. I unzipped my pants and hastily pulled myself out and started urinating in the middle of this parking lot. It was only a few seconds before I looked up and noticed….”shit, I am now facing the main road that has a lot of traffic on it”. Just as I realized this Nat casually said “What are you doing? Get back in the car”, “I can’t, I am still going” I replied knowing we were going to be here at the very least one minuet. “OH MY GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ARE DOING THAT!!” she said. I then see a green car pulling out of the apartment complex, the passenger, a lady looking right at me. I then notice her turn her head to the driver, and then they both turned their heads to watch as the car stopped. Hmmm, what do we do when people stare…..ahhh yes, we wave. So now, here I am pissing in the middle of San Fran in the middle of a apartment complex while being watched by two ladies, so I tossed them not only a wave, but figured I better toss a wink and a nod in for good measures, after this, they slowly drove on, the passenger still staring. I then notice two men coming down the sidewalk towards me. I then remember “We are in San Fran, do not make eye contact, just act like you know what you are doing and you might just blend in”. Nat is still in the car yelling at me to hurry up and get in, who was she kidding, I had to go, I am a bar fly use to holding it for hours when need be, when I have to go that bad, I am in for the long haul. After about a minuet and a half of constant stream and a puddle big enough to be claimed as a lake, I do myself up making sure not to look up knowing these two men are right in front of me now. I turn to get back into the car, the man who was at one point just standing on the balcony is now staring at me while talking on the phone, hmmm this can’t be good, hope he isn’t calling the cops. Now Nat is yelling about how she could not believe I did that as she guns from the parking lot not even bothering to check for traffic as I point out the man staring at us while on his phone. “But I thought you stopped so I could go?” “NO, I stopped so I could turn around and find Mikes apartment”. Oops, what we have here..is a failure..to communicate. “Let’s not tell anyone about this please” Nat requested of me. “Not a problem at all” I replied as we did found and pulled up to Mikes apartment that was right beside the one ones we had just visited. We went inside where Mike was currently talking about sports and made a comment similar to, “I do not understand why men would want to play with their balls in public”. Malisemodrama then popped off with a comment to the point of “Well, making that kind of money, I can see how it would be tempting. Not thinking I then open my mouth, “For that kind of cash I would play with my balls in public.” Nattycat roars with laughter at this comment and then says something about doing it for free. All ears in the room perk right up so now I am forced to tell this story. Since I have already shared with some, I thought maybe everyone might enjoy hearing it, and the moral to it.
And the moral of the story is this. Just because Nat stops, it does not mean go.