Remember Always, Forever; hc_bingo
Title: Remember Always, Forever
Fandom: Star Wars
Prompt: Phobias
Medium: Fic
Wordcount: 507
Rating: PG
Warnings: Implied abuse
Summary: He hates heights.
AN: Originally was going to be set after "at the end of the endless tunnel", but this is set some time in the fic itself. It's just something small. Title comes from "Bon Bon Chocolat" by EVERGLOW.
He blames Anakin for his fear of heights. He blames his recklessness for him being afraid of anything that has a good chance of killing him-like falling from the edge to the ground. It comes from Anakin having him tag along with him doing death-defying activities, such as speeding along a road over the speed limit.
And Obi-Wan pulls away a bit from the edge, and he sits back, watching Anakin walk from end to end. He looks happier, and he thinks that it’s worth it to have to stand at the edge for Anakin to be happy.
Even if he needs to close his eyes and pretend he’s not standing on the top floor of this skyscraper. Obi-Wan can’t look down because the floor is transparent, and he can see the ground from up here.
If he thinks about this too much-a habit he’s picked up ever since meeting Anakin-he’ll start panicking about where he’s standing. But it’s easier to deal with this fear than with the panic attacks Anakin gets, rare as they are, if he tries to impose his will too often.
It is hard to ignore that his friend is different from the person before his partner-if he can call them that.
He thinks Anakin will get better, and that he won’t start hyperventilating and freaking out eventually but for now, Obi-Wan’s willing to indulge him. He laughs with Anakin when he finds something that he likes in the shop.
It’s easier to think about his friend’s happiness instead of that buried fear of the ground breaking under him.
It’s easier to deal with his own fears, as sad and pathetic as it is, than to think about those nights he stays with Anakin, trying to comfort him as he struggles through another nightmare than to think about how he really doesn’t want to be here but staying here because it makes Anakin feel better.
He hates himself for bringing that to the front of his mind, so he shoves it back as forcefully as possible. It’s easier to pretend those moments don’t exist during the day, ignoring it until it hit them in the face.
But he tries his best to smile day after day, not pushing Anakin too far. He knows that he’s coddling his friend too much, but he can’t help it. It’s natural to want to protect Anakin as much as he can.
Even if he knows it’ll negatively affect his friend in the long run.
Maybe he’ll push for Anakin to see someone one day soon, maybe not. Others who see without understanding judge him for being unnecessarily cruel in allowing Anakin’s pain to fester, but it’s hard when the last thing Anakin wants is to open up again.
And it hurts to see him hurting as much as he is. He calls him friend, but he thinks of him as a brother, as someone he can bicker with and lean on when he needs it.
And maybe that’s why it hurts the most.
Fandom: Star Wars
Prompt: Phobias
Medium: Fic
Wordcount: 507
Rating: PG
Warnings: Implied abuse
Summary: He hates heights.
AN: Originally was going to be set after "at the end of the endless tunnel", but this is set some time in the fic itself. It's just something small. Title comes from "Bon Bon Chocolat" by EVERGLOW.
He blames Anakin for his fear of heights. He blames his recklessness for him being afraid of anything that has a good chance of killing him-like falling from the edge to the ground. It comes from Anakin having him tag along with him doing death-defying activities, such as speeding along a road over the speed limit.
And Obi-Wan pulls away a bit from the edge, and he sits back, watching Anakin walk from end to end. He looks happier, and he thinks that it’s worth it to have to stand at the edge for Anakin to be happy.
Even if he needs to close his eyes and pretend he’s not standing on the top floor of this skyscraper. Obi-Wan can’t look down because the floor is transparent, and he can see the ground from up here.
If he thinks about this too much-a habit he’s picked up ever since meeting Anakin-he’ll start panicking about where he’s standing. But it’s easier to deal with this fear than with the panic attacks Anakin gets, rare as they are, if he tries to impose his will too often.
It is hard to ignore that his friend is different from the person before his partner-if he can call them that.
He thinks Anakin will get better, and that he won’t start hyperventilating and freaking out eventually but for now, Obi-Wan’s willing to indulge him. He laughs with Anakin when he finds something that he likes in the shop.
It’s easier to think about his friend’s happiness instead of that buried fear of the ground breaking under him.
It’s easier to deal with his own fears, as sad and pathetic as it is, than to think about those nights he stays with Anakin, trying to comfort him as he struggles through another nightmare than to think about how he really doesn’t want to be here but staying here because it makes Anakin feel better.
He hates himself for bringing that to the front of his mind, so he shoves it back as forcefully as possible. It’s easier to pretend those moments don’t exist during the day, ignoring it until it hit them in the face.
But he tries his best to smile day after day, not pushing Anakin too far. He knows that he’s coddling his friend too much, but he can’t help it. It’s natural to want to protect Anakin as much as he can.
Even if he knows it’ll negatively affect his friend in the long run.
Maybe he’ll push for Anakin to see someone one day soon, maybe not. Others who see without understanding judge him for being unnecessarily cruel in allowing Anakin’s pain to fester, but it’s hard when the last thing Anakin wants is to open up again.
And it hurts to see him hurting as much as he is. He calls him friend, but he thinks of him as a brother, as someone he can bicker with and lean on when he needs it.
And maybe that’s why it hurts the most.