at the end of the endless tunnel; hc_bingo
Title: at the end of the endless tunnel
Fandom: Star Wars
Prompt: Estrangement
Medium: Fic
Wordcount: 1949
Rating: PG
Warnings: heavily implied abuse
Summary: He doesn't expect a knock at 2 am.
AN: One, I might've just gotten tired of writing this fic. Two, I might've not watched the movies in a while. Three, the title comes from "Bon Bon Chocolat" by EVERGLOW.
He wakes up at two in the morning to someone pounding on his door, and he doesn’t know what to expect when he opens the door, but Anakin looking a bit fearful and determined is not it. Obi-Wan just ushers him in, remembering the way Anakin pushed him away-and he thinks it’s not completely his fault.
“Why are you here,” he asks, neutral and curious, not trying to be judgmental because he thinks Anakin doesn’t deserve to be shamed for whatever he’s suffered for the last year and a half. But he also thinks he deserves a bit of an explanation for why Anakin suddenly disappeared.
Anakin flinches at the question, and he thinks that he’s made a wrong choice. He knows how his friend (if they’re friends) acts, and Obi-Wan worries that Anakin will clam up and hold his thoughts in until they explode out in anger.
But what he sees is the young boy he met too long ago, that uncertainty and fear shining in his eyes. He wants to reach out and pull Anakin into a hug, but he doesn’t know how it’ll be taken by him.
“Please,” he whispers, voice still too loud as it breaks the silence that’s fallen over them. Obi-Wan hopes that it’ll coax Anakin to talk to him.
He sees the exhaustion in Anakin’s eyes and decides to leave the questioning for later in the day, when Anakin’s not exhausted. There’s nothing left to do but lead Anakin to the guest room where he’ll stay.
Obi-Wan hopes he won’t run away.
It’s impossible for him to fall asleep, worrying about how Anakin will respond to him tomorrow and what happened for Anakin to be in that state, but he lays in bed, staring at the ceiling, counting down the hours.
In the early hours, just as the sun is rising, he hears a faint sound, so subtle that he nearly misses it. It’s only due to him listening for any sounds-still fearful of Anakin deciding to run away while he’s pretending to sleep in his room-that he hears someone moving around in the house.
While he knows it’s Anakin, a part of him is always cautious, and he equips himself with a weapon that he blindly grabs for-a bat that he’s been meaning to dispose of somehow-and he sneaks into the kitchen where he can hear more noise coming from.
He nearly drops the bat when he sees that it’s Anakin, but right before he releases the bat, Obi-Wan realizes that it’s better to not startle his friend by having something clatter on the ground. Instead, he places it on the counter, barely a sound echoes from the bat hitting the counter, but it’s enough to startle his friend.
Anakin looks up with wide eyes-and he thinks that Anakin shouldn’t look like that, afraid of everything instead of reckless and careless with his energy and his anger-before shifting slightly.
It’s something that Obi-Wan generally doesn’t notice, but he’s paying close attention to Anakin, and it catches his eye. It’s defensive in a new way-not defending his stubbornness but defending himself from a potential unseen attack-and it makes Obi-Wan more curious, even if he thinks he knows enough to pick up on everything that’s happened.
He just doesn’t want to acknowledge it. If he ignores it, it’s easier to pretend that Anakin can easily be the person he was before-everything-and that he’ll get his closest (if they’re that) friend back.
“Are you okay,” Obi-Wan finally asks. He knows the answer, but he asks it anyways because he wants to know how willing Anakin is to open up to someone he knows.
“Fine.” His answer is short, precise, but there’s a defensiveness that tells Obi-Wan he isn’t fine-not that he needs to be made aware of that.
It takes a few seconds for Obi-Wan to come up with something to say that doesn’t sound patronizing or insensitive. “Let’s go out somewhere tomorrow.” And then he cringes inwardly as he realizes the implication of what he said.
But Anakin seems to know him well-even if it’s been years-and he takes it as he meant it. “There’s…there’s this place I’ve wanted to go to,” he starts before stopping himself from saying more.
“We can go,” Obi-Wan says, hoping to coax more out of Anakin. It takes a second before Anakin gives him the name of the place, and he does his best to hide his surprise. The place has been open for at least a year and a half-enough time for Anakin to go there-but it’s only cementing his suspicions on what happened to his friend.
There’s something like guilt settling in his stomach, but he ignores it because Anakin needs him more.
There’s time later to dissect his feelings and accept them.
It’s too early to head out-dawn is just arriving, the sun rising and the clock showing that it’s almost five in the morning-but Obi-Wan knows neither of them are going to sleep now. He smiles slightly before moving into the kitchen.
It almost feels like old times, when they used to live together as two bachelors without any real care in the world. He’s responsible for cooking because Anakin is (or was) a disaster in the kitchen. It stems from him being a bit too adventurous in the kitchen.
He side-steps Anakin, and he can see the surprise in Anakin’s expression for just a brief moment before he wipes any emotion from his face. It’s unnatural, and he feels bothered by it-even if he has no rights to be so.
The silence that falls over them borders on awkward as they try to ignore the elephant in the room. It lingers throughout breakfast, where Obi-Wan wants to ask questions about the past few years, but he doesn’t at the same time.
It’s easy to ask, but he doesn’t think he’ll like the answers he’ll get. If he gets any answers.
Obi-Wan thinks it’s easier to convince Anakin to go skydiving than to open up about anything that’s happened during the past few years. He’s tried his best to coax anything he can out of Anakin, but his friend clams up when something probes into that time.
He also tries hinting that he needs to see someone professional, but that’s met with stony silence or a loud argument that ends with Anakin shutting himself off from everything. It ends a few hours after with Anakin muttering an apology, almost like before, but there’s fear in his eyes that tells Obi-Wan that their fights affect him more than he’s letting on.
It’s at this point that Obi-Wan decides that he will be there for Anakin without pushing too much. He ignores that he knows more than he should because Anakin reveals bits and pieces during his nightmares, whimpering a name that doesn’t sound familiar to Obi-Wan at all.
Cuddling at their age feels weird-especially since there’s no romantic feelings between them-but it brings comfort to Anakin, and he’ll deal with a bit of awkwardness for his friend’s happiness.
Besides the awkwardness from cuddling, night is when Obi-Wan feels closest to Anakin. During the day, Anakin likes to put on masks-something he has learned to do over the years away from them (Obi-Wan and his other friends)-that almost feel natural.
It’s too easy to let things slide, to ignore the subtle hints that Anakin drops unintentionally, and it’s a bit disturbing. If he closes his eyes, it makes everything easier. He doesn’t have to worry if he pretends a problem doesn’t exist.
At least, that’s what he hopes.
But it’s also getting to the point where he may have no choice but to force Anakin to get some type of help. He wants to just be the supportive friend who’s there to listen if he needs someone to talk to, but Anakin isn’t getting any better.
If he’s to be honest, Anakin is worse.
It’s not that Anakin’s behavior is becoming more erratic-it’s that he’s pulling away a little more, losing himself in his own mind, and that scares Obi-Wan. He needs to decide if he’s willing to risk Anakin’s anger and aloofness in exchange for him being more stable.
Obi-Wan thinks that it’s awkward to stand around the therapist’s waiting area, not knowing anything that’s going on.
He’s not even sure what they’ll be talking about.
It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than to live with regret. That’s how he feels, and that’s why he’s chosen to risk Anakin’s ire if it means that he gets better.
Admitting this is hard, but it feels like even though they’re living together, they’re not that close. They’re physically close, but Obi-Wan doesn’t feel like they’re talking about important things.
He wants to know what they’re talking about in there, but it’s not his business until Anakin decides to share with him. Shifting his weight from one foot to another, he finds the room depressing.
It’s warmly lit and inviting, but the reason for him being here ruins this atmosphere.
When he hears the door open and footsteps, Obi-Wan quickly straightens and waits for Anakin to tell him what he wants. Maybe Anakin will be willing to talk to him more after this, but he’s not holding his breath.
Anakin looks drained but a bit happier, if the look in his eyes are anything to go by. It’s a sign that this is the right way to go-and hopefully will help Anakin move on from what he’s been through.
He also hopes Anakin will forgive him for forcing him to go to therapy in the first place. His friend still has that fiery personality that comes out at the most random of times, but it gives him hope that he’s there somewhere.
The silence lasts until dinner, where Anakin finally breaks it. It’s a comfortable silence, unlike the last few times, so Obi-Wan doesn’t mind it. But he’s still glad that Anakin breaks it.
“Thank you.” It sounds hesitant and soft, unsure, but he can also hear the sincerity in Anakin’s voice. It’s very rare for Anakin to say something like that, and it takes Obi-Wan by surprise.
“You’re welcome,” he replies mostly out of reflex. He hasn’t expected Anakin to say that, expecting him to sulk for a day or two before pretending those day never happened, so he is caught unaware.
The days spent in therapy helps Anakin move forward from what he thinks is an abusive relationship. Obi-Wan never hears Anakin call it that directly, but he hints at enough that it’s the most logical conclusion for him to jump to.
Anakin doesn’t correct him when he brings it up, but he does slowly start opening up about what happened during his time away. Obi-Wan doesn’t like hearing what happened, but he thinks speaking about it helps Anakin out, so he doesn’t comment negatively about it.
It’s through his therapist that Anakin starts to branch out more, gaining new friends and maybe, if Obi-Wan is correct, something a bit more. But it’s too soon to say anything, and Anakin still needs time to heal from his past abuse.
But it’s still weird seeing Anakin more subdue than before, but he assumes that not everything will ever be okay, and maybe it’s a bit of maturation. That experience must have changed Anakin-and not everything is for the better, but there are things Obi-Wan doesn’t mind.
But he doesn’t say anything about that, instead teasing Anakin for the way he becomes flustered around the first woman he’s declared love for.
Fandom: Star Wars
Prompt: Estrangement
Medium: Fic
Wordcount: 1949
Rating: PG
Warnings: heavily implied abuse
Summary: He doesn't expect a knock at 2 am.
AN: One, I might've just gotten tired of writing this fic. Two, I might've not watched the movies in a while. Three, the title comes from "Bon Bon Chocolat" by EVERGLOW.
He wakes up at two in the morning to someone pounding on his door, and he doesn’t know what to expect when he opens the door, but Anakin looking a bit fearful and determined is not it. Obi-Wan just ushers him in, remembering the way Anakin pushed him away-and he thinks it’s not completely his fault.
“Why are you here,” he asks, neutral and curious, not trying to be judgmental because he thinks Anakin doesn’t deserve to be shamed for whatever he’s suffered for the last year and a half. But he also thinks he deserves a bit of an explanation for why Anakin suddenly disappeared.
Anakin flinches at the question, and he thinks that he’s made a wrong choice. He knows how his friend (if they’re friends) acts, and Obi-Wan worries that Anakin will clam up and hold his thoughts in until they explode out in anger.
But what he sees is the young boy he met too long ago, that uncertainty and fear shining in his eyes. He wants to reach out and pull Anakin into a hug, but he doesn’t know how it’ll be taken by him.
“Please,” he whispers, voice still too loud as it breaks the silence that’s fallen over them. Obi-Wan hopes that it’ll coax Anakin to talk to him.
He sees the exhaustion in Anakin’s eyes and decides to leave the questioning for later in the day, when Anakin’s not exhausted. There’s nothing left to do but lead Anakin to the guest room where he’ll stay.
Obi-Wan hopes he won’t run away.
It’s impossible for him to fall asleep, worrying about how Anakin will respond to him tomorrow and what happened for Anakin to be in that state, but he lays in bed, staring at the ceiling, counting down the hours.
In the early hours, just as the sun is rising, he hears a faint sound, so subtle that he nearly misses it. It’s only due to him listening for any sounds-still fearful of Anakin deciding to run away while he’s pretending to sleep in his room-that he hears someone moving around in the house.
While he knows it’s Anakin, a part of him is always cautious, and he equips himself with a weapon that he blindly grabs for-a bat that he’s been meaning to dispose of somehow-and he sneaks into the kitchen where he can hear more noise coming from.
He nearly drops the bat when he sees that it’s Anakin, but right before he releases the bat, Obi-Wan realizes that it’s better to not startle his friend by having something clatter on the ground. Instead, he places it on the counter, barely a sound echoes from the bat hitting the counter, but it’s enough to startle his friend.
Anakin looks up with wide eyes-and he thinks that Anakin shouldn’t look like that, afraid of everything instead of reckless and careless with his energy and his anger-before shifting slightly.
It’s something that Obi-Wan generally doesn’t notice, but he’s paying close attention to Anakin, and it catches his eye. It’s defensive in a new way-not defending his stubbornness but defending himself from a potential unseen attack-and it makes Obi-Wan more curious, even if he thinks he knows enough to pick up on everything that’s happened.
He just doesn’t want to acknowledge it. If he ignores it, it’s easier to pretend that Anakin can easily be the person he was before-everything-and that he’ll get his closest (if they’re that) friend back.
“Are you okay,” Obi-Wan finally asks. He knows the answer, but he asks it anyways because he wants to know how willing Anakin is to open up to someone he knows.
“Fine.” His answer is short, precise, but there’s a defensiveness that tells Obi-Wan he isn’t fine-not that he needs to be made aware of that.
It takes a few seconds for Obi-Wan to come up with something to say that doesn’t sound patronizing or insensitive. “Let’s go out somewhere tomorrow.” And then he cringes inwardly as he realizes the implication of what he said.
But Anakin seems to know him well-even if it’s been years-and he takes it as he meant it. “There’s…there’s this place I’ve wanted to go to,” he starts before stopping himself from saying more.
“We can go,” Obi-Wan says, hoping to coax more out of Anakin. It takes a second before Anakin gives him the name of the place, and he does his best to hide his surprise. The place has been open for at least a year and a half-enough time for Anakin to go there-but it’s only cementing his suspicions on what happened to his friend.
There’s something like guilt settling in his stomach, but he ignores it because Anakin needs him more.
There’s time later to dissect his feelings and accept them.
It’s too early to head out-dawn is just arriving, the sun rising and the clock showing that it’s almost five in the morning-but Obi-Wan knows neither of them are going to sleep now. He smiles slightly before moving into the kitchen.
It almost feels like old times, when they used to live together as two bachelors without any real care in the world. He’s responsible for cooking because Anakin is (or was) a disaster in the kitchen. It stems from him being a bit too adventurous in the kitchen.
He side-steps Anakin, and he can see the surprise in Anakin’s expression for just a brief moment before he wipes any emotion from his face. It’s unnatural, and he feels bothered by it-even if he has no rights to be so.
The silence that falls over them borders on awkward as they try to ignore the elephant in the room. It lingers throughout breakfast, where Obi-Wan wants to ask questions about the past few years, but he doesn’t at the same time.
It’s easy to ask, but he doesn’t think he’ll like the answers he’ll get. If he gets any answers.
Obi-Wan thinks it’s easier to convince Anakin to go skydiving than to open up about anything that’s happened during the past few years. He’s tried his best to coax anything he can out of Anakin, but his friend clams up when something probes into that time.
He also tries hinting that he needs to see someone professional, but that’s met with stony silence or a loud argument that ends with Anakin shutting himself off from everything. It ends a few hours after with Anakin muttering an apology, almost like before, but there’s fear in his eyes that tells Obi-Wan that their fights affect him more than he’s letting on.
It’s at this point that Obi-Wan decides that he will be there for Anakin without pushing too much. He ignores that he knows more than he should because Anakin reveals bits and pieces during his nightmares, whimpering a name that doesn’t sound familiar to Obi-Wan at all.
Cuddling at their age feels weird-especially since there’s no romantic feelings between them-but it brings comfort to Anakin, and he’ll deal with a bit of awkwardness for his friend’s happiness.
Besides the awkwardness from cuddling, night is when Obi-Wan feels closest to Anakin. During the day, Anakin likes to put on masks-something he has learned to do over the years away from them (Obi-Wan and his other friends)-that almost feel natural.
It’s too easy to let things slide, to ignore the subtle hints that Anakin drops unintentionally, and it’s a bit disturbing. If he closes his eyes, it makes everything easier. He doesn’t have to worry if he pretends a problem doesn’t exist.
At least, that’s what he hopes.
But it’s also getting to the point where he may have no choice but to force Anakin to get some type of help. He wants to just be the supportive friend who’s there to listen if he needs someone to talk to, but Anakin isn’t getting any better.
If he’s to be honest, Anakin is worse.
It’s not that Anakin’s behavior is becoming more erratic-it’s that he’s pulling away a little more, losing himself in his own mind, and that scares Obi-Wan. He needs to decide if he’s willing to risk Anakin’s anger and aloofness in exchange for him being more stable.
Obi-Wan thinks that it’s awkward to stand around the therapist’s waiting area, not knowing anything that’s going on.
He’s not even sure what they’ll be talking about.
It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than to live with regret. That’s how he feels, and that’s why he’s chosen to risk Anakin’s ire if it means that he gets better.
Admitting this is hard, but it feels like even though they’re living together, they’re not that close. They’re physically close, but Obi-Wan doesn’t feel like they’re talking about important things.
He wants to know what they’re talking about in there, but it’s not his business until Anakin decides to share with him. Shifting his weight from one foot to another, he finds the room depressing.
It’s warmly lit and inviting, but the reason for him being here ruins this atmosphere.
When he hears the door open and footsteps, Obi-Wan quickly straightens and waits for Anakin to tell him what he wants. Maybe Anakin will be willing to talk to him more after this, but he’s not holding his breath.
Anakin looks drained but a bit happier, if the look in his eyes are anything to go by. It’s a sign that this is the right way to go-and hopefully will help Anakin move on from what he’s been through.
He also hopes Anakin will forgive him for forcing him to go to therapy in the first place. His friend still has that fiery personality that comes out at the most random of times, but it gives him hope that he’s there somewhere.
The silence lasts until dinner, where Anakin finally breaks it. It’s a comfortable silence, unlike the last few times, so Obi-Wan doesn’t mind it. But he’s still glad that Anakin breaks it.
“Thank you.” It sounds hesitant and soft, unsure, but he can also hear the sincerity in Anakin’s voice. It’s very rare for Anakin to say something like that, and it takes Obi-Wan by surprise.
“You’re welcome,” he replies mostly out of reflex. He hasn’t expected Anakin to say that, expecting him to sulk for a day or two before pretending those day never happened, so he is caught unaware.
The days spent in therapy helps Anakin move forward from what he thinks is an abusive relationship. Obi-Wan never hears Anakin call it that directly, but he hints at enough that it’s the most logical conclusion for him to jump to.
Anakin doesn’t correct him when he brings it up, but he does slowly start opening up about what happened during his time away. Obi-Wan doesn’t like hearing what happened, but he thinks speaking about it helps Anakin out, so he doesn’t comment negatively about it.
It’s through his therapist that Anakin starts to branch out more, gaining new friends and maybe, if Obi-Wan is correct, something a bit more. But it’s too soon to say anything, and Anakin still needs time to heal from his past abuse.
But it’s still weird seeing Anakin more subdue than before, but he assumes that not everything will ever be okay, and maybe it’s a bit of maturation. That experience must have changed Anakin-and not everything is for the better, but there are things Obi-Wan doesn’t mind.
But he doesn’t say anything about that, instead teasing Anakin for the way he becomes flustered around the first woman he’s declared love for.