(no subject)
i watched 'Closer' for the first time the other night. i think it was the one you mentioned you saw one time when i had hurt you. it threw me a bit, but that's not hard lately. i was driving to dads for dinner tonight, and listening to a song that makes me think of you, and everything. and i nearly started crying again. (maybe what you said is right- but i still don't know, and i can't risk doing that again.. maybe even if i knew for sure (or come to think i do).. maybe ever).
it doesn't take much, and yet no-one knows. no-one but you. and there are only two others who know anything at all. One of them is an old friend who i don't see much anymore- she just got married and is currently in bali on her honeymoon, the other is a new friend, of a couple of years or so, who i also only see occasionally, but write to a little more- she is in her early thirties, married and 5 months pregnant. for some reason i feel comfortable talking to her about my feelings). although it does make sense in a way.. both of these people are awake, although i don't think either of them thinks of it as that.. they are just open.
i hide so much of my self.
Quote from 'closer', i forget character names;
'Everybody wants to be happy'
'Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they are depressed. If they were happy, they couldn't be depressed anymore.. they'd have to go out into the world and live.. ..which can be depressing.'
this does, and doesn't relate to me.
i should stop smoking.
i think i am forever destined to fail at this.. which is why i have decided what i have.
it doesn't take much, and yet no-one knows. no-one but you. and there are only two others who know anything at all. One of them is an old friend who i don't see much anymore- she just got married and is currently in bali on her honeymoon, the other is a new friend, of a couple of years or so, who i also only see occasionally, but write to a little more- she is in her early thirties, married and 5 months pregnant. for some reason i feel comfortable talking to her about my feelings). although it does make sense in a way.. both of these people are awake, although i don't think either of them thinks of it as that.. they are just open.
i hide so much of my self.
Quote from 'closer', i forget character names;
'Everybody wants to be happy'
'Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they are depressed. If they were happy, they couldn't be depressed anymore.. they'd have to go out into the world and live.. ..which can be depressing.'
this does, and doesn't relate to me.
i should stop smoking.
i think i am forever destined to fail at this.. which is why i have decided what i have.