so i lied
i actually don't plan on continuously writing in this. im not even going to make a post about having written a new entry. you know how sometimes you're just in the mood to write out your thoughts. i never thought i would miss high school as much as i do. i guess its not really high school. just the familiarilty of it. everything's new here. friends, city, classes, teachers, what i do, where i eat, the vocabulary, how i see people. everything. when something went wrong at home, it wasnt so significant because there was always something to fall back on. and if i was really that pissed off, i would just hang out with my sister. here i cant even breathe. there's always someone around, someone talking, someone laughing. its impossible to have a moment of peace. and when did there become such an emphasis on going out EVERY SINGLE night? i dont get it. i dont understand the allure of getting wasted every night. take a breath people, look around you. are any of these people going to be here for you say, when you're sick? when you need help with something? when you need a friend? no, they'll be off drinking/smoking/making more empty relationships with equally empty people. its not the life i want. having a good time with your friends on occasion, whatever, live it up while you can. but to me, it seems like all people think college is about is who gets the drunkest, who hits the bong the most, who knows the most people at the party. and its so BORING. and im done now.
when was the last time you had a real conversation with someone? not a "hey i got so fucked up last night" "oh really me too man, dont even remember what i did". its hard for me to have real conversations with people i call my good friends sometimes. and thats really starting to bother me. i guess i just know that there is more to life than this. this superficial bullshit people play off as a good time. seriously done now.
i cant decide if i like it here. i have fun, i do. i like most of the people ive met and theres lots to do. i just feel like all the people i know, the real people, the ones i can talk to, are all in another place. here i feel really alone a lot of the time, even when im surrounded by others. and people i thought i could talk to just seem very judgemental now. its hard i guess. everything changing. it will just take some more getting used to. at the same time, i went home last weekend. and that felt off too. as much as i loved seeing everyone, it was like taking a huge step back in life instead of "home".
i have a boyfriend, whom i like very much and makes me incrediably happy. its suprised me how well everything has been working out so far. we'll see i guess.
update again? sometime? maybe? ill probably be the only one who ever reads this anways.
when was the last time you had a real conversation with someone? not a "hey i got so fucked up last night" "oh really me too man, dont even remember what i did". its hard for me to have real conversations with people i call my good friends sometimes. and thats really starting to bother me. i guess i just know that there is more to life than this. this superficial bullshit people play off as a good time. seriously done now.
i cant decide if i like it here. i have fun, i do. i like most of the people ive met and theres lots to do. i just feel like all the people i know, the real people, the ones i can talk to, are all in another place. here i feel really alone a lot of the time, even when im surrounded by others. and people i thought i could talk to just seem very judgemental now. its hard i guess. everything changing. it will just take some more getting used to. at the same time, i went home last weekend. and that felt off too. as much as i loved seeing everyone, it was like taking a huge step back in life instead of "home".
i have a boyfriend, whom i like very much and makes me incrediably happy. its suprised me how well everything has been working out so far. we'll see i guess.
update again? sometime? maybe? ill probably be the only one who ever reads this anways.