(no subject)
I dont know where to start.
I hate being at home. I feel like i am not wanted here. Everytime i am here i am getting bitched at by someone for something. My dad doesn't talk to me ever. When he does its only because he is mad and i did something wrong again. This morning i accidently knocked over the door he was paiting and so my mom helped me pick it up but there was a small dent. My mom was freaking out because we both knew my dad would flip a bitch because of it. He gets mad over any and every small thing. He doesn't know how to just drop things, and if i sit there in silence he will just interogate me until i speak which then he doesnt like what i say so he gets pissed off. I have never felt more distant from my family. I try not to be here because i am more comfortable being around people whom i know love me. When i am here i feel like they would rather i just leave. Everything i do is wrong. Seriously i feel like my dad just looks at me as though i am a huge disapointment to his life. I look at my life and see good things that i have accopmlished. He on the other hand makes me feel like shit and not worth living.
Lets see... what have i accopmlished over the last year and half?
*Sucked my shit up and graduated high school
*Succeeded in getting help and not killing myself
*Overcame depression for the most part
*Graduated Beauty School
*Got my permit
*Worked
Sorry but i think those are very big things. Everytime i see my dad i feel like shit because i know he pretty much hates me. He treats everyone like shit and freaks about every little thing.
I can not wait to move out yet at the same time i feel a small part of me isn't ready to let go. That part is mom's little girl. I am going to miss the feeling of my house even if its not always plesant. I guess i am going to make a knew feeling at my knew hours with Brendan, but its still a big change. My dad laughs in my face when i talk about moving out, well i am going to laugh in his face when i am out of this shit hole and getting on with my life.
When i was a little girl i never pictured myself having this sort of terrible relationship with my father. As i got older i knew things werent right. I hated him so much that i yes used the word hate and also said i didnt want him walking me down the isle at my wedding. I got passed that when i graduated and we were getting along well for a while. I dont know what i did to displease him so much to make him not be able to stand me. I really dont have a clue. Anyway, now i am wanting to be out of my house so i dont have to talk and deal with him anymore. I dont want that, but apparently he does.
I was in the car and he made it a big ta do that he had to pick me up from work. Wow im sorry you had to take a half hour out of your day. How often do i ask him to do that? O wait its been WEEKS since i have because people who love me like Brendan are always busting their asses to help me out. I sat in the van crying and he didnt even notice. I am glad he didn't though. I am still sitting here crying as i write this. I just want to be held and Brendan doesnt even know when i am hurting so bad that i need him here.
*Sigh*.
I'm devastated.And i worked a really long 8 hour all day shift today.
I hate being at home. I feel like i am not wanted here. Everytime i am here i am getting bitched at by someone for something. My dad doesn't talk to me ever. When he does its only because he is mad and i did something wrong again. This morning i accidently knocked over the door he was paiting and so my mom helped me pick it up but there was a small dent. My mom was freaking out because we both knew my dad would flip a bitch because of it. He gets mad over any and every small thing. He doesn't know how to just drop things, and if i sit there in silence he will just interogate me until i speak which then he doesnt like what i say so he gets pissed off. I have never felt more distant from my family. I try not to be here because i am more comfortable being around people whom i know love me. When i am here i feel like they would rather i just leave. Everything i do is wrong. Seriously i feel like my dad just looks at me as though i am a huge disapointment to his life. I look at my life and see good things that i have accopmlished. He on the other hand makes me feel like shit and not worth living.
Lets see... what have i accopmlished over the last year and half?
*Sucked my shit up and graduated high school
*Succeeded in getting help and not killing myself
*Overcame depression for the most part
*Graduated Beauty School
*Got my permit
*Worked
Sorry but i think those are very big things. Everytime i see my dad i feel like shit because i know he pretty much hates me. He treats everyone like shit and freaks about every little thing.
I can not wait to move out yet at the same time i feel a small part of me isn't ready to let go. That part is mom's little girl. I am going to miss the feeling of my house even if its not always plesant. I guess i am going to make a knew feeling at my knew hours with Brendan, but its still a big change. My dad laughs in my face when i talk about moving out, well i am going to laugh in his face when i am out of this shit hole and getting on with my life.
When i was a little girl i never pictured myself having this sort of terrible relationship with my father. As i got older i knew things werent right. I hated him so much that i yes used the word hate and also said i didnt want him walking me down the isle at my wedding. I got passed that when i graduated and we were getting along well for a while. I dont know what i did to displease him so much to make him not be able to stand me. I really dont have a clue. Anyway, now i am wanting to be out of my house so i dont have to talk and deal with him anymore. I dont want that, but apparently he does.
I was in the car and he made it a big ta do that he had to pick me up from work. Wow im sorry you had to take a half hour out of your day. How often do i ask him to do that? O wait its been WEEKS since i have because people who love me like Brendan are always busting their asses to help me out. I sat in the van crying and he didnt even notice. I am glad he didn't though. I am still sitting here crying as i write this. I just want to be held and Brendan doesnt even know when i am hurting so bad that i need him here.
*Sigh*.
I'm devastated.And i worked a really long 8 hour all day shift today.