As soon as I'm left alone--

[juggalulz]

Who: Gamzee and Karkat
When: Late Tuesday night, very soon after this encounter
Where: Gamzee's block
Summary: There was a...little slip-up in Gamzee's whole "trying not to murder people" thing. In the form of one of Karkat and Gamzee's good friends. Karkat tries to find out what the hell is going on.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Swearing and talk of

Comments

[sufferheir]

The moment he realized that he'd missed Kanaya, Karkat was on his way to Gamzee's block.

He couldn't believe this. Why wouldn't anyone listen to him? He'd been trying to hard to keep people away from Gamzee, to keep something from this from happening, but it wasn't fucking working. What was he doing wrong?

Thankfully the Facility was anything but large, so it didn't take long to get there. The moment he arrived in the suite, he was slamming into the door and pushing it open.

"Gamzee? Gamzee, let me in!" he shouted.

[juggalulz]

There's already a chair wedged up under the doorknob when Karkat starts pushing on it--and Gamzee sprints towards the door to push his own body against it, too.

"........Karkat?"

He wants to see him. But--

"...n-no.

You....you fuckin' can't. Right now."

[sufferheir]

That wasn't the response Karkat wanted to hear. He pushed himself against the door, panic rising in him, heart starting to beat all too quickly.

"Gamzee," he persisted, sounding more an more desperate. "Gamzee please. Don't...don't do anything I wouldn't want you to do. I...please just let me in."

[juggalulz]

He leans heavily on the door, knowing that Karkat could never overpower him and push it open of his own volition--laying his forehead against it, smearing a bit of white facepaint on the door.

"....I c-can't." His voice breaks a little in the middle of that, and he wishes it didn't.

[sufferheir]

And he was terrified, because he knew what that probably meant. Fuck. He was too late wasn't he.

"Gamzee," he said, slumping against the door, voice full of apprehension. "Why not?"

[juggalulz]

Gamzee sighs weakly and gently opens the door, only a crack, so half of his face peeks out. He wraps one set of claws around the edge of the door, revealing a tell tale jade green gracing the tips of his fingers.

"...a...motherfucker has to be alone. He has to be."

He furrows his brow, scowling.

"Did you send her..? With the slime..?"

[sufferheir]

Karkat sees that blood, and for a moment that's all he can think about. Jade blood. Jade blood staining Gamzee's fingers. No. No, fuck. Please.

And he's frozen in horror, up until Gamzee asks him those questions. And you could see the heartbreak on his face, plain as day.

"No!" he all but screams, backing away from the door. "I didn't! I didn't do fucking ANYTHING!"

[juggalulz]

He cringes and pulls back, retreating from the door a little when Karkat raises his voice. He's relieved, for sure, but still nervous and still scatterbrained--Gamzee's eyebrows go into a worried position and he nods. He starts talking as he backs up, abandoning the door and walking into the room. There's enough room for Karkat to follow, which Gamzee just assumes that he is.

"She--then it was Vriska, motherfuckin' Vriska, probably, maybe, fuckin' sending her bullshit emissary in here to--fuckin' sabotage, underclawed--fuckin' underclawed motherfuckin' bullshit--"

He's rambling, claws shaking and face set in a worried scowl, staring at a faded green spot in the middle of the wall. There's a stain on the ground, as well, which is most definitely sopor slime.

"They wanted me stupid, Karkat--doped up fogged up motherfucker, wanted me scared, maybe, I'm fuckin' sure of it--"

He swallows hard and looks towards the other troll, his thinkpan in an angry overdrive and paranoia so thick that you could almost see it.

"I had to. I had to

[sufferheir]

Gamzee overestimates Karkat's desire to follow after that. He's frozen in the doorway for a good few moments, Gamzee's paranoid ranting drifting over him like rancid waves. He contemplates, very seriously, that he might not be able to take this.

And then he moves inside.

His eyes settle on the blood stains. He chokes. He feels like throwing up. He's terrified, and sick, and angrier than he's ever been. But he doesn't know what to do, because he'd promised he'd stop this and he failed.

"No," he says again, hoarsely, words sticking in his throat. "You didn't have to. She didn't have to. Fuck."

[juggalulz]

Gamzee looks down in--shame, maybe, even though that's not what he'd call it--and drags his claws over the stain in the wall, scratching it up, hoping to erase the image from Karkat's mind. He doesn't wanna do this to Karkat.

"I--"

Fuck.

He walks closer to Karkat and struggles with his words, still in a post-rage haze, still muddled and paranoid and somehow also full of grief, which he really doesn't understand at all.

"...it was an accident. I fuckin' swear, she just...I couldn't drink it, I don't want it anymore, and...Vriska...fuckin' loves her, and--"

This feeling was easily one of the oddest and most confusing he'd ever felt. He was...satiated. The abyss in the back of his mind was so happy, it might as well have been purring, but then--he really hadn't meant to. He didn't want to kill Kanaya. He feels satisfaction and deep, deep regret all in one. Tears well up in his eyes and he's not sure if it's from sadness or just...frustration.

"....it was a motherfuckin' accident.

I didn't....I don't mean to fuck you up, like

[sufferheir]

Karkat can't drag his eyes away from the floor and wall as Gamzee approaches, standing like he's frozen in place. He does raise a hand to cover his mouth though, eyes wide like he's going into shock.

"Why would you think that?" he mumbled, almost deliriously. "Why would I...We talked about this, I told you I wouldn't, I never..." He chokes again, into his hand. "I told her not to come, I swear to god I tried to stop her, but no one would fucking listen to me..."

He knows he shouldn't be freaking out now, because the last thing Gamzee needs is more agitation, but he can't stop. He can't control himself. This is too much.

[juggalulz]

He screws his eyes shut, hard, and he doesn't even register that tears fall from his eyes until they drip off his chin and hit his hands--leaving awkward, wet trails through his patchy white face paint. Gamzee allows himself a moment to be taken aback by it, since that was pretty new, before stepping closer to his friend

[sufferheir]

Karkat stared into nothing for a few more seconds, because his gaze cautiously flickered over to Gamzee. He furrowed his brow, worried and hurt, and then rubbed his hand over his face like he was trying to wipe away his own pain.

"This...this can't happen again," he said, his voice rough and shaken. "We have to make this not happen again, please."

God, what if she didn't come back? What if she was dead forever? Fuck. Fuck, come on, keep it together.

[juggalulz]

That voice from his fucking mind-abyss is yelling that it's not Karkat's decision what happens and what doesn't happen, that he's not in charge here, but it's so quiet that Gamzee squeezes his eyes shut hard, shuts him up, and opens them again.

"...okay."

He knows it sounds stupid, but he doesn't know what else to say.

"...thought...maybe she was just coming to say hi to a brother." He rubs his eyes roughly with the front of his arm and smears his ruined makeup even more. "Thought maybe..."

"............I'm fuckin' sorry."

Gamzee doesn't know what else to say, really, he really, really doesn't. He realizes that he really wants any kind of comforting words, or a hug, or just someone to tell him he's not completely unfixable, but the way Karkat's reacting doesn't do much to help that--so maybe he can make Karkat feel better, at least. He'll apologize, because he IS sorry that he upset Karkat. But maybe not so much about anything else, or at least, as much as he probably should be

[sufferheir]

He's quiet for a long moment, his arms still around his chest. Then he breaks.

"Gamzee..." And he looks up at him, his eyebrows knit with worry and concern.

"Don't," he says, and swallows as he tries to figure out what to say. "Don't fucking talk like that, okay? It's not like you're...like you're..." He shakes his head. "This wasn't you. And she shouldn't have pushed you, that isn't your fault."

"I should have stopped this and I fucked up, but it's...it's not permanent. We can make this okay."

[juggalulz]

He smiles, crooked and sad. "It's my fuckin' fault, brother. At the motherfuckin' bloodpumper of it all. A motherfucker....knows that. Right now."

"And it definitely ain't yours." Karkat being here was probably the only reason Gamzee didn't completely do a swan dive off the deep end forever, in the first place.

"If she weren't all close with....fuckin' Vriska. It probably wouldn't of fuckin' gone down like that, maybe. I just can't...a motherfucker can't get it outta his..."

He scratches the back of his head, through his ratty hair and speaks quieter than before. "Missing Tavros like a motherfuck. And other stuff. Never really felt this kinda shit before." Because feeling nothing was pretty easy when you were zoning out into space.

"But....I saw fuckin' Terezi. Nothing bad happened when I saw a legisister. Just gotta figure out how to shut the bad motherfucker up. The bad me."