Hey, knock at the door. Just saved me from being forced to cook. Or try to. She knows what happens by now when I try to cook. The flames always get a little bit higher than nescecary. I flat out suck at it. I consider nothing wrong with that, lots of guys can't cook.
"I'll get it."
I walked to the door, and opened it up, personally ready to thank whoever the hell it was that had just saved me three seconds ago.
And then my entire world sort of stopped for a long minute.
"Bonjour, amoureux."
Oh my God.
This can't be real. You can't freakin' be serious. She can't be right here, right now, standing in front of me. It's not possible. She's... I saw the pictures. I'm the one who ran. She didn't make it out.
And yet here she is. Right here.
"Miss me?"I tried to speak, but I'm pretty sure I'm in shock, so that wasn't happening at all. I'm still not entirely sure that she's real, that I'm just freaking out and imagining it, even though I haven't really thought about her in years
( ... )
"Alright." I sighed, ducking as Julia spit her spaghetti back in my direction. Technically, this should be the other way around. I'm the one who knows how to cook, Sam's great at getting Julia to eat.
But I offered, because I was so busy trying to avoid Alex and Madsen that it seemed like a good idea. Feeding a kid isn't supposed to be this difficult. I know she likes it, she eats it all the time for Sam.
She just likes me to wear it sometimes. That's all.
I looked up when I heard the door, and stood, ready to go and answer so that I could get away from my thirteen month old terror, when Sam spoke up first.
"I'll get it."
Damn you.
Stop giggling Julia, my personal hell isn't funny.
"Okay."
I kneeled down in front of the high chair again, grabbing a fabric napkin off of the table to use as a shield. Now that Daddy is home, Julia knows she doesn't have to be good for Mommy anymore. And she's taking advantage, damn it.
"No no!"Julia covered her mouth with her right hand and
( ... )
"That's funny, I'd settle for knowing who the fuck she is."
Shit. Great.
I looked over at Carly, trying to figure out how the hell I was going to explain all this. I really didn't know how, I didn't even know how she was here yet. And naturally, she looks pissed. Even though Natasha kissed me, and it's not like I kissed back, I'm going to be owning this for weeks. Because that's how it works.
Great. Freakin' wonderful.
"Carly, this is..."
"Natasha. Natasha Saunders."
I almost wish she didn't have the accent that I liked so much before, because I know that's going to piss Carly off twice as much. And I wish, sort of, that I hadn't told Carly about her in the first place.
Because the look on her face means I'm dead.
And I really don't like having to own something that's not my freakin' fault in the first place. Especially since this is all going down with my daughter in the room.
I should make sure she gets out of here soon, I don't want Julia hearing all of this.
"Natasha. Natasha Saunders."Natasha? The dead one? I must have misheard her, it can't be the dead one. The dead one wouldn't be alive. That's why she's the dead one. And also why Sam always acted guilty whenever he talked about certain parts of his trip; when I could get him to talk about it at all. I never wanted to push, he seemed too hurt by everything that went down. Since I couldn't make it better for him, I resolved not to make it worse, and let it go
( ... )
"I'm saying that this might be the last chance you get to figure out which one of us you want to have a life with."
"What..."
I don't even have words. Not words I can speak. Not in front of my fucking daughter. I don't know what the hell made her reach the conclusion that I might even remotely want to be anywhere else. If I didn't love her, I'd walk the hell out. My parents didn't love each other, and they stuck together, and look what happened. I'd owe it to Julia to walk out if I didn't love Carly, if nothing else, damn it.
I love Carly. There's never been anyone else. Natasha's second, she always has been. In fact, she knows that. Because I used to fucking talk about Carly all the time. But since Carly can't possibly know that, she's being deluded and trying to get me out of here
( ... )
We're going to talk longer than I thought we were. I'm scared of what he might have to say, but I'll listen. I'll put Julia in her bedroom and listen. I want to listen. If he's talking to me, he's not with her. It doesn't matter that the talking is really going to be fighting, at least it'll be fighting with me. Natasha can wait. Outside. She's getting in the way of my life, so she can wait.
"It's just--"
"Take her out of the room, and then explain it to me again, because I'm not getting it. And I'm pretty sure you've just lost your mind, but maybe I'm wrong. So please take Jules into the other room, put her in the crib, and come back out here."
I hate it when Sam acts like that. It's almost as though he thinks I'm trying to upset him. I mean, I know that I do sometimes. I'm aware that what I'm saying isn't going to make him happy with me, but if I just agree to let them talk for a little while without telling him that..that I want him to be sure about this, then maybe in the long run
( ... )
I waited while she brought Jules in, trying to ignore that old familiar tingle that was starting up in my hands. I'm going to keep calm here. She's not going to make me lose it just because she's being crazy.
"Okay."
"Okay." I forced my voice to stay as close to normal as I could get. She doesn't look any different. In fact, she looks upset. And I want to make it better, but she doesn't want that. She wants me to get the hell out, apparently.
Unless I'm wrong.
I'm going to give her a chance to be told differently, because this is one of those times where I really want to be wrong.
"What...what do you want me to say here?"
"I want you to explain to me what the hell you just said," I told her, and forced the feeling in my hands to stop and the heat to go down. That'll last me until the end of the conversation we're having here, unless this turns out to be more insane than I thought.
"Because I don't think I'm getting it. And if I'm getting it, if I understand what you just said, then it's fucking insane."
"I want you to explain to me what the hell you just said."
There's nothing to explain. Really, there's not. I said what I did because this all came out of nowhere, and now I don't know what to do about it other than to give him a chance to figure out how he wants his life to be like. I forced him into a lot of things. Some of it was good, some of it was better in the end, and other times I was just wrong. I always thought I knew exactly what should have happened and how to get to that point, but it seems like I just kept pushing until I had things my way. I guess I always thought we wanted the same things. I never stopped to think that maybe my demands were asking too much. I bet Natasha never expected anything of him at all. She acts like she makes things easy. I know I wouldn't have walked out that fast in her place. Maybe she's confident. She thinks she has him. After all, he probably would have never come back if he hadn't thought she was dead.
"Because I don't think I'm getting it. And if I'm getting it, if I understand what
( ... )
Comments 19
Hey, knock at the door. Just saved me from being forced to cook. Or try to. She knows what happens by now when I try to cook. The flames always get a little bit higher than nescecary. I flat out suck at it. I consider nothing wrong with that, lots of guys can't cook.
"I'll get it."
I walked to the door, and opened it up, personally ready to thank whoever the hell it was that had just saved me three seconds ago.
And then my entire world sort of stopped for a long minute.
"Bonjour, amoureux."
Oh my God.
This can't be real. You can't freakin' be serious. She can't be right here, right now, standing in front of me. It's not possible. She's... I saw the pictures. I'm the one who ran. She didn't make it out.
And yet here she is. Right here.
"Miss me?"I tried to speak, but I'm pretty sure I'm in shock, so that wasn't happening at all. I'm still not entirely sure that she's real, that I'm just freaking out and imagining it, even though I haven't really thought about her in years ( ... )
Reply
"Alright." I sighed, ducking as Julia spit her spaghetti back in my direction. Technically, this should be the other way around. I'm the one who knows how to cook, Sam's great at getting Julia to eat.
But I offered, because I was so busy trying to avoid Alex and Madsen that it seemed like a good idea. Feeding a kid isn't supposed to be this difficult. I know she likes it, she eats it all the time for Sam.
She just likes me to wear it sometimes. That's all.
I looked up when I heard the door, and stood, ready to go and answer so that I could get away from my thirteen month old terror, when Sam spoke up first.
"I'll get it."
Damn you.
Stop giggling Julia, my personal hell isn't funny.
"Okay."
I kneeled down in front of the high chair again, grabbing a fabric napkin off of the table to use as a shield. Now that Daddy is home, Julia knows she doesn't have to be good for Mommy anymore. And she's taking advantage, damn it.
"No no!"Julia covered her mouth with her right hand and ( ... )
Reply
Shit. Great.
I looked over at Carly, trying to figure out how the hell I was going to explain all this. I really didn't know how, I didn't even know how she was here yet. And naturally, she looks pissed. Even though Natasha kissed me, and it's not like I kissed back, I'm going to be owning this for weeks. Because that's how it works.
Great. Freakin' wonderful.
"Carly, this is..."
"Natasha. Natasha Saunders."
I almost wish she didn't have the accent that I liked so much before, because I know that's going to piss Carly off twice as much. And I wish, sort of, that I hadn't told Carly about her in the first place.
Because the look on her face means I'm dead.
And I really don't like having to own something that's not my freakin' fault in the first place. Especially since this is all going down with my daughter in the room.
I should make sure she gets out of here soon, I don't want Julia hearing all of this.
Reply
"Natasha. Natasha Saunders."Natasha? The dead one? I must have misheard her, it can't be the dead one. The dead one wouldn't be alive. That's why she's the dead one. And also why Sam always acted guilty whenever he talked about certain parts of his trip; when I could get him to talk about it at all. I never wanted to push, he seemed too hurt by everything that went down. Since I couldn't make it better for him, I resolved not to make it worse, and let it go ( ... )
Reply
"What..."
I don't even have words. Not words I can speak. Not in front of my fucking daughter. I don't know what the hell made her reach the conclusion that I might even remotely want to be anywhere else. If I didn't love her, I'd walk the hell out. My parents didn't love each other, and they stuck together, and look what happened. I'd owe it to Julia to walk out if I didn't love Carly, if nothing else, damn it.
I love Carly. There's never been anyone else. Natasha's second, she always has been. In fact, she knows that. Because I used to fucking talk about Carly all the time. But since Carly can't possibly know that, she's being deluded and trying to get me out of here ( ... )
Reply
We're going to talk longer than I thought we were. I'm scared of what he might have to say, but I'll listen. I'll put Julia in her bedroom and listen. I want to listen. If he's talking to me, he's not with her. It doesn't matter that the talking is really going to be fighting, at least it'll be fighting with me. Natasha can wait. Outside. She's getting in the way of my life, so she can wait.
"It's just--"
"Take her out of the room, and then explain it to me again, because I'm not getting it. And I'm pretty sure you've just lost your mind, but maybe I'm wrong. So please take Jules into the other room, put her in the crib, and come back out here."
I hate it when Sam acts like that. It's almost as though he thinks I'm trying to upset him. I mean, I know that I do sometimes. I'm aware that what I'm saying isn't going to make him happy with me, but if I just agree to let them talk for a little while without telling him that..that I want him to be sure about this, then maybe in the long run ( ... )
Reply
"Okay."
"Okay." I forced my voice to stay as close to normal as I could get. She doesn't look any different. In fact, she looks upset. And I want to make it better, but she doesn't want that. She wants me to get the hell out, apparently.
Unless I'm wrong.
I'm going to give her a chance to be told differently, because this is one of those times where I really want to be wrong.
"What...what do you want me to say here?"
"I want you to explain to me what the hell you just said," I told her, and forced the feeling in my hands to stop and the heat to go down. That'll last me until the end of the conversation we're having here, unless this turns out to be more insane than I thought.
"Because I don't think I'm getting it. And if I'm getting it, if I understand what you just said, then it's fucking insane."
Reply
There's nothing to explain. Really, there's not. I said what I did because this all came out of nowhere, and now I don't know what to do about it other than to give him a chance to figure out how he wants his life to be like. I forced him into a lot of things. Some of it was good, some of it was better in the end, and other times I was just wrong. I always thought I knew exactly what should have happened and how to get to that point, but it seems like I just kept pushing until I had things my way. I guess I always thought we wanted the same things. I never stopped to think that maybe my demands were asking too much. I bet Natasha never expected anything of him at all. She acts like she makes things easy. I know I wouldn't have walked out that fast in her place. Maybe she's confident. She thinks she has him. After all, he probably would have never come back if he hadn't thought she was dead.
"Because I don't think I'm getting it. And if I'm getting it, if I understand what ( ... )
Reply
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