DAMNIT I AM SO GODDAMNED BORED ARRRGH!!! D:< T-T
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORED
and Broke as hell. Damn you Catch-22! Give me a damned job, already!
GOD, I NEED 2 DO SOMETHING!!!! No more social isolation for Vyndi, screw you Depression!! >:(
Guess that'll be my meds kickin' in. Bout' time.
But, seriously, I did this quiz with my counsellor *fishes for it* Ahh...here we go.
I'll spare you the Dr. Philesque description. But, basicly you take an 100 question quiz based on these 4 categories: Physical Environment, Money, Relationships, and well-being. But we've eliminated the money since I don't pay a mortgage, and have to worry about income taxes.
Yeah, so of course the objective is to score 100 (which will happen because this is, of course, a perfect world), but people score 70 on average.
I scored 28.5/75
Yeah, ouch.
And this thing she showed me about common symptoms of depression...it's not funny how right on the mark most of them were. I can't remember them all word for word, but there were only 2 things I haven't felt or done: done drugs, and I think something to do with violence. Otherwise the lack of motivation, feelings of "why bother", social isolation (big, BIG one), more sleeping, other assorted crap were all felt. It really was scary for me, it was as if these conclusions were meant only for me.
I need to turn this shit around, now. Especially if I want to get into University, and have a life.
And I need to go out and do something with people. Not that I'm one of those social butterflies on amphetamines that have to do EVERYTHING with EVERYONE in their black book, I'm perfectly capable of enjoying my own company (I can go to the washroom by myself, too, imagine that?), but, hell, I like to do things with friends once in a while, too.
It's just so emotionally exhausting; sometimes I'll be perky as hell--and truly genuine about it. But more often than not I'm just blah, well more than blah. I don't want to do much of anything, anymore. I'm either totally apathetic, or down.
Except for right now, I can't think of another time I've been this GODDMANED BORED!! SHIT!!!
So, again, that must be my Anti-D's working out. I want to do stuff, now. Except the problem is that I only have a month's supply because my mom doesn't like the idea that I'm medicated and won't pay for them (yet. She'll come around. I hope.)--a month's was the best my doctor could do. But, of course, Anti-depressants are heavy stuff--I can't be medicated on and off like this, it's not healthy for my still-devleoping brain, body, or emotions. Today, when I went out to my doctor's (because I was sick, yesterday ,and missed a test), I was so exhausted, like whoa. But as exhausted as I was, I couldn't fall asleep. I hate that feeling. So much. But when I got home I slept until like 5:30 after forcing myself to get up out of bed. What's more is that I went to bed early last night (this morning technically speaking), too. So I slept from 12:00-8:22am; was tired on the way there and back. Got home at like 1:23pm and slept until 5:30pm.
Yeah, that doesn't sound too good.
I also had this crazy stomach ache out of damned nowhere on the way back from the doctor's (don't you just love the irony?), and it was the same kind of pain I had when I went to Church Camp last summer and started blowing chunks, though toned down a bit, I wasn't in tears about it. I thought it was the lake water; that I had probably swallowed a bit, or something, because I was in the water the longest, and nobody else was hit with the stomach ache from Hell. Of course my brother is all "Do you want me to call Grandpa?" in the flat-casual voice while I'm crying, shaking and writhing all the while clutching my stomach.
Asshole.
Anywho, I slept it off when I got home, it came back, though much more docile and then just faded away for the most part. Thank God.
What will always hurt and bewilder me is when I started taking meds a few weeks ago, my mother was more worried about the side-effects than the fact that her daughter was on damned anti-depressants.
Funny how things work, ain't it?
I guess I've successfully alienated everyone who knows me and reads this.
I honestly can't say I care at the moment. God, I am so bitter right now.
and Broke as hell. Damn you Catch-22! Give me a damned job, already!
GOD, I NEED 2 DO SOMETHING!!!! No more social isolation for Vyndi, screw you Depression!! >:(
Guess that'll be my meds kickin' in. Bout' time.
But, seriously, I did this quiz with my counsellor *fishes for it* Ahh...here we go.
I'll spare you the Dr. Philesque description. But, basicly you take an 100 question quiz based on these 4 categories: Physical Environment, Money, Relationships, and well-being. But we've eliminated the money since I don't pay a mortgage, and have to worry about income taxes.
Yeah, so of course the objective is to score 100 (which will happen because this is, of course, a perfect world), but people score 70 on average.
I scored 28.5/75
Yeah, ouch.
And this thing she showed me about common symptoms of depression...it's not funny how right on the mark most of them were. I can't remember them all word for word, but there were only 2 things I haven't felt or done: done drugs, and I think something to do with violence. Otherwise the lack of motivation, feelings of "why bother", social isolation (big, BIG one), more sleeping, other assorted crap were all felt. It really was scary for me, it was as if these conclusions were meant only for me.
I need to turn this shit around, now. Especially if I want to get into University, and have a life.
And I need to go out and do something with people. Not that I'm one of those social butterflies on amphetamines that have to do EVERYTHING with EVERYONE in their black book, I'm perfectly capable of enjoying my own company (I can go to the washroom by myself, too, imagine that?), but, hell, I like to do things with friends once in a while, too.
It's just so emotionally exhausting; sometimes I'll be perky as hell--and truly genuine about it. But more often than not I'm just blah, well more than blah. I don't want to do much of anything, anymore. I'm either totally apathetic, or down.
Except for right now, I can't think of another time I've been this GODDMANED BORED!! SHIT!!!
So, again, that must be my Anti-D's working out. I want to do stuff, now. Except the problem is that I only have a month's supply because my mom doesn't like the idea that I'm medicated and won't pay for them (yet. She'll come around. I hope.)--a month's was the best my doctor could do. But, of course, Anti-depressants are heavy stuff--I can't be medicated on and off like this, it's not healthy for my still-devleoping brain, body, or emotions. Today, when I went out to my doctor's (because I was sick, yesterday ,and missed a test), I was so exhausted, like whoa. But as exhausted as I was, I couldn't fall asleep. I hate that feeling. So much. But when I got home I slept until like 5:30 after forcing myself to get up out of bed. What's more is that I went to bed early last night (this morning technically speaking), too. So I slept from 12:00-8:22am; was tired on the way there and back. Got home at like 1:23pm and slept until 5:30pm.
Yeah, that doesn't sound too good.
I also had this crazy stomach ache out of damned nowhere on the way back from the doctor's (don't you just love the irony?), and it was the same kind of pain I had when I went to Church Camp last summer and started blowing chunks, though toned down a bit, I wasn't in tears about it. I thought it was the lake water; that I had probably swallowed a bit, or something, because I was in the water the longest, and nobody else was hit with the stomach ache from Hell. Of course my brother is all "Do you want me to call Grandpa?" in the flat-casual voice while I'm crying, shaking and writhing all the while clutching my stomach.
Asshole.
Anywho, I slept it off when I got home, it came back, though much more docile and then just faded away for the most part. Thank God.
What will always hurt and bewilder me is when I started taking meds a few weeks ago, my mother was more worried about the side-effects than the fact that her daughter was on damned anti-depressants.
Funny how things work, ain't it?
I guess I've successfully alienated everyone who knows me and reads this.
I honestly can't say I care at the moment. God, I am so bitter right now.