I'm sure I'll be more excited about this later on...
I need to go to the store tomorrow and buy me some more Easter chocolate, I need the endorfins. Seriously.
Anywho, Shane, sorta, kinda asked me out again. It must've been the 4th time, already. Well, he wants to hang out, but this is Shane. What I mean by the italics is that he'd better sate himself before we do things together, if you catch my drift.
Let me just just say a few things about him: He's arrogant, insensitive, smart, funny, realistic, rational, fiendish (the sexual variety), analytical, and practical. He's not prejudiced, either. He hates everyone equally. Always a plus.
He's a 20 on the the 1-10 scale and knows it, too.
And he makes me laugh all the time.
I know his faults--he hardly makes an attempt to hide them. He's a big jerkoff who has a new girl practically every week (give or take) and won't apologize for it. But, I've never felt more honest when I talk to him, I tell him things I don't tell my best friends, because he's been there done that, and seen worse. So it's no big deal for him to lend an ear, but it is for me. It's just so refreshing to know that I can talk to him about just about anything, without being judged, or have it come back to bite me in the ass, or just being afraid that it might. Especially with my best friend, Linda. Linda lives a fairly sheltered life, not to the point of living in a cave, but enough to refrain me from telling her certain things from fear of alienating her.
Now I've known Linda since 5th grade, and we just get along so damned well, and I feel good when I'm around her. But, Linda has 3 other sisters and, they do everything together. Okay, I haven't a sterling example of a nice sibling relationship--but it's ridiculous. She's starting to get sick of it herself, which is all the better for me. Now before you all start giving me the disapproving stare, this is my best friend who I can never have any intimate conversation with because one, or more of her sisters are present.
And her parents are so totally overprotective, or something, because I can't do anything with her. No movies, no shopping, no nothing. And she's not likely to spontaneously declare her independence, not yet, anyway. But she's worth the wait.
Linda has a twin, Mandy. And I'm pissed that out of her other 2 sisters, Mandy just had to be her twin. They don't look alike, though. One sister is 15, the other is 18, my point is that the other sisters wouldn't be seen nearly as much with her during our free working periods. I like Sue a lot (the older), and Tammy is harmless. But, Mandy? Ughh... Now, things to know about Mandy: She's rude, she hates everyone, and talks about people like a bitter old housewife. I honestly don't know if she has any friends outside her sisters because she's so anti-social. It's not so much the clingyness of Linda's sisters being the crink in my friendship with her as much as Mandy all on her own.
Last year was a big bump in the road for me and Linda, for stupid reasons on both parties. Things were said, her parents didn't like me, I wasn't the girl I was in grade 7 or 8, I was down and unmotivated all the time, we hadn't talked, she was being unfairly critical of me--it honestly looked like our friendship would be over. But the summer came and went and in September I have Law with her and everything is fine, like we had a fresh start. Our fights weren't shallow, and this was a blessing and I'd be stupid to treat it otherwise. But one of the big factors when we were fighting was Mandy. I felt so damned uncomfortable around her, if I so much as breathed wrong she'd complain. In Chinese. While I was at the table. I don't speak it, but it doesn't a genius to know when you're the topic of conversation.
I crack a pill into my yoghurt at lunchtime, because I can't swallow it.
"That's so disgusting." And she'll have the most gagged out face ever.
Well, excuse me for being iron deficient.
So, I didn't feel comfortable talking, moving, or breathing while I ate lunch with them. And when I talked to Linda about her sister and how I felt like I had to walk on eggshells or watch what I said all the time, she got upset--understandably so, I made her feel like I was choosing between me and her sister. But she knows and understands my issues. Baby steps.
You know, it isn't just Mandy, it's Linda herself. She needs to understand that it's okay to want to be independent from her family. I'm not being insensitive or writing off her dilemma, or an unempathetic bitch that can't understand because she doesn't have a nice family--she confided that she doesn't like doing stuff with her sisters all the time, anymore. She's not going to be stuck on her sisters for the rest of her life, so now is a good a time as any to start breaking away a bit. If there's a tiny chance that she might, though, I'm done.
I can't tell her things without her sisters knowing as well, and they're not the most secretive people either, and they'll being giving me advice, or something. WTF?! Case-in-point they'll be talking about my ex-crush (well, not so much ex, anymore) while he's within earshot. LIke, damn!! It wouldn't kill you to exercise some discretion on my behalf, would it?
I still feel constricted, but it's not as nearly as bad as it was last year, and things are pretty good between the three of us so I'll let it be for the time being. I've got to tell Linda more stuff. She's a tough cookie, she can handle it. Maybe I am being insensitive? I mean there's nothing wrong with a close family, and maybe this is normal? I honestly wouldn't know. I could go weeks (and have), maybe months (especially now) without seeing my family and not miss them. I'm sure the feeling would be mutual, too.
But, back to Shane, lol. I just needed to get that off of my chest.
I don't feel any of that with him. But I'm gonna put off our hanging out for a while, because I'm fat, broke, and boring right now. I dread the boring thing most of all (okay, my being fat is worrying me most). WTF would we talk about?! He's been out with such interesting people (for better or worse). And I've never been out before, either. I feel very inadequte.
I guess I can't be all that bad, seeing as we're still talking one year, four months later.
We'll just have to wait and see now, won't we?
Oh yeah, this is Shane:
Yes, I know I'm totally crazy for not jumping on the oppurtunity, yada, yada, yada. Be entranced by his hotness.
Night.