I hear ya. Christmas is a hard time for me because that was when the truth came out about my abuse. I think it's harder when it happens around an occasion that people like to make a big deal out of.
Congratulations for taking legal action. That takes a lot of strength, and I believe you're doing the right thing.
As to moving on, you just have to take it one step at a time. Do what you can do for now, and let tomorrow take care of itself.
First anniversaries are pretty tough - the toughest (in my opinion) of the anniversaries. Think of it this way: you have to deal with anniversary triggers for just a couple weeks each year (about a week before and after are the major triggers). So in the last 52 weeks, you've had 2 weeks of practice coping with those triggers. Next year you'll have had 4 weeks, etc. It's perfectly normal for your first anniversary to be hellish - you haven't built up your coping skills for that one particular stress yet, and you have a limited time in which to do so every year. Your struggling has nothing to do with weakness.
Pursuing legal action can be hell, but remember - no matter what the turnout, the fact that you did it makes all the difference.
THIS COMMENT MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERSholly_go_noorOctober 29 2008, 08:20:54 UTC
Pursuing legal action can be hell, but remember - no matter what the turnout, the fact that you did it makes all the difference.
I agree completely. I reported my rapist and nothing happened to him (he told the police I was angry cause he was "unable to perform" and apparently that was good enough for them). I felt like total crap about it until a friend of mine who is in law enforcement told me that if/when he ever did it to another girl, they would have my report on file to help her story.
Of course I don't WANT it to happen to another girl, but I'm glad that if it does I'll have helped her out a bit, even if it doesn't help me out.
Re: THIS COMMENT MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERSsistahravenOctober 31 2008, 06:03:57 UTC
Exactly - not only can it help possible future people he hurts, but if he ever encounters you again and acts inappropriately, it also helps you to get protection orders to protect yourself, etc.
Thanks for all the support ladies (gents? do we have any of those?). Today is the big anniversary. I'm going to work and hoping for the best. Part of me is afraid he's going to show up and make a scene, another part of me is just afraid I won't be able to handle all the festivities. We'll see.
In terms of the legal stuff...yeah, it's hard. I'm in the middle of writing my statement right now and having a women's advocate read it and edit it. I think the editing is the worst--even though she knows how these things should be written and I have no idea, and I obviously want the best one possible, it's just hard to see these things that I've written in my own words come back in these words that make me flinch a little more. I'm taking a break until today is over, and then I guess I'll try again. I just hope this is the right decision because it's a very hard thing to do.
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Congratulations for taking legal action. That takes a lot of strength, and I believe you're doing the right thing.
As to moving on, you just have to take it one step at a time. Do what you can do for now, and let tomorrow take care of itself.
*big safe teddy bear hugs* if you want them
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Pursuing legal action can be hell, but remember - no matter what the turnout, the fact that you did it makes all the difference.
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I agree completely. I reported my rapist and nothing happened to him (he told the police I was angry cause he was "unable to perform" and apparently that was good enough for them). I felt like total crap about it until a friend of mine who is in law enforcement told me that if/when he ever did it to another girl, they would have my report on file to help her story.
Of course I don't WANT it to happen to another girl, but I'm glad that if it does I'll have helped her out a bit, even if it doesn't help me out.
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In terms of the legal stuff...yeah, it's hard. I'm in the middle of writing my statement right now and having a women's advocate read it and edit it. I think the editing is the worst--even though she knows how these things should be written and I have no idea, and I obviously want the best one possible, it's just hard to see these things that I've written in my own words come back in these words that make me flinch a little more. I'm taking a break until today is over, and then I guess I'll try again. I just hope this is the right decision because it's a very hard thing to do.
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