Betrayal

[igosm]

 
He's called me to tell me he's spending the night at someone else's house.  He doesn't even give a first name.  It's a woman for certain.  I don't think he'll sleep with her because then he'd know he's a liar, because it's all about meditation and stuff so that makes it okay.  He's Spending the night at some woman's house and that's supposed to be okay with me because "he called first"   Am I over reacting?  I don't think so.  He wants to leave me and have a soft place to land when he does. He doesn't say this but I know that's what he's up to.   The Lease is up on the Apartment in March.  I'll get me a one bedroom in Boca near my work and take all my stuff and let him figure out how to do it on $22K a year by himself.  He thinks I'm so greedy.. I do most of the housework and stuff (he thinks he does - is deluded)  and make most of the money.  Require very little of him.  A little bit of loyalty would be nice.  I tell him everywhere I am going everyone I meet, he knows the names and more details than he can stand.  Am I over-reacting here.  I really need guidance about that.  This is the second overnight in a week.  This time with warning..  He's been distant and doesn't want to talk to me.  I just bought a cell phone plan for the two of us.  That will be one of the many things that we will need to separate..   I'm thinking too far ahead, I guess.  I think I will be needing a third party to help me make rational decisions.  Part of me wants to leave tonight..   He thinks that living with him is so good.  I like the proximity.  But the mental wierdness, I don't think I need that.   If in fact this is the end, and I have to look for a new one.  The next one is going to love his mother.  He loves her but doesn't speak to her.  I can see this ending up there.  He's going to hate living on what he makes.  I just know it..  I'm so glad I didn't buy all the electronics for him.  Just the cell phone.  Good enough.

He should be man enough to see me cry over him.. I'm spending the night with my friends who I don't care to name OK?  Over the freaking cell phone.  I am soooooo sorry I got it for him.  He'd have had to call and I'd've had the caller ID to know who he is "sleeping over the house at."   He's 'spending the evening with me tommorrow"  isn't that nice.  I'm going to feel so good about it.   I asked him if he were me and He'd heard what I heard how would he react.  And he admitted it doesn't sound good..  I've lost my trust for him.  Completely.

I think there are going to be new rules around here.  I think maybe he's going to find out if he can sleep comfortably on the couch.  Because inviting him back to bed seems like it will just break my heart.  Oh I'll never do that.  I'll be a weak puppy and beg him to stay... I am such an idiot.   I can't imagine how he can make this okay... What could he say to me after spending the night at a friends on Christmas Eve.  I was actually feeling good after service.  I should have made him pick me up... This would have been a non-issue I am sure.  He is so stupid.  Men are stupid.  He's afraid that my family will think he's used me since he stayed until shortly after his citizenship papers came through I knew he'd leave me then... I was beginning (it's been most of a year) to think that perhaps he'd stay but tonight not so much.   And will I leave him.

Pro's and Cons
I do my own sex.  He's no help there.  
He does his own I guess, he's secrative
I make most of the money
The car is in our name because HE doesn't have the liscence although he is with the car right now... he'd better get his chicken ass to the examiner because I am not staying with him so he can have a car to drive illegal.   
He's a good hugger.  Sometimes he's really affectionate.  But this is beyond the pale. I wonder what he expected me to say... SURE Have fun leaving me all alone on Christmas.  Thanks....

I'll be very interested in his lame attempt at a Christmas Gift... I feel like a fool being so thoughtful with his.   Now I am going to take my psych meds which I was almost off.  Maybe this is why my stomach has been in knots the subconsious mind is way smarter than the consciious one.