GenderFUCK

[_rainbow_tears_]

I'm having a really hard time right now

Comments

[freki_cowgirl]

it'll work out for you. i know it. you're strong enough to get through it, look back, and say "hey, i made it. fuck those who didn't"

[_rainbow_tears_]

Chris...

I miss you.

[freki_cowgirl]

miss you too. it'd be easier to talk if i wasn't running out at all hours of the day and night.

[_rainbow_tears_]

:-/ Enjoying it at least?

[freki_cowgirl]

assault that broke my heart. no sleep at night thanks to nightmares haunting. getting completely drenched this morning. coated in blood because some bitch couldn't control her drunken tendencies and smashed her beer bottle across her hemophiliac husband's face. arriving on scene to an 18 month old to find it already too far gone to save, trying anyway to placate his mum.

it's a blast. can't you tell?

[_rainbow_tears_]

...

:*(

[freki_cowgirl]

sorry. it really isn't all that bad. i just let the bad get to me. i'd say the good would be saving the 2 year old, taking care of the guy who was stabbed in the chest, and any lives saved that wouldn't have been. i just take every mistake as my fault and let it all weigh down on me. you know me, i do that.

[_rainbow_tears_]

Yes, I do know you and I know how you are... but I also know that in your profession, if you take every mistake to heart as your fault, you'll be bogged down by a heavy conscience and won't be able to perform up to your standards.

And that would be bad. :-)

[freki_cowgirl]

would it?

[_rainbow_tears_]

When other people's lives are in your hands, I'd have to say yes. ;-)

[freki_cowgirl]

and if it's just my own life in my hands?

[_rainbow_tears_]

Um, it would be even worse. Your life means so more to me than some random stranger!

[freki_cowgirl]

i'm a burned out medic falling asleep during classes and on ambulances, breaking my leg and making mistakes that has the weight of the world on my shoulders. not much worth there.