And another early morning...
I've been up since 6:30 this morning because of a bad dream. Well not exactly a bad dream, but an uncomfortable dream. It played out pretty much like last night. Faith was there and at some point, everyone who went to dinner last night came over to my house to chill. And Don was on the phone with JJ and went out to my backyard and sat under a tree to talk to her.
I was then forced to talk to Faith which I chose not to. And then I woke up.
I don't hate Faith. I don't know her. It's just that when I see her or hear her name, I'm reminded of the time Don lied to me and it causes me to feel emotional pain and to feel insecure about myself and how I look. It's like Pavlov's conditioning theory. I just need to be re-programmed to see and think of her differently, but I don't know how.
It was nice that Don was very affectionate with me and never left my side. He didn't ask about it nor did he try to make me feel forced to talk to her or anything. I appreciated that a lot. I have to let that happen in time, I do not want to force it. And I really hope he means it when he says he's not trying to get me to talk to her just so he can.
He's also been opening up to me more about the things that make me insecure. He told me that Yen text him when she took her COMLEX I exam and that Faith text him happy birthday and he didn't respond. I know they're little things and to anyone outside looking in, it may seem like I have him on some leash or whatever. It's not like that at all. Do NOT get that twisted. If anything, I see it as his way of making up for what was lost. This is necessary for our relationship in order for me to build back that supportive wall of trust. And he's doing amazing.
He really knows how to make me feel loved.
I was then forced to talk to Faith which I chose not to. And then I woke up.
I don't hate Faith. I don't know her. It's just that when I see her or hear her name, I'm reminded of the time Don lied to me and it causes me to feel emotional pain and to feel insecure about myself and how I look. It's like Pavlov's conditioning theory. I just need to be re-programmed to see and think of her differently, but I don't know how.
It was nice that Don was very affectionate with me and never left my side. He didn't ask about it nor did he try to make me feel forced to talk to her or anything. I appreciated that a lot. I have to let that happen in time, I do not want to force it. And I really hope he means it when he says he's not trying to get me to talk to her just so he can.
He's also been opening up to me more about the things that make me insecure. He told me that Yen text him when she took her COMLEX I exam and that Faith text him happy birthday and he didn't respond. I know they're little things and to anyone outside looking in, it may seem like I have him on some leash or whatever. It's not like that at all. Do NOT get that twisted. If anything, I see it as his way of making up for what was lost. This is necessary for our relationship in order for me to build back that supportive wall of trust. And he's doing amazing.
He really knows how to make me feel loved.