idk anymoree..

[_l0stwithouty0u]

Hey it's been a while since the last time i updated.. but i say that everytime because my computer a piece of ass that deserves to be thrown out the window yeahhhhhh. well last weekend wtf did i do.. i don't even remember, oh yeah Lindsay came over on friday and we walked around in shelton haha Lindsay doughnuts at the pizza place..... yeah were really slick but that was hilarious, im a dumbass lol. so yepp we got ice cream and then came to my house for a lil bit and she got picked up at like 11 because she had to go to sleep cause of work in the morningg. Umm then on saturday me and Monika were gonna go see the perfect man because were losers and like seeing movies with hilary duff in them haha. but we didn't wind up seeing the money we just went in fashion bug and took stupid pictures with hats on cause yeah, we're cool like i said before. then after that i got mickie dee's to go and we went to her neighbors house. well the whole time i wasn't happy because of stuff i was seeing online =/ and yeah that whole week had to be the worst week of my life. most of you already know why, yeah it's terribly confusing and i cried like everyday in school and failed like all my finals. so yeah that was off topic. then me and Monika went to this bar on barnum ave my mom always goes to and we played pool and listened to music. of course everyone kicked my ass because i suck it was funny. then omgg someone threw a fucking fire cracker in the bar and keep running it scared the shit out of me i was like wttttfff my heart like dropped cause it was like exploding everywhere like a foot away from me haha wow. we left like right after that. Uhh sunday i went to my grandma's house for father's day w/ my dad it was boring. i went to Mandee's to get rachel d's birthday present for her party on wednesday and of course i got myself a pair of earings lol. cause ya know i can't go in a store and just spend money on other people i have to get stuff for myself too.. haha that sounded bad but yeah its the truth lol. o damn that sunday night was really bad i was like crying ALLLLL night and some asshole calls my cellphone that i don't even know saying he wants to get with me and their just being fucking retarded because they call all the time at like 12:30 at night. so Monday was my last exam and of course i fail it and on the way out at the end of the day i start crying in school like a jerk again lol. Mike g dropped me off at Anna's house and me and her had longgggg talks about all this bullshit and she did my hair =) its really pretty and ive had it in for like 2 days already. yupp after her house i was still so confused about shit and of course couldnt stop talking about it to people. that night i didn't do anything because Monika couldn't come get me so i just fell asleep watching tv. and then at fucking 12:47am this 'dan' kid calls me and hes being a real big jerk saying he wants to get with me and all this other bullcrap and i have no idea who he is.. he just blocks his number everytime and it figures lol. wellll, today [tuesday] i totally thought getting that phonecall the night before was a dream and everything was just weird.. so i was talking to my stepbrother about shit and i was just on the phone most of the morning. I got ready like later and i went to Monika's after me and my mom went out for a little while at tanning and the chink place lol. Me and her went to Marshell's and took alotttta pictures and then we went to mcdonalds and got a free cheeseburger haha i have no idea why but shoree. when we got back to her house i went on the computer and kris IMed me after like 2 weeks and was like 'amanda..' stupid me was about to like run away or something cause i always get scared when people are like 'amanda..' or 'we gotta talk' cause it's always something bad. but he told me that he was sorry for everything and that he was going through some stuff the past 2 weeks and that he wants things to go back to the way they were.. idk if that means go back out? or idk.. we never even offically broke up and thats the weird part. he couldn't even explain exactly what happend and why.. idk we just stopped talking, its so weird. but with my luck im sure we'll never talk again and he'll just forget about me just like everyone else does. i just hope maybe we can start over again.. i really miss the way we used to be and i really thought we were gonna be together for a while. idk how to tell him i wanna be with him again.. ahh i don't even know if he wants to be with me either. im gonna relieved tho that he actually IMed me because i thought that if i didn't make the move first then nothing would have gotten accomplished.. i have noooo idea =/ everything always turns out sucky tho in situations like this. i need to learn how to be more straight foward and not keep everything inside, because im never gonna get anywhere. i wish i could show my feelings but it's not easy when mostly everyone just walks all over you.. but ANYWAY tomorrows rachel's party and i will not be going swimming for personal reasons lol. but im gonna go beg Monika to play scattagories with me lol =)

xO0Ox amanda*