(no subject)
This has really been one crappy week, but i've had some of the most awesome people there to help me thru it.
I got deffered from CalTech, which was a real bummer. Less i guess because i really wanted to go there, and more because right now i just really want to be in college. With everyone else getting accepted and starting to slack off, it would be really nice to know that one bad grade really isn't gonna cause me to not get accepted. Ya know? It's really hard to be happy for everyone else who gets accepted when I'm like, "uh yea, i didn't get in." And Kim Miller, when she thought she heard that i got in, said something like, "Wow! Congratulations!" And I just had to be like, uhm, yea, I didn't get in =( But whatever. It's just that I don't want to have to wait until April to know whether or not I was accepted anywhere. I'm scared of not getting accepted to any of the places I want and being stuck going to someplace I really don't like and being miserable. I guess I'm just sorta overreacting. But everyone was like, "well, don't worry, i'm sure you'll get accepted somewhere and you'll be happy there." Even John Zhou said, "Don't worry, Ashish got deffered from MIT the first time but got accepted in April!" So that was really encouraging.
Yea, and on top of all that, my grades are going way down. So I gotta work REALLY hard and get all my apps done on top of that. Yuck. Oh well.
And ya know, even if I got accepted to CalTech, I probably wouldn't be able to go there anyway, because I don't think i will be able to afford it. My grandpa has been paying for my tuition for Country Day, and now he's really sick and he's having trouble moving and getting out of bed. So it's really looking like i won't be getting tuition checks from him anymore. But I mean right now that's the least of my worries because I really do love my grandpa and I hate to see him so sick. An now my mom is ALWAYS at his house trying to help but she can't really do much.
So wednesday night, Robin had rehearsal. I really didn't feel like going home cuz it's really misserable at home recently. So i just hung out at school and "got work done" (AKA played solitaire) until she was done. After that, Robin called mom, and she was at grandpa's so we sat in the PAC lobby until she was gonna be there, and Jenny was there too. Jenny said something like, "Wow, it really must suck to be sisters cuz whenever one of you has to stay you both have to stay." I was trying to explain to her why in actuallity I kinda liked staying at school cuz it made it so easy to get my mind off of everything that was going on at home. Then Robin said something like, "Yea, I really wish they would just get divorced and just get it all over with." And that just totally set me off, because hearing robin say it is so different. Sometimes I feel like i'm just overreacting about the whole thing, but to hear that someone feels the same way made me think that it really was as bad as it feels. Anyway, I started just bawling, and Jenny, Robin, Kristen, Kimmy and Wendy were all trying to make me feel better. They're all such awesome people. Robin kept saying that she felt like crying too, which kinda made me feel worse, but at least i knew i wasn't alone.
Thursday was worse. I had had a bad day already, and when we came to english class and I was like the only one without a partner I felt really shitty cuz no one wanted to be with me. And that just kinda added to the loneliness I had been feeling already, cuz at home I sorta can't really talk to anyone cuz it's a war zone. So, i started to cry in the middle of class so I just walked out and walked to the bathroom. Leslie came in shortly after, and she was really really encouraging for me. I was really grateful. And i felt so bad for crying cuz I knew I probably hurt Vikrom's feelings, cuz he didn't understand why I was crying (and I don't blame him) and he thought it was because of him. And seriously, it wasn't. Infact, i kinda felt bad for him in the same way for also being the one stuck w/o a partner. After class, everyone kept walking up to me and being like, "are you OK?" and i was like "yea, I'm fine." I really hate crying in school. Since blk 6 was the last block, and Robin had rehearsal, i decided to stick around school again. I finished my environmental labs and I got some much needed support from Bill and Wendy. As much as Kimmy hates Bill's guts, he's been so helpful to me when I needed it, so I really appreciate him for that. And after their rehearsal, Robin was feeling REALLY crappy and she came over to me (and i had stopped crying but still was feeling really fragile) and yelled at me "you better not break out into tears again cuz I'm sick of people giving you sympathy and ignoring me!" And I tryed so hard, but that pushed me over the edge again and I broke out crying. And she yelled at me and stormed off into the bathroom. Which made me feel just sooooooo much worse cuz my sister, whom I was almost relying on to help me through this, was gone. And I felt bad cuz I wanted to help her but I really couldn't. Soon after we both calmed down, things got slightly better, and we both went home. I had a bio lab due, but all the crying and shit had made me so weak, I must have picked something up, cuz I started to feel really sick and I haven't felt well since. Anyway, I decided I would just end up turning the lab in on monday, cuz he gave us till then to get it done, and I went to sleep.
Friday I woke up feeling really sick, but decided to go to school anyway because I had a Berger test and I knew Berger would eat my head off if I didn't come to school. So I made it through the day, and the whole day I was determined to try to stay in a good mood and not think about my problems. As I was leaving block 4, Jim said "have a good break! Relax over your days off!" He read my mind so well about how I really didn't want to spend 16 days straight at home cuz I knew that would be miserable, and he was so encouraging. He said, "Andrea, if you ever need to talk or vent or need advice or anything, send me an e-mail. I'll check my e-mail periodically over break!" That was so reassuring to know that he was looking out for me cuz recently I've been feeling like I got nobody.
Well anyway, I just decided that I have the most supportive people in the world to help me get through this. Which is so awesome to know.
I got deffered from CalTech, which was a real bummer. Less i guess because i really wanted to go there, and more because right now i just really want to be in college. With everyone else getting accepted and starting to slack off, it would be really nice to know that one bad grade really isn't gonna cause me to not get accepted. Ya know? It's really hard to be happy for everyone else who gets accepted when I'm like, "uh yea, i didn't get in." And Kim Miller, when she thought she heard that i got in, said something like, "Wow! Congratulations!" And I just had to be like, uhm, yea, I didn't get in =( But whatever. It's just that I don't want to have to wait until April to know whether or not I was accepted anywhere. I'm scared of not getting accepted to any of the places I want and being stuck going to someplace I really don't like and being miserable. I guess I'm just sorta overreacting. But everyone was like, "well, don't worry, i'm sure you'll get accepted somewhere and you'll be happy there." Even John Zhou said, "Don't worry, Ashish got deffered from MIT the first time but got accepted in April!" So that was really encouraging.
Yea, and on top of all that, my grades are going way down. So I gotta work REALLY hard and get all my apps done on top of that. Yuck. Oh well.
And ya know, even if I got accepted to CalTech, I probably wouldn't be able to go there anyway, because I don't think i will be able to afford it. My grandpa has been paying for my tuition for Country Day, and now he's really sick and he's having trouble moving and getting out of bed. So it's really looking like i won't be getting tuition checks from him anymore. But I mean right now that's the least of my worries because I really do love my grandpa and I hate to see him so sick. An now my mom is ALWAYS at his house trying to help but she can't really do much.
So wednesday night, Robin had rehearsal. I really didn't feel like going home cuz it's really misserable at home recently. So i just hung out at school and "got work done" (AKA played solitaire) until she was done. After that, Robin called mom, and she was at grandpa's so we sat in the PAC lobby until she was gonna be there, and Jenny was there too. Jenny said something like, "Wow, it really must suck to be sisters cuz whenever one of you has to stay you both have to stay." I was trying to explain to her why in actuallity I kinda liked staying at school cuz it made it so easy to get my mind off of everything that was going on at home. Then Robin said something like, "Yea, I really wish they would just get divorced and just get it all over with." And that just totally set me off, because hearing robin say it is so different. Sometimes I feel like i'm just overreacting about the whole thing, but to hear that someone feels the same way made me think that it really was as bad as it feels. Anyway, I started just bawling, and Jenny, Robin, Kristen, Kimmy and Wendy were all trying to make me feel better. They're all such awesome people. Robin kept saying that she felt like crying too, which kinda made me feel worse, but at least i knew i wasn't alone.
Thursday was worse. I had had a bad day already, and when we came to english class and I was like the only one without a partner I felt really shitty cuz no one wanted to be with me. And that just kinda added to the loneliness I had been feeling already, cuz at home I sorta can't really talk to anyone cuz it's a war zone. So, i started to cry in the middle of class so I just walked out and walked to the bathroom. Leslie came in shortly after, and she was really really encouraging for me. I was really grateful. And i felt so bad for crying cuz I knew I probably hurt Vikrom's feelings, cuz he didn't understand why I was crying (and I don't blame him) and he thought it was because of him. And seriously, it wasn't. Infact, i kinda felt bad for him in the same way for also being the one stuck w/o a partner. After class, everyone kept walking up to me and being like, "are you OK?" and i was like "yea, I'm fine." I really hate crying in school. Since blk 6 was the last block, and Robin had rehearsal, i decided to stick around school again. I finished my environmental labs and I got some much needed support from Bill and Wendy. As much as Kimmy hates Bill's guts, he's been so helpful to me when I needed it, so I really appreciate him for that. And after their rehearsal, Robin was feeling REALLY crappy and she came over to me (and i had stopped crying but still was feeling really fragile) and yelled at me "you better not break out into tears again cuz I'm sick of people giving you sympathy and ignoring me!" And I tryed so hard, but that pushed me over the edge again and I broke out crying. And she yelled at me and stormed off into the bathroom. Which made me feel just sooooooo much worse cuz my sister, whom I was almost relying on to help me through this, was gone. And I felt bad cuz I wanted to help her but I really couldn't. Soon after we both calmed down, things got slightly better, and we both went home. I had a bio lab due, but all the crying and shit had made me so weak, I must have picked something up, cuz I started to feel really sick and I haven't felt well since. Anyway, I decided I would just end up turning the lab in on monday, cuz he gave us till then to get it done, and I went to sleep.
Friday I woke up feeling really sick, but decided to go to school anyway because I had a Berger test and I knew Berger would eat my head off if I didn't come to school. So I made it through the day, and the whole day I was determined to try to stay in a good mood and not think about my problems. As I was leaving block 4, Jim said "have a good break! Relax over your days off!" He read my mind so well about how I really didn't want to spend 16 days straight at home cuz I knew that would be miserable, and he was so encouraging. He said, "Andrea, if you ever need to talk or vent or need advice or anything, send me an e-mail. I'll check my e-mail periodically over break!" That was so reassuring to know that he was looking out for me cuz recently I've been feeling like I got nobody.
Well anyway, I just decided that I have the most supportive people in the world to help me get through this. Which is so awesome to know.