I failed you.
EMO ENTRY LOLLERSKATES. BUT REALLY...
I have never felt so alone in my life. Just seeing Rob hug Mel made me realize it. I have nothing to show for everything. Nothing. I put so much effort into caring and smiling and my hair and everything and I still have nothing. I can't say I'm going to kill myself over it, because theat would mean I died a lone. And NO ONE wants that. But I finally see what everyone is saying. I mean nothing to anyone. I meantnothing to Rob, or Mike, or anyone. The only person I probablty meant anything to was John. And I fucked that up. He treated me like a person and actually gave me the time of day. And I couldn't be bothered. I'm so oblivious to any sort of good fortune that may come my way. I guess I'm just attracted to tragedy.
There's this community in LiveJournal called "JMHS_bitchingg" and there are a lot of bad things about my friend Lauren in there. I definately commented defending her, and I hate how even though I kept my user name and shit in there, it's doing nothing. I hate when people talk about my friends. Whether I agree or not, I say that they are my friend and to STFU. Whatever. I hope y'all do the same for me.
So I'm accepting that I am going to be alone for a long time, and I can't do anything about it. I'm going to focus on school, I'm starting to fall behind in English because I don't do homework. I'm going to do what I need and such, but I don't know, I feel like everything is pointless. I'm not being depressed, but I mean like, I dunno. I understand the material, so why bother reiterating things I already know? I skip a lot of class, and I'm still passing with flying colors.
My mom grounded me for two weeks. LAst night, when I was in my bed, crying amongst other things, I waited for someone to call. I don't know why, but all I wanted was for one person to call. i wanted him to see how miserable I am and I would've told him everything about everything and how much I still miss him and love him and I can never forgive him but I'd be willing to start over or something. I don't know. I would've given anything at the moment for someone to call and cry with me. I don't know. I'm lame.
It's been one extra year of my life.
Jeez.
PS-> NEW SN = xFROFACE1251
I have never felt so alone in my life. Just seeing Rob hug Mel made me realize it. I have nothing to show for everything. Nothing. I put so much effort into caring and smiling and my hair and everything and I still have nothing. I can't say I'm going to kill myself over it, because theat would mean I died a lone. And NO ONE wants that. But I finally see what everyone is saying. I mean nothing to anyone. I meantnothing to Rob, or Mike, or anyone. The only person I probablty meant anything to was John. And I fucked that up. He treated me like a person and actually gave me the time of day. And I couldn't be bothered. I'm so oblivious to any sort of good fortune that may come my way. I guess I'm just attracted to tragedy.
There's this community in LiveJournal called "JMHS_bitchingg" and there are a lot of bad things about my friend Lauren in there. I definately commented defending her, and I hate how even though I kept my user name and shit in there, it's doing nothing. I hate when people talk about my friends. Whether I agree or not, I say that they are my friend and to STFU. Whatever. I hope y'all do the same for me.
So I'm accepting that I am going to be alone for a long time, and I can't do anything about it. I'm going to focus on school, I'm starting to fall behind in English because I don't do homework. I'm going to do what I need and such, but I don't know, I feel like everything is pointless. I'm not being depressed, but I mean like, I dunno. I understand the material, so why bother reiterating things I already know? I skip a lot of class, and I'm still passing with flying colors.
My mom grounded me for two weeks. LAst night, when I was in my bed, crying amongst other things, I waited for someone to call. I don't know why, but all I wanted was for one person to call. i wanted him to see how miserable I am and I would've told him everything about everything and how much I still miss him and love him and I can never forgive him but I'd be willing to start over or something. I don't know. I would've given anything at the moment for someone to call and cry with me. I don't know. I'm lame.
It's been one extra year of my life.
Jeez.
PS-> NEW SN = xFROFACE1251