(no subject)
I'm shaking. I'm pretty much in the process of screwing my entire life up. Like I just started descending from the top of a gigantic hill. I just started my descent, which scares me alot. Because if this is how I feel at the top, it must be terrible at the bottom.
It was really blunt and frank. There was no beating around the bush to the answer or feeling. It was right there. I didn't think it was going to happen. At least not now. Or ever really. I guess I just make up things in my head. I guess in my mind things are fine and its a shock when its over. Definitley wasn't ready for it. Kinda surprised. No, really surprised. It was almost like this huge thing that finally built up too high and then exploded. But, it wasn't. It was one situation. Or a few. But, it wasn't this long, drawn- out thing. It sort of just happened. And I don't remember doing the thing that started it. But, then again, I never do. Shocked, I think. I think I am just shocked. It was fast and right there, in front of my eyes. Could this seriously be the end? Completely? Forever? If it is, I will be terribly shocked and incredibley unhappy.
I'm such an asshole.
It was really blunt and frank. There was no beating around the bush to the answer or feeling. It was right there. I didn't think it was going to happen. At least not now. Or ever really. I guess I just make up things in my head. I guess in my mind things are fine and its a shock when its over. Definitley wasn't ready for it. Kinda surprised. No, really surprised. It was almost like this huge thing that finally built up too high and then exploded. But, it wasn't. It was one situation. Or a few. But, it wasn't this long, drawn- out thing. It sort of just happened. And I don't remember doing the thing that started it. But, then again, I never do. Shocked, I think. I think I am just shocked. It was fast and right there, in front of my eyes. Could this seriously be the end? Completely? Forever? If it is, I will be terribly shocked and incredibley unhappy.
I'm such an asshole.