the roller coaster in my head.
Well, its been an interesting ride. I swear I need to be medicated or something, I freak out quickly....then again I get sad quickly, get happy quickly, think and resolve mental issues quickly...ugh, my brain works too fast sometimes, it makes me tired. Maybe I would be a good detective, I go through so many different scenarios and thoughts in my head... by the time I'm done its like I just played telephone with 20 people.
So again, a total lack of communication has ended up with my feelings being hurt. Whats new though right? I think I'm just a fuckin wuss sometimes. I dunno, this morning was weird. I texted sarah asking her what was up with her couple days off, she didnt tell me she had plans and I didnt know if she was assuming again if I was coming down there. So I asked what her plans were and if she wanted to see me. I meant no ill thoughts behind the question, I genuinelly wanted to know if she wanted to see me. All week long she never made one comment about wanting to see me...so of coarse that had me kinda down. I mean, whether we are able to see each other or not... its always nice to hear that someone "wants" to see you.
So the texting lead to talkin on the phone. I really wasnt trying to push the issue of seeing her, my main question was if she WANTED to see me... not really if she was able to. So she felt bad and invited me to go to a show with her and her friend. That was nice of her but I felt like I pressured her into hanging out with me, so obviously I felt lame and dont wanna go now. Then she gets all upset and stressed about the whole sitch and all she had to do was tell me how she feels about me and that she wants to see me, that always makes everyone feel better right?
So anyways...it ended on not the greatest note and I went back to sitting at my computer, trying to gather my thoughts enough to get some work done.
I think I realized that I just need to chill out on the whole girlfriend idea I guess. She's busy doing her life and the things she likes to do, I need to be too. I have all sorts of work to do and ideas to make and things to paint, I just enjoy her company more so I choose to see her and make time for her. I havnt even seen my friend chris's apartment yet cause he lives in ventura and I only like to take my car out of town once a week really. It has alot of miles on it and its old and I dont have alot of money, so I used my once a week trip outa town to go see sarah. I dont tell her this because I dont think it really matters. I mean, I dont want her to be all feeling guilty or something and I really want to see her the most.
Sometimes I feel like I cant even ask her to hang out, she gets all upset about not having enough time and she stress's out. So I just wanna be like.... =0X about seeing her anymore, unless she brings it up.
gaahh, whatevaaass... anyways... thats my morning. Good shit, makes me wanna go back to bed. I'm still trying to figure out something she said earlier that really kinda got to me. She said she didnt mean it that way, well.... there are actually a few different ways she could mean it, but she never really talks about how she feels or what she's thinking...so I'm left in the dark to try and make heads and tales of her actions. I hate guessing games.. =0( I get them wrong and feel stupid. I know its hard to talk about stuff but for the health of the situation it has to be done. anwyays.... just my thoughts...
I had to get them out somehow.
So again, a total lack of communication has ended up with my feelings being hurt. Whats new though right? I think I'm just a fuckin wuss sometimes. I dunno, this morning was weird. I texted sarah asking her what was up with her couple days off, she didnt tell me she had plans and I didnt know if she was assuming again if I was coming down there. So I asked what her plans were and if she wanted to see me. I meant no ill thoughts behind the question, I genuinelly wanted to know if she wanted to see me. All week long she never made one comment about wanting to see me...so of coarse that had me kinda down. I mean, whether we are able to see each other or not... its always nice to hear that someone "wants" to see you.
So the texting lead to talkin on the phone. I really wasnt trying to push the issue of seeing her, my main question was if she WANTED to see me... not really if she was able to. So she felt bad and invited me to go to a show with her and her friend. That was nice of her but I felt like I pressured her into hanging out with me, so obviously I felt lame and dont wanna go now. Then she gets all upset and stressed about the whole sitch and all she had to do was tell me how she feels about me and that she wants to see me, that always makes everyone feel better right?
So anyways...it ended on not the greatest note and I went back to sitting at my computer, trying to gather my thoughts enough to get some work done.
I think I realized that I just need to chill out on the whole girlfriend idea I guess. She's busy doing her life and the things she likes to do, I need to be too. I have all sorts of work to do and ideas to make and things to paint, I just enjoy her company more so I choose to see her and make time for her. I havnt even seen my friend chris's apartment yet cause he lives in ventura and I only like to take my car out of town once a week really. It has alot of miles on it and its old and I dont have alot of money, so I used my once a week trip outa town to go see sarah. I dont tell her this because I dont think it really matters. I mean, I dont want her to be all feeling guilty or something and I really want to see her the most.
Sometimes I feel like I cant even ask her to hang out, she gets all upset about not having enough time and she stress's out. So I just wanna be like.... =0X about seeing her anymore, unless she brings it up.
gaahh, whatevaaass... anyways... thats my morning. Good shit, makes me wanna go back to bed. I'm still trying to figure out something she said earlier that really kinda got to me. She said she didnt mean it that way, well.... there are actually a few different ways she could mean it, but she never really talks about how she feels or what she's thinking...so I'm left in the dark to try and make heads and tales of her actions. I hate guessing games.. =0( I get them wrong and feel stupid. I know its hard to talk about stuff but for the health of the situation it has to be done. anwyays.... just my thoughts...
I had to get them out somehow.