letters
on being human, all too human:
there is another Rumi quote which i really need to find in my books rather than quoting verbatim but to the effect of "two lovers need not search for each other as they were there inside the other the entire time". it can be taken in a spiritual way, fated love as it were but i find that it as meaning lovers will find each other by always offering their true selves and inherently seeing the light in the other, a light that is familiar and comforting.
i feel that dating is so often a game of masks, masks that obscure what your heart needs to see. it's this relentless attempt to project a more confident self than you really are, you project an air of amicability rather than being truly likable. i think the best dates would be one where you hang out at home with a young mother, watch a movie or whatever, and find a great attraction to how loving and fair she is to her child. dating to me is so superficial, it's built on showing our strengths when our vulnerabilities and how honest we are with them matters so much more.
i went through a long phase of trying to hide myself from people because i didn't like being vulnerable around others. society, in general, is about presenting yourself as more confident than you are which can create such clashing, unnecessary interactions. i decided that i needed to do the opposite of what i've been told and let myself be as honest and open as possible with everyone even though that exposes you to truly difficult and hurtful situations socially. another unfortunate part of society is our need to put ourselves above as many others' stations in life and that obviously involves taking others down to look / feel better than someone (at least i'm not as _____ as those people). if you don't conform to society's standards then you will be hurt for being open and honest by people stepping on you to get ahead socially. but i have found that the best response is to actually, like i said in the post, love more... put your true self out there even when it hurts. you eventually realize two things: 1) how superficial that hurt is as you realize how superficial it's source is. you can literally see people trying to be something they are not, you understand they go home and are just as uncertain as you and it loses it's power. 2) you find that people will notice and appreciate you for being so resilient with your true self, will identify with it, and will want to know more of who you are.
it may all sound silly and unrealistic but i think we truly miss so much because we give in to the fear of being hurt while being vulnerable. carl rogers wrote about an unconditional positive regard that i find very consoling. when you learn to accept people as just another traveler on this planet with similar human needs and desires the more you will find the truth in them and others, your experience will be that much more real. when you give up trying to be right and gauging your relations by how closely they align with your "rightness", you open yourself to whole new worlds to absorb and appreciate. it is actually taxing on your psyche to constantly try to be someone you are not, it actually takes more to judge and separate than to accept as wholly as you can the unique and rare experience of each human in this world and to see the threads that connect us all.
there is another Rumi quote which i really need to find in my books rather than quoting verbatim but to the effect of "two lovers need not search for each other as they were there inside the other the entire time". it can be taken in a spiritual way, fated love as it were but i find that it as meaning lovers will find each other by always offering their true selves and inherently seeing the light in the other, a light that is familiar and comforting.
i feel that dating is so often a game of masks, masks that obscure what your heart needs to see. it's this relentless attempt to project a more confident self than you really are, you project an air of amicability rather than being truly likable. i think the best dates would be one where you hang out at home with a young mother, watch a movie or whatever, and find a great attraction to how loving and fair she is to her child. dating to me is so superficial, it's built on showing our strengths when our vulnerabilities and how honest we are with them matters so much more.
i went through a long phase of trying to hide myself from people because i didn't like being vulnerable around others. society, in general, is about presenting yourself as more confident than you are which can create such clashing, unnecessary interactions. i decided that i needed to do the opposite of what i've been told and let myself be as honest and open as possible with everyone even though that exposes you to truly difficult and hurtful situations socially. another unfortunate part of society is our need to put ourselves above as many others' stations in life and that obviously involves taking others down to look / feel better than someone (at least i'm not as _____ as those people). if you don't conform to society's standards then you will be hurt for being open and honest by people stepping on you to get ahead socially. but i have found that the best response is to actually, like i said in the post, love more... put your true self out there even when it hurts. you eventually realize two things: 1) how superficial that hurt is as you realize how superficial it's source is. you can literally see people trying to be something they are not, you understand they go home and are just as uncertain as you and it loses it's power. 2) you find that people will notice and appreciate you for being so resilient with your true self, will identify with it, and will want to know more of who you are.
it may all sound silly and unrealistic but i think we truly miss so much because we give in to the fear of being hurt while being vulnerable. carl rogers wrote about an unconditional positive regard that i find very consoling. when you learn to accept people as just another traveler on this planet with similar human needs and desires the more you will find the truth in them and others, your experience will be that much more real. when you give up trying to be right and gauging your relations by how closely they align with your "rightness", you open yourself to whole new worlds to absorb and appreciate. it is actually taxing on your psyche to constantly try to be someone you are not, it actually takes more to judge and separate than to accept as wholly as you can the unique and rare experience of each human in this world and to see the threads that connect us all.