reality transcended by salvia
and i will now attempt to explain:
i pass the bong to lalea and struggle to stay sitting upright. but i feel myself falling backwards, "i think i should lay down now..."
"wow jenny! your sister is a machine!"
and then a border of caterpillars. red and yellow and crawling electric around my frame of perspective. they tickle and i am laughing for lalea to stop tickling me. and i am sideways laying on the bed but somehow i am standing up and stuck to a wall of red and yellow striped wallpaper. i am the wall, and i must peel myself out of it.
and now everyone is gone. i black out for hours, really seconds.
and then. i am there. but i am not. and reality is gone. this isn't real. it is all fake, nonexistent. i am all alone and this whole life that i am living, it is all just a game. i am conscious of the fact that i have taken a drug that is going to alter my mindstate, but yet i know that even that drug isn't real, it is a trick to make me, make everyone believe that they really exist. yet, nobody really does, we are just figments of our own imagination.
we are a board game and someone is merely moving us around with complete control. there is no freewill. there is no self-control.
i stand up and pull myself out of the wallpaper. people try to push me back down, back into the wall, everyone is against me, they are trying to keep me from figuring out that life is really a game, they don't want me to know that reality just doesn't exist. but i break free and stumble towards light because it shouldn't be there. i am starting to become aware of the room and my friends all around me. yet i keep getting pulled back and my mind cannot recognize who they truly are. every object and every person has an electric line running down the middle of them. pulsing red and yellow. i feel so heavy and my hands feel huge. i am melting. disintegrating into the hardwood floors.
and now we are all walking around. from room to room in disbelief. i can form thoughts now. but i keep getting dragged back into a state of confusion. is all this real? so much time has passed in a matter of minutes. i feel so much older.
people are ignoring me. they keep asking if i am ok and i keep telling them i am not ok! but somehow this doesn't phase them and they turn away. i think they think i am more sober than i really am. i am trying to act like everything is fine. but my mind is out of control. i can not even grasp this reality because i was just shown that reality doesn't exist.
and now we have to go home so jenny doesn't miss her curfew. lalea and i are ushered into the car and the ride home is a blur and we keep trying to explain what happened to us, but we really can't because it is still happening at that very moment.
we arrive at home and try to be quiet because it would not do to wake up my parents and have to talk to them in this mindstate...
after aim conversations with too many typing mistakes to count, we try to sleep. and the dreams are nearly as unbelievable as the experience.
and this is my life?
i pass the bong to lalea and struggle to stay sitting upright. but i feel myself falling backwards, "i think i should lay down now..."
"wow jenny! your sister is a machine!"
and then a border of caterpillars. red and yellow and crawling electric around my frame of perspective. they tickle and i am laughing for lalea to stop tickling me. and i am sideways laying on the bed but somehow i am standing up and stuck to a wall of red and yellow striped wallpaper. i am the wall, and i must peel myself out of it.
and now everyone is gone. i black out for hours, really seconds.
and then. i am there. but i am not. and reality is gone. this isn't real. it is all fake, nonexistent. i am all alone and this whole life that i am living, it is all just a game. i am conscious of the fact that i have taken a drug that is going to alter my mindstate, but yet i know that even that drug isn't real, it is a trick to make me, make everyone believe that they really exist. yet, nobody really does, we are just figments of our own imagination.
we are a board game and someone is merely moving us around with complete control. there is no freewill. there is no self-control.
i stand up and pull myself out of the wallpaper. people try to push me back down, back into the wall, everyone is against me, they are trying to keep me from figuring out that life is really a game, they don't want me to know that reality just doesn't exist. but i break free and stumble towards light because it shouldn't be there. i am starting to become aware of the room and my friends all around me. yet i keep getting pulled back and my mind cannot recognize who they truly are. every object and every person has an electric line running down the middle of them. pulsing red and yellow. i feel so heavy and my hands feel huge. i am melting. disintegrating into the hardwood floors.
and now we are all walking around. from room to room in disbelief. i can form thoughts now. but i keep getting dragged back into a state of confusion. is all this real? so much time has passed in a matter of minutes. i feel so much older.
people are ignoring me. they keep asking if i am ok and i keep telling them i am not ok! but somehow this doesn't phase them and they turn away. i think they think i am more sober than i really am. i am trying to act like everything is fine. but my mind is out of control. i can not even grasp this reality because i was just shown that reality doesn't exist.
and now we have to go home so jenny doesn't miss her curfew. lalea and i are ushered into the car and the ride home is a blur and we keep trying to explain what happened to us, but we really can't because it is still happening at that very moment.
we arrive at home and try to be quiet because it would not do to wake up my parents and have to talk to them in this mindstate...
after aim conversations with too many typing mistakes to count, we try to sleep. and the dreams are nearly as unbelievable as the experience.
and this is my life?