magnetic poetry
casual creates casualties
and my lack of attachment (created for my own well-being)
has caused a hurt in others...
2006 heartbreak count = 2
and the loneliness sets in after only 4 days without a bedmate.
is that pathetic? i don't know, i am needy, but i hate you needy boys.
and all i wanted tonight was a painless makeout and all i found was happiness in other people's lives/hookups.
confusion. jealousy at their contentness. because i wanted that. but i could have it. so why don't i get it? because i don't really want it? i don't know.
it's not hard.
i know i can control most of them. but i want someone i can't control.
"i just need a guy who will knock me around a little..."
and life speeds.
and drugs are all i can really rely on to help ease the awkwardness.
except for friday night sushi. that is our only constant. and the blonde waitor. except he wasn't there tonight. that should have been a sign.
and as the night gets later/earlier, i get lonelier, but i don't know who for.
because really, i feel confident enough that, if i wanted them, i could get them, but i can't find the right one. ever.
i just take advantage of what is easiest, what is there, even when i know it will end up in a mess. over and over again. night after night.
so tonight,
tonight
i will sleep alone.
and my lack of attachment (created for my own well-being)
has caused a hurt in others...
2006 heartbreak count = 2
and the loneliness sets in after only 4 days without a bedmate.
is that pathetic? i don't know, i am needy, but i hate you needy boys.
and all i wanted tonight was a painless makeout and all i found was happiness in other people's lives/hookups.
confusion. jealousy at their contentness. because i wanted that. but i could have it. so why don't i get it? because i don't really want it? i don't know.
it's not hard.
i know i can control most of them. but i want someone i can't control.
"i just need a guy who will knock me around a little..."
and life speeds.
and drugs are all i can really rely on to help ease the awkwardness.
except for friday night sushi. that is our only constant. and the blonde waitor. except he wasn't there tonight. that should have been a sign.
and as the night gets later/earlier, i get lonelier, but i don't know who for.
because really, i feel confident enough that, if i wanted them, i could get them, but i can't find the right one. ever.
i just take advantage of what is easiest, what is there, even when i know it will end up in a mess. over and over again. night after night.
so tonight,
tonight
i will sleep alone.