The Lord works in mysterious ways..Happy Birthday John

Dec 08, 2004 18:09

Ok so last night I figured out that you can never really get over a death like this one especially since it is my father. You just kinda have to learn to live with it. My mom told me not to think about stuff so much but it's harder than I could ever imagine. I am kinda mad because katrina is really the only who understands like everyone of my friends at school that knows thinks that I hated my dad and that we were never close I used to be closer to my dad then my mom. I remember every saturday no matter what we'd go take the BART train to church then go get something to eat and walk around the park. There was a time when I lived with just him. After I moved to Arizona I didnt really see him but 3 or 4 times. He would come stay a few weeks then leave. The last time I saw him was at my cousin Sonias wedding. ANOTHER THING that is making me mad is that my grandma is here(my MOMS MOM) and she is being so rude and inconsiderate. Yeah just because I dont cry my eyes out in front of her and I like to deal with my emotions alone a lot doesnt mean that I dont fucking care. I am also REALLY FUCKING TIRED of certain things and I think I can just put some stuff out on the table. Tanya is showing herself as pretty undependable in certain ways.Im not mad @ tanya just some of her actions ya know? So if you read this tanya im not mad at you. Im tired of how racist even in a "joking" way my friends are everyday. I mean yeah every once in a while is funny but yeah. Forgive me if I don't hate black people "ni**ers" as they say. I AM MEXICAN and Im proud. Yeah a lot of black people are "ghetto" and a lot of mexicans hop the border and arent rich either but guess what WHITE PEOPLE get poor and there is trailer trash and rednecks. Also I DONT LIKE RYAN I am tired of people implying that im not saying it isnt a POSSIBILITY but its like I dont really know him I dont hangout with him yeah he is really hot but im not shallow and I dont like attitudes. Guess what YEAH I believe in God and I remember at Zachs he was like do you believe in god are you religious and raven answered no for me and he was like Good. I shouldn't let people answer for me but I wasnt in the mood for some religious talk. Its funny because so many people work so hard to be different than single put people who arent like them. FUCK THAT FUCK THAT. I just need something REAL right now. Raven is like someone I trust a lot because she is so blunt about things and I dont like it when people hide things. Oh yeah and dont someone to tell you if something is bothering you involiving them if you are gonna flip out about it. I dont SAY ONE THING AND DO ANOTHER. I do what I say unless I didnt truely mean what I said. POINT BLANK. THANK YOU MEGHAN for being there yesterday it made it easier. Well I talk to much and ramble I swear Ill go back to writing short NORMAL entries as soon as POSSIBLE.
LOVE DRE
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